


Aurora Dolls

by FairyGardenCorgis



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Historical, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Instability, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia, Smut, Tragedy, Writer! Levi, artist! eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 05:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 31
Words: 169,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyGardenCorgis/pseuds/FairyGardenCorgis
Summary: The year is 1890. Levi is a depressed, lonely librarian dreaming of making his mark on the world who has also struggled with his attraction to men for his entire life. Eren is the son of a wealthy doctor, confident and charming, but mentally unstable after the death of his mother, and longs to become a professional artist. When the two of them meet, the attraction is instantaneous and all consuming. They enter a passionate, forbidden love affair that must be kept secret above all else, otherwise their reputations, dreams, and potentially their very lives, could be shattered. But love, like dreams, deserves to be nurtured, and when it is nourished by adversity, fear, and the utmost care in spite of those that wish to destroy it, it emerges as the most beautiful and exquisite bloom of all.





	1. Like I've Never Seen the Sky Before

**Author's Note:**

> Never knew I could feel like this,
> 
> like I've never seen the sky before. – Come What May, Moulin Rouge

For most children, they realize that there is something special or different about themselves very early on, in some of their first memories, even. It may be taking interest in something that will set the course for how they will make a living for the rest of their lives. It may be something small, like a happy memory, or something large, like a sad or scary memory. It may be some potential their parents see in them, or a teacher, or a friend. Or it might be a talent the child nurtures in the face of adversity, and their accomplishment blooms even more beautifully despite the tough soil that it had to grow in.

For Levi Ackerman, his entire childhood and beyond, was made up of all of these things.

His very first memory was sitting on his father's knee at his work, his small hand lying over the top of his as he marveled over the his odd device his father explained was called a phone. The way his father tapped away at the single key was played with a rhythm one might exhibit when playing a piano. No, they couldn't take it home with them, despite how much Levi wanted to, as it seemed very interesting, and he could hear the man his father was talking to over the phone as if he was in the office with them at that very moment. But he explained to his child that no one but brokers, like himself, had a phone anyway, so they wouldn't get much use out of one at home. Besides, he joked, that he could only imagine what would happen if his wife or any other woman was allowed to use something like this.

"All the gossip they would get up to, and no one would be able to monitor it," he had said, shaking his head. "Trust me, Levi, it's safer if it stays here."

Showing even that small interest in something like that at his work convinced Levi's father that his boy was going to grow up to be a broker like him. And for the longest time, throughout all of his early school days, that's where he was steered. A heavy emphasis was placed on him to succeed at math, to become good at handling money and that he should be paying attention to the stock market. However, there were a couple of problems with this educational path. One, Levi didn't give a whit about money or the stock market. And two, he was horrendous at math.

These facts already disappointed his father enough. However, what made things even worse for Levi was that in lieu of discovering that numbers both bored and frustrated him, he found words to be infinitely fascinating. He loved playing with them on little pieces of paper and charcoal, or with chalk and a chalkboard, discovering new ones and figuring out what they meant. He was the best speller in his class, and soon became one of the best writers. His few friends in school found him a bit odd though because his head always seemed to be in the clouds, almost literally because he was often found staring at the sky and talking about how he could see shapes in the clouds. Or he would ask silly questions like wondering if bugs dreamed, and worst of all, he believed for the longest time that there were fairies living in the gardens of his school and that was what made the flowers grow. Fairytales became his favorites, as he loved the idea of faraway lands, princes and princesses, wolves that could talk, and things that didn't exist in the real world. Adults called him daft, and the children called him much worse things. When Levi came home and said he was going to grow up to write books, his father called him a disgrace.

"My son is not going to be some penniless loon that dies forgotten in a gutter," he declared. For his father believed only those that were mentally unwell or women whose husbands didn't have a firm grasp on them wrote books.

But in secret, his mother encouraged him, telling him he could write if he wanted to, especially if he was good at it. "But you need to find another career to help support yourself while you wait for your book to make you money."

That was only the first of many secrets, but at least with that one, he was able to share with his mother. The next one on the other hand he didn't even want to admit to himself, as it both horrified and disgusted him.

When he reached adolescence, as usual he found himself sitting apart from his schoolmates, sitting under a tree while he kept his nose in a book. However, though it started out normal, it soon turned into a day that Levi would never forget. That afternoon, he caught sight of a group of older boys that were lingering on the property, generally fooling around, being loud, laughing louder. One of them was throwing rocks at the side of the building, watching them shatter on the brick. Levi rolled his eyes…and then froze when one of the boys turned around and reveal his handsome, angular features.

Growing up, his parents had always told him that when he was old enough, he'd find a lovely girl that he would want to marry and the two of them would start a family. That when he was old enough, one of the girls would catch his fancy and his father joked that for the rest of his life, they would bewitch him and exacerbate him. However, in that moment, it wasn't one of the girls that held his full attention. It wasn't one of the girls that made him feel all hot and stupid all over, that made him tug the high collar of his shirt away from his neck so that he could breathe better. It wasn't a girl that made him wonder what it would be like to kiss them, to press his body against-

Levi gasped in horror, unable to move for several moments as he processed his sudden thoughts and desires. He shut them off, clamped a lid on them, too scared to even to dwell on them. He had never heard of such a thing as a boy having feelings for another boy in the same manner that he might have feelings for a girl. People just didn't mention those sorts of things, and the few instances he had heard of had been in the paper where men were jailed for sodomy. The way he had heard it, men even used to be put to death for such a thing. At least, that was what his father told him when he asked what sodomy was. He had shrugged it off, thinking no more about it.

And now, he told himself firmly that he could no longer think such things about another man ever again. The thoughts had been a mere fluke, he told himself. A curiosity of youth. His hormones were making him act strange, that was it. It would pass.

But to his utter dismay, it didn't.

As he became older, his feelings only seemed to grow stronger. Every time he came across an attractive boy in his school, they would flare up. When he eventually learned what sex was and how his body was going to change, his first thought was not was his female classmates might look like under their skirts, but how his male classmates might look with their shirts off. During his physical education classes during his final years in school when he would see his classmates changing their clothes was nearly torture, and more than once he found himself getting an erection. And also more than once, as a result, he would hide himself in a corner of the changing rooms, crying and nauseous, ashamed of himself. Even worse, one day on the football field when he was tackled by a classmate, he not only got an erection from the incident, but also ejaculated in his trousers as the boy moved around on top of him as they tried to untangle themselves.

It had taken a lot to convince himself to go back to school at all after that. But the worst part was, he couldn't tell his parents the reason for his distress. All he could do was throw himself deeper into church when he went to mass, praying harder and harder that these feelings would go away. For a short time, he even became a drunk, stealing alcohol from his father and nearly failing his final year of school thanks to his constant intoxication. Anything to get these thoughts out of his head. His drinking binge was only stopped by his parents after the two of them emptied out the liquor cabinet, refusing to buy anymore, or if they did, keeping it out of Levi's reach.

He barely made it through his last year of school before he enrolled himself in college, but college turned out to be quite good for him. Yes, there were still plenty of attractive young men around, but he was far too busy with his studies and sleep deprived from all of his school work to pay them any attention. He even managed to go to school in the next town over, where he knew no one and felt like he could start over fresh.

That was where he met Hanji Zoe.

She had been a sister of one of his classmates that had come to visit one day, and she kept coming back. When she finally stopped to talk to Levi, she divulged that it was because she liked the school and secretly wished that she could attend. The two of them seemed like an unlikely pair, and though he didn't become miraculously attracted to her, like Levi secretly hoped he might, the two of them became extremely good friends. That in and of itself was strange to everyone else, because men did not become friends with women, and they certainly didn't hang around them without supervision. Rumors swirled around the two of them on the campus, ranging from the two of them dating in secret to them living in adultery, engaging in sexual acts without them being married. It made people that knew them uncomfortable, no matter how much they denied the rumors, which of course were in no way true.

If any of the school officials suspected anything though, they didn't confront the two of them with it, and the two of them were able to bond. Levi found in Hanji a kindred spirit, the two of them speaking about how they never really seemed to fit in at school. Hanji had what Levi's father always wished he did; a head for math, and a strong desire to make an impression on the medical field.

"The most I can do is become a nurse, if I'm lucky," she groused. "But I want to wear the white coat. You're so lucky you have a penis, Levi. I'd do anything to be able to go to school here."

Levi thought about it for a minute and shrugged. He said somewhat jokingly, "You could always disguise yourself as a man. You're tall enough…you could pass as one I think. You would just have to be careful."

That had set things in motion for his friend, her calling him a "brilliant fiend," and when she came back next year, she came back as a man named Harry Ware and enrolled herself in the school's medical program. She even took up smoking to make her voice sound rougher and deeper, and Levi called that dedication for sure, and to be sure that her secret would be protected, they both requested to be each other's roommates.

They passed their days easily like that, much more easily than Levi had been able to when he lived at home. He accepted Hanji's eccentricities, feeling right at home, because despite his abnormal thoughts, at least in a way, she validated them. Made him feel not so crazy, because here was someone else that didn't fit in.

For the first time in his life, he felt somewhat normal.

When all was said in done, he made it through university and emerged as a licensed librarian, yet another disappointment to his father. Libraries were full of women. What was Levi, a woman himself? An invert? Levi had felt his heart drop straight through the floor, terrified that he had let something slip, but he couldn't remember a single thing. Thankfully his mother had calmed his father down enough that he had managed to avoid striking him.

Soon after that, heaven must have been smiling down upon him, because Levi managed to not only get a job as a librarian, but managed to find himself a small apartment in the city. It was dirty and cramped, but at least he could live in peace, keeping contact only with his mother and receiving visits from Hanji when she had time. Speaking of, the lucky devil managed to get all the way through medical school within a few years time, advancing much more quickly than any of her classmates, and became a doctor in the same city Levi worked in. However, she herself lived outside the city, able to afford herself a large home with her massive amounts of money. As a result of her job and due to her natural extraverted, charming personality, she also had developed many other friends and connections and overall seemed to be very happy.

Levi on the other hand…

It wasn't that he wasn't unhappy, but he knew he could definitely be happier. And he knew that his current state was of his own making, that he had no one to blame for it but himself. Hanji remained his only constant friend, and while he was kind to his coworkers, he only associated with them at work. Oh, that didn't mean he didn't hear their whispers, some of them favorable over how handsome he was, others claiming he was more pretty (his mother always did say that he looked like a little doll), while others had less favorable things to say. Whispers as to why he wasn't married yet, that he was twenty three, he wasn't getting any younger, what was he waiting for? Why did he reject the advances of all the women that approached him?

What was _wrong_ with him?

He never heard that question spoken out loud, but it didn't need to be. He already felt like every stare that he incurred was judging him, peering into him. Like they _knew._

Levi's isolation wasn't a complete accident. Soon after he had started work, he had found out his father had died from pneumonia. And just last year, his mother had succumbed to yellow fever after a small bout of it had broken out in his hometown. With his only real sources of contact with the outside world broken, he drew further into himself. But his desire to be alone was only partially drive by grief. The other part was to keep himself away from as many men as possible; his workplace was okay because all of his coworkers were women, and there was a counter separating him from the male patrons. The ones he found attractive almost never stayed long enough for him to have to interact with, and if they did, he passed them off to his female coworkers. So far, it seemed to be working. The less contact he had with men, the easier it was to push down his immoral thoughts.

However, this lifestyle he had imposed on himself had one downfall: he was terribly lonely.

This loneliness produced many strange side effects in Levi. For one thing, he had become devastatingly afraid of the dark, ever since he had heard too many ghost stories both as a child an as an adult, and his church had put the fear of demons in him. Many nights he swore he could see a black shape forming in the corners of his room or a demonic face grinning down at him from over the bed. That was enough to get him to buy an absurd amount of candles and light several by his bedside, despite the fact that he knew he could easily start a fire in his apartment and die before he could ever hope to escape. But he would rather die than be killed by a demon or ghost in his bed, so he accepted the risk.

The other side effect he couldn't decide if it was more or less troubling, and that was the fact that he kept having strange dreams about faceless men. Men that took care of him, that held him gently, pressed their warm bodies along his and assured him he wasn't alone. Men that talked with him and listened to all of his insecurities, men that made him smile and laugh, men that included him into their family so that he had a home to belong to. On some nights, his dreams were much less innocent, and Levi awoke with a deep, delicious burning between his legs as he rubbed his thighs together, release dribbling onto his sheets.

It was after one of these dreams that happened to occur during a weekend night that Levi locked himself in his room all day, praying and fasting. He remained on his knees by his bedside almost all day, using the pain from that and the pain from his hunger to punish himself for being so disgusting. And yet, he couldn't help but remember the young, sweet features of this man, his pretty smile, his messy dark hair, the way he reverently stroked Levi's bare body, reaching between his legs and creating that wonderful heat in his veins. It lingered in his head no matter how much he wished it wouldn't.

It made him feel warm, safe and desired, no matter how much he wished it didn't.

So deep was he in his self-reflection that later that evening he almost didn't hear the knock at his door.

Levi sprung upright at the noise, and then nearly collapsed with dizziness. He held his head with one hand, tottering unsteadily on his feet next to his bed. Of course the knocking was unexpected; no one ever called on him, save his landlord when he was a little late on paying his rent. No one except-

"House call!" declared a loud, exuberant voice right as his door was flung open with a bang. Levi jumped nearly a foot in the air.

"Jesus Christ, Harry," he gasped, a hand pressed over his chest. Hanji winked at him pleased that he was using her male name, especially since these thin walls meant that anyone could hear them, and since he had nosy neighbors, she was also dressed as a man tonight in one of her finest waistcoats and trousers, even wearing a monocle. "What on Earth do you want at this time of night?"

"Oh pish posh, the sun has only just gone down," she waved him off, sauntering in.

Once his heart returned to a normal rate, Levi grumbled, "So you're not going to tell me what you're doing here? Besides knocking my door through my neighbor's wall?"

She snickered, coming over to stand beside him. "No, silly. I've come to pick you up for the party tonight."

Levi stared at her stupidly. "What party?"

"The party at Dr. Jaeger's estate tonight? The one I mentioned to you in my last letter?"

He looked helplessly at the floor, pressing his lips together. He couldn't even remember reading such a thing, but of course it had probably been in there. He probably scanned it so listlessly that he couldn't remember. Hanji sighed in exasperation.

"Well come on then, it'll be good for you to get out," she pressed. She then slung an arm around his shoulders, drawing him closer. "Don't you agree my dear chuckaboo?"

"I couldn't possibly"-

"Oh no don't you even start. You're going to wash up, get dressed, and we're going. You look terrible, and getting out will do you good. You'll join the imbeciles up at Franklin State if you're stuck looking at these four walls for any longer."

"You're not going to give me a choice, are you?"

As if to answer him, she purposefully took his arm and tossed him into his bathroom before shutting the door, telling him to be ready in ten minutes while she picked out an appropriate suit for him. And in the end, Levi decided he was too tired to fight. Besides, perhaps she was right. If he thought anymore about his sin in this silent room, that singular thought swirling around and around in his head, he really was going to have to check himself into an asylum.

After he had washed and eaten something quickly, Hanji assuring him there would be much more for him to snack on at the party. It was a good thing too, because if he ate too much now he was sure he'd be sick. As she helped to load him into the cart, his stomach filled with nerves, and he dearly wished he had it in him to say no, he'd rather stay home today. But no, he had made the effort to get ready and already said he'd go. He jiggled his leg nervously, watching as Hanji gave the word to her driver for them to set off, before she joined him, sitting across from him. The driver snapped the reins on the horse and they took off at easy trot.

"So what is this party for exactly?" Levi asked.

"Well, once in a while Dr. Jaeger likes to invite all of the town doctors, as well as a few well known ones outside of town, to his estate. I think he just likes to show off his wealth, he's a bit of a vain man," she explained. "But he puts it under the pretense of making connections with new doctors and maintaining connections with long practicing ones. After all, we are constantly writing each other, asking about new techniques, treatments, things like that. Seeing what works and what doesn't. Like what you librarians do once in a while."

"God I could never handle the kind of pressure that you folks do though. I'm already a nervous wreck just dealing with angry patrons that can't find what they're looking for and they seem to blame me for that." _That and what if I slip up around the men that come in? _

"Aw, well I do believe you're going to have a good time here," she reassured him. "See, you should feel privileged. Tonight Dr. Jaeger let us bring a guest, and as soon as he said that I knew I had to bring you."

Levi rolled his eyes. "And what pray told you that I had to be the person you brought along, out of your hundreds of friends?"

She laughed. "Let's just say I know you too well. For instance, his estate includes a farm…which means many, many animals for you to pet."

"…Really?" Levi muttered, trying not to sound as interested as he was, but oh Hanji was a clever beast. She knew what a sucker he was for critters of all kinds, whether they be canine, equine, or feline. Anything cute and furry that could show affection. Secretly, he longed for a pet himself, but with the long hours he worked, he knew he wouldn't have time to take care of one.

"And…" she paused for dramatic effect, "it's more of a side note, but the doctor does have both a son and a daughter who are two of the jammiest bits of jam you ever did lay your eyes on. He gives the women something nice to look at when they're pulled there by their boring husbands, and in turn his daughter makes the men's eyes wander more than they should in front of their wives. But the boy's a sweet thing. He reminds me of you, actually. Not too fond all of all of the socializing, and whenever one of their cats or dogs sneaks into the house, he'll stop speaking in the middle of his sentence and rush over to pet and fuss over them. You should definitely try talking to him when we get there. His daughter is nice too though, very quiet but definite presence. Very somber girl, and I think he's worried she'll never find a husband if she presents herself that way. Poor thing, I think he makes her come to these functions in hope she'll find someone there that catches her fancy, and she just never has any interest in anyone there. I think you'll get along with her too."

Levi shrugged, looking out the window, watching the scenery pass by, lights from the street lamps sliding over his folded hands. Everything was awash in the low, evening light. "I suppose we'll see. I'll try and make it through as I can tonight either way."

Hanji didn't say anything after that, though he could feel her staring at him, and was that a knowing stare she was giving him? He wouldn't be shocked. She always meant well, he knew. She was always trying to get him to socialize, trying to find new friends for him because she knew how miserable he was being home alone all the time. And he appreciated the effort, he really did. There were just so few people that Levi got along with; not many people his age were still interested in fairytales or the obscure knowledge he possessed thanks to his job. Even fewer cared that he had never lost that childhood desire to write books, or what he would write about if given the chance. Only Hanji knew about all of these things now that his parents were gone. And he told himself he was content with that.

But he couldn't deny that there was a small part of him that dearly wanted to share these ambitions with another person, to connect with someone else in a way that he couldn't connect with Hanji, though he cared for her dearly. Someone that wasn't as busy as she was. Someone that lived with their heads in the clouds like he did.

She seemed convinced that he was going to find someone like that at this party, and perhaps she was right. As they finally pulled up the winding road and the sprawling estate came into view, Levi caught sight of all of the carriages that were already there and the amount of people milling around, so there looked like plenty of chances for Levi to try and make a connection with someone.

The carriage was parked, and Hanji, being the kind soul she was, invited her driver in to join them, while Levi noticed with disdain how some of these rich, pompous snobs made their drivers remain outside to wait for them. He hoped he never became wealthy if it made him act like that. Their driver gratefully accepted, following them up the path towards the main mansion. Levi's mouth dropped open and he tipped his head back slightly to take it all in. the entire building screamed wealth, even from the outside, with its large columns, huge windows, multiple levels, and huge, looming crystal chandelier in the front window. He was sure he could see even more in more windows as well.

"Hmph," he hummed. "Chandeliers, gardens, fountains and a working farm? Rather butter upon bacon if you ask me. I'll bet he doesn't take a shit for anything less than a thousand dollars either."

Hanji burst into laughter, causing a few people to stop and look at her. When she finally calmed down, she patted him on the back, and warned him, "Don't talk like that when you're in there, you'll get us kicked out. It won't do to insult our host, no matter how rightfully earned that insult may be."

When they finally walked through the doors and entered the throng, Levi was immediately impressed and intimidated all at the same time. It made him step closer to Hanji, feeling much like an awkward child with his mother. The doors were opened by men in suits, and the ceiling in the room beyond was vaulted and so high, as high as the sky had ever been to him. His entire apartment would fit into one small corner of this massive room, and even that might be too big. The floor was made of marble, and the entryway itself was bigger than his entire floor at his apartment complex. Someone took their coats for them and hung them up, and Levi was completely surprised. Once they left the entryway, he could see dozens and dozens of people piled into what he assumed was the main dining hall. This room was especially extravagant, well lit with bright light bulbs, much brighter and better quality than Levi could ever hope to afford. The food, which was laid out on an elaborate spread of many tables with white table cloths, also looked extremely rich and decedent. There was a band playing music and people were dancing, and those that weren't dancing were talking, paired off or in groups, laughing and being jovial. The men with their deep, rowdy voices and the women with their light, tittering ones. It all served to make Levi more than a little nervous because he felt so out of his element. The anxiety rising in him hardly seemed worth it if Hanji had just brought him out here in hopes he'd make a friend.

"Han- Harry," he said in a low voice, catching himself just in time, "I can't do this."

She sighed, patting his forearm. "I know it's a bit much. Just come with me to say hello to Dr. Jaeger. Usually wherever he is, Eren and Mikasa aren't far behind. Then you can go and hide out in the barn if you like and I'll come to collect you later."

"Eren and Mikasa?"

"Dr. Jaeger's kids, the ones I told you about before."

Levi hummed, sticking closer to her. He supposed that was a fair enough deal. The minute he got out into that barn he was unbuttoning the top button of his ridiculous collar as well. The stupid thing was set to choke him, and even just standing near this food made him feel as though the white shirt was going to stain. He had a feeling though that if his shirt did stain all he would have to do was snap his fingers and immediately a team of housemaids would appear and work to scrub it out for him. He just hoped this would be over with quickly, but he suspected it wouldn't be. After all, the host himself of all people had to be overwhelmed with the all the other doctors that wanted to make small talk with him.

The two of them weaved in and out of the crowds, apologizing to those that they bumped into. Well, Hanji did the apologizing. Levi was trying to pretend that he didn't exist, his heart pounding more and more the longer he stayed here. Luckily, before long, she seemed to spot the person she was looking for, and cut a path across the room towards him, Levi skittering after her.

When they stopped, they were standing in front of a man with long, dark hair that was pulled neatly back and glasses sitting high on his nose. He was an older gentleman of course, gray streaking through his hair. This had to have been Dr. Jaeger, because he carried himself in a way that suggested he knew exactly how important he was, and if that didn't give him a way, then the diamond cufflinks on his sleeves did. Levi struggled not to shrink behind Hanji like a nervous child meeting a new relative for the first time. The person speaking with the man was even leaving just as they were approaching, so Levi didn't even have the time to ready himself for conversation before the other man began speaking.

"Dr. Ware," he greeted with a kind smile, "I'm so glad you could make it. It turned out to be a lovely evening for a party, didn't it?"

"It sure did, Dr. Jaeger," she responded, pitching her voice so that it sounded low and gravelly. "I'm glad I could make it too, both to meet with all of you wonderful folks again and because I needed to shake all of the cobwebs out of my friend Levi here."

Oh, she just had to bring attention to him, didn't she? It took everything in him not to bring his shoulders up to his ears when the other doctor flicked his eyes over from Hanji to him, and it was probably due to his own nerves, but he felt as if the man was judging him right down to his very soul, though his face still looked friendly. He said, "Ah, so you're the famous Levi Dr. Ware keeps bringing up at our get togethers? It's nice to finally meet you."

He held out his hand, and for a moment, Levi stared at it like it was a poisonous snake poised to bite him. God why was he like this? He finally worked up the courage to take his hand, and nearly had it broken by the firm handshake the other man gave him. He had no idea what to say back to him, so he kept his mouth shut, hating the awkward silence that passed between them. It was painful even considering the murmur around them, the cigar smoke from the other room as well as his own awkwardness nearly choking him. Dr. Jaeger tried to prompt conversation from him again.

"How are you finding the estate?" he asked.

"Very…big. Fancy. I could fit my whole apartment complex in your dance hall I think. Seems a bit excessive." Really? That was all he could think of? Well, technically yes, anything that wasn't an insult at least. Levi tended to get fresh when he was uncomfortable. No wonder he didn't have many friends. The doctor frowned at him, and Hanji shuffled nervously, both reactions only serving to make him squirm. "I mean, I'm not used to all being surrounded by so much wealth being just a librarian and all. I don't even have anyone to spend it on, so you would think I'd be used to having a little bit more money than the average person."

Why was he still talking? He clamped his mouth shut, hating himself more than ever. Dr. Jaeger said, "Ah, so then you're not married? Don't worry son, you'll find yourself a lovely young lady someday soon. You're a strapping boy, you should have no trouble. Perhaps someone here might catch your eye?"

Levi shrugged halfheartedly. "Perhaps."

"Well, the night is young." He suddenly looked behind him, hearing footsteps approach them from behind. His smile grew larger, and he said to the approaching person, "Ah, so good to see you joining us, Eren. Come, meet my colleague. This is Dr. Harry Ware from Penn Hospital, and his good friend, Levi Ackerman."

At hearing his name, Levi lifted his head, figuring he might as well get this social interaction over with as well. Besides, Hanji had mentioned Eren before, might as well attach a face to the name. However, when he lifted his gaze and processed the young man now standing beside Dr. Jaeger, time ground to a halt.

Oh God. Oh _God. _

All at once, Levi was filled with sweet, overwhelming warmth. His stomach swooped, as if he was a creature that had lived underground his entire life and was finally crawling onto the surface world for the first time. He was beholding the sky for the first time in his life, and that boy's smile was the sun that was filling him with heat. He was shaking Hanji's hand, not even looking at him, and yet he had to try very hard to remember how to breathe.

Because Eren was unlike anything he had ever seen; rather, it was if he had met him in the ethereal land of his dreams. He was otherworldly, and to Levi, beautiful in the most dangerous, perfect, and devastating way possible. Familiar to his heart and yet new to his waking eyes. Levi's soul trembled, and he knew that the worst thing Eren could possibly do at that moment was acknowledge his presence. He had to leave, and yet he was rooted to the spot.

Eren's eyes met his, and when they did, he lit up bright as a summer day. He held out his hand, saying cheerily, "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Ackerman."

Levi hesitated, before his heart made him leap off the edge of the proverbial cliff and dive headlong into the sky, the wind whistling in his ears as his heart pounded, and he took Eren's hand. And the minute he felt the touch of the other's boy's skin, he became hopelessly enthralled, entirely devastated, and helplessly addicted.

"The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Jaeger."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I'm back once more with this tale of forbidden Victorian romance for you! I do hope you guys all end up liking this story, as it's been in my head for over a year now, and I think of all the fics I have planned, this is far and away my favorite. Now, I know those tags look intimidating, but please, take my hand everyone. You must trust me that this fic WILL have a happy ending. I'm promising you right now that in spite of those scary tags, there will be a very happy, fulfilling ending. So please stick with me! Also, please forgive any historical inaccuracies, as I know they're there, but I'm trying my best haha.
> 
> So this fic is powered by some Moulin Rouge songs, Greatest Showman songs, and music from Sleeping Beauty, as well as some Lana Del Ray songs. I guess you could consider "Once Upon a Dream" the main theme for this fic, as it will play an important role later, especially the Lana Del Ray version.
> 
> Anyway, the slang in this chapter lol, I love it, it was fun to use. For those curious, "invert" was a way to refer to a gay person during this time, as in someone whose sexual attraction was inverted from their gender. "Chuckaboo" is a nickname given to a dear friend. "Butter upon bacon" means that something is rather extravagant, and "jammiest bits of jam" is a way to describe a perfect young girl, but I felt it was appropriate here. So yes, I hope you guys enjoy this crazy journey, and thanks for joining me in another fic!


	2. Never Knew I Could Feel Like This

"So, are you enjoying the party? Or has my old man succeeded in boring you to tears with his war stories?" Eren asked Levi, as if there was no one else in the room with them.

"Eren," his father chided, while Hanji had to hide a smirk.

"Indeed Eren, your father gained a lot of good experience and has a lot of interesting stories from the Civil War," Hanji added. "It wouldn't kill you to listen to them once in a while, you might learn something."

The boy rolled his eyes, and pulling Levi in a little closer, he conspiratorially added, "Interesting only if you like listening to old windbags blather on about the same stories over and over again. I swear they're all going senile. They never seem to acquire any new stories from the present."

"Eren!" Dr. Jaeger hissed. "That's enough! Show some respect."

Levi bit his lip so hard he was sure it was going to start bleeding to keep himself from laughing, though Eren saw the smile he was fighting to hide. And in turn it made him smile and snicker, delighted that someone finally was agreeing with him. He finally let go of Levi's hand, and the older man tried not to mourn the loss when the contact was broken, but of course he failed. He would do anything to make that boy take his hand again and hold it for the rest of the evening.

Oh heavens, that was a dangerous thought. No, this was very bad, this was terribly bad. He couldn't want something like that. He couldn't let Eren make him laugh, couldn't let him pull him close to him. Couldn't even let Eren look at him, because the acknowledgement of his presence was doing deadly things to Levi's heart. But before he could say anything, Eren straightened up and turned back to his father, a devilish grin on his face.

"But I am, father," he said innocently. "I'm showing respect for our guest's ears. We want them to return knowing they'll have a good time on the estate rather than being bored stiff by all of the old men in this place. Honestly there's no one under thirty here, no wonder this party is so unbearable. And you wonder why I never join you for these? Every single one of them makes me want to hang myself from one of your chandeliers."

Dr. Jaeger sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, before he apologized to Hanji and any of the other guests within earshot, "I'm sorry. He's been acting strangely ever since his mother died. Please excuse his behavior."

By now, Levi was covering his mouth with his hand. In truth, Eren's jokes probably weren't that funny, but to someone like Levi, who had always had a strange, dark sense of humor, it was hilarious, especially since all of the conversation he had heard thus far tonight had been so boring. In contrast, it made him want to burst out laughing, but he didn't feel like drawing any more attention to himself. However, he couldn't stop the shaking of his shoulders, nor could he hide the laughter in his eyes, both of which the boy picked up on. He smirked at Levi, seeming to know exactly what he was doing.

"Well then, I'll just take my leave," Eren said. "And perhaps you'll know better for next time when you want to invite me to another one of these things. Contrary to what you believe, I still have no interest in becoming a doctor, father, and no amount of making me come to your parties and having all this medical terminology thrown in my face is going to change my mind. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the barn."

Levi's eyes lingered after him, watching his back retreat and disappear into the crowd, feeling a sense of loss immediately. It was as if when Eren left, all of the fun was sucked out of the room, and despite Hanji being right beside him, he felt inexplicably lonely. In just that small amount of time, he swore the two of them had made a connection. Hadn't they? Or was he mistaken? And there was that whole matter of his instant attraction to the boy…he had to stomp it down. Violently, and immediately. There was no place for it, ever, at any time. No matter how sweet that eye contact was, how warm and blinding his smile was, no matter how hot and tingly the feel of the boy's hand in his made his whole body feel. He would have to bury those feelings.

However, nothing said the two of them couldn't at least be friends, right? That was innocent, perfectly harmless. And besides, Hanji had wanted him to make friends here. So, why not their host's son? He shrugged, looking up at her.

"I think I'll go to the barn as well," he said. When Hanji looked confused, he added, "What? You said I should check it out. So now I'm going to go and check it out. When you're ready to leave, come find me there."

Hanji sighed, but still answered understandingly, "Alright. Have fun then."

Levi smiled gratefully, and quickly followed after the doctor's son, though he tried not to make it obvious that he was in fact doing so. Once he made it out of the room and back into the entryway, he looked past the open doors and between the people still milling, before he caught sight of the barn just beyond. What's more, he saw Eren's moonlit form walking towards it, before he opened the doors and disappeared inside. Eagerly, he followed behind, striding down the path and also pushing the barn doors open. When he did, light washed over him, as if welcoming him in. He shut the doors and leaned against them, gawking at the inside of the huge, luxurious barn. The whole place once again screamed of the doctor's wealth: high ceilings, rows of stalls that were each bigger than Levi's entire apartment with high, large windows, and polished, dark wood everywhere. Many doors were trimmed with silver, and each one seemed to have a nameplate. Immediately, the smell of horses reached Levi, and it was warm and comforting.

Just then, Eren's head poked out from one of the stalls, and when he saw Levi, that sunny grin spread his cheeks again. "Well hello there! I was kind of hoping you'd follow me. You looked like you had a bad case of the morbs in there."

Levi blinked unsurely at him, before he answered, "I suppose. Listening to doctors talk about blood and guts and death for a while can do that to you."

This time, Eren really did throw back his head and laugh. "I guess that explains why my sister is always so miserable then. Though she's more tolerant of my father's rambling than I am. Probably because he's not pushing her to become a doctor. Just to marry one."

"Disgusting."

"Isn't it though? Well come in, come in. It's alright, the horses won't bite."

Levi snorted and gave him a look. "Do you?"

Oh shit, why had he said that? That could definitely be taken the wrong way and expose so much. He just said he was going to befriend Eren, not scare him away in a fit of disgust! His steps faltered for a second, before the boy matched his look, still smiling, and replied, "Only if I'm given a good reason."

Well, at least he didn't seem scared off by Levi's poor choice of words. And that tone of voice he had used made him shiver. No, not allowed, he told himself. He composed himself, and finally joined Eren by the stall door to see him standing next to a pretty, tall, dark bay, who was currently stretching its head forward while Eren scratched a certain spot on the center of its back. Instantly comforted in the presence of an animal instead of being suffocated by so many people, Levi felt his blood pressure drop and his words come easier. He moved slightly to the side so that the horse could see him, and therefore his approaching hand wouldn't come as a surprise to it, before he placed his hand on its nose.

"Who's your friend?" he asked, scratching the short but silky hair.

"Officially he's known as Green Hunter Majorabanks, but I just call him Hunter. He's the gentlest riding horse we have."

"What kind of horse is he?" Levi wanted to know.

The boy lit up at his interest. "He's a Morgan, as are all of our riding horses. I love them because they have the smoothest gait of any horse you'll come across and they have such sweet temperaments. My father likes them of course because only the wealthy have them and they're a status symbol. So naturally we have many of them, twenty of them at the moment, though I know he wants to get more. We do have other horses, but they're draft horses, all Shires. They're absolutely sweet and gorgeous and I love riding them too because absolutely nothing bothers them. Do you want to meet them?"

"Yes please, that sounds wonderful."

And with a matching grin, Eren led him further into the barn.

"I like this party far better than the one inside," Levi pointed out once they had come to a stop in front of one of the Shire's stalls. "The guests are much more engaging and friendly."

"Not nearly as hospitable though," Eren sighed, looking up at the horse inside. "Lilly hasn't even invited us in for tea. You're quite rude, young lady."

She paid him no mind, of course, ignoring him in favor of finishing the grain in her bucket. However, even with her head bent, Levi felt incredibly small next to her, and he was sure her hoof was easily the size of his head, maybe even bigger. Even so, he had no problem reaching in and scratching at part of her neck. To his surprise, she didn't even flinch, didn't miss a beat at all. She was probably so used to people reaching into her stall and petting her that it didn't bother her anymore. Eren was watching him with rapt attention.

"So you love your animals do you Mr. Ackerman?" he asked.

Levi shuddered. "Please, you don't have to call me that. Just Levi is fine. I can't be much older than you anyway. It's strange."

Eren leaned against the stall door cockily, a half smirk on his face. He placed a hand on his hip and said, "Well, then don't call me Mr. Jaeger, silly. And for your information, I'm twenty. How old are you then grandpa? Ninety-six?"

The boy expected a rude rebuttal, as he often received. But instead, his answer was a return smirk, and a mocking of his position against the door as Levi also leaned against it. "For your information ma' boy, I'm twenty-three."

Eren pretended to shudder. "Oh, that is old. So old, and yet no wife for ickle Levi?"

This time it was Levi who shuddered, but he was still smiling; Eren's tone of voice indicated that he was joking. "No thanks. I could never attach myself to a wife."

"That's what I'm saying," the other boy replied. "My father is constantly pressuring me to marry, to give him grandchildren, that as his son it's my 'duty' to do so to pass on the family name and maintain our respectability. Well, I don't care about my respectability, and his can go to Hell. My life is my life, and I'm going to live it how I see fit."

Levi looked down and away slightly. "I hear you. My father and I never got along well either. You can do what you want, I think, within reason. Besides, your sister can always get married and have children. All that matters is your happiness."

"Thank you!" Eren exclaimed. "You're the first person who hasn't called me selfish or that I need to respect my father more. I mean, why should I respect him if all he's done is disrespect me and the decisions I make because he doesn't think I'm living my life in the 'correct manner,' whatever that is. I just- ugh, I'm sorry, you're practically a stranger, and here I am venting. It's just frustrating. But thank you for being so patient with little old me."

Unable to stop himself, perhaps because he saw the same kind of helplessness in the other boy's eyes that he often saw in his own in the mirror, he leaned forward and placed his hand on Eren's upper arm and squeezed slightly. "You're talking to someone who understands. Don't worry. It feels good to talk to someone who gets it, for me too."

Eren looked contemplative for a moment, looking down at where his hand was resting, before meeting Levi's eyes with a smile and saying. "That's good to hear. And, well- how about something a little happier? You're my guest, can't have those morbs coming back now can we?"

Levi straightened up, getting off the door, quickly saying, "Yes, alright. Lead on good sir," but suddenly he was worried that his touching of Eren might have been taken the wrong way. Was Eren angry at him? Did he think he stepped over a line? Friends touched each other in innocent ways, didn't they? But they weren't even really technically friends yet, were they? Levi took a deep breath and followed him down a few hallways in the barn, thoughts racing. He couldn't be too mad if he wanted to show him more of the barn, did he?

His thoughts were cut off when they reached a darker section of the barn and the sound of whimpers and whines reached his ears. There were stalls back here as well, but they were only lit by low, yellow light. Eren gave him a conspiratorial grin when they stopped in front of one of the stalls before he opened the door.

"Watch your step," he instructed him, and then walked in, Levi doing as he was told and picking his way in carefully.

There was soft, cushiony sawdust beneath his feet, but this stall didn't belong to a horse. Instead, there was a dog in here, a small white one, laying in the corner while a few small puppies were laying near her. When the door was opened, the mother dog lifted her head and wagged her tail, getting up to meet Eren. Once the door was shut and the boy kneeled down in the sawdust, she put her front paws up on his knees, kissing his chin. The wire coat of the dog told him that it was some kind of terrier, but that was all Levi was able to gather. He lit up when the dog came over to him, ears back and tail wagging.

"Oh look at you precious," Levi cooed, scratching behind her ears. "And look at your little babies. You're all so cute."

"That's Willa," Eren informed him. "She's one of three females we have. Viola and Charlotte are in the next stalls over, and our male, Malcolm, is at the end. I'd like to purchase more of them though, sometime."

"So these guys are yours?" Levi inquired.

"Yup. All my responsibility. I train them, I take care of them, all that stuff. Most of the time they sleep in my room with me, except when they have puppies. But yeah, since I'm not going to the university or apprenticing under my father, this is my job. I raise these guys, and in turn I take them to estates and mines and other places like that and we clear rats and foxes and other varmints out. I make a fair amount from it too, and I love doing it."

"Ah, so they are terriers?"

"Oh yes. A new kind though. They're from Scotland, and they're breeding them from Cairns that were white. I guess some nobleman accidentally shot his red terrier thinking it was a fox, and in order to prevent that from happening ever again, he started breeding white dogs. They're good ratters, and they're so cute, so I decided I wanted some. They're calling them Poltalloch terriers because that's the where the guy who created them was the Laird of. I keep some of the puppies we breed, and the others we sell to people who either want them as ratters or as pets."

"How fascinating," Levi replied, and he genuinely meant that. His dark eyes glittered in the dark, and glanced up at the boy next to him. "I've never seen anything like that in action before."

"Well," Eren offered, "if you like, the next time I do a job, I can take you with me?"

"Yes! I mean, please? If it's not too much trouble?"

"Of course it's not. This will be fun, I usually don't have anyone to go with me on these jobs. You can even help me if you want. I'll pay you something?"

"Oh, you don't have to- I mean, I'd be happy to help for free. It'll be fun."

Eren snorted, "Oh yes, digging through manure piles and coming home covered in shit is loads of fun."

"Well, I'd say it's more fun if it happens in good company," Levi replied.

The boy paused, giving him a warm smile, soaking in those words. The older man meanwhile was worried he had said something wrong again, but tried not to let it show on his face. Eren nodded in response though, and said, "Did you want to hold one of the puppies? They're only a couple weeks old and I'm trying to get them used to being held. I try and come in as often as I can to handle them, but there's quite a few puppies and I simply don't have enough hands."

"Hmm," Levi hummed, and gave him an impish look, "Well, if you'd like, I'd be happy to lend you an extra pair of hands." He backtracked them, worried he had overstepped his bounds again. "Only if that's alright. I'd hate to intrude or"-

Eren hastily replied, "Oh no, I'd love the help! Yes, feel free to come back to the estate any time, I'd love the help! Just tell either my father or my sister or any of the staff that you're a friend of mine and they'll let you know where I am."

"Alright. Yes, that sounds good. Maybe this coming Friday? I'll be able to stay longer that day…I mean, if it's okay."

"Yes of course!" he said enthusiastically, practically vibrating on the spot. "I'd love that. I'll send a carriage to pick you up."

Levi couldn't believe his luck. Eren actually seemed to enjoy his company enough to want to see him again, to see more of him even. Maybe he had a shot of becoming this boy's friend after all. The only thing that made the moment better was Eren's happy smile, and then the cute little ball of white fluff he placed in his hands, which Levi held against his chest.

Well, who knew. Perhaps Hanji was right and he could do this whole making friends thing after all.

000

When Levi arrived on Eren's doorstep later that week, he was understandably nervous. This was the first friend he had made since he had met Hanji, and he didn't want to mess things up. Combined with the fact that something deep and evil inside of him desired more than just friendship with the boy, and that only made his anxiety spike more. What if he scared him off? What if he did something disgusting? No, he had to stop this line of thinking, he told himself. He had to trust himself, that was all.

Besides, when the staff told Eren that his guest had arrived, the sound of his footsteps pounding down the stairs certainly sounded eager to see him.

"Levi!" he called out happily. "There he is, I'm so happy you could make it!"

To his utter surprise, Eren engulfed him in a hug, and as a result a rush of heat went through his body. Though he hated to admit it, it was partially lust at feeling that delicious, firm warmth against every inch of him, from his shoulders to his thighs, and dirty thoughts started running through his head of course. However, the minute he pushed those down and hesitantly wrapped his arms around Eren in return, another, far stranger sensation flooded through him. Relief. As if his entire body was sighing in unison, screaming that this was what they had been missing all along. What that was, Levi wasn't sure, but a certain feeling of warmth and comfort washed over him, a happiness he wasn't familiar with. It was completely innocent, he knew, and the last he remembered feeling this sensation was when his mother had hugged him.

God, had it been that long since someone had touched him?

He didn't want the hug to end, not ever, but of course it had to. It didn't stop him from squeezing a little harder than was probably necessary and leaning into Eren like an exhausted man who had finally found respite after years without knowing it, but eventually he let go, already craving another hug. Though it would look strange if they touched too much; only female friends or husbands and wives did that so casually. Men certainly did not. He could be patient, he told himself.

"Well, come out with me to one of the gardens," Eren said excitedly, "I can't wait to show you what the estate looks like in the day time."

So off they went, walking through the lavish gardens, the boy saying hello to all of the workers they passed, even stopping to help some that were struggling. Eren's extraverted nature really astounded Levi, as he couldn't imagine stopping and talking to a total stranger in a million years unless he had to. It was too nerve-wracking. When Eren came back to his side after helping one man carry a heavy bag of stones over to a flower bed, he nudged Levi and nodded over to some of the other workers.

"Father hires a lot of immigrants from Ireland because they work for so little," he explained. "We've got them and a few Italians working in the stables taking care of our horses. He doesn't like that I associate with them so much though. Because they're 'rough' as he puts it and some of their 'immoral ways' might rub off on me. But they're all fine people I think, and I'd say they like me okay considering I never seem to shut up asking them questions about what Europe is like. I've even learned some of my most creative cussing from these guys. Besides, if father is worried about me engaging in immoral behavior, let's just say that ship sailed a long time ago."

Levi very much wanted him to elaborate, but was far too nervous to ask. He didn't want to risk driving Eren away with probing questions. So instead he settled with, "So, um, you said you didn't want to be a doctor. What is it you want to do instead?"

Putting his hands in his pocket, his friend said, "Well, um…you're not allowed to laugh, okay?"

"I promise you I won't. It can't be any sillier than what I'd like to do," Levi reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. And oh, that zing of comfort and pleasure ran through his body again at the contact.

"Alright." Eren took a deep breath, grabbing at the insides of his pockets and rubbing the fabric between his fingers. "I'd really like to be a painter. Or I suppose an artist in general, but I tend to favor painting."

The older man paused and regarded him mouth agape for a moment, unable to believe that he had heard him correctly. The universe had to be messing with him, because no way would they toss a kindred spirit like this in his path so easily. But no, Eren didn't take what he said back. Instead, he waited for Levi's reply, the trepidation clear on his face. Quick to ease his nervousness, Levi squeezed the other's shoulder, saying, "That's almost hilarious that you say that, because I want to be a writer. But of course I've been told I can't make a living with that."

"That's what my old man says, over and over again," Eren said, disgusted. "But the more he says it, the more I want to prove him wrong. In fact, hey, do you want to see my studio?"

Well, Levi lit right up at that prospect. "I'd be honored," he said sincerely.

"You should be," the boy teased. "No, I'm just kidding around. Though seriously, only my sister has really seen my art. I'm too nervous to show anyone else. I took a few lessons when I was younger and enrolled myself in some art classes, but I'm mostly self-taught."

Already, Levi was excited at the prospect, and his sense of wonder only grew at the thought that Eren trusted him, someone he had only known for a short period of time, to view something that he clearly held so close to his heart. On their way, Eren added, "You know, if you'd be willing, I'd love to see some of your writing some time."

At that, the shorter man faltered. "Oh well, I don't really have anything written down yet. I guess I'm far too nervous that the ideas in my head won't be nearly as fantastic when I put them down on paper."

"All artists think that, I believe," Eren told him. "Well, if you do ever decide to write, I'd love to read it."

A sense of warmth filled him at those words, happy that when and if he ever felt the need to put pen to paper, he'd have at least one person that would like to look at it. He was snapped out of that warm feeling though when he noticed they were walking in the direction of the barn again, and seeing the confusion on his face, Eren explained, "Yeah, my studio is in the barn. Even though we have a million rooms in our mansion, my father would be serving my head on a silver platter at his next party if I got paint on the floors of any of them."

"Of course he would."

"Eh, I don't mind. It means I get to keep everything I love close together, and I can keep an eye on the dogs while I'm painting."

When they entered the barn today, it was a lot busier than it was the last time Levi was here, though he supposed that made sense. It was still daylight out, so there was a lot to be done still. Horses were being led in from the fields, while some were being untacked and brushed. Others were being led into their stalls. When Eren passed by the staff, of course he said hello to them, and Levi couldn't help feeling uncomfortable; he hated when other people drew attention to him for no reason. But he pushed that sense of discomfort down, as seeing Eren's smile as he interacted with others was more than worth it. He definitely had something about him that drew others into his orbit, something that Levi was experiencing first hand. It was becoming stronger and more dangerous to his poor little heart the more time he spent with him.

Eventually they made it to the back area where they had been before, the low light of the setting sun streaming into the windows and painting the floors and stall doors a bright orange. And right next to one of these windows was what Levi could only describe as a whole art studio. There were easels, some with canvases on them, some without, and a tarp laid out underneath. There were also many clean and used canvases, as well as paints in every single corner and every single color. It was messy, yet organized, and from what Levi could tell, very well used. There was a half-finished painting sitting on the easel already, and Eren walked up to stand beside it, waving Levi over. The older man followed him, and his gaze was drawn to the painting when he came to a stop.

It was clearly eventually going to be of his terriers catching rats on most likely one of the many properties he had been called out to clear out, however for now only the sky and some of the ground was painted in while the foreground was still a sketch. However, even from here, Levi could see how much extraordinary detail had been put in, each individual cloud looking as light and fluffy as a real one. The style as well was also very striking, somehow real life and yet fantasy, and idealized version of this scene instead of a realistic one.

"This is extraordinary," he found himself saying. "It's very stylized…so smooth, and yet so polished. It's very, um, it gives off a lot of character and I find it quite beautiful. People would be able to look at this and tell right away who painted it."

Taken aback by his praise, Eren blinked in surprise before stuttering out, "Th-Thank you. I…wow. I've never really had my work analyzed before. That was very kind of you, and I'm glad you like it so much."

"I meant it," he told him sincerely, looking the boy in the eye so that he knew he meant what he said. And then he hesitated, before adding shyly, "And, well, if I ever do write that book, perhaps I could commission you to do some illustrations for some of the scenes. I think your style would fit very well, and sometimes it helps readers to have a visual for what it is they're looking at. It could help promote your work as well as mine."

Well, if that didn't make Eren positively beam, practically transforming into a small sun right in front of him. He gasped, "Really? Oh that would be amazing, Levi!"

He rushed forward, pulling him into another hug, squeezing the shorter man tightly in his enthusiasm. Levi couldn't help but melt into it again, wrapping his arms around Eren and trying to muffle his pleased sigh. He felt so warm and tingly all over, and once more he never wanted the embrace to end. Naturally, it had to at some point, but when Eren pulled back, he didn't put space between their bodies, instead keeping his hands on both of Levi's shoulders, still squeezing them in his excitement. Levi's heart pounded far too hard, practically lodging itself in his throat as he registered just how close they were. But Eren didn't mean anything by it, he told himself. He didn't mean anything by it…

"Levi my boy," Eren said, "I think this is the start of something amazing. Separately, we couldn't achieve our dreams, but maybe together we can?"

The older man swallowed hard, unable to breathe in the wake of bright spring sunshine that seemed to be radiating off of Eren, the orange light of the sunset glimmering in his eyes and setting Levi's heart aflame, the sight so powerful that he was helpless to do anything but agree.

"Yes," he breathed. "I think we can definitely try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for checking out another chapter of this fic! I just wanted to say that the main reason I wanted to write this in the first place was because of my favorite SNK fanfiction, La Maison des Chats, which is set in a similar time period, and I wanted to take a stab at it. Also, for some reason when I picture Eren's painting design, I picture Par's lol, so if anyone wants a visual reference, that would be it.


	3. A Million Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every night I lie in bed  
The brightest colors fill my head  
A million dreams are keeping me awake  
I think of what the world could be  
A vision of the one I see  
A million dreams is all it's gonna take  
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make- A Million Dreams, Greatest Showman

"They're getting so big," Levi exclaimed, holding one of the puppies above him. "I can't believe their eyes are already open. Where has the time gone?"

"They grow too fast, that's what the problem is," Eren said beside him, also holding a puppy on his chest. The two of them were laying in the grass near the barn, a small pen erected around them as the puppies played, using their bodies as jungle gyms. They seemed to like testing their new teeth by tugging on their shirts and pant legs while they wobbled around on unsteady legs. True to his word, Levi was helping his new friend by handling the puppies as much as possible and getting them used to human contact.

"I've been meaning to ask you," the boy told him as he looked over at the man beside him. "When they're old enough, did you want one of these guys? I know you told me you live alone and sometimes you get rats and mice and stuff in your room…having a dog might cheer you up."

Levi paused, putting his puppy down as it began to squirm and then absently petting the ones that waddled up around his head. He supposed Eren was right. If he had a friend waiting for him at home, living there might not be so gloomy. Plus, he'd have someone to sleep in his bed and listen to anything that might be coming near his room. And weren't dogs supposed to be sensitive to ghosts and demons and the like? The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea, until he finally answered, "I'm honored you'd let me take one of your babies."

The boy snorted. "Well I trust you to take good care of them. You pick which one you want and let me know."

"I don't have much to pay you"-

"Oh shush, I wouldn't charge you anything. It'd be a gift between friends."

For some inexplicable reason, Levi found himself tearing up, and when Eren heard him sniff his head whipped, face open with concern. Before he could say anything though, the older man was furiously wiping at his eyes and mumbling, "Sorry. That's just…very nice of you. Not used to that sort of thing. Also not used to good things happening to me so often. You're so kind to me Eren, and we've known each other for such a short amount of time. I'm not used to such treatment, and I'll probably never be able to adjust, I'm sorry."

Eren watched him sadly as he composed himself, simply not knowing what to say to such a thing at first. He shifted a bit, scratching behind one of the puppy's ears beside him and huffing, "Well you better get used to it. I make sure my friends want for nothing."

Levi pressed his lips together, determinedly no looking at the boy, because he knew if he did, the sincerity he heard in his voice would be displayed all over that pretty face, and seeing such a thing might make Levi do something he'd regret, like take his hand, or kiss him.

It was quiet between them for several minutes, both of them laying on their backs as they watched the clouds drift by lazily. It was quite nice out today, a soft breeze blowing. They were a little ways away from the barn, but Levi could still smell the horses and hear the chattering of the staff when they were being particularly loud. But for the most part he and Eren were alone, watching the sky more and more orange as the sun began to set. He'd have to leave soon and he was already dreading it.

"Hey, you want to hear something stupid?" Eren said suddenly.

"Um…sure?" How else was he supposed to respond to something like that?

The boy took a deep breath and worried at the fabric of his loose, white shirt. The collar of it was unbuttoned, and Levi tried extremely hard to the point of straining himself not to pay attention to the fact that he could just barely see his collar bone peeking through. He cleared his throat and finally said, "Well, I told you how I want to be an artist, and I'm sure as a writer you've felt something like this, but I swear when I close my eyes, either during the day or at night, I can see a whole different world just beyond them. A world that's just mine, and it sometimes it feels more like home than this place does. It's a world full of bright colors, colors so vivid I can almost never find the right shades to paint them with. But I still try. Like, in the middle of the night I've gotten up because these intense dreams will wake me up and I have to start sketching them before I lose them. And I just see the most fantastic things. Like up in the sky there?"

He pointed towards a few extra puffy clouds, and Levi followed his hand intently, before he continued, "The sky is just so vast, like the sea, and sometimes I think of things like, 'what if mermaids or whales swam in the sky instead?' And then I just have to paint it. Or I imagine what kinds of fantastic things live in the jungles of Brazil, or think about the adventures a knight might go on if I were to create my own fairytale. The possibilities are just endless, and I want to give life to all of these ideas, these dreams inside my head. And I mean, people can say I sound nuts. They have before, but I don't care. They can call me crazy all I want. I just know what I see, and I want others to see that world too. What's wrong with that, you know?"

"I do know," Levi found himself nodding along. "And that sounds wonderful. You can share your dreams all you want with me, alright? And I do that too, like you said. Find myself getting up at odd hours of the night and having to write something down because I thought of a detail for my story that I hadn't before. Thinking about my characters all day, feeling like they're about to burst out of me. Yet I'm so scared that they're not going to be as bright and vivid on the page as in my head. Like I'm going to do a disservice to them if I dare let outside of my head. It's just all so confusing, having all of these dreams with nowhere to put them. But I know I'd definitely like you to include me in that world you see in your head, if that's alright with you."

"Exactly! But Levi," Eren said as he rolled over onto his front to face him, "maybe this is why we met. Maybe we're supposed to encourage these dreams into the light. We didn't have the courage to do it when we were alone, but together? Together I think we can do it. How about this? You write a little bit, and I'll paint a scene from it. Write something really good to inspire me, okay? And I'll paint something really good to inspire you?"

Levi looked stunned. He suddenly found it hard to meet his eyes, not even knowing how to respond to such a statement. He was caught off guard because no one had ever encouraged him in such a way. No one had ever expressed interest in the world inside his head. Granted, he had told Hanji a little bit about it, but he could tell she was only interested to be polite. And though Eren had mentioned wanting to see Levi's work before, now he really seemed serious, as he had laid out an actual plan for it.

But still…

"I'll think about it," he finally said.

Eren's smile slipped a bit; the other man didn't look as confident in himself as the boy was in both of them. Why not? If he was really passionate, then his writing shouldn't be anywhere nearly as bad as Levi probably thought it was. Eren tilted his head and his lips curved into another grin, and he scooted forward until he was right next to Levi, before he shifted so that he was hovering above him, placing a hand in the grass beside this head, partially caging him. Levi froze, eyes widening, too scared to move in case it might shatter whatever was happening. Eren looked into his eyes purposefully and leaned down so that their faces were closer together. Levi felt his breath quicken and his pulse hammer in his throat.

The boy's eyes were intense and yet somehow still comforting and gentle as he said, "I mean it, Levi. I believe in you. You're not giving yourself nearly enough credit. I'm your friend, aren't I? And friends don't lie to friends. If I say you should write and that you'll be good at it, then you should write."

He squeezed Levi's shoulder with the hand not holding him up, and then got up, sitting back on his heels. "Now come on. Let's get you home so you can start on that story, yeah?"

Still reeling, it took a minute for him to respond, but when he did, his voice came out much lower than it probably should have for the situation. "Yeah. Um, right behind you."

Eren's blinding smile didn't fade, and Levi could feel burning heat in his face travelling all the way down his chest and stomach. The heat didn't leave him even as they walked out to the front of the estate to reach the carriage waiting for them, and he felt tingles and shivers skittering under every inch of his skin. He had to try very hard not to start trembling, otherwise he was afraid Eren might think he had a fever and was shivering for it, then he might start worrying and fussing over him.

Actually, that didn't sound so bad.

Far too soon, they made it to the carriage, and Eren, bless his heart, actually held the door open for him. But before they could bid each other goodbye or Levi could step in, both of them heard a set of footsteps shuffling through the grass and then crunching onto the gravel. They looked up, and standing beside Eren now was a woman Levi had never seen before. However, the woman's appearance made the boy frown.

"What's the matter now?" Eren asked, crossing his arms.

The woman's expression didn't change, though she did fix Levi with an intense stare that made the older man feel very uncomfortable. He shifted as she asked in a flat tone, "Is this Levi?"

"So what?"

"…I need to talk to him," she said after a moment, her eyes still never leaving his. Levi looked helplessly over at his friend, both to break that unwavering eye contact and as a silent question as to who this person was. Eren narrowed his eyes at her.

"No you don't, Mikasa, leave him alone," he said. "He doesn't need you scaring him off. Besides, I'm not a child, I can make friends with whoever I want and you don't have to worry about whether or not"-

"Eren," she cut him off, holding up a hand, "Go. Just for a minute. I need to talk to him."

"Mikasa"-

"Now. Or else I'll put a snake in your shoe and you won't know which pair until you go to put them on."

He bristled at her, growling quietly, but at the same time he knew she would make good on her threat; she had done things like this before. So, with a frustrated sigh, he said, "Five minutes. Be nice to him." He glanced up at Levi with sympathy. "Sorry, Levi. I'll be back soon."

Still not fully understanding what was going on, Levi watched him go, jogging off towards the barn while he occasionally looked over his shoulder worriedly at him while giving this woman dirty looks every once in a while. They both watched him go, and once she decided he was far enough away, she turned back to him.

Surprisingly, it was Levi who spoke first. "So, you're the sister I take it? My friend Dr. Ware mentioned you."

"Hmm," she hummed, looking him up and down. Levi stood his ground though, the eye contact making him uncomfortable but not frightening him. Oddly enough, women didn't really intimidate him, perhaps because he was so used to dealing with Hanji. Other men were what scared the living daylights out of him. He crossed his arms, ready to do battle just in case this girl was going to try and separate him and Eren from each other. As scared as he was of his attraction to him, he was just as scared of not being able to see him again, and he wasn't going to let her do anything to jeopardize that. After a moment, she finally replied, "Yes. Dr. Jaeger took me in after my parents died from typhoid. He felt guilty over their deaths, I suppose. As such, I've dedicated myself to helping my family however I can, one of those ways being protecting Eren. Our father says he associates himself with some rather unsavory people. I'm just being careful."

Levi shrugged. "I don't see what's so unsavory about a librarian who lives all alone and who's only friend is a successful doctor."

"…I suppose you're right. Truthfully Levi, I wanted to get you alone to also ask you a couple of things."

He waited, having no idea where she was going with this, and part of him wanting dearly to just climb into the carriage and get out of this awkward situation. However, he was doing this for Eren as well. Anything so that she would trust him and allow them to see each other without a fight. After a moment where she regarded him with another intense stare, she asked, "Eren hasn't said or done anything strange ever since you became friends with him, has he?"

Caught off guard, Levi fumbled. "Excuse me?"

"Has he done anything strange?" she repeated. "He's…he's been acting queer ever since our mother passed away."

He said, "Dr. Jaeger said as much. What do you mean by acting queer?"

"Well, he's been extremely touchy lately. He liked embracing members of his family and his friends before, but in the last year it's almost like he can't stop touching people, regardless of their gender."

Levi thought of how Eren had embraced him, or how he had hovered over him and squeezed his shoulder this afternoon, and he shrugged. "So he's affectionate. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?"

Mikasa huffed, "Sometimes he doesn't understand that people don't want to be touched or embraced, or that he doesn't know them well enough to do so yet, or he doesn't ask if they want to be touched. He's especially odd around his male friends, but…"

She trailed off and shook her head, as if to banish whatever assumptions were running through her mind, before continuing with, "He's just been through a lot. Our mom was placed in an asylum for a few years because father couldn't deal with her mental instability anymore, before she got sick and passed away there. We all took the experience hard, but Eren and our mom were especially close. So as a result, I think he doesn't like when people leave him. I know he acts oddly when people tell him they're about to leave for the night, but- well, it's no matter. If he hasn't said or done anything, then my concerns of little consequence. Just keep an eye out, and don't feel that you have to stay around here with him if you don't want to."

Still horribly confused and saddened by this news, Levi didn't know exactly how to respond. Sure, Eren was a strange person, but he hadn't really done anything that Levi would consider off-putting or make him want to stop being friends with him. So, he replied coolly, "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you Mikasa. I suppose I'll be seeing you around?"

She hummed again and said in the same tone, "Yes, I can safely say you will."

They regarded each other for a long moment, as if waiting for the other to flinch in this strange standoff. However, the staring contest was only broken when Eren reappeared, saying that that was enough interrogation. Levi softened up right away, sinking into the boy's goodbye hug, even wrapping his arms around him in return. He had to resist closing his eyes in bliss as Mikasa was still watching them. However, he could subtly inhale Eren's scent and focus on the firmness and warmth the boy's body against his, committing both to memory.

And even when he did finally climb into the carriage and ride away, Eren's smell still lingered in his nose and his promises and realizing their dreams together lingered in his ears.

But dreams had no place in reality, did they? No, absolutely not, Levi thought with a sad shake of his head. Life had taught him that long ago.

000

The smell of sun warmed grass. The sun on his skin. Light, quick breaths. Fire in his veins. All things he had never experienced all at once before.

Eren was hovering above him like he had been that afternoon, although now he was doing far more than just staring down at him. Under the sun and in the fields of the estate, Eren was kissing him senseless, tracing feather light kisses down his neck towards his collarbone. Just as light were the caresses down his chest and along his sides, the pads of his fingers and his palms warming the pliant skin. Levi arched under the touch, hands above his head as the grass tickled his back, burning with a need he didn't fully understand.

"_Eren,_" he gasped, voice reedy with desire, "Please…"

"Shh," Eren breathed against the skin between his neck and shoulder. "I know. I know what you want. Relax, my love, I'll make you feel good, I promise."

_My love…_those words washed over him like rain and made sweet warmth fill his chest. No one had ever called him that before, and when Eren wrapped his arms around him a pulled him against his chest, sucking at the skin of his neck, he realized he had never been held this intimately before, or this long by someone. His head tipped back, his eyes closed in bliss, and his damp lips parted around little pants. He clung to Eren desperately, nails lightly scratching the bare skin of his shoulder blades.

"I'm right here," Eren reassured him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay with you."

He punctuated his statement by slotting their hips together, both of them still wearing their trousers, and _grinding. _He thrust so _slowly_, the heat and humidity between their bodies high, the pleasure so intense it was nearly unbearable. Unused to such contact, Levi keened, his thighs trembling delicately, and unable to help himself, he ground back against Eren. His groin was throbbing, so aroused by seemingly so little, but Eren didn't seem to mind. There was color high in his cheeks, a flush down his neck and chest and he was looking down at Levi like he was the boy's entire world. It was so beautiful, so visceral, that it made Levi's chest ache.

However, looking down at Levi with such reverence made Eren stop moving, and this made the older man squirm restlessly, pleading for _more. _At the sound of his pretty begging, Eren grinned, saying, "You want more, precious? I can give you more. Hmm…would you like my hand on your cock? Would you like me to stroke you until you can't take it anymore? Until you die that little death with me?"

"_Eren!" _Levi cried, his whole body trembling, wanting and wanting and wanting. He was grinding his arousal against his partner's wantonly, every fiber of his being screaming to the boy that yes, he would die over and over again with him if that was what he wanted. Anything Eren wanted, he would do, hopelessly enthralled as he was. Eren grinned down at him again and separated their bodies, but before Levi could protest, he saw the boy's hand travel down between his hips, slipping under his pants, before his warm palm slid over the top of his cock to rest there. Levi gasped, slamming his legs together, never before having felt the touch of another in such an intimate place. He rarely even touched himself, feeling far too much shame when he did, because he could only feel pleasure if he imagined another man's hand instead of his own rather than a woman's.

And then Eren began to _stroke _and _squeeze, _and _grind _his palm against the very tip of his swollen cock, and as a result Levi let his legs gradually fall apart, the boy's name on his lips. He pressed his hips into his partner's hand, pleading with everything he was worth for more, for Eren to stay with him forever, to hold him forever, and he heard blessed assurances being whispered to him that yes, he would hold Levi for as long and as tightly as he pleased, and would bring him as much pleasure as he desired.

Then Levi woke up.

His eyes snapped open with a gasp, and the first thing he became aware of was that his whole body was thrumming, burning and tingling, with the burning being concentrated between his legs. His cock was throbbing terribly, and his thighs were clenched tightly. Had he been rubbing his thighs in his sleep? As he woke up more, he could also swear he had been moaning. Had he been saying Eren's name? His eyes flicked up to his curtains, seeing that light was just barely spilling between them. His thighs were trembling and his whole body was shivering, yet he felt so _hot…_

He could never remember feeling like this, ever in his life.

Yes, he had been aroused before, but never to this degree. He had never _wanted _another person so badly before, never wanted them to touch him, or to touch them himself. Never wanted to kiss them, or to stay with them every waking moment of his life, as well as his moments asleep. He wanted and wanted and _wanted_ with every cell he had, and he didn't know what to do with such an overwhelming feeling.

Those thoughts woke him up fully, and once the sleep began to fade from his mind he was painfully and horribly aware of the state he was in. He sat up abruptly, scared to pull back his blankets, but knowing he had to. When he did, he saw that his cock was completely swollen and hot, the insides of his thighs flushed a deep red as well. Thankfully there was no evidence of release anywhere, but his sense of revulsion was no less great. Feeling dizzy and sick, he leaped out of bed and stumbled across the floor, frantic to make the erection go away as well as somehow quell the fire burning inside of him. He couldn't feel this way about another man, much less someone as innocent and sweet as Eren. He just couldn't. If it were possible, he felt as if he might castrate himself right there in his apartment if that would get rid of the desire he felt. However, he most certainly didn't have those kinds of tools on hand. So instead, he opted for the next best thing. His somewhat fuzzy gaze landed on the icebox, and before he could think about the consequences, and made his over to it, before grabbing a handful of ice, wrapping it up in a cloth, and, sucking in a deep breath, pressing the ice directly onto his groin.

The pain was instantaneous and vicious, and he had to bite his lip hard enough to taste blood in order to muffle the shout of agony that wanted to escape. He fell to his knees, releasing his lip eventually to grit his teeth together until his jaw ached, forehead pressed against the floor. He knew he must look ridiculous, body bent over in half, face contorted in deep pain while he pressed a cloth full of ice to his groin, but what choice did he have? Maybe if he did this for long enough it would damage his genitals to the point that his sex drive would be killed off entirely. Through his pain, he prayed both for this to be true, and for some divine intervention to make it so that he no longer desired Eren or any other man.

"Please," he begged whatever higher power was listening, "just end it all. I can't live like this anymore. I can't…" He paused, a sudden, horrifying epiphany occurring to him. "Oh God, what if I can't see Eren anymore? I don't think I can- no, I can't do that to him. Mikasa said he doesn't like it when people leave him. I just have to control it. I _can_ control it. If I have to do this every time this sort of thing happens, then I will. If I have to ask Dr. Jaeger or Hanji to castrate me, then I will. But I don't…I'm not strong enough to stay away from him."

And that in and of itself was a revelation. Not only did he not want to leave Eren because Mikasa had said he didn't like people doing so, but more than that, when he looked deep inside of himself, he found that he was too weak to pull himself away from the alluring young man. He would just have to do something about his attraction, would have to take drastic measures. Anything, _anything._

His eyes widened as an idea suddenly occurred to him. He knew exactly what he had to do in order to cure this lust for good. Perhaps the reason why he was so turned from women and didn't desire them was because he didn't have any experiences with them. Perhaps…_perhaps…_

Yes, this would work. It had to. If he wanted to have any chance of staying with Eren, this had to work. There was no other option.

And so, the next day after work, Levi bypassed the street where his apartment complex was located and continued on for several more blocks, huddled up against an invisible chill, his insides shivering with nerves. Raised in a strict Christian home, he would have never dreamed of doing something like this. Then again, he would have never dreamed of lusting after men either, and that was an even more perverted sin. It was sick, _he _was sick, and far too nervous to step into a church or admit his illness to a doctor for fear of being admitted to an asylum, he had to cure himself.

Soon enough he found himself in a dirtier area of town, one that the street sweepers rarely reached. He wrinkled his nose, smelling the feces, animal and human, as well as the carcasses, vomit, and general musty odor of the back alleys. It took everything in him not to turn around, but he convinced himself to stay strong, to not tremble and to hold his head high, to act like he belonged there.

In no time at all he reached it, and he knew he had judging by all of the girls with low cut bodices waiting outside, greeting men that were already milling in, greeting them as if they had been there many times before. They probably had. And now Levi was going to be among them, in this place he had heard his college mates speak about but swore himself that he'd never venture into.

But then again, extreme times called for extreme measures, and for someone like Levi, a brothel was about as extreme and as sure of a cure for his disorder as he could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, chapter was inspired by A Million Dreams from Greatest Showman, just pop on that song, it's essentially Eren as Hugh Jackman and Levi as his wife lol. But I'm sorry it took so long to get this out, I've been busy for the past couple of weeks! I'll try and get the next chapter out on time, but I hope you guys enjoy this one!


	4. Without You, I'm Nothing

It took every ounce of Levi's courage to pass through those brothel doors without hesitation, and once he did so, he was met with the stink of cloying perfume and cigar smoke. He sneezed almost as soon as he walked in, holding his hand over his mouth and nose and his eyes watering. How was he supposed to spend the evening in here if the air smelled so bad? The sights weren't much better. This wasn't the fanciest brothel in town, taking more after the slummy English brothels versus the high class French ones, but that was to be expected. The customers in here, like Levi, weren't rich, so the prices these girls charged were all they could afford. So, the floors were dirty, the booze being served was cheap, and the laughter was raucous. There were also more than a few cats sleeping in corners of the floor, meaning the place was most likely home to more than a few rats and mice.

But he couldn't turn away, Levi told himself. He had to do this both for his sake and Eren's. Because he reasoned that perhaps the reason he didn't find women attractive was because he had never slept with one. Men were familiar to him, so maybe that was why he found them more appealing and desired their bodies? Maybe he could get himself to desire a woman's body if only he saw it in the flesh.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he made his way over to what he assumed was some kind of front desk, although that was a bit of a joke. There was a desk alright, but it had more than a few bullet holes that had been shot into it, and the seat the man behind was perched on was a wooden crate that might have once held alcohol turned upside down. Levi ignored the fact that there were many men already petting and pawing at several of the prostitutes in the main front room of the brothel; some had the girls in their laps, others were chatting them up in dark corners. Some even appeared to be playing with their mates in card games, most likely gambling, and each man had a girl sitting beside him. The loud, numerous voices made Levi long for his quiet room or Eren's peaceful barn.

When he stopped at the desk, he got the man's attention by saying, "Excuse me sir. I was wondering if you had any girls available for an hour or so tonight?"

The man looked him up and down. "Only an hour you say?"

Levi's forehead wrinkled as his brows drew together with worry. "Is that not long enough?"

The man gave a wheezy laugh and pulled out a log book, scanning down the list of names he had written there, before replying, "Son, there ain't many your age who can last an hour playing at St. George, but if you think you're up for a tiff, I've got these three girls who aren't engaged right now." He pointed them out in the main room as he said their names. "That blond over there is Lydia, that one with the black hair is Eva, and that one with the feather in her hair sitting on that gentleman's lap is Lottie. Any one of them is going to set you at twenty five dollars for the hour."

Levi had to resist shuddering; that was as much as he paid for a single month's rent. But all he had to do was picture Eren's face in his mind, and he laid the money down on the counter without looking at it. Satisfied, the man took it, nodding, and told him, "Alright, go and choose whoever you'd like."

The younger man stepped out onto the main floor, feeling very much like someone who was going to inspect a horse to decide whether or not he wanted to buy it. So too did he look at these women up and down, perhaps in a way that was over the top critical. It was more difficult than he thought trying to see which of the women found he attractive. Lydia was far too buxom, and he wondered how she could stand up with those breasts at all. Eva was too pale and sickly looking. Oh he was sure they were nice girls, but perhaps just to talk to. In the end, Lottie looked like she might be his best bet. Her skin was a bit darker, healthier, and she had almost no breasts at all. She also had a blinding, cheerful smile on her face, and the way she was interacting with the customers seemed effortless and fluid.

Oh God, he knew why he had chosen her. She looked and acted a lot like Eren.

Levi shook his head. No, he couldn't afford to think like that. He walked as confidently as he could over to the young lady and stood off to the side slightly until she stopped speaking to the other customers and caught sight of him. Her gaze roamed up and down his body, before a large smile curled her dark, shining lips. She hummed appreciatively. "Well hello there, handsome. I don't believe I've ever seen you in here before. What can I do for you?"

He swallowed hard and regarded her steadily. "Lottie, yes? I've been told you're available for an hour or so. If you don't mind, I'd like your company. I've already paid up front."

"Have you now?" she glanced back at the other patrons, including the man whose lap she was sitting on, and she said to that man, "That's certainly more than any of you scoundrels have done."

They laughed in response, and then she looked back up at Levi, her eyes shining, before she told her audience, "Alright then, I suppose I'll be back in an hour. Try not to miss me too much."

The man whose lap she was sitting on squeeze her around her his for a moment, before releasing her. When she stood up, she adjusted her corset, pulling it up as if trying to push up her breasts. However, as Levi noticed before, she hardly had any breasts to push up, and he hoped that would remain true even when she undressed. As she walked in front of him and led him into the back, he shuddered at the thought.

All too soon, she was guiding him into one of the low lit rooms, a room near other rooms where he could clearly hear the sounds of sex leaking from under the doors. He sighed heavily, trying to ignore how much the sounds disturbed him, and followed her in. She shut the door behind them, and while she removed the feather from her hair as well as her jewelry, Levi took in the room. There wasn't much here except for a single dresser and a bed, as well as a mirror. It wasn't fancy at all, more functional than fashionable, about as spare as his own room was at home. He supposed that made sense. No one was going to spend that much time in this room, were they?

He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, watching Lottie take off her over-sized earrings and lay them on the dresser. When she didn't hear him doing anything, she said to him, "You just make yourself comfortable, darling. I'm going to do the same."

"I, well"- Levi stuttered, "I've never done this sort of thing before. I mean, I've never…"

He trailed off, far too embarrassed to even say it. Luckily, Lottie picked up on his meaning, and finished, "Never made a stitch before?"

He shrugged. "Never had sex at all, honestly."

She paused after she put down her second earring, processing what he said. She then turned around, a sultry grin on her face as she made her way over to him, and when she stopped in front of him, she placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it slightly. "Now I can't believe that," she told him, "not with a jawline like that. It's so sharp I could slice carrots with it. You must have girls fanning themselves whenever you pass them."

If he had, he certainly hadn't noticed, and Levi had to keep himself from bursting out laughing. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say. He froze up completely though and gasped when she stroked his cheek delicately and brushed some errant hair behind his ear. God above, her eyes were so close to the color of Eren's, and almost the same shape as well. Her hair was the same shade of chocolate brown as well, and it made his heart thump painfully in his chest.

"Come sit on the bed with me," Lottie told him in a low voice.

Stunned and feeling dumb from his lack of experience, he did as she said, following her without a word and sitting down next to her on the sagging mattress. For a moment, he sat there awkwardly, clearing his throat and placing his hands in his lap, squeezing them between his knees. She raised an eyebrow at him, still smiling kindly, asking, "Did you want to take off my dress? Most men would have had it halfway off by now."

Levi jumped a little bit at that, feeling sweat prickle on the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Oh, was I supposed to do that already?"

She breathed a laugh through her nose, placing a hand on his thigh. Levi looked down at her hand, feeling his skin jump at the feeling of her warm palm in such a sensitive area. He then looked back up her, trying not to let his nervousness show, and then to her shoulders. He took a deep breath, and letting it out shakily, spurred on by her expectant expression, he then began untying her bodice, before trying to slide her dress down off her shoulders.

"I'm not hurting you am I?" he wondered. When her dress would go down her shoulders no further, he paused, unsure of how to continue and then looking up at her helplessly.

She laughed gently, before helping him but standing up and removing her dress. "You are adorable. I've been slapped around and had a man's cod in every single hole I have, and here you are asking if you're hurting me just by taking off my dress. You at least have a woman you're courting, don't you? Because I don't believe someone as sweet as you could possibly be unattached."

He shrugged again, unable to meet her eye. "It's true. I don't really see myself as the courting type."

"Goodness, how many times are you going to say that?" Her petticoats landed on the floor with a soft plop, and Levi swallowed at the sound, feeling his nerves rise. He wasn't sure if she was naked yet or not, but either way he was too scared to look at her. When she saw that his gaze was turned away respectfully, she told him gently, "You can look. I don't mind. I've had many look at me before."

Levi steeled himself. He had never seen a naked woman before, so he supposed this would be the moment of truth. God, he was so scared he could hardly breathe. So, deciding to get it over with he finally lifted his gaze, dark eyes fixing onto her naked body and roaming over it. And he was both shocked and horrified by his own reaction.

He…had _no_ reaction.

Levi blinked a few times. Objectively, she was attractive, she really was, he supposed. She had the small waist, the small hips and the small breasts. She had the smooth skin, the full bottom lip…but it aroused absolutely nothing in Levi. He had heard so many stories from his classmates in school on how just seeing a woman's bare ankles made them feel hot, and here Levi was seeing a woman's entire naked body and he felt _nothing. _Nothing but nervous and uncomfortable. He had a feeling this wasn't going to end well at all, but a niggling voice in his head told him he had to keep trying. So, when she strutted over to him confidently, letting her hips sway, and then eventually sat down on his lap, he let her. However, his arms stayed by his sides, hands clenched into fists, and when she noticed this, she sighed, the corner of her mouth quirking up.

"Relax," she breathed. "You are far too tense, darling. Let me help."

Lottie reached up and began massaging his shoulders, but it did nothing to ease the tension in them. She watched as he pursed his lips together, before suggesting, "You um- maybe it might help if we just jumped into it?"

She raised one shoulder and let it fall in a half shrug, nodding. "Well, since you've never had sex, I can't ask you what you like. So I suppose we can figure it out together, can't we? You don't mind me taking the lead?"

"Not at all. I'd prefer that actually."

"Sounds good to me, sweetie. I don't usually get to take the lead, so this will be fun."

She leaned in towards his face, and Levi leaned away. Seeing this, she stopped, tilting her head in question, and he explained, "I'd rather you didn't kiss me on the lips. I'm- well…" he trailed off, suddenly embarrassed to say anymore.

"Oh," Lottie said, "that's incredibly sweet. You want to save your first kiss for your sweetheart when you meet her?"

"That's- Yes, I'd rather do that, I suppose," he mumbled, face flushing visibly even in the low light.

"You precious little thing," she cooed. "I do hope you meet that sweetheart someday. She'll be lucky to have you. But in the meantime, I suppose I can help you discover what you like so you can coach her on your wedding night."

And with that, she leaned forward again and placed her lips lightly against his neck, brushing them against his skin. The touch was so light that it made Levi shiver, however it was because the movement tickled, not because it felt good. There was a heat rising under his skin, but it felt feverish, not pleasant at all. It only grew when she commanded him quietly, "Put your hands on my waist. Stroke me softly, nice and easy."

Her lips moving against his neck, Levi did as he was asked, moving on autopilot. He found himself staring at the opposite wall over her shoulder, wondering for a brief moment why he had put himself in this mess. Shivers were skittering under his skin and he could feel sweat prickling on his back. He had to resist shifting away, as he still had something to prove. He could do this. _He could do this._

"Move your hands, love. Nice and light, women like to be touched gently," Lottie said, reaching under his coat and shirt to find bare skin. When her hands made contact, his stomach flinched backwards in surprise. He had to remind himself that he couldn't do that, that she would become suspicious eventually, and if she found out…

With that thought in mind, he forced himself to become more enthusiastic, rubbing his hands up and down her back, closing his eyes so he didn't have to look at her. It helped his revulsion slightly, but he couldn't ignore her sigh of pleasure when he started to become a more active participant.

"Lay on your back," she murmured against his damp skin. "I'll undo your pants."

He opened his eyes long enough to do as he was told and watch her crawl up his body, heading towards the waistband of his trousers, before he closed them again. It was too much to look at it, and he felt that if he wasn't careful, he was going to start hyperventilating. His chest was already starting to hurt and his legs were trembling, and he felt as if he was going to start crying. What was wrong with him? Why was he acting like this? This was what men were supposed to desire, he told himself. Every man strove for the touch of a beautiful woman; people had died countless times in history over affairs gone wrong and forbidden relationships because men and women were so driven to be together. So why couldn't he be the same way? Why, why, _why._

He heard the clinking of his belt as it was tugged apart, and soon felt his pants being worked down his thighs. Just when he thought he was about to break down, an unbidden image of Eren appeared behind his closed lids, of his smiling face, his lovely green eyes staring down at him as they had that one afternoon. His dream came rushing back to him against his will, and it only became more vivid when Lottie took him in her mouth and began to suck him off. He gasped sharply, and immediately began wondering…is this what it would feel like if Eren was the one with his cock in his mouth?

Levi exhaled shakily, throwing his arm over his eyes as he fought thinking about the boy at a time like this. But he found that when he did, his panic and revulsion diminished significantly. His pulse still raced, but for an entirely different reason, and yet his body began to relax. The heat beneath his skin became more pleasant, and the clearer Eren became in his mind, the more the heat began to be replaced with that delicious burning. What if it was Eren, fully naked between his legs, calling him the things Lottie had? His mind wandered as it produced the boy's voice and gaze, his lovely, smooth body, his cock swollen with desire for the older man, nipples flushed and hard on his rapidly rising and falling chest. That pretty mouth on his shaft, sucking him enthusiastically, dark hair falling in front of his eyes, humming every once in a while so that the vibrations would intensify the sensation. Levi's mouth ran dry, and he began to arch his back ever so slightly, at last giving in to his fantasy.

"_Does that feel good?" _Eren breathed over his groin, even the air currents stirring Levi up and making his breath hitch. _"Oh that's a yes. Easy sweetheart, I'm going to keep making you feel good, alright?"_

Levi bit his lip, fighting a moan that wanted to escape, but too embarrassed to let it. Eren's voice was so lovely and gentle, his touch so soft and sweet. His expression of pleasure as he took him in his mouth was divine, and it made Levi want to touch him. He reached down with a shaky hand, and with some fumbling, placed his hand on the side of the boy's head, making a few clumsy petting motions. Eren looked up at him, eyes sparkling with mirth, before he lifted his head and leaned into the touch.

"_You know, you'd have better luck if you opened your eyes,"_ the boy said, smiling.

Levi trembled softly, wanting nothing more than to please him. He did as he was asked, wanting to see that pretty face more clearly. However, when he removed his arm and cracked his eyes open, it wasn't Eren that he was looking down at, but Lottie, still enthusiastically sucking him off, her short dark hair falling over her face. It wasn't Eren…oh God, this couldn't-

He couldn't do this.

He sat up in a panic, limbs flailing and breath coming in short, sickening bursts as he cried, "Stop, stop!" Luckily, Lottie immediately ceased her actions and got off of him. Levi could hear her asking if he was alright, but her voice sounded so distant, as if he was listening to it underwater. Besides, he wasn't sure if he was okay; he wasn't sure of anything at that moment, except that his chest hurt, his heart was threatening to fly up and out of his mouth with how hard it was pounding, and his limbs had begun to tingle. More than that, now he was sure that there was no way he could cure his sickness, for even when a woman _had his dick in her mouth_, he found himself unable to think of anyone but his boy.

Oh God, he was so sick, the worst kind of sinner. Even when he was sinning in a whorehouse, he couldn't stop other sins even worse from entering his mind.

"Levi," Lottie was asking from beside him, clearly too afraid to touch him again. "Talk to me, darling. What's the matter? You look like you're going to be ill."

"I'm- I'm…" Levi stuttered, panting, bent over double as sweat dripped down his brow. "Give me a moment."

She did so, watching him with concern the entire time. With shaky hands he eventually gained control over himself enough to pull his trousers back up and zip them up, deciding he would most definitely need a thorough shower later on. Seeing that he still wouldn't even look at her, Lottie decided it might be wise if she covered up, and she did so, pulling on a robe that was laying on the pillows. Once she tied it shut, her hands hovered over his shoulders, still hesitating to touch him, before she finally let them rest there. When he didn't react, she rubbed a hand up and down his back carefully, as if he was made of glass.

"Do you want some water?" she asked. Levi shook his head.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, still trying to gain control over his breathing. He clutched at his chest with one hand. "I'll bet you've never had a client do that before."

"Actually, I have," she admitted. A wry smile made its way on her face. "He turned out to be one of those and that's why he freaked out over seeing me naked. I guess he chose me because I had a body that was close enough to a man's, and well…" She paused, nothing how Levi's breathing had hitched and how he had gone completely stiff. Had she said something wrong? Or perhaps…something that had hit a little too close to home?

No matter how he tried to talk himself through it, Levi just couldn't stop shaking. Oh God, did she _know? _If she knew then there was no doubt in his mind that she would go to the authorities and he'd be thrown in jail. He hadn't committed any crimes, but there was no way she knew that. His life was over, this was it. He opened his mouth, about to go on the offensive, before she cut him off.

"I my opinion, it was rather sad what he did," Lottie continued, sitting back on her heels. Levi was so surprised by her words that he found himself looking up at her, hair covering one of his eyes from her view and small strands sticking to his forehead. She offered him a benign smile, and continued, "I could tell he was trying to cure himself, but he made himself so miserable that I don't think it was worth it. I know what society says, and I agree with them to a certain extent, but at the same time I don't considering I've seen what happens when people try to deny their true selves, and I don't like seeing people so unhappy. So, I hope he finds someone that makes him happy and no one finds out about his secret."

She looked at him meaningfully as she said those things, and Levi picked up on her double meaning, understanding that she meant them for him as well. He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering under the weight of her words and his own anxiety, dearly wishing he could disappear.

"Thank you for being so kind," he said eventually in a raspy voice, and then rifled around in his pockets, pulling out a few dollars and placing them on her lap. "And for putting up with me."

Lottie's eyes widened, and she shook her head, saying, "Oh no, I couldn't possibly take"-

"I insist," Levi pressed, taking his hand off the money. "Good advice like yours rarely comes around. I hope someday you meet someone as well who can pull you out of this awful place so more people can be inspired by your wisdom."

At that, her eyes filled with tears, and soon both of them were crying, but smiling as well. From then on, he liked to believe that it was fate that had brought the two of them together for that night, for it gave him an extra boost of courage that he sorely needed. And Lottie was reminded that kindness did indeed exist among men, and whether they were attracted to women or other men was of no consequence to someone like her. For if there was anything life had taught her, it was that all that mattered was someone's heart, for a kind heart in a cruel world was a far greater treasure than following society's morals.

000

Mikasa had known the minute Eren hadn't shown up for dinner that night that something was very wrong, as he was always the first one there so that he could avoid eating with their father. So, when his seat remained empty, she knew she was going to have to go looking for him. The problem was he could be hiding anywhere in any of the hundreds of rooms in this mansion. However, as she wandered the hallways with a candle in hand, she had a feeling of where he might be, as this was one of the places he tended to come to when things "went bad" with him, and lo behold, there he was, huddled up in the window seat of his mother's old room. He was hugging his knees tightly to his chest, chin resting on top of them. His expression was worryingly pensive, as when Eren thought too hard about things, they were usually bad thoughts. He had learned long ago to not express these thoughts to his father, because whenever he did, Dr. Jaeger became agitated and afraid, saying that he was just like his mother. And that meant…

She sighed, carefully shutting the door behind her and coming over to stand next to him. He didn't even acknowledge her presence, though he had to have heard her come in. Hesitantly, she put a hand on his shoulder, and when he had no reaction still, she asked, "Tell me what's on your mind. You know I'm not like father. Whatever it is, I won't ask to have you thrown in an asylum."

Eren remained silent, however, continuing to stare out the window, the moon reflecting in his glassy eyes. She gave him a slight shake, thinking maybe he had just spaced out and that's why he hadn't answered. "Come on Eren. You know I don't think you're crazy, just hurt. And I don't blame you. Losing mom was hard on all of us. I just want to know what's wrong so I can help."

"…he hates me," Eren mumbled in a quiet, raspy voice, so quiet in fact that she had to lean in to hear his response. "I know he does."

"Who, father?" Mikasa wondered. "No he doesn't, you're his son, he's"-

"Levi," he cut her off. "He hates me."

"That's not true," she insisted, looking down at what she could see of his face. "You've been nothing but kind to him every time the two of you have met up."

He scoffed, turning away from her a little more. "He hates me, I know he does."

"And what makes you say that?"

"It's Friday. He always comes over on Fridays. And today he didn't. So he's never coming back again. I blew it, I know I did. I got too touchy with him, like you always say I do with my male friends, and it scared him away." He gripped the sides of his head, digging his fingers into his hair and pulling at the strands, curling up even further into himself. "Why am I like this? Why can't I get anyone to stay no matter what I do? Everyone always leaves…mom, then Levi, now you'll leave once you realize"-

"Eren, enough. You know that won't happen. I love you, Levi cares for you deeply, and father loves you too, he just has a different way of showing it. No one is going to leave you."

"You'll all leave me…and then father will have me thrown in an asylum when he sees what a sinner his son is."

She tilted her head, eyes narrowing in confusion. Sinner? What did he mean by that? Yes her adopted brother was a bit odd, but he was no sinner. He was kind, he went to church…did he mean that he didn't obey their father? But many children rebelled against their parents. She sighed, running a comforting hand through his hair. "Father isn't going to send you to an asylum, I promise you."

"Yeah, because that would be an embarrassment to the family," Eren finally said bitterly. He kept his gaze fixed firmly on the window, though Mikasa could see where his grip had tightened on his knees. "Father would more than likely lock me up in one of these rooms and tell everyone I had run away rather than do that."

She didn't reply, because deep down, in her heart of hearts, she feared it might be true. It had happened to a couple of their father's friends where they had locked up a family member in their homes when they began showing signs of insanity. But Eren wasn't insane, just grieving.

Right?

"I hate myself," he said, and Mikasa was shocked to hear how strained his voice sounded. Sure enough, there were tears glimmering in his eyes. "I hate myself so much. I'm too scared to let Levi into my life, but I can't breathe at the thought of him going away. I'd do anything so that he'll like me, anything to keep him happy."

Ah. That must have been why Eren was offering Levi so many gifts, she figured. He felt that insecure that he felt he had to buy people's affections now. It was so different from how he used to be, trusting people so easily, not caring if they liked or disliked him. Her poor brother. When he did become attached to someone, he attached himself firmly, loving hard with no regard for the consequences. And now he had unfortunately paid them in full.

"If Levi ended up hating me…I don't think I'd be able to handle it," he told her, his eyes still staring out the window but not seeing what was in front of him. "I care about him more than I have about anyone in a long time. I might just…"

"…Might just what?" she asked hesitantly.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "It's just- it's hard living sometimes, isn't it?"

Something cold grip Mikasa's chest and she felt short of breath. "Eren…"

"No, it's nothing. Nothing at all…"

He trailed off, and when she tried to get him to speak again, he remained silent, leaving that cold shiver in her heart as she wondered just what he meant by those words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, because they'll be appearing again in the next chapter, just curious as to who knows what the modern day name for the Poltalloch terrier is without looking it up. As a hint, they're the face of a famous brand of dog food. Lol I've also had two of them in my life, so I had to include them in this fic. Thanks for reading everyone! Also, if any of you are curious about the slang, it goes as follows:
> 
> Playing at St. George: A sex position where the girl is on top, like St. George being on top of the dragon when he defeated it.
> 
> A tiff: A quickie
> 
> Making a stitch: Having an affair
> 
> Cod: Penis


	5. Perhaps

On his way home from the brothel, even just thinking about spending the night alone in his dark, empty apartment after what he had just went through sent Levi into fits of panic, and he had to walk along quickly, praying he wouldn't attract the attention of any passersby. Though the night was warm, he just couldn't stop shivering, and he still felt extremely queasy. Also God only knew what time it was, and wandering around at night on these streets was making him feel even more anxious than usual.

This wasn't good, this was far from good. He hated these panic attacks with everything he had, for nothing was worse than feeling like you were dying and there was no one there to comfort you through it. His chest still hurt and his legs were still tremoring, barely able to help him take the necessary steps forward out of the alley. He didn't want to go home, oh no, no he didn't want that. He didn't want to be alone during this, even though he had spent many of them alone before, having no choice but to in the past. Hanji was all he had left now that his parents were gone, and she lived too far away for him to just walk there like this. Besides, he would feel horrible bothering her this late at night. But if he went home, he would just pace across his floor all night, or feel the need to come back outside and walk until his legs couldn't carry him another step. He bit his lip, holding down a groan of frustration.

It was at times like this that more than anything, he desired a strong, safe pair of arms to hold him, a chest to bury his face into so he could hide from the world, and a quiet voice to put good images in his head so that he had something else to focus on rather than how out of control he felt. More than anything…someone, _anyone. _He just didn't want to be alone anymore. Being in the dark and being alone where his own personal nightmare come to life, and if he didn't get off these streets soon…

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him with so much force that he actually stopped for a moment in the middle of the cobblestone street. But no, he couldn't. He just….but, he really, _really _didn't want to be alone right now.

Still, a traitorous little voice kept whispering to him that Eren's place might be a nice place to crash tonight.

The more he thought about it though, especially to his terrified mind, the better it sounded. Even better, he figured the mansion itself would be locked up at that point, so he wouldn't have to actually bother Eren or his family, though a small secret part of him fantasized about climbing into the boy's bed and curling up against him. He was sure if he felt his warmth and focused on his scent, his panic would diminish in no time. But of course that was as unobtainable as believing that he would actually become a successful author. However, he reasoned with himself, he could probably at least sneak into the Jaeger's stables and seek refuge among the animals. That might not be so bad either, and he supposed the company of creatures was better than nothing.

So, without even realizing that his feet were indeed already taking him in that direction, Levi began to head to the Jaeger's estate. To anyone who happened to be looking outside their window, he looked like a lost soul, a ghost moving awkwardly along the lamp-lit streets, steadily putting one foot in front of the other until he found his salvation. Though the mansion was far, it wasn't as far as Hanji's place was, and luckily just as he crossed that threshold from inside of town to the glossy green hills of the countryside, he could see it rising up out of the dark, practically holding its arms out to him, begging him to fall into them. However, just the sight of it gave him the strength he needed to cover that last bit of distance towards the estate, and in no time, the barn greeted him like an old friend.

Praying that none of the barn staff were in the barn itself, Levi managed to pull the heavy door open just enough for him to sneak in before pulling it closed behind him. It was rather dark in there of course, and he didn't dare to turn on any of the lamplights. So, he felt his way around, allowing his eyes to adjust to the dark and relying heavily on the moonlight that was shining through the numerous windows. Eventually, he reached his destination, which happened to be Eren's art studio slash dog kennel, figuring if he couldn't see Eren that night, being surrounded by some of the things he loved the most would be a good second. However, the moment the dogs heard his footsteps clicking against the hard floor, they roused themselves and began doing small, warning "boofs" that threatened to turn into full blown barks. So, Levi quickly hurried over to their kennels and began to shush them, leaning over their short stall doors and putting his hands in so that they could sniff him.

"Shh, puppies be quiet, it's just me," he whispered loudly. "Don't bark, please don't bark. I don't need the staff throwing me out, it's okay."

Once they recognized his voice and smell, their demeanor changed immediately. Their ears went flat against their skulls and their tails began wagging, adults and puppies and all, all of them hopping up on their doors, nails scratching the wood. He laughed softly, the panic subsiding the tiniest bit in his chest and he went from kennel to kennel, leaning in and petting each one, accepting the kisses on his hands as they all begged for attention.

"You guys don't mind if I spend the night with you tonight, do you?" he asked. When their tails continued to wag, he continued, "Alright, who wants to have me as a roommate then?"

He made his way into Willa's kennel, and before he could even shut the door behind him both she and her puppies were crawling up his legs. He laughed as he latched the stall door and carefully made his way in, though it was hard not to step on anyone as they were so underfoot. When he found a dry spot to lay down on, he kneeled down, and they all nearly lost their minds, jumping up on him with their tails wagging a mile a minute. A few of the puppies already began tugging on his clothes, squigging his sleeves.

"Not tonight, it's too late to play," he told them gently. That didn't stop them from trying to get him to though when he laid down fully in the soft sawdust. They crawled all over his body, licking his face and being as annoying as little gnats, making his scrunch up his face and insistently telling them that it was time to sleep. Eventually, they seemed to get the message when he ignored them for long enough, and when they calmed down, they all curled up around him, becoming several little white piles against his chest and near his face, Willa even crawling up to drape herself on his side. They kept him warm through the night and reassured him with physical contact, and even though it took him hours to even start dozing, the comfort that they provided him with was immeasurable.

And that was the position that Eren happened to find him in when he entered the barn just a few couple of hours later, right as the sun began to appear over the hills in the distance.

He entered his studio as he usually did, carrying his own recipe for dog kibble and shaking it around in its container, making the food rattle around. He called out, "Hey pup pups, who's hungry?" and Willa's kennel happened to be the one he stepped into first. Of course, he was definitely not expected to find a person in there, and he started at first, heart jumping into his throat. He calmed down though when he processed the person's face, and then became concerned of course when he figured out that Levi was indeed here laying in his dog's kennel instead of in his own apartment.

"Levi?" he called just loud enough to hopefully rouse him. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

At the sound of Eren's voice, Levi jolted awake, sitting up before he was even fully conscious. At the change in position, his head started pounding, and with a groan he pressed his palm against his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut with a soft groan. Seeing that, Eren put the food down and joined him inside of the kennel. He knelt down beside him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him against him. Levi's head only pounded more when blood filled his cheeks at the close contact, but at the same time, he couldn't help but lean into it ever so subtly, mentally trying to erase Lottie's touch and replace it with Eren's. His mind filled with his fantasy at the brothel, of having Eren between his legs and sucking him off, and he bit his lip. Surrounded as he was by the boy's musky scent, feeling his warmth bleed through his clothes and permeating his skin, he found himself groaning again as blood delicately began to pulse and settle between his legs. However, luckily, it was easy enough to pass off the groan as another sound of pain, and he found himself leaning a bit more heavily against him.

"Sorry," Levi said hoarsely. "I had a bad night. I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want to disturb you either, so I came in here."

Eren was silent for a minute as he, contemplated what he had just said and, bless him, began to pet Levi's head, running his fingers through his hair, as if to soothe the headache he suspected the older man had. It wasn't totally false; thanks to his severe lack of sleep and still shuddering nerves, he felt like he had a hangover, despite the fact that his traitorous body also thought that just because Eren was touching him so innocently that it should prepare him for sex as well. It was sad that that was how infatuated he was with Eren and how desperate he was for any small touch, that even having his head petted while he felt ill was arousing to him. He shifted, pressing his legs together.

"You poor darling," Eren cooed, and oh, Levi's heart fluttered like mad. "You could have come in, you know. I would have fixed you up with a bed."

_Could I have gotten in your bed? _Levi wondered to himself. "I'm sorry." He tried to ignore how his heart pounded a little harder at the fact that Eren had called him "darling," something of course male friends simply didn't say to each other. It was an odd thing to say to him, but he certainly wasn't going to correct him.

"No, no, now shush, I won't hear any of that. Come in right now. I'll fix you some breakfast and you can have a shower. You smell like dog and cigars and perfume. Heavens, were you out partying last night?"

He began to help him up, Levi leaning heavily against him, partially because he felt dizzy, and partially because it was physically impossible for him to separate himself from that comforting warmth. "It wasn't a very fun party," he said wryly once they were standing, one of his arms slung over Eren's shoulders. Eren rolled his eyes.

"Of course it wasn't, because you weren't having it with me in my barn. Those are the most fun parties," the boy explained.

He then gently guided his older charge out of his studio and into the front part of the barn, one step at a time, Levi being thankful above all else that Eren didn't ask questions. He might have wanted to, but he could tell he wanted to get Levi settled and comfortable far more than satisfy his curiosity about what had made him so upset that he would rather sleep in a dog kennel than his own bed at home. They did get some odd looks from some of the barn staff, but they wisely minded their own business, cleaning out stalls and feeding the horses. He did hear Eren ask one of them if they wouldn't mind putting kibble in his dogs' bowls and that he would be down later to take care of the rest of their needs, but other than that, all he could focus on was his pounding head and his awkward arousal in spite of the fact that physically otherwise he felt miserable. This was awful. Was he so deprived of physical contact and desperate for Eren's touch that even something like this was enough to make him beg for the boy to slam him against a wall and kiss him until Levi was seeing stars? When having a woman suck him off the night before wasn't enough to so much as raise a tiniest bit of interest in him?

He really was a sinner through and through. He knew this, and yet why was it so hard for him to accept?

Levi sighed, deciding he would ponder it when he could actually think straight. Right now, he would just accept Eren's comfort. He let himself be led into the main house, too tired to feel embarrassed about the fact that his miserable plebian self was touching the fancy floor of the mansion. Well then, that's how he knew he was well and truly exhausted, that and his vision was beginning to pulse black around the edges.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather go straight to bed for now," the older man found himself muttering. "I'm too tired to eat."

It obviously wasn't a total lie, but he left out the fact that his nerves in his chest and stomach were still acting up far too much for him to even think about keeping about keeping anything down. Eren smiled down at him, benignly. Did he know that Levi wasn't telling the whole truth? Most likely, he seemed pretty perceptive. But still, all he said was, "Alright then. I'll find something more comfortable for you to sleep in. We can save the shower and the meal until later. I know how it feels to be so exhausted you can barely stand yourself. Come now, just a little further."

Levi grunted a response, barely aware of what happened from then on. He vaguely remembered passing through a single large door, of Eren sitting him down on a bed, and then him blinking. He didn't remember Eren leaving the room, or him returning with a night shirt, and when he heard the boy ask him if he was alright, it sounded like he was speaking underwater. Feeling himself sway, he barely had enough consciousness left to change, not registering that Eren was indeed still there as he removed his clothes and put the shirt on. He didn't notice the boy's reddened face, nor his halted, mumbled instructions for Levi to get into bed before he passed out because Eren didn't want to have to drag his body up to the bed himself. Well, Levi didn't need to be told twice. Eyes feeling heavier than cement blocks, he pulled his heavy self towards the open blankets and collapsed, head luckily landing on the pillow. He didn't even notice when Eren pulled the blankets over him, but he did notice when his back began to retreat from the room, and upon noticing that, he was pushed into a partial harsh awareness that was almost painful and made his anxiety flare.

Without thinking, he found himself saying, "Wait…please stay. Just until I fall asleep. I can't- I'm sorry, I can't be alone right now."

Eren turned around slowly, his expression open with surprise, but it was only there for a moment, before his usual smile returned, and he answered, "Of course."

Levi watched him sit down on the bed near his feet, and kept his eyes on him right until they closed. He did notice briefly that the boy was staring at the wall across the room, and was he seeing things or did his body look more stiff than usual? Unfortunately, he was asleep before he could fully process, question, or come to a conclusion over the reason for his body language. His breathing evened out in the space of five minutes, and soon he was so deep in sleep that Eren could have shouted across the room and Levi wouldn't have heard him.

Once he was certain his friend was out cold, Eren still didn't move, didn't even look at him. He began bouncing one of his legs, feeling that he should definitely leave, as Levi didn't need him there anymore, but something kept him rooted to that bed. That something was the occupant of the bed, of course. What if he woke up the moment he stood up? He had seemed so unsettled when Eren had first found him in the barn, so afraid…no, he couldn't resist moving just yet and risk him waking up and becoming scared again. Whatever had happened to make his friend that afraid, or _who_ever had done that to him, oh, Eren would fix them good.

But that wasn't the only problem, he realized rapidly. The other reason, well, he tried to resist for as long as he could, but unfortunately his eyes couldn't help but be drawn to Levi's sleeping form. And oh. _Oh. _Levi was far, far beyond beautiful as he laid there in that bed. He was positively angelic, otherworldly. Eren felt his heart skip a beat as his gaze traveled up and down his body, from his toes to his head, following the dips, curves, and peaks of that small body. It didn't help that Levi's rear was closest to Eren, the roundest part of it pushing against the thin blankets, looking sinfully soft and begging to be touched. The boy took a deep breath to steady himself, for far more attractive was his friend's deeply relaxed face. His expression was smooth, lips parted, and with all the tension gone from him, he looked like a young school-aged boy once more. He was so precious, all wrapped up, safe and warm, in Eren's home. So special, and he looked so very vulnerable. He felt a surge of protectiveness flood through him, along with something far more sinister.

_Desire._

Eren was very much attracted to men, just like Levi was. However, the difference was that he had come to accept that part of himself many years ago. When you were gifted with money and privilege, somehow, it came easier, as he could get away with many more illicit activities that allowed him to explore his sexuality. He was able to meet others that validated his feelings and let him know that he wasn't alone, so while he knew it was wrong, he found himself not caring nearly as much as he should. However, Levi was an innocent; he couldn't involve him in his world. But, from the minute he met him at his father's party, Eren knew that might be impossible to accomplish. He was helplessly enthralled by the older man, deeply so, more than he had ever been by anyone he had ever been involved with. It was already terribly difficult now to resist him when he was so close. He sighed again, standing up, figuring he should leave the room before he did something stupid, like touch the warm skin of Levi's face or hand, just to see if it was as soft as it looked.

Yet, before he could leave the room, he heard Levi give a tiny moan, perhaps sensing that his friend was indeed leaving. And the sound was so pitiful that it froze both Eren's body and heart. He turned back around, seeing that the other man's forehead was wrinkled with worry, and following his sympathy, he returned to his side and began running his fingers through his hair.

"Shh, shh," he whispered. "You're not alone, Levi. You're not alone. I'll protect you from now on, sweetheart."

What was with him? He never used these cute pet names with anyone, unless they did something that endeared him to them, and they were almost always men. Men he was attracted to. He shook his head at himself. No, he couldn't involve Levi in his lifestyle, as it was quite dangerous, though it shouldn't be. What were he and his friends hurting, really? Still, he couldn't help but let his fingers linger a little longer. His whole hand tingled and his blood thrummed. Levi's skin was so warm and soft, and soon he grew quiet again and a small smile appeared on his face as Eren stroked his cheek, and _oh, _the boy clutched at his chest right over his heart. It was too cute, too much for him to stand at that moment. He had to leave, had to leave right now, the affection he felt was too much for him to contain.

He had to leave the room before he leaned over and kissed him.

Snatching his hand back, Eren held it against his chest and without a glance back, he left the room. But even when he was on the other side of the door, he couldn't erase the sight of Levi's peaceful face from his mind, nor the feeling of his soft hair caressing his fingers.

Eren squeezed his eyes shut as his own helplessness registered. He was in deep, so deep. And he didn't see a way to get out of his infatuation with his friend.

000

A few hours later that Eren tried to fill with taking care of his dogs and riding one of the horses managed to dull the fire of his attraction to Levi for a bit, but the minute he put his horse away and knocked on the other man's door, the fire flared right back up just as strongly when he caught sight of him sitting up on the edge of the bed. The bright sun of mid-afternoon was streaming in through the open window, illuminating him in a soft glow. He was stretching and yawning, his hair tousled, looking sleepy, windblown and warm. He ran a hair through his hair, pushing it out of his face, and then rubbed at his eyes. He yawned again, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Eren stood there in the doorway, shutting his eyes against the little explosions that were going off in his entire being at the sight. Levi was just too adorable without even knowing. It was going to be far harder to resist him than he thought.

The other man didn't even notice that he was in the room until he heard the clicking of Eren's shoes on the polished floor as he made his way towards the bed. When he looked up at him with half-lidded, heavy eyes and a tired little smile on his face, the boy felt his heart throb in his chest.

"N'afternoon," he said softly.

_God don't make me kiss you,_ Eren thought, and then said out loud as brightly as he could, "Well good afternoon, Master Ackerman. You slept well I take it?"

"Very well. And yet for some reason I'm still so tired," he admitted, leaning his body against the boy's.

Okay, now he had to be doing this on purpose. Eren's heart skipped more than one beat when he registered that they were now touching from shoulder to thigh, Levi's body indeed very warm with sleep, that heat bleeding through his thin nightclothes and even through Eren's clothes, settling into his very bones. Levi probably wasn't very aware of what he was doing though, half asleep as he was. He sighed, clenching his fists at his sides, holding himself back from brushing some of that hair out of his face and tucking it behind his ear.

"Well, perhaps you'll perk up if we get you something to eat?" he suggested. "Follow me to the kitchen. I'll make something for you."

"Mmm, or I could make something," Levi tried to argue, but the boy wasn't having it.

"Absolutely not. You're my guest, and I'll not have any guest of mine doing any work. Besides, just because I'm rich doesn't mean I've forgotten how to cook."

Another little smile, and Eren quickly decided he was going to do anything he could to keep putting that smile there on his face, as it was easily one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen in his life. He carefully stood up, taking Levi's hands and helping to pull him to his feet. He then listened as he slowly shuffled out of the room behind Eren, still yawning once in a while, but waking up the more they went along. Luckily, the kitchen wasn't terribly far away, and though the actual place where they ate was in a completely different room, it might be fun to break the rules and eat in here for once. Eren gestured for Levi to pull up a stool and sit, which he complied to, folding his hands and placing them in his lap.

"Do you mind scrambled eggs with some salt and pepper?" the boy asked.

Levi shook his head. "Sounds wonderful."

Eren then started puttering around, pulling things out from nooks and crannies and placing them on the counter, things that had nothing to do with the making of scrambled eggs, like toast and strawberries. Maybe he was planning on making Levi more food than he had let on but hadn't said anything so that he couldn't refuse it if it was placed in front of him. Truth be told, Eren thought Levi was far too skinny. Did the poor man even eat? He had seen his ribs when he changed into his nightclothes before and it broke the boy's heart. It was uncalled for. He would bring Levi sprawling meals every day if he had to, if it would put meat on his bones.

"I feel like I'm always your guest," Levi said quietly. "Maybe sometime I could have you over to my place? I mean, it's not much, especially since I know what you're used to, but I could make you dinner as a thank you for all you've done for me today."

Eren hated hearing that doubt in his voice, that fear that somehow his home or his food would be inferior to him just because the boy had grown up with money. Ridiculous. He held back from scoffing, but just barely. In reality, it didn't matter what he and Levi did; the fact that the other man wanted to invite him into his home and have dinner with him made him want to weep with happiness. Eventually he replied, "Dinner sounds lovely. I'd like that very much."

And then a second later, his face blazed bright red, and he was very thankful that Levi couldn't see it since his back was turned to him. Oh God, Levi had invited him to _dinner._ This was a date, wasn't it? Eren's excited heart pleaded for it to be so.

Too afraid to open his mouth just in case his elation voiced itself in the form of a banshee scream from the rooftops that went along the lines of, _"I have a date with Levi Ackerman!" _he kept silent, busying himself with cooking. Levi did the same, twiddling his thumbs awkwardly in his lap, a question suddenly burning on his tongue, but he was too afraid to ask it, too nervous about how Eren would react.

But well…he had to know.

"Eren, um…?" he began.

"Yes?"

"I only ask because I know how it feels to a certain extent, but I uh…what, um, what happened to your mom?"

Eren paused in what he was doing, his back straightening up and stiffening slightly. Levi flinched. He was right, this had been a mistake, and he began apologizing. "Never mind, I'm sor"-

"My father was the one who decided to have her thrown in the asylum," the boy cut him off, his tone even and oddly matter of fact, "because he caught her at a party kissing another woman."

The silence that followed was deafening, ringing in Levi's ears. His mouth fell open, and as much as he wanted to ask him to continue, he was also too afraid of what he would say. Luckily, Eren kept bustling around, frying and toasting over the open flame of the oven, and speaking, as if he was dying to tell someone the whole story.

"There were other reasons to, but that was the last straw. It was a party held at a mutual acquaintance's house. I suppose it was a private party, because all the guests were women, and they were all dancing together. There were others kissing too…I guess a friend of my father's tipped him off and he caught them.

"Before then though my mom had other problems too. She would have full on conversations with the empty air sometimes, and when we asked who she was talking to, she said she was talking to her mother, but her mother had died years ago. I suppose she was talking to her ghost. I know she was really attached to her and it devastated her when she died, and she was never the same after that. As a result she held onto me and Mikasa extra tightly, was always so afraid she was going to lose us too. But instead it looks like we were the ones that lost her. She didn't last very long in the asylum though, only about a year before they told us she passed away after getting sick. It was- God, it was so hard. She was everything to me, Levi. I would have done anything for her, and I made it my purpose to take care of her since my father obviously no longer wanted to. And when he took that away from me, well, it just became another reason for me not to forgive him."

The whole time he spoke, Levi grew more and more devastated on the boy's behalf. He dearly wanted to touch him, to comfort him somehow, as the pain of the loss over his own mother sparked up again just hearing his story. He clutched at his heart, bunching up the fabric of his nightshirt in his fist. He shook his head, saying slowly, "Eren, that's- I would have never"-

To his surprise, he shrugged, turning off the oven and beginning to put everything on a plate. He then turned around, holding as Levi suspected a couple plates full of eggs and toast piled with strawberries. He handed one to him, before crouching down in front of him. He said simply, "I know people say I haven't been the same since she passed away, and they're right. I have a hard time trusting that people aren't going to leave me. I get attached to people too hard and too fast. But…I'm trying to control it. I just, I suppose, need someone else to focus all that love on that I have built up inside me. I need someone to take care of again. Maybe that's why I started taking care of my pups, and why I suddenly got way more involved in taking care of the horses. They need me. I guess…I just need someone else to need me as much as I need them."

Levi gazed at him steadily for a couple of moments, and Eren met his eyes. The eye contact was intense but brief, as if they were searching each other souls but afraid that they would find the answers to their questions hiding there.

Afraid that they might find much more than they were prepared to see there.

Levi was the first to look away, making a show of purposefully picking at his eggs with his fork, and telling the other man as he looked down at his plate, "Well Eren, you're a very charming, kind young lad. It shouldn't be hard for you to find someone like that someday. Perhaps sooner than you think."

The boy had to fight down a blush at his praise, and instead fidgeted by patting at his knees and chewing on his lower lip. He didn't really have an answer to that, too afraid that if he opened his mouth he would say something stupid like, "Perhaps he's sitting right in front of me right now eating sloppily scrambled eggs with too much salt on them." So instead, he nodded stiffly, a small flame of desire flickering inside of him, a flame he knew could very easily turn into a raging fire if he wasn't careful, otherwise, it might consume both of them.

Yet, when he looked deep inside himself, Eren realized he had very little willpower to stop it. And what willpower he did possess was in danger of being burned away as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for anyone wondering what kinds of dogs Eren has in this fic, their modern day name is the West Highland White Terrier, a breed that's classified as being super stubborn, the friendliest of the terriers, and exceedingly cute. They're also amazing ratters and overall pest controllers, and even over a hundred years later that instinct is still strong in them. They're the mascot for Ceaser's dog food if you want to know what they look like! I've actually had a couple over my life, and my mom has one now. She and our previous Westie are the inspiration for the antics of these puppies lol. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!


	6. Fireflies

For the rest of the day, after Levi had washed and dressed in some of Eren's clothes, almost all of which he had to roll up because the pants and shirt sleeves were too long for him, he accompanied his host wherever he went on Eren's invitation. First, they went to a job that the younger boy was scheduled to carry out that day. It was a routine cleanup of a large farm in which they would be required to check on the rodent population as well as get rid of any ones they saw.

However, this was a special occasion, and Eren was very glad he had Levi's help.

"When we get there," he explained on the carriage ride over, all four adult dogs crowding around him on the seats, their tails wagging with anticipation, "you're going to monitor the little critters in that basket."

Levi looked down into the basket in his lap where ten little faces from all three litters looked up at him. Their eyes were bright, their tongues were hanging out as they peered over the basket to see where they were going, Levi having to push them back down when they tried to crawl out. Some of their ears were beginning to prick up already, which he supposed made sense. Eren said they were close to being old enough to be separated from their mothers, which was part of the reason why they coming with them on this trip.

"I want to see which of the pups are the most keen on what the older dogs are doing," Eren explained. "So while I'm working, you keep a watch on these little guys. Keep them near the action, and see which ones seem to be paying the most attention. Whichever ones are the gamest dogs I'm probably going to keep and train as ratters, or sell to my friends who also do this kind of work. The ones that aren't as game I'll sell as pets. I already have buyers picked out." Then he added with a wink, "And of course one is reserved for you. A game pup or a pet, whichever one you'd like. I'll let you have the first pick."

Levi met his eyes, seeing that he was smiling cheerily. The older man couldn't help but smile back, dipping his head a moment later when he felt his stomach begin to tingle and heat rise into his cheeks. "You're too kind."

"Only the best for my good friends," Eren said as he reached across and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it firmly. Levi's smile only grew, a warm glow filling his chest, trying to show him that the action was welcome and appreciated with nothing but that smile and the crinkling of his eyes at the corners. It was amazing how the tiniest of touches from his friend inspired the biggest feelings inside of him, feelings he was trying to teach himself to embrace and cling to rather than fear, but it was so very difficult.

His smile dropped as he gazed down at the puppies, wishing he didn't have to fight against his own mind. At this point, his heart wished he could accept Eren as more than a friend, but his mind still latched onto his own self-revulsion, societal expectation, and his parent's religious teachings being pounded into his head, telling him that this was wrong and shameful, not to mention illegal. Little did he know that Eren was still staring at him, trying to analyze his expression.

Why had Levi looked so happy when he touched him one moment and then so miserable the next? He wasn't trying to pull away, or telling him to stop touching him, so maybe he was upset for a different reason? Maybe he could try and ask.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently, dipping his head so that Levi was forced to meet his eyes again. "You can tell me anything. We're friends. You're practically my best mate. Whatever it is, I won't laugh."

Heavens, those green eyes were so deep and earnest, practically reaching inside of him and dragging the words out of him. _I've fancied men for a decade now and I've never fallen harder for another human being as hard as I've fallen for you. _He pursed his lips to try and hold them back, talking himself through the urge not to turn away from the piercing sweetness of his friend's gaze. It was so intense, so heart-breakingly earnest that he couldn't handle it. The only reason he found the strength not to open his mouth and spill the truth was because he knew if he did, Eren would never speak to him again.

So, he held his gaze, and shook his head, maintaining the benign smile. "I'm fine."

Eren took a second to process his words, before he leaned back, holding back a sigh, and instead replied, "Well if you ever decide you're not, I'm here, yeah?"

Levi's heart trembled, and his hands tightened on the handles of the basket. One of the puppies licked his hand, sensing his tension, the only form of kindness he felt he could accept at that moment that wouldn't break his resolve.

"I know. Thank you."

Later, when they did reach the farm, Levi was treated with the sight of Eren in one of his elements; working with his dogs. The dogs themselves were fun to watch as well. From the minute they burst from the carriage, they were ready to work, noses to the ground, following behind their master. Levi in turned followed behind all of them with the basket, finding a good place to sit down near where Eren set to work after speaking with the farmer. Since most of the ground was dusty, Levi set down a blanket in his chosen spot before sitting on top of it.

Before long, Eren began asking farm hands to help him lift hay bales or piles of timber, or even shoveling holes in piles of manure, any place where the rats might be hiding. And when they lifted the objects, the rats would scatter, causing Levi to jump. The puppies did in their basket as well, but for a completely different reason. Some of them remained calmly seated, but several of them jumped to attention, seeing the rats racing around and hearing their parents barking excitedly. Levi heard Eren's cries of encouragement to his dogs, though they needed little, all four of them scattering and catching the rats before dispatching them with rapid shakes of their heads that broke the backs and necks of their prey. At the sounds of the dying squeaks of the rats, many of the puppies began barking excitedly, trying to leap out of the basket and join in the hunt. With a laugh, Levi held them back.

"Don't worry, you'll all get a chance someday," he reassured them, "you're all game dogs."

However, a couple of the puppies were more frightened by the loud noises, and instead huddled into the edge of the basket closest to Levi's body. One of them even climbed up his chest with little whimpers, taking his time to pull down the front of his vest as best he could before climbing inside. Levi snorted when he turned around and let his head pop up from inside the vest, finally feeling safe enough to watch the action from there. "Are you comfy, young sir?"

He spared a hand to scratch him behind the ears, and the puppy thumped his head against Levi's chest with an overly dramatic huff, leaning his entire body against him. He asked the puppy, "Are you saying you want me to adopt you instead any of these other guys?"

Of course there was no answer, but the fact that the puppy was pressed so tightly against him and clearly found him to be a source of safety when he was frightened, as well as his content, half-closed eyes, was answer enough. Levi smiled down at the white puffball and told him, "Alright. We'll have to break the news to Eren later."

He continued to sit there, heart thumping heavily in his chest and his head feeling wonderfully light as he watched the boy entrenched in one of his passions. He looked like the beautiful, exquisite creature that existed in Levi's fantasies with his bright eyes sweat dampened forehead. He commanded his dogs and encouraged them all at the same time, a true leader of their pack. He looked like he was having as much fun as they were, and every time they brought him a dead rat he praised them like a father praising their children for a job well done. It filled Levi with secondhand pride, and only made him fall that much harder for the younger man.

But for a blessed moment, sitting there in the warm sun surrounded by all of these puppies with no attention fixed on him, the pressure to feel shame over that fact was lifted, and he enjoyed the sweet sensation for all it was worth.

000

That evening when they returned home, Eren suggested they go for a ride around the estate, eager to show Levi the fields that surrounded his sprawling home. The older man agreed excitedly; the idea of a ride at twilight with only the crickets, fireflies and deer for company was so romantic. Eren didn't even seem to mind too much when Levi admitted with embarrassment that he didn't have much experience on a horse. His family was far too poor to afford proper lessons, and that was really only something that the gentry did regularly. But the boy took it in stride, giving him the gentlest riding horse they had to start out on.

"You remember Hunter, yeah?" he said as they stood outside next to the barn, their horses all tacked up and ready. Levi nodded, holding onto the reins tightly. Far too tightly. Eren smiled gently, placing his hand over Levi's, stroking the tendons that were straining beneath the skin there. The older man held in a gasp, his body going stiff, but the other didn't seem to notice. "Relax. He's not going to bolt; Hunter is a patient boy, even though he's a stallion. If you mess up he won't get irritated with you or anything. He knows what to do for the most part. So just follow me and you'll do fine, okay? Now let me help you up."

Levi had no idea what his help might entail, but he wasn't going to question him, especially not when it came to the rules of how to handle a thirteen hundred pound animal. However, he was pleasantly and wonderfully surprised when he realized a second later that Eren's help meant that he stood very close to him, slightly off to the side while instructing him to hold onto the reins, put his foot in the stirrup and hoist himself up in a low, calm voice only a foot away from his ear. This was followed up by him giving a little hop and faltering, nearly landing in a heap on the hard ground, before Eren caught him around the waist and helped push him up the rest of the way. Levi practically wheezed as he registered Eren's warm palms bleeding through the fabric of his shirt, so much so that he nearly fell right out of the saddle. He scrambled to right himself, barely noticing as Eren adjusted his stirrups.

But he certainly did notice when the boy gazed up him for a long moment and remarked, "You look really good up there. You two make a handsome pair."

Levi felt a pleasant shiver roll down his spine, and he stared hard down at his hands as he replied, "Oh sure. I must look like a right fool."

"Nah." The younger man went over to his horse and hoisted himself easily up into the saddle. "The first time I ever tried to get into the saddle not only did I fall, but I fell because my horse bucked me off."

The older man couldn't help but snicker at the image, and Eren found himself laughing as well. He tilted his head toward the tree line off in the distance. "Come on then you. Give Hunter a cluck, that's all he needs to get going."

Eren demonstrated, clicking his tongue, to which his horse responded by starting off on a gentle amble. Levi imitated him, the sound feeling awkward in his mouth, but the more he did it, the easier it became, and that was all it took for his horse to obey him. It took him a moment to balance and adjust to the movement of Hunter's hips and how they moved his own, but true to his breed's nature, there wasn't much jostling; it was a relatively smooth ride. Eren had told him at one point that a Morgan's gait was so smooth that one could hold a glass of water while they rode them and not spill a drop and at that moment he believed him.

He rode side by side with the boy, not knowing exactly where they were going and not caring, simply soaking in the atmosphere around him. It was difficult not to stare at Eren's profile as they walked along, bathed in the low, dusky light of the setting sun, so Levi kept his attention fixed firmly on everything but. The leather from the saddles creaked, their hoof beats muffled by the soft grass. The darker it grew, the more fireflies began to blink into existence, and the louder the crickets and tree frogs became. It was ridiculously quiet and peaceful, so loud that Levi could hear the blood rushing in his ears, a far cry from the city noise he often heard in his apartment.

"This is nice," he commented. "The quiet and all. I feel very posh, riding on an expensive show horse around a wide estate for no reason other than I can. My worries are actually far away for a moment. Is this how you rich folk feel all the time?"

"Well, it's certainly how _I_ feel all the time," Eren replied. "And if I had my way it would be like this all the time, just doing things that make me happy, or doing things to make my friends happy. If I could, I'd leave the house and never come back, live somewhere that my father would never find me where I could do what I please."

His voice had grown very tight, and it made Levi concerned enough that he finally looked over in his direction. "Eren?"

The boy sighed, and his horse tossed its head, feeling the tension in the reins. Eren patted its neck as he said, "Sorry. It's just that my father is getting really relentless lately about me doing stuff like finding a stable career for myself and getting married and such. Said either I look for a girl to court or he'll find one for me because, 'You're my only son and the family name has to be preserved and passed on, otherwise it'll bring shame to me and the rest of the family.' And that's nice and all except as you know, I don't want to get married to any old girl, especially not one my father picks out. Even if I did get married, I already know that marriage wouldn't produce any heirs."

Levi paused, processing what he said, looking for some meaning that he might be missing, before asking, "What do you mean?"

The boy laughed dryly, half to himself, before he looked over at him. "You mean you haven't figured it out? Levi, my dear friend, I'm one of the biggest inverts in the county. Since I've been this way since I was a child, I doubt there's a cure, so there's no way I'd be able to sleep with my wife on our wedding night."

Time stopped. A ringing started up in Levi's ears and wouldn't cease, making it so he barely heard anything after Eren admitted he was an invert. Eren. Was also interested in men. How could this be? There had to be a catch, right? Fate was never this kind to Levi, and it would simply never place someone in his path who would understand him so well, who may be the cure to his loneliness. God, that was all he wanted, to just not be stuck in the prison of his own fear anymore, of not feeling so terribly isolated thanks to his own confusing thoughts and desires despite people being all around him. He just wanted someone he could tell these sorts of things to, someone who he knew wouldn't get him in trouble. To lift that burden from his shoulders would be a gift beyond all others. All he had to do was force the words from his mouth: _Me too. I'm the same way and I didn't think anyone else felt the way I did. _

But years of fear kept them locked inside of him. He tensed his shoulders, and Eren tilted his head in concern, half for him, and half worried that perhaps he was going to reject him. "Levi? Listen, I told you because you're my best mate, and I figured you deserve to know."

The unspoken, _"I trust you not to tell," _hung in the air, and after Levi swallowed the lump in his throat, he replied, "Thank you for telling me."

Eren paused, and then asked uncertainly, "It doesn't bother you, does it?"

"No," he answered without hesitation. "Not at all." He laughed humorlessly. "You're my best friend too, Eren. Honestly at this point if you had told me you had murdered someone and needed help hiding the body I probably would have accepted that as well. I can't imagine you not being in my life anymore."

The boy snorted. "Well I suppose if that ever comes up I know who to come to."

They were both quiet for a moment, the only sounds being the crickets and the swishing of the grass as their horses walked through it, before Eren admitted, "I don't know what I'd do without you either. I mean that."

Those words sent a warm shiver up Levi's spine, and for a moment, his tongue was loosened. "Eren, you're not…I'm, well"-

"Yes?" he said, and he sounded so, dare Levi believe it, hopeful? His head was turned towards him, the orange light of the setting sun highlighting his green eyes.

But his momentary courage fled as soon as it appeared, and he backtracked. "Never mind. I'm glad you trusted me enough to say something. I promise you I won't betray that trust."

At the edge of his vision, Levi saw the boy open his mouth, as if he wanted to say something to press him further, but instead pressed his lips together in a benign smile. He then looked ahead of them and didn't comment further, instead switching the subject to something else. And though Levi was still too afraid to tell him the truth, he still felt closer to him than he ever had before, and the calm that settled over him as the sun sunk all the way under the horizon was like the night; warm, comforting, and stretching as far as the eye could see.

000

That scenery followed him into his dreams that night, soft and comforting and sweet, entrenching him so deeply in its spell that he felt it was real. He could smell the damp earth and hear the blades of grass whispering against one another, could see the fireflies illuminating his and Eren's skin with their brief flashes of green and yellow light. However, in this dream, the horses were gone, and both of them were as naked as the raw summer night, hidden in the taller blades of grass away from any prying eyes.

Levi heard the soft voice of the prostitute he had visited telling him once again what women liked, how they liked to be touched and pleased, and he had the urge to test her theories out on Eren as well. Levi was sitting in his lap, feeling his heart pound harshly, yet oddly he felt no fear here, only excitement. After all, this was just dream, so he could do whatever he wanted without repercussions. Eren was looking up at him with sparkling, expecting eyes, giving him that gentle smile he had on their ride and so many times before. He was waiting for Levi to do something, placing his hands on his waist, encircling him in a wonderfully kind embrace. Even that was enough to arouse Levi; Eren's kindness was one of the most attractive things about him, and any trace of it, whether directed towards him or someone else, always endeared Levi to him.

Levi took a deep breath and let it out slowly, encouraged by Eren's touch, and carefully ran his open palms down the boy's chest, something he had always secretly wanted to do. He let his hands settle over his heart, feeling it pound, and even that made his arousal spike. It was a sign of Eren's desire for him, an involuntary one. Even better, when he finally found the courage to run his thumbs over his dark nipples, he felt Eren's cock stiffen under his behind, raising ever so slightly and very subtly pressing against the cleft of his rear. Eren exhaled sharply, his breath warm against Levi's chest, and the older man pressed down a little more, letting Eren's cock slip further between his cheeks. He didn't know why this felt so good, as in reality it was quite odd, but he found that he enjoyed it. The nerve endings in his entrance sparked as the tip brushed against it, and he gasped.

"You're so warm," Eren breathed, "and you feel so good. Levi please…more. Touch me more."

Levi shivered at the plea, letting it wash over him. So then it wasn't odd that he wanted to run his hands over every inch of his body? Eren was okay with it? With his eyes heavily lidded, he carefully did as he was asked, reaching around and running his hands up and down the broad expanse of Eren's back. He pushed him back slightly, holding up his body while he gave into his impulses and ran his tongue over his chest, making his way slowly down towards his nipples. His tongue circled around it for a moment, and he felt Eren stiffen up. He was afraid he didn't like it for a minute, and prepared to pull away, but stopped when Eren gently gripped the back of his head, pressing him ever so slightly closer to his chest. The boy was panting; Levi could feel his chest rising and falling quickly under his lips, and it only made him more excited. He closed his lips around the bud and sucked, and Eren keened, arching his back and moaning sweetly above his head.

The older man's blood burned in his veins, set alight at that sound. His cock throbbed, and he found himself thrusting his hips very slowly, trying to relieve this foreign ache. The tip of Eren's length nudged at his entrance with every movement, and his own cock rubbed against the boy's warm abdomen, only stimulating him further. Sweat collected around his hairline, and he found that he was breathing just as hard as his partner was.

He wondered for a moment if there was a way for Eren to enter him like a man would a woman. If there was a way for their bodies to unite, a way for their bodies to share the same pleasure at the same time. He wondered if Eren might let him to do that to him as well, and if he did, what kind of face would the boy make as he felt that kind of pleasure?

For now, Levi kissed his way up his collarbone, his neck, before finally finding his lips, letting his tongue delve into the other's mouth as he had once seen some of his adventurous classmates do with their partners. Feeling their tongues touch made him gasp and shiver, and Eren held onto him tightly, trying to steady him. He wrapped his arms around Levi's smaller shoulders, and yet even though they were touching from their lips to their thighs, taking in each other's air as they gasped between kisses, still Levi tried to get closer, closer, to disappear completely inside of Eren if he could, where he knew he'd be safe.

And then he snapped awake.

Levi felt as if his whole body had been dipped in fire; the blood in his veins was boiling, searing its way through his body. He was only half awake, part of his body still asleep, and the other part a live wire. He was squirming restlessly, only partially aware that he was rubbing his thighs together quite roughly, pain and pleasure radiating from his groin and spreading throughout his hips. It took him a bit to realize that he was alone, that Eren was not in fact here in the room with him, though he was still in his home. He wasn't in the boy's lap, wasn't being held by him. In his groggy state, this was intolerable. He sat up, scanning the room for him, his arousal turning into a terrible ache that only Eren could satisfy.

Wait, what was he thinking? What was wrong with him? No, this was terrible, revolting and wrong, and the more he woke up, the more sickened he became by himself. Not just by the fact that he had had yet another sexual dream featuring Eren, but the fact that his first impulse when he woke up wasn't to shame himself for his thoughts, but that he wanted Eren there to help him achieve his release.

Levi felt panic begin to squeeze his chest, and he gripped the sides of his head, fingers digging into his hair. His breathing picked up, breaths trembling past his numb lips. This was becoming torture and he couldn't see a way out of it. He had already tried to make himself attracted to women and it hadn't worked. If it wasn't Eren, then he would most likely be hopelessly enamored with another young man that he would never be able to obtain. Was this going to be his life forever? A series of sinful dreams and thoughts, unrequited love and feelings of hatred towards himself?

He pulled his knees up and hugged them, leaning his forehead against them. His back heaved on a sob as frustration and fear vied for attention in his head. He didn't know how much longer he could do this for. It was so…exhausting.

Levi didn't know how long he sat there crying into the darkness before he heard a knock on the door and a quiet, concerned uttering of his name in the entryway. His head lifted abruptly, and he saw to his horror that Eren was the one standing there, and when he took in Levi's face, he saw the boy start. He supposed he couldn't blame him, as he could only imagine what he looked like. He probably looked like a wild mess, tear tracks shining on his face as a result of the moonlight streaming in through his window, knuckles white as they gripped his knees, hair askew from his tossing and turning, eyes wide with terror. At seeing his distress, Eren was drawn to him like a magnet, face opening in worry, and though everything in Levi screamed at him to tell Eren to get away, he froze as yet another part of him begged for his comfort. He sat down on the bed next to him, pulling Levi into his arms without hesitation.

The older man tensed, eyes staying wide as Eren pushed his head against his chest. His heat and scent permeated his every cell. He smelled so musky and masculine, body so firm when he had been so alone just a second ago that he couldn't stand it. His dream came back vividly, and he hated himself for desiring those things with this sweet boy. Yet, at the same time…he was just so _tired_ of hating himself so much, of his forced isolation so that he could avoid temptation. He thought he could be alone, that he would get used to it eventually.

But he was finding that he just _couldn't._

Shaking and sick, Levi finally wrapped his arms around him, fingers clawing at the back of Eren's nightshirt, digging into his shoulder blades so that he couldn't leave. He buried his face in his chest, tears wetting Eren's shirt.

"I'm sorry," he wept. "I didn't- I couldn't- I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong enough…"

The boy tilted his head downward slightly, feeling Levi's fingers dig into his back and tightening his hold on him. Confused, he asked, "What do you mean? I think you're plenty strong. I can feel my bones creaking in my back."

He had meant to cheer Levi up, but he didn't react to his words; he just kept crying, eventually mumbling something into his chest too low for him to hear. "What was that?"

The older man repeated what he said after a moment, though shame was thick in his voice. "You ever think sometimes it'd be easier to fall asleep and never wake up? Than to keep on facing every single day knowing you're just going to suffer?"

Eren hesitated a long moment, letting his words sink in, before he answered in a voice so low it was barely more than a breath with some inflection. "…yes."

They were both silent for a long time after that, Eren rocking back and forth slightly as he tried to soothe his friend. Levi forced himself to match the boy's breathing, shocked out of his panic by Eren's admission. It was wonderfully intimate, but painful all at the same time. He was horrified that the boy had thoughts in any way that might have been similar to his own, but he supposed it made sense, considering Eren was also interested in men. It just wasn't fair that life had to be so cruel to them.

Levi was unaware that Eren was taking the opportunity in the silence to size him up, to try and figure out what might have led him to have these kinds of thoughts. It took him several minutes, but the possibility eventually hit him like a ton of bricks: was it possible that he and Levi were more similar than he thought?

He chewed on his bottom lip. He had promised himself that he wouldn't get Levi involved in his world, but if he was saying things like he wanted to end his own life, then…

Eren sighed, before uttering quietly, "Levi?"

The older man sniffed and hummed, letting him know that he had heard him.

"I think it's time for you to meet some of my good friends at the Laughing Fox pub. You're not nearly as alone as you think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry this update took so long. My arthritis has been acting up pretty bad lately, and it likes to manifest in my hands, which means I have a hard time typing sometimes. But fear not, I haven't given up on this fic! I hope you enjoyed!


	7. The Laughing Fox Pub

Levi had been too unsure to ask any questions regarding what Eren had meant when he said he'd find out he wasn't alone, and also a little fearful that perhaps he had been found out about his desire for the boy. But then again, was that really such a bad thing? Wasn't his deepest fantasy for Eren to return his affections? Then again, he supposed he didn't know what was scarier; finding out that Eren liked him as well, Eren rejecting him, or finding out that he was interested in men in the first place. But he was also growing very tired of being afraid, of fighting who he was, yet habit dictate that he should. He just…didn't know what to do anymore.

Either way, he waited until he and Eren were riding into town towards the Laughing Fox one warm night on their horses to finally ask his friend to explain where exactly he was leading him. Not that he didn't trust him of course, but he was more than a little curious.

"So," he finally began in a low voice, wary of the people passing them on the cobblestone streets. But none of them were paying the two young men any mind, as they didn't stand out from any of the other dozens of people roaming the streets, even at this late hour. "The Laughing Fox isn't just a pub, I'm assuming? I mean, I've never even seen it anywhere in time before."

Eren laughed. "No, you probably wouldn't have. It's tucked away on a corner most people don't pass by. I'm not saying there's a lot of crime there, but it's a bit out of people's way. However, it's a very nice establishment with high paying customers and it regularly gets refurbished. Modeled after the gin palaces in England and such, so really only those means can afford to get in. It doubles as a gentlemen's club for those that can afford to rent it, and for people like me, as well as for those in the know, it's a makeshift molly-house."

Levi blinked. "A what?"

"A place where other inverts, or mollies I suppose they're called sometimes, can gather and meet partners of the same sex. Though the clubs are only supposed to accept men, we've welcomed more than a few women as well who share our mindsets."

The older man processed this, feeling his heart hammering the more he thought about it. A place where men could find partners of the same sex? This was exactly the kind of thing Levi had been avoiding for his entire adult life. Wait, did that mean Eren suspected he was…he swung his head around, looking up at him with wide eyes, but the boy assuaged his fears by saying, "Not every man that's been in the club has been a mollie. Some are just simply very good, trustworthy friends that support us, though those are few and far in between. In the end Levi, they're not going to care whose genitals you're attracted to in there. They're all good, kind people who really helped me to realize that what I was feeling was okay and that I was only as crazy as they were."

Levi sighed deeply. So this was what Eren meant when he said he'd see that he wasn't alone. Though he was still too scared to admit it out loud to himself, that he was an invert. Maybe…maybe being at this place though would help him get over that fear, at least a little? Enough to grow closer to Eren and-

His face grew very hot then. If the boy ended up returning his feelings by some miracle, he might explode. Baby steps, he told himself. First, he'd see if he could overcome his own self revulsion, at least a little bit, first.

The further they road, the darker the streets began to get, and the fewer people surrounded them. That was when Levi began to get a bit nervous, as before visiting that brothel, he had usually stayed away from the seedier parts of town. His parents had raised him to be a gentleman and stay away from that sort of scene, and being as small as he was, the thought of running into anyone that could hurt him made him extremely nervous. But he supposed being on the back of a horse and following Eren, he was as safe as he could be for the moment, and Eren would never lead him into danger.

Soon enough, they were coming up to a building next to a darkened, slightly dilapidated apartment complex that only had a few small lights in the windows, dim enough that they were easy to miss but bright enough so that those looking for it knew that it was open. Levi chanced a look up and saw a hand painted sign of a realistic looking fox grinning slyly holding a mug of beer, and knew they must have reached their destination. Only more so when Eren stopped his horse and hopped off, landing with a light thud on the cobblestone.

"Alright, this is it," he told him. "There's a stable out back where we can put our horses for now. So dismount and we'll put them away before we go in."

Still uneasy about getting off such a tall animal, Levi slowly did as he was told, Eren helping him slide off by holding him around his trim waist, and was he just imagining things or was the boy standing closer than usual? Close enough that he felt his breath on the back of his neck? It made all of his hairs on his neck stand up, and Levi had to bite his lip to keep any embarrassing sounds from escaping. Instead he followed Eren meekly into the stable where they both untacked and settled their horses.

The whole time, Levi kept thinking about how one time when he had been visiting Eren and had loitered around the barn without the boy being there, how he had come across one of his sketchbooks that had been left on his easel. He hadn't gotten to look at much of Eren's artwork as of yet, and the opportunity was too good to pass up. So, carefully, he had taken the sketchbook and opened it, figuring he could put it back before Eren noticed.

He had found the sketchbook before his friend had told him he was one of those, so really, based on the contents of the sketchbook, he should have seen his confession coming. It was full of anatomy studies and figure drawings for the most part, a few of them being clothed women, but the overwhelming amount being naked men in various poses. The men were of all body types, Eren obviously trying to get experience with as wide a range as possible. Some were fine boned and pretty with cleaned shaven faces, others more stocky with quite a bit of hair on their chests. Some had impressive beards or moustaches, and they appeared to be range from teenagers to middle aged. Many of them struck him with just how normal they looked, how any of them looked like they could be his neighbor, or coworker, or boss.

But of course, he thought. Inverts didn't have a sign on them that labeled them so, if these men were indeed so. In the present, Levi shook his head with a soft smile, wondering if Eren had sketched all of those men here in this pub. He was so happy that Eren had people to tell him that what he was feeling was okay and were able to school him in the ways of being a proper mollie despite how wrong they were told it was.

Suddenly, Levi paused and gasped, faltering as he waked behind the boy. He had had the abrupt and disconcerting thought that perhaps Eren had sex with all the men he had drawn, especially since most of them were naked.

It was a vulgar notion, but not unheard of, he supposed. Eren was already a sinner, so he supposed it wouldn't make much difference if he indeed was sleeping around with many men. And well, he didn't know for sure, not unless he asked.

Levi shook his head. He couldn't think about this now, not when they were standing at the front door of the pub, ready to go in. He had to keep his wits about him. When he came back to himself, he saw that Eren was holding the door open for him, bowing in an overly dramatically matter, even removing his hat and gesturing for Levi to enter.

"After you, my dear," he said, a charming grin on his face and an impish sparkle in his eye.

Levi felt wonderfully warm all over at that, and did as he was told, dipping his head towards Eren. "Thank you darling."

The boy laughed in a way that made him very happy he had responded in the way he did, trying to get himself in the headspace he would need to be in while in the gentleman's club. It would be okay to be more affectionate with Eren, right? He hoped so, because though it still felt wrong, he still wanted to give it a try somehow.

When they stepped inside the building, he noticed that even in here, it was dimly lit, tiny lanterns and lamps interspersed on tables. There was barely anyone in the front of the actual bar except the bartender and a couple other staff members. It was much larger on the inside than on the outside, the ceilings moderately tall with hanging lamps that he could tell were very beautiful when lit up. He didn't get much chance to admire their surroundings here though before Eren was nodding towards the back, tipping his hat towards the staff as they passed.

"This way," he said in a low voice.

"So do they know why you're here?" Levi asked once they were far enough away.

Eren nodded, looking at him over his shoulder. "A couple of them are mollies too."

The older man's eyes widened, truly surprised at just how many of these people were all around them. Eren must have picked up on his expression and what it meant because he was saying with amusement, "Oh you haven't seen anything yet. This is only the front room. Just wait until we get into the back." Levi felt his heart begin to patter with anticipation. He already heard the murmur of several different voices beyond a large wooden door that was ornately trimmed, indicating that there were quite a few people beyond it. The familiar anxiety that he felt when he attended Dr. Jaeger's party began to settle on him once again, and he balked, stopping in front of the door.

Eren glanced at his face, seeing how drawn it was and how tense his shoulders were, and he understood just from that, bless him. Levi felt a warm palm on his upper back, supporting and firm, and then he said, "It's alright. They'll love you, and I'll be right by your side the whole time."

The older man felt his words wrap around him, and the heat of his palm helped to dispel some of the anxiety. Eren knew exactly how uncomfortable large social situations made him after, and he would never bring him somewhere where he wouldn't be able to cope. So, he looked up at the boy trustingly, and allowed him to push open the big wooden door.

The first thing that hit Levi was the smell of cigars and mulled whiskey, and part of him was blasted back to when his father would entertain company in their small home. Smoke was rising towards the ceiling, and as he looked around he saw that he was in a rather large parlor. There was a gramophone playing off in the corner, giving the room some ambience. There were also several large sofas and rich, plush armchairs. The walls all had huge portraits hanging from them, as well as a few stained glass windows, but none of them revealed the outside. The room was completely cut off from the outside, which he supposed it would have to be. Couldn't have anyone peeking in and seeing what was going on. There were a couple dozen people all sitting on the sofas and armchairs, even a few on the floor between the feet of the some of the guests. There were even some rooms beyond the parlor, though what they were for, Levi didn't know. For the moment his gaze swept over the actual people there to see just what kind of crowd visited a molly-house.

Oddly enough, he kind of expected a bunch of people that looked similar to Eren, all young and pretty things, and while there were a few boys here like that, there were many that weren't. In fact the vast majority were adults at least in their thirties and forties. There were some that Levi recognized from Eren's sketchbook as well, such as a larger blond man that looked like a military general, and a younger man with brown eyes that Levi supposed were both handsome enough. And as he let his eyes roam even more, he was shocked beyond belief to find that there was indeed someone he recognized.

"Hanji?" he said loud enough for others to hear him without meaning to.

Sure enough, not just her, but several others swung their heads around to look at the newcomers by the doorway. Several of them lit up with recognition, a couple even getting up to welcome them, one of them being Hanji, the other being a young man Levi didn't know, but obviously Eren did, embracing him warmly.

"We missed you, darling!" the young man said over Eren's shoulder.

Eren laughed, "Sorry! I've been a bit tied up. Have a new charge to take care of."

He looked over at Levi, a kind smile on his face as he pulled out of the embrace. "This sweet little thing here?"

"Haha! Yeah this is Levi. I met him at a party a few months ago, and we've been friends ever since. Levi, this is Marco. He's about our age, been coming to these for the last couple of years."

"And you've been keeping him all to yourself since then?" Marco said, aghast. "Eren you beast."

"I'll say," said another young man that approached them from behind and stopped beside Levi. There was a cocky swagger to his steps and he was wearing a smirk. This was the young man from before with the brown eyes, one of the ones he had seen in Eren's sketchbook. It was definitely odd to look him in the eye when Levi had seen his erect, bare cod resting against his thigh via Eren's sketches. Now he was looking at Levi like he was something to eat, and the back of the older man's neck felt uncomfortably prickly under that stare. "Methinks you have a type, Jaeger. Pretty little doll-like things."

"He's _beautiful,_" Marco gushed, clasping his hands in front of him.

The boy with the brown eyes took Levi's chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifted it slightly, Levi freezing, unsure of what he should do. He seemed to be scrutinizing his face, pointing out, "Well darling, if you ever get tired of Jaeger, I'd be happy to"-

"Hey," Eren growled warningly, though he was still smiling. His chest puffed up as he placed himself between Levi and the other boy, looking like he would love nothing more than to trade fists with this interloper. Levi would be lying to himself if the thought of Eren knocking someone out to protect his honor didn't make him feel more than a little hot. "Back off Jean. This boy belongs to me."

Hanji cackled next to them, "Oh aren't you the naughty one, Eren."

He snorted, "Yeah yeah, don't make me punch you in the fucking head."

She gave him a look that said "just try it" before turning to her friend, taking his hands and exclaiming, "This is amazing Levi! I never thought I'd see you here, of all places. I feel like I should bake Eren a cake just for getting you to socialize."

Eren was currently in a spat with Jean while Marco was trying to calm them both down, and Levi glanced over at him fondly. "I mean, he tends to take me to fun places. Hasn't let me down yet, you know?"

She raised an eyebrow, analyzing his expression, and asking him conspiratorially, "So then this means that you're…?"

"I'm…" It took a minute for her words to process, before Levi exploded into a blushing mess, waving his hands in front of him in a gesture of denial. "No! I mean, well, I don't- Hanji you can't just"-

She laughed, placing her hands on top of his and stopping his wild flailing, before saying gently, "Levi, it's alright if you are. You're literally in the only place in the city where it's okay to admit that you're an invert." She glanced over at Eren. "And well, I must say, if looking for someone to court, you can't do much better than a member of a wealthy family like the Jaegers."

His face remained cherry red, and he found that he couldn't meet her eyes. He couldn't deny what she was saying because it would have been a lie, but he was terrified to confirm it out loud as well.

Even though…he would be safe doing it in a place like this, wouldn't he?

Levi followed Eren and Hanji over to one of the sofas and sat down, placing himself between them. His anxiety kicked in again and he made himself as small as possible, placing his hands in his lap between his thighs, too nervous to meet anyone's eyes at first. He saw out of the corner of his vision Marco and Jean sit back down on the sofa as well. Yet, there was only space for one of them, so Jean sat down, and to Levi's utter surprise, Marco sat down in his lap, holding him around his waist and kissing his cheek affectionately. But they weren't the only ones in such a position. Many of the men and women that were seated had paired off, their partners in their laps or between their feet on the floor, or just cuddled up very close to each other. They were all being very tactile, kissing and caressing, some of the affection sweet, some of it more raunchy. All of it was done as easy as breathing, and it made Levi feel so many things that it took him a moment to discern them all.

First of all, he was beyond shocked. He barely saw this kind of affection between couples of opposite genders, and even then it was very subdued. So to see this between couples of the same gender, and see it so casually displayed was something he was going to have to get used to. Second of all, he felt jealousy. These people were completely comfortable with who they were and unafraid of who might see, while Levi had beaten himself up so much over feeling any kind of desire towards men that he was ashamed of who he was. The last was longing. For the first time in his life, he wanted nothing more than to be like these people. Eren was right, he wasn't alone. Though his feelings were wrong and sinful, there were others that felt them as well, and there was a huge comfort to that.

And perhaps if these people could be brave in accepting themselves, maybe Levi could be as well?

For the moment, Eren was chatting with the huge blond man sitting in the large armchair off to their right, probably figuring that since Levi was next to Hanji, socially he'd be okay for the next few minutes. So that was when he turned to his old friend and said, "I must say I'm a little surprised to see you here, but also not, knowing you."

She laughed. "Yeah. I do fit right in here, I find, because I don't care if I'm seen as a man or a woman just as long as I'm seen as a good doctor. People here call me Hanji and Harry and I don't mind which they use. I've also met and had relationships with both men and women here. It's very freeing and liberating."

"It certainly seems so."

She studied him for a minute, before asking, "So, you're very sure you're not an invert Levi? Because you know here, it's alright if you are. No one will care. And I must say, I've kind of expected it for a few years."

His eyes widened in shock, surprising himself when he didn't deny anything she said and instead simply said, "You have?"

"Of course. What with you not getting married, and you wouldn't believe how many men here are librarians. Very few men who work in that profession that aren't mollies."

"I…really? I never…"

He went quiet while she just smirked at him knowingly. If that was true, it would explain a lot, such as why he got so many judging looks from his patrons, and perhaps why most of the staff was female. How had he never put it together?

"Well, I suppose it doesn't matter what you are," Hanji eventually reassured him. "We're all seen as oddballs to everyone else here. So in that case, you'll fit right in here."

He didn't know how to reply to that, so he kept silent, awkwardly scanning the room to get a closer look at just who was here. There were almost as many men here as there were women, many of them dressed in suits and ties. He supposed that made sense, as this was supposed to be a gentleman's club and he doubted they would be let in if they didn't look like, well, gentlemen. But being back here, many of them had let their hair down so that it would flow over their shoulders, a couple of them being just as raucous as the men, laughing uproariously and slapping each other's shoulders.

Hanji noticed where his eyes were traveling because she said, "The dark haired girl over there is Ymir, and the blond girl on her lap is Christa. Christa is part of the Reiss family, and Ymir is a maid in the Reiss household. The two of them have been romantic friends for years and they were the first women that were accepted into this club."

The two of them did indeed seem like they were ridiculously in love, Ymir kissing Christa on the nose and stroking her thighs soothingly while Christa kept her arms wrapped around her neck. They were holding court with a couple more girls and some men, Hanji pointing out who they were.

"The girl with brown hair and eyes is Sasha. She's also from a family of maids and oh heavens is she a church-bell, but she says a lot of interesting things, and the young man next to her is Connie, who comes from a family of farmhands. As far as I know Connie isn't a mollie, but Sasha has expressed interest in both men and women, and Connie is here to support her, and he told us he's willing to share her with whoever he has to so he can stay close to her. Then you have Reiner, Bertholt and Annie. Annie is stuck in a marriage she hates and she actually just told us last time we were here that she's pregnant. But she's a real bricky girl, I'll tell you. Reiner and Bert are set to inherit their fathers' businesses. They've also been together for several years, and the two of them are also married to young women so they can produce heirs. And Jean and Marco next to us here are friends of Eren's. Both of them are engaged to be married and they both work for good companies, but they're so madly in love with each other it's disgusting."

"They're all so young," Levi pointed out.

"Closer to our age, yes," Hanji agreed. She then nudged him and directed his attention towards the other end of the room. "These folks are all older and have a lot more experience being mollies. Eld, Gunter and Oluo are all married as well but they all prefer the company of men and they were among the first folks that started this club. That girl with them, Petra, she's such a sweetheart. Lovely little thing, just as cute as Christa honestly. I swear, whenever she touches the ground a rainbow appears under her feet and lights up the whole street. A real bang up to the elephant."

The wistful look on her face made Levi snort a little bit, and he said, "Sounds like you fancy her quite a bit."

Her cheeks turned pink and she touched one of them, as if to ascertain that the heat she felt was really there. "I might have been planning to see if she'd be interested in courting."

Levi nodded with approval. "You absolutely should. You deserve some happiness. And I'll bet you could even get away with courting her in public, if you remained dressed as a man."

"That's what I was thinking. But hey, I'll tell her how I feel about her if you tell Eren how you feel about him."

He sighed. "Hanji…"

She just laughed, nudging him with her shoulder playfully. He rolled his eyes; he knew she was just joking at this point, but it still made his heart race for more than one reason when she said it. He nudged her back, saying, "Yeah sure. Go talk to your lady love and give me some peace. I'm sure she'd be delighted by your awkward attempts at flirting."

"More than Eren will enjoy yours," she teased as she stood up from the couch. Levi watched her plop herself unceremoniously down on the sofa next to Petra, a crooked smile on her face. Petra immediately brightened up at her approach turning towards her.

Before he could focus in on what they were saying however, Eren got his attention by placing a hand on his knee and placing himself in his line of vision with an excited, toothy smile. Levi straightened up much in the same manner Petra had, not even thinking how silly it was that he was practically a mirror image of the girl who also had her crush coming over to speak with her. Of course he was.

"How are you doing?" he asked gently. "I saw you were talking with Hanji."

"Yeah," Levi replied, returning his smile and relaxing his shoulders. "She was telling me who everyone was. They all seem like really nice people."

"I told you," he insisted. He nodded over towards the large blond man in the big armchair next to them. And now that Levi looked closer, he saw that a smaller blond boy closer to their age was squeezed in the chair next to him, nearly disappearing against the bulk of the other man's body. "Did she tell you who Erwin and Armin were?"

"Oh no, she didn't." He looked over Eren's shoulder to take in this stranger fully, and noticed he was very handsome, but more than that, he also recognized him from Eren's sketchbook. Well, not only was he a good specimen to draw, but if Eren had slept with him after the fact he supposed he could understand why.

Eren explained cheerily, "Erwin Smith is the richest man in the club here. He's the reason we can afford this fancy room. He's an oil baron, and a self-made man. Armin Arlert is his lover and one of my very good friends. I hear he's studying to be a librarian as well."

Erwin leaned forward, extending his hand and flashing Levi a smile of greeting. "It's nice to meet you, Levi. Eren was right, you are one of the most beautiful creatures I've had the pleasure of looking at. Like you belong in a fairytale rather than in a parlor surrounded by cigar smoke."

Levi's cheeks filled with blood again, and after he let go of his hand his gaze dropped to his lap as he laughed uncomfortably. "I'm really not"-

"You are," Armin added emphatically. "Like a pretty, porcelain doll. Eren was lucky he found you before someone else snatched you up."

Levi just blushed harder, and seeing this, Eren placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly before admonishing them, "Alright, that's enough guys. He's still new to this, and he's definitely not used to receiving so many compliments at one time, especially from men. He'll explode if you're not careful."

"It's okay, Eren," Levi said. "It doesn't bother me. Really."

"Well that's…good," Eren replied slowly. "Because you'll probably be hearing lots of compliments like that while you're here. Especially since, well, they're all right. You are like a doll. My doll though."

And there it was, the blush again, lighting up Levi's face like a sunset, and it delighted the boy to see it. But he didn't expect him to come back at him shyly with, "You're um, pretty like a doll too, you know. So it's fitting. We match I guess."

Well, that certainly shut Eren up. His mouth hung open and his face was as red as Levi's, the cocky smile gone from his face. Erwin and Armin were cracking up behind him, Armin stage whispering to the other man, "You were right, he's got it bad for him."

Eren gaped like that for a minute, and Levi had to admit, being the one to make him embarrassed for once made him feel very good. He wondered if he'd be able to do it again sometime this evening? For now, he looked up at Eren with shining eyes, added, "I'm having fun, really. And I'm glad you took me here tonight. Everyone seems so happy, and it makes me feel more hopeful than I have in a long time. And you gave me that, Eren. Thank you."

He scratched the back of his head, looking off to the side and mumbling, "Um, no problem."

Levi couldn't help but breathe a laugh through his nose, gazing at him fondly. Based on what he was seeing here, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he tried to get a little closer to his friend. Touching him a bit more couldn't hurt at least, right? Everyone was so touchy here, so they wouldn't be drawing attention to themselves. So, when Eren turned back around and settled back in his seat, Levi scooted up behind him and gently placed his chin on Eren's shoulder, forcing himself not to hesitate. He leaned his head slightly into the boy's neck, quite enjoying the way Eren stiffened up, but he didn't move away of course, and to his delight, Erwin and Armin didn't bat an eye at his actions.

"So Armin, you're in school to become a librarian?" he asked. "When you get out, let me know. I'll see if we have any openings for you where I work. It would be nice to have a friend working there with me."

"That's so kind of you, thank you!" the boy said cheerfully.

And so the night continued like that, Levi settling more into the atmosphere, and once he got a bit of alcohol in him, he relaxed to the point that decided to make a point to keep some part of him touching Eren all night, whether it was leaning against him, casually touching his hand or his arm, or even nuzzling the side of his head so subtly he was sure Eren wouldn't notice. The warmth it filled him with was beyond anything he had ever felt before, and more than just reinforcing his feelings for Eren, it made him realize just how touch starved he really was; he simply couldn't get enough of all of this glorious physical contact, no matter how platonic it was. Eren would lean back into him as well, nudging Levi's cheek with the tip of his nose, whispering little things about the other members of the club conspiratorially into his ear, making Levi giggle like a teenage girl. He shyly called him "Doll" several times during the night, hoping Levi wouldn't get mad at him for doing so, but on the contrary, the older man quite enjoyed it. It was a sign of how pretty Eren found him, of his affection for him, and the freedom they had to call each other such things here when they couldn't do so anywhere else.

And by the end of the night, when Levi cuddled close to Eren on the sofa and, head leaning on his shoulder with his eyes heavy lidded and sleepy, telling him he definitely wouldn't mind coming back here with him again sometime, Eren felt like he could fly out the door, where he would soar into the night sky, dance among the stars and sit upon the moon.


	8. Feelings I Can't Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you guys will like this chapter lol. Music inspiration for this one was El Tango de Roxanne from Moulin Rouge.

Eren surprised Levi at his work for the first time just a couple weeks later, just as autumn was trying to settle over the city. The days were getting shorter, the days weren't as heavy and warm, and the leaves were just beginning to change color when Eren waltzed through the doors of the small city library. Levi had told him how small and cozy it was, and he certainly hadn't lied; he could see the entire library just from where he stood at the entrance. There were a few small desks scattered around, each with someone sat behind it. There was a group of women all seated around a blanket that they were all working on, each knitting an edge, and all of them chattering about their families or the latest gossip. It certainly seemed like a nice place to work, in Eren's opinion.

It was easy enough for him to pick Levi out, as he was not only the only man working there, but of course in Eren's opinion, the most beautiful member of the staff. His timing was perfect as well; Levi was milling about the shelves, pulling a cart of books behind him and putting them on the shelves. And oh heavens, was he wearing glasses? They weren't anything special, but on Levi's face they looked so sweet and cute. He really looked like a librarian, and unbidden, all sorts of fantasies popped into Eren's dirty mind, fantasies that involved rolling Levi's cute sweater up under his chin, pulling his pants down and having his way with him in seclusion among the bookshelves. Eren sighed happily, imagining the other man's glasses all askew and his hair a mess from running his fingers through it. Perhaps someday Levi would let him make that fantasy a reality in the dark corners of his home.

For now, he made his way over to his friend, and since his back was to him he tapped him on the shoulder, and said with a grin, "Excuse me sir, do you think you can help me?"

Levi turned around automatically, lips parted as he prepared to deliver his automatic reply of, "Sure, how can I help?" before it died on his tongue when he saw who had said it. Instead, his face lit right up and Eren could see his cheeks flush a light shade of pink with his delight.

"Hey! What a nice surprise," he gasped. "It's so good to see you in my tiny little library. It's um, well it's not much, definitely not as nice as the one in your mansion…"

"Oh stop," Eren waved him off. "Don't put it down. It's yours, and it's very charming. After you told me about how you enjoyed working here, I figured I would come and see you in your element." He leaned in a bit with a smirk, forcing Levi to lean back a bit with wide eyes and a deep flush on his face. "The glasses are new."

Self-consciously, Levi looked away and fiddled with said glasses, adjusting them on his face. "I usually just need them for work, or when I write at home sometimes. When you're stuck reading and writing for most of the day your eyes tend to get tired."

The smile didn't disappear from Eren's face, and though he didn't say anything he didn't have to. Levi knew he liked the glasses, and for some reason that odd detail made him feel fuzzy all over. But they couldn't afford to flirt like this where everyone could see them, and upon a quick glance upward, luckily no one was looking in their direction. He stood up a little straighter, clearing his throat and asking, "So, what can I do for you, Eren?"

"Well," the boy placed his hands in his pockets, "I have a couple of gifts I wanted to give you. Your new little boy is ready to come home, for one thing, but you knew that."

"Yes!" Levi had to stop himself from bouncing on the balls of his feet. He had been so busy lately, but he certainly hadn't forgotten that it was finally time to bring his puppy home. "I finally finished buying all of his things. I did buy him a pillow to sleep on, but I'd much rather he sleep with me."

Eren "aww"-ed over that, and Levi rolled his eyes, grumbling, "Shut up."

The boy snorted. "Remember how you said you owed me dinner? Well, if you'd like, I could use that opportunity to drop off your puppy."

Levi mulled that over for a moment, but there was nothing to mull over. As much of a pitiful sight his apartment was even when it was clean from top to bottom, he still dearly would love the opportunity to be with Eren, completely alone. Or at least, the idea both excited and terrified him. Who knows what would happen?

"Alright," he eventually agreed. "Two days from now. Let me go shopping so I can make you something nice and give me a chance to make my apartment a little shinier."

Eren winked at him, and replied in a very low, quiet voice, "Sounds like a plan, Doll. I can't wait to see what you'll cook for us."

The older man swallowed hard at that, and his face flushed so hard that he felt dizzy. He couldn't handle it when Eren talked to him in that tone of voice, or called him "Doll," which he was doing quite a lot lately. It had become another way that he flirted with him, and Levi certainly didn't hate it, far from it, he just had no idea how to respond. So when he stayed silent, Eren backed off a bit and asked, "So, do you have any good recommendations for me? I trust that whatever you like will be good."

Levi chewed on his lip for a minute, before eventually saying, "I um, well, I like to read a lot of fairytales."

"You do?" Eren exclaimed, "That's wonderful! I still enjoy them myself. I could stand to read more though. Here, show me your favorite anthologies of fairytales."

"Yes sir Mr. Jaeger," Levi teased, and led him on into the library.

000

At the end of the second day, promptly at five o' clock, Eren was knocking on his door, large suitcase in one hand containing one gift, puppy tucked into his vest and supported under the rear with his other hand. He was wearing a pristine high collared white shirt and one of his nicest pair of trousers held up by a belt with an intricate buckle. His buttons on his vest were also a bright silver, worth more than anything Levi possibly had in his apartment. He was probably dressed far too fancily for just a friendly dinner between two friends, but he couldn't help it. Without even thinking about it, he seemed to always be subconsciously trying to woo his crush with every tool at his disposal. That always seemed to involve lavish gifts, charming words, sweet pet names and soft touches, all born from the genuine love and care he held in his heart for Levi. And from how he had acted at the Laughing Fox, touching Eren gently, keeping close to him and offering him those cute little smiles, he was hoping maybe…_maybe…._

Maybe he had a chance.

When he heard the sound of Levi's footsteps approaching the door, Eren looked down at the puppy, telling him, "Here comes your papa," and then the door opened. Upon seeing the adorable sight of Eren standing there with his wild, dark hair in his by contrast fancy clothes, holding a puppy and a large suitcase like he was looking to move in, Levi sighed and shook his head at him fondly. It was just the exact sort of thing he had come to associate with the boy, and it endeared him like nothing else.

"Come in you two," he said, holding the door open and stepping aside. "I'm just about to take the roast off the stove."

Eren let himself in, bringing in his suitcase and set it against the wall. He toed off his shoes as well, looking around at the inside of the apartment. It definitely wasn't anything flashy, with its bare wooden walls and sparse furniture. He supposed this made sense; Levi said no one ever came to visit him except for Hanji, so he wouldn't have had many places for guests to sit. His bed was pushed in a lonely corner, and what Eren did notice as somewhat odd was that there were candles and a few small oil lamps filling his nightstand, as well as his window sill that sat on the head of the bed.

Before he could dwell much on that, the puppy began to wriggle around, demanding to get down and explore the new space. With a laugh, he set him down on the floor, watching as he skittered around, sniffing every corner of the room. While he watched Levi set aside the roast, he asked, "So have you decided on a name for him yet?"

Levi nodded, waving aside the steam the floated up from the roast on one of the iron shelves attached to the stove. "Oh yes, I even have a name for your registry. How does Ackerman Prince Charming sound? To honor all the fairytales that I'm making you read."

Eren lit right up when he heard the name. He had told Levi before that, since the breed was so new, he was making a point to register all of his puppies with the AKC, and though this usually cost his buyers extra, of course there was no extra charge for Levi. Part of wooing him that he didn't even think about. "I love it! Scotland is one of the lands famous for its fairy stories too, so it's perfect for him."

Turning down the stove, Levi excitedly bent down, sitting on his haunches and tapping the floor in front of him. Eren didn't fail to notice that he had a couple of chunks of meat in his fist. "Come here Prince! Come here, look what I have for you."

Prince lifted his head, sniffing the air, and once he figured out where the meaty smell was coming from, he tottered over on his stumpy legs to stop in front of Levi. He sniffed at his hands, looking for the morsels. One of the sweetest, most delighted smiles Eren had ever seen on the other man's face spread his cheeks, and he fed a couple of the pieces of roast to the puppy. It was all Eren could do not to explode from the happiness he felt blooming in him from the sight.

"Here, watch, you can teach him some tricks, even though he's just a puppy," Eren explained, taking a couple pieces of roast. "Though with terriers, don't expect them to obey you most of the time. They're very stubborn and independent."

He knelt down next to Levi, showing him how to get Prince to sit and lay down, the older man watching with rapt attention, even when the puppy didn't always do as he was told. He laughed, petting his back, saying, "Well, I don't really care if he can do tricks, as long as he loves me."

Eren bumped their shoulders together playfully. "Oh he will. What's not to love about you, Doll?"

That made Levi's face flush bright as the simmering embers in his stove. He scratched the back of his neck, shaking his head and mumbling something that sounded like, "You're going to kill me," before getting up and saying more clearly, "Here, go sit down at the table. It's already set, I just need to bring the food over."

"You sure I can't help?" Eren asked.

Levi wagged a finger at him and insisted, "Don't you dare. You wait on me hand and foot when I come to visit you. Let me do the same for you for once."

The boy snorted, "Yes sir," and did as he was told, plopping himself down in the chair. This really was a cute little table, and Eren wondered if it once belonged to Levi's parents. And speaking of cute, he couldn't believe how adorable the older man looked placing plate after plate on the table, which included a giant roast, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and…was that an honest to God pie sitting on the counter for dessert? Eren laughed. "Did Thanksgiving come early?"

Levi shrugged. "I didn't know how hungry you would be. Besides, I wanted to make something special for you. Since, you know, I know you're used to that sort of thing."

Oh heavens, what was Eren going to do with him? Thinking that he would accept nothing but the best food all the time just because that was what he ate at home? He rolled his eyes. "Levi Ackerman, if you had cooked us dirt and shit pies I would have eaten them because you had made it. You're very sweet, but you don't need to do anything to impress me. You should know that by now, yeah?"

He shrugged, hesitating by the table. "I do, yeah. I suppose that's not entirely it either." He wrung his hands slightly. "I just…you're very special to me, Eren. There's not much I can do to show that, but I can cook, so I figured…" he trailed off, feeling a sudden wave of hot anxiety wash over him. He then abruptly sat down and announced somewhat loudly, "Well, let's eat before this gets cold."

They filled their plates in silence, but their minds were anything but, both of them contemplating what Levi had just said. Eren would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't hoping to make some sort of move tonight, to do something that would show his interest in courting the other man. He thought that admitting he was interested in men and then taking him to a mollie-house would be enough to make his intentions clear, but he supposed Levi was denser than he thought. He couldn't blame him though; from how nervous he acted around not only Eren, but any other man that was even mildly attractive, he figured that Levi was afraid of his own desires and feelings.

He stuck his roast beef with his fork before sticking it in his mouth. It was indeed very good, and he could tell Levi had put a lot of care into making it. Maybe he was trying to woo Eren in his own way. After all, anyone knew that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, and the boy was no exception. Any man that knew how to cook he would bow to and fall all over himself to please. However, he had met Levi's type before in his life, the mollie who denied his true self, whether it was because of religion or societal expectations, or a toxic combination of the too. People that despised what they were and tried to change themselves but simply couldn't. It was heartbreaking, but he understood.

But he couldn't let Levi fall victim to that kind of despair. He had to hold out a hand and save him from himself, to let him know that these sorts of feelings were okay. Slowly though, he told himself. Baby steps. He couldn't scare him off, had to handle him delicately, like the porcelain doll he resembled.

"This is very good," Eren offered with a soft, genuine smile. "You like cooking?"

Levi nodded, his shoulders relaxing a bit. Good. "I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with my mom. My dad didn't like it, of course. Says cooking is for women, but I had fun doing it, so who cares." He shook his head despondently. "I did a lot a things that he considered stuff women were supposed to do, like cleaning, cooking, reading, making up stories, that sort of thing. I know he loved me, but he was so concerned on me turning into a proper man. He called me an invert more than once, and"-

He cut himself off, choosing instead to put more food in his mouth. Eren stared at him sadly for a moment, before saying quietly, "I'm sorry. There's nothing wrong with you, Levi, you know that right? And I mean, from what you've seen at the Laughing Fox, there's nothing wrong with being an invert."

Levi took a bite of his mashed potatoes, not replying. He looked too tense again, not looking at Eren, and the boy knew he had to try another tactic to make him comfortable again. He hated seeing him upset in any way, it was just awful, especially if it was because of him. So, he said, "Hey, so I got through a lot of the fairytales you recommended to me. I think my favorite is Snow White. It's just so dark, but charming, and I loved how messed up it is. Better than the more sanitized versions I've seen." He of course did not mention that a major part of the reason he loved the story was because Levi looked like how Snow White herself was described, and the whole time he had read it, all he could do was imagine his crush as the title heroine. It had certainly made the story more enjoyable.

Once again, that seemed to work. Levi smiled gently, loosening up now that they were talking about one of his great passions. He replied, "That's what I love about fairytales as a whole, the fact that there's a charming aspect to how dark they are. It shows us the mindset of human society in more ancient times and the values they held most dear."

"Oh yeah? Well then, what's your favorite example of the ancient human mindset?"

Levi breathed a laugh at that, and Eren considered that a win. "Sleeping Beauty. No matter which version you read, it's so dark. But it has all the elements of a fairytale that I love: fairies and dragons, princes and kings and princesses. It made me grab a stick and pick up a trash can lid a lot as a kid pretending I was the prince fighting the dragon."

"That is one of the cutest things I've ever heard."

They settled into conversation for a bit after that, discussing their favorite tales back and forth, Eren even eventually saying, "You know, there's a Russian ballet for Sleeping Beauty that just came to America. We should see it together sometime."

Levi gasped. "Really? You mean it? Oh Eren, that would be wonderful, I would love to go with- I mean, I'd like that very much."

The boy chuckled at his reaction. Really, he was too adorable for his own good. "It's a date then," he said with a wink, causing the other man's face to flush bright red.

However, he didn't seem uncomfortable that time.

When they eventually finished their roast and then their pie, Eren insisted on helping him clean up, but Levi once more denied him, saying that even more than cooking, the cleaning was his favorite part. Eren sighed, shaking his head and mumbling something about him being odd, because who enjoyed cleaning anyway.

Levi was just glad that that was the reason he found him weird instead of the fact that he was a man and enjoyed cleaning.

As he sat there scrubbing, he decided that things were getting out of hand. He thought this would be easy having Eren over inside his place, that he would be so embarrassed over the state of it in comparison to the Jaeger mansion that he wouldn't be able to focus on his massive crush on the other man. But ever since visiting the Laughing Fox pub, it was as if the floodgates had been opened. In this tiny, intimate space, surrounded by his own things, he felt oddly confident. He felt his shame over his own feelings lessen and his desires grow.

But of course, fear kept him from acting.

It was horrible how it warred with his want to make a move, however. Just staring at Eren playing with Prince on the floor was enough to make him want to hold him and never let him ago. Just seeing his face made him made him want to kiss him senseless. Yes, the shame was still there, but, God was he tired of fighting this war every single moment of every day. By contrast, Eren looked so carefree, so comfortable with himself and what he wanted.

And Levi…he so desperately wanted to be like that. Eren was his goal in so many different ways; his idol, his beloved, and slowly, his new reason for happiness, his light in the dark that had plagued him for all of his life. He could be his guide into this new life if he'd just let him. If he could just stamp down his fear, he could be happier than he could ever remember being. But he could also be discovered and tossed in jail, his reputation ruined, his chances of ever getting published thrown away forever. Yet, if they kept it a secret, if they were careful, no one had to find out.

Why did this have to be so difficult?

Levi's dishes clanked in the sink rather loudly, getting Eren's attention, and when the boy looked at him, he saw that his shoulders were tense again and his face was drawn. He bit his lip, scratching Prince behind his ears while the puppy sat dozing in his lap. Seeing Levi upset triggered an odd sense of anxiety in him, and he couldn't stand it. That beautiful face should never look so upset, not ever, not while Eren was around. So, he carefully moved the puppy from his lap and placed him in the little basket Levi had set up for him by his bed, before getting up and heading over to his suitcase. Hearing his footsteps, the older man looked up from the sink, hands still in the water. He watched him open the suitcase, the top clicking and popping up. Since he was facing the front of the suitcase, he couldn't see what was inside just yet, and he craned his head slightly, leaning away from the sink and absently wiping his hands on his pants. He was still watching curiously when Eren finally did stand up, holding up-

No, it couldn't be.

"I did say I had another gift for you," he declared softly as he walked over to Levi's desk and placed the object on top of it. The older man gaped, padding slowly over to it and running his fingers on its shiny black surface.

"Where in the hell did you get your hands on a typewriter?" Levi breathed. "They cost more than my rent."

When he looked up at Eren and met his eyes, the boy's eyes were sparkly with mirth. He replied with a smirk, "Doll, did you forget who you're talking to? My father could probably afford to buy this entire apartment complex if he felt like it. And with the money I make, well, I can afford to spoil you as much as I want." He looked down at the typewriter, tapping on a couple of the keys lightly. "I figured with this, if I taught you how to use it, you could type your stories out a little faster than you could write them. And while you type, I could hang out with you and I could paint, and you could dictate the details of the scene so they'd be accurate to your story. I mean, I really want to see what world you're keeping in your head, you know? I'll bet it's really- Levi?"

He halted in his ramblings when he looked up from the typewriter to Levi's face, shocked to see tears welling up in the other man's eyes. One spilled down his cheek, and he made no move to wipe it away. Eren gasped, holding up his hands in a gesture of apology.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," he sputtered. "I didn't mean to make you more upset, I just thought"- His hands hovered over him, wanting to comfort him but afraid to, afraid that Levi would bolt if he touched him too carelessly. So instead, he ran his fingers through his own hair, tugging at the strands in his distress. "Shit, I'm sorry. I thought this would help, I didn't mean"-

"Eren, why are you so good to me?"

Well, that certainly shut him up, that simple, wavering, soft question that Levi uttered. He sounded so lost, even a little frightened of how Eren would answer as he gazed at him with those pleading eyes. The boy opened and closed his mouth a few times, finding that any words he could have used to explain himself just wouldn't come. His breath was lost, that simple question like a punch in the gut. What was the right answer? What could he say that wouldn't frighten Levi away from him for good?

Absolutely nothing.

The boy gripped the back of the wooden desk chair, his knuckles turning white. He ground his teeth with his own indecision and remained silent, until Levi prompted him again, "Eren?"

God, he just couldn't lie to him when he sounded like that, like Eren could save him or break him. It was too much. So, he answered back just as tremulously, "Do you not know? Even when I told you I was an invert, and then taking you to a mollie-house…"

He trailed off, too afraid to say more. If he did, Levi would surely never speak to him again, and he couldn't bear that. If he lost Levi...if he lost enough people, he was afraid he'd go down the same route as his mother.

Levi took a step towards him, but averted his eyes, wiping them. "I'm sorry. I'm not very good at this sort of thing. I'm not like you, good at figuring people out. I have enough trouble figuring myself out, and it's only because of you that I'm just starting to. So please, just tell me. Whatever it is, I won't be angry. I promise."

With that, he placed a hand over the boy's, and Eren couldn't take it. That simple touch melted at his resolve like the spring sun melting the final frost of winter; immediate, overwhelming, and final. He squeezed his eyes shut, holding back tears, before finally admitting in a hoarse voice, "I adore you, Levi. From the moment I first met you at my father's party, I've wanted nothing but your happiness, and I'll do everything I can to make that happen. Yes, I've desired other men before, but none of them have ever made me feel as wonderfully weak and sick with longing as you have. Even if you don't want me in that way and never will, I can respect that. Just say the word and we'll never speak of this again. Just as long as you don't disappear from my life completely, please. I couldn't- couldn't bear that."

And there it was. Everything Levi had ever wanted to hear from the boy. The weight of it and its implications made him start trembling, and he placed a hand to his mouth, trying to hold back sobs. His own emotions threatened to crush him, and he wasn't sure if he was going to cry, throw up, or scream with elation. His knees tried to buckle, but he held himself up with all of his strength, and he dared not look at Eren's face, knowing he'd be unable to handle how raw, vulnerable and afraid he must have looked. Indeed, Eren's eyes were glistening with unshed tears, and he felt nauseous. Things were silent for a moment between them as the tension between them drew tauter and tauter, like a noose being pulled around their necks.

"Levi, please say something," he rasped.

The older man's shoulders shook, tears pattering onto the hardwood floor beneath his feet. His voice was thick when he finally replied, "I hoped- but I was so _scared_, still am, so scared I can't breathe. You're so…and I'm, well- Eren I've never"- he gripped his hair, and finally looked up at the younger man with desperation clouding his grey eyes, looking more helpless than Eren had ever seen him before. His chest only felt tighter when Levi wheezed out a single simple yet terribly loaded question, so softly that Eren had to strain his ears to hear it:

"_What do I do?"_

This was it. He was looking for an answer to the biggest question that had plagued him his entire life. Not only what he should do next in that moment, but what should he do about these feelings he had carried for so long? Should he continue to fight them, or give in? What should he listen to, his heart or his head? Like Eren knew the answer to that. But Levi looked like he would shatter if he didn't say something, or worse, if he lied to him. So he said the only thing that came to mind, and he meant it wholeheartedly.

"Whatever you want."

Such a simple, yet loaded statement, because Eren meant both to do whatever Levi wished right then with him, and that he was indeed free to do whatever he liked from now on because he no longer had the influence of his parents dictating what he should and shouldn't be doing. Levi was his own person, and if he wanted to sin, then that was his choice. Even though Eren had no idea what was so sinful about loving another person with your whole heart and soul and wanting to see them as happy as you could possibly make them.

He stood there in front of Levi, solid and unyielding, his eyes intense as they bored into the other man's, pleading hard for him to make his decision. And Levi was caught in his gaze like he was under a spell, unmoving. The two of them could hardly breathe, the air in the room was so heavy.

But Levi remained frozen, too wracked with indecision, unable to think. So slowly, bit by bit, Eren began lean forward, watching Levi's reaction every second, eyes flickering from those pink lips to his eyes and back again. If there was even the slightest sign that he should back off, he would. But Levi held his ground, lips parted as he began to breathe faster, eyelids falling to half-mast. The closer Eren drew, the pinker Levi's cheeks became, the redder and more enticing his lips appeared, and the louder his panting became. Eren's heart was pounding so hard that it was painful, and oh heavens, had Levi's eyelashes always been that long? He was beyond any beauty that Eren could ever hope to conjure on his canvas, porcelain perfection in this grey, bleak city. He was Eren's Doll, his muse, his inspiration to make something more out of himself than he was, and his reason to smile every day. His own personal fairytale come to life.

All he had to do was break out of the dark woods of his own fears and gently claim his beautifully shy, shining treasure, if he would allow it.

So, finally, _finally_, Eren took that final leap, and let his eyes fall shut, tenderly pressing his lips against Levi's.

Levi went rigid. Couldn't breathe as his lungs seized. And then his eyes slipped closed as well, his mind going blank and his ears ringing. His heart stuttered, his neck prickled, and his thoughts slowed until they melted together into one syrupy, incomprehensible mass. _This is what we've always wanted, _his thoughts screamed. _See how right it feels? See how you quake and shiver for this boy, how hot you burn and yet how cold your bones feel? This is love, and lust, and everything your body and heart have always wanted. Give in, let go. _

_No! _his fear snarled, cutting through the warm bliss. He couldn't do this, this was wrong, shameful. This was illegal, and if his neighbors heard, they would call the police on him. He was sick, twisted, going to Hell. Levi ripped himself away from Eren with a gasp, eyes snapping open and looking like he had seen a ghost. He stumbled backwards, breathing heavily, holding himself to calm the shivers that skittered over his skin. Warmth had begun to pool low in his abdomen, traitorous, potent desire so unfamiliar and yet beyond anything he had ever felt in his dreams making itself known. He paced, distressed and torn, whimpering and squeezing his eyes shut, unsure of what he should do. Once again, his mind waged war with itself, What Is Right battling What I Desire, the two tearing each other into a bloody mess.

Eren could only watch helplessly, wishing he could comfort him but holding himself back. It was the moment of truth, and whatever happened next would have to up to Levi. The nerves nearly made the boy vomit as he watched to see which side of the other man would emerge victorious, and what kind of person would rise out of the wreckage.

Levi fixed him with a tense, wide-eyed stare, finally stopping his pacing. He stared at Eren for a moment, his eyes shining and darkening with thousands of wonderful and terrible emotions, before he stomped purposefully back over to him. Eren stayed in place, preparing for the worst, preparing for the words that would send him out the door and out of Levi's life for good.

But instead, the older man grabbed him by his vest and yanked him back down, and Eren only got a glimpse of his wet, desperate eyes before, with a whimper from Levi, their lips were smashed back together. Levi was tired of fighting his feelings, so utterly exhausted and beaten from doing so, that much like a warrior at the end of the battle, he was too weak to continue to do so. The kiss was brutal, bruising and frenzied, teeth clacking, bodies pressing together closer and closer as Levi took hold of his head and refused to let him go. He was sobbing around their kisses, having no idea what he was doing but knowing that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop. Eren responded, crushing Levi's body to his, holding him around his waist and knocking the wind out of them both, kissing back with just as much passion and fervor. For Levi, eleven years of repressed tension and desire for the same sex were pouring out of him in one glorious moment. His lips were tingling, his body was burning, and a sort of mania born from years of repression made it so that he was incapable of doing anything but kiss Eren with everything he had or he felt he would die. That lust he often felt in his dreams flared to life, scorching his veins and settling heavily between his legs. He felt Eren stroke down his back, lower and lower until he was cupping his rear, and without any prompting he pressed their pelvises together, grinding them like in his dream, and Levi gasped into the kiss, face flaming hot. His knees buckled, and if Eren hadn't been holding him he would have collapsed. He hung off the boy's neck, _wanting _and consumed and wracked by feelings he didn't fully understand because he had never experienced before. Lust was so much more powerful than he had ever imagined it could be, and with his cock throbbing and core shivering with sweet, newborn passion, he tore his lips away from Eren's and began kissing down his jaw and neck, panting heavily between kisses, whimpering and whining pathetically.

When Eren felt his lips on his neck, that seemed to snap him out of it, though it was a gradual process. He sucked in a breath, eyes still shut, lips parted in bliss as he felt Levi lick and nibble his way down the sensitive skin, feeling his damp breath against it. The shorter man's hands were caressing his chest, and he could feel him trembling in his arms. But they couldn't go any further than this; whatever was burning through Levi's body was most likely the result of lack of experience, receiving his first kiss awakening his libido harshly and fully. As much as he didn't want to, Eren began to push him away.

"Levi," he tried to say firmly, but it came out more like a groan, an encouragement for him to keep going. More resolutely, but gently, he repeated, "Levi. That's enough for now."

When Levi snapped out of his daze and met the boy's eyes, _oh_, the utterly debauched expression on his pretty face made Eren shoot so hard in his trousers so suddenly he thought he might faint. He was breathing hard, face red, eyes heavy with unshed tears, and saliva shining on his lips, a trail sneaking down the side of his lip. He was still gripping Eren hard, using him to hold himself up, trembling like a leaf in the wind. He looked broken in a precious way, like he was adrift and Eren was the only thing holding him together. It was glorious, but also heartbreaking. He was clearly aroused, but frightened by it, his whines sounding more like sobs again, and the boy pulled him close, feeling Levi bury his face in his shoulder.

"Shh, darling, it's alright," he said softly, holding the back of his head. "I know, I know. Easy, precious. Calm down now. I know you're scared and overwhelmed. That's how I was when I had my first kiss with a man too. Just breathe for a minute."

Levi did as he was asked, remaining in Eren's arms and breathing him in, letting his scent calm him down. After several minutes, when his breath came easier and lighter, the boy finally dared to back up enough so that he could see his face, holding it in his hands. His eyes were less clouded now, but at least he didn't look like he was going to bolt. His hands remained on Eren's chest, palms warm and firm.

"So I can take this to mean you share my feelings?" the younger man asked wryly. Levi huffed and pouted adorably.

"What was your first clue, Sherlock," he grumbled.

Eren snorted, and then brushed some of his mussed hair behind his ears. Levi felt chills run along down his neck and back when he felt his nails scratch lightly behind his ears, his skin extra sensitive to any small touch from Eren after going years without any touch at all. The boy then chanced to ask, "Does this also mean you wouldn't mind if I courted you? I promise to treasure you and give you every happiness that I'm able."

Levi sighed, leaning into one of Eren's palms. He then replied hesitantly after a moment, "I know you would…I'm just still scared. What if someone finds out? And I still hate myself for feeling this way, but…I'm tired of denying what I feel for you, or the fact that I've felt this way about men since I was a boy. It's wrong, but I can't fight anymore, Eren. I'm too weak."

"Absolutely not," Eren denied vehemently. "You're one of the strongest people I know. You're making the decision to be yourself despite what society says is right. I admire you so much for that because I've seen friends kill themselves because they couldn't bear it. You're still here and breathing. That's a miracle."

Levi shook his head. "No. I'm here because of you. I made this decision because I guess I figured I care about you more than I fear the repercussions. You're a persuasive man, Eren. As beautiful and vibrant as princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty." He squeezed him a little tighter, adding, "My Aurora."

Eren laughed, and held him back just as tightly, agreeing. "Yes, yours. Yours for as long as you'll have me."


	9. What If We Rewrite the Stars?

For years, Levi had read in books, especially his fairytales, just how wonderful being in love was. How people described it as walking on clouds, always being happy and enchanted with every single thing the other person did no matter how insignificant it was. How beautiful they were in any sort of light, and every moment together was, well magical.

As cliché and silly as it sounded, and perhaps it was because of the forbidden aspect of their relationship, Levi found that every day he spent with Eren was all of this and more.

Levi could barely believe all of the passion and affection that would well up in him at the mere sight of Eren. When he would appear at his work, or when he would show up at the boy's home, he would become ridiculously giddy, practically dancing in place like a small child. They would hug to greet each other, though it was more of a quick, one-armed hug that he had often seen other men engage in. But when no one was there to witness them, Levi would snuggle in extra tight and nuzzle against Eren's cheek, leaning in with eyes closed like a content cat while Eren buried his nose in his hair and held him with both arms, squeezing him like he hadn't seen him in years.

It was the most amazing thing for the older man because ever since his parents passed away, though he had had Hanji, she had her own life to worry about and couldn't always be there whenever he needed someone. But what he was figuring out was that this wasn't the case with Eren. Because they were courting, it was okay to ask him to hold him, or for any other affection from him without feeling bad about it. In fact, it was very welcome, Eren indulging him whenever he would nudge him or lay his head on his shoulder, like an owner rewarding his cat when it asked for attention. And oh was Levi a spoiled kitty, at first unsure if it was okay to always be asking for these cuddles, but when the boy didn't complain or ever push him away, he figured that it was alright and kept doing it. He was so touched starved before, and now it was like he was making up for lost time, drinking in every touch he possibly could.

Eren was becoming his person, a person that was happy to see Levi no matter what, that wanted to hear every detail about his day no matter how insignificant it was. It was going to take a lot of getting used to, but he liked it.

However, though Eren's presence excited him and filled a huge void in his life, Levi found that he still had trouble convincing himself that this was okay. That being with another man as he would a woman, courting him and all that would entail. He felt better about than he had before, enough that his desire to be with Eren won out over his doubts, but they were there enough that he hadn't moved past hugging him. They hadn't kissed since the day Eren had told him how he felt about him, and Levi had been too scared to initiate anything else. He knew the boy was probably disappointed, as it was evident every time he leaned down and Levi would turn away and either talk about something innocuous or bury his face in his chest.

Of course, it didn't take long for Eren to bring this up.

"I'm not pressuring you to or anything," he had said one afternoon in Levi's apartment while sitting on his bed next to him. "I just want to make sure everything is okay. We don't have to kiss if you don't want to, ever. Trust me, I just want to be with you, and whatever you're okay with or not okay with, I'll respect."

It had made Levi extremely light to hear that, but at the same time very guilty. He was far too kind, his boy. Here he was holding back because he was such a coward and had no idea not only how this whole relationship, but this whole relationship with another man was supposed to work. Eren made him want to get over his fears, but since his parents, and then he himself, had been reinforcing them to himself over and over again for years, it was hard to undo those thoughts. He sighed heavily, refusing to look at him, hugging his knees to his chest.

"I've just been taught to believe all my life that I'll be going to Hell if I feel towards a man what men are supposed to feel towards women," he eventually mumbled sadly. "And of course if someone catches us, we'll both be thrown in jail, and alright granted we won't get the death penalty anymore, but we might as well. There are so many diseases that run around those places, and the crazy inmates that are already there. Not to mention that even if we got out, our lives would be ruined forever. I'd be fired from my job, no one would hire you to clear their farms of pests again, or commission you for art. No one would publish my works, we just- we'd be outcasts. We could never live here again and our dreams would be shattered."

Eren regarded him sadly for a moment, understanding completely but at the same time not. He shook his head, placing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close. "I get it. Of course I do. Listen, I might talk tough, saying that no one can touch me because my family has a lot of money, but deep down I worry sometimes. I worry a lot less than the average person, but I still worry. All I can offer is that we just have to be more careful than the average couple, but we can pull this off. Others at the Laughing Fox have been doing it for decades. So why can't we give it a shot too?"

Levi wasn't going to argue with that. After all he had finally found a little piece of happiness after being without one for so many years, and he was not going to let it slip away from him regardless of what laws or morals said.

"And besides," Eren added, "everything is legal when there's no police around."

That definitely put a smile on Levi's face.

And well, that made him feel a bit better. If other people could pull this off, maybe they could too.

So, one warm fall afternoon when the leaves were in full color around the end of October, Levi had an idea for a date for them. He didn't fully explain where they were going to Eren because he wanted it to be a surprise. All he told him was that they were having lunch together and to bring a basket of whatever he wanted to eat.

It was a bit of a walk towards their destination, but it was a pretty one at least. And to Levi, it was terribly romantic; they were walking side by side next a small river outside of town, one during the warmer weather many local kids liked to swim in and people liked to fish in. Eren was holding the picnic basket while Levi was walking Prince on his fancy little leather leash and collar, even wearing a pretty name tag that Eren had engraved for him. The air was crisp and the chatter between them was wonderfully idle and light. They looked like a painting, Levi thought. Like any other average courting couple.

Well, except for the obvious difference.

"Are we almost there?" Eren whined. "This thing is heavy."

"No it's not you big baby, I carried it all the way through town and I was fine," Levi sighed. "You spoiled rich boy."

"Exactly. This is too much heavy lifting for my delicate self."

"You say as you help farmers lift heavy wooden planks and hay bales, or the feet of your Shires as you pick out their hooves. You can handle a picnic basket with a pie in it."

"…What kind of pie?"

Levi snorted. "Keep walking and you'll find out."

Well, Eren sped right up at that, practically sprinting past him up the path. Prince, seeing that someone was in front of him, also sped up and chased him, dragging Levi along. The three of them ran the rest of the way, the out of shape librarian wheezing by the time Eren decided to slow down, trying not to collapse on the dirt. By this time, the shaded path opened up into a small abandoned farmer's field, a dilapidated barn moldering quietly in the distance. More importantly, the yellowing, dry grass waved in the breeze, rising up to a large hill with a couple of apple trees at the top. Levi nodded towards them.

"Up there," he stated. "That's where we're having lunch."

"It's beautiful," Eren breathed. "I didn't even know this was here."

Brushing through the grass, grass so tall that Prince disappeared in it and became nothing more than a moving leash in front of Levi, the older man explained, "Once in a while I'll take walks outside of town and I found this place a couple of years ago. It's my favorite place in the world. This is actually the place I imagine my main character living in my story. When I sit up on the hill and look at the barn, I like to imagine what it might have looked like when this farm was in use. The view at the top of the hill is really pretty too."

When they eventually made it to the top, they stopped and gazed at the view, standing side by side. Eren's mouth was agape as he gazed at the multi-colored patchwork of farmland and farmhouses in the distance. There were groups of trees as well, and a group of geese was taking flight. And guarding it all was a row of mountains that looked blue.

"Levi…." the boy gasped.

"I know," he agreed. "Isn't it neat? I know it's kind of silly, but I sit up here and wonder about the lives of each of the people down there. Like what their lives are like. I like to make up stories for them too, and some of them I want to put in my book. I also wonder what's beyond those mountains, you know? I was born and raised here, so I've never been out of town. It's fun to think about. My main character has the same problem too, wants to know what's beyond the mountains."

"I love it. I've left town a bit, but I've never gone beyond the mountains either." He looked over at Levi meaningfully. "Maybe we'll find out someday? Add it to our list of things we can do before we die. When we're old men and have the time, we can venture beyond the mountains and finally see what's out there."

Levi beamed up at him. "Definitely. I'll hold you to that, Eren."

Eventually, they sat down, Levi tying Prince's leash around the trunk of a younger tree with a thinner trunk while Eren unpacked the basket. Luckily because it was cooling down, a lot of the insects were dying off, so they didn't disturb their picnic. But there were a few lingering butterflies that landed on their blanket, or flitted around Prince's face, causing the terrier to leap up and try to catch them. Eren was ridiculously charmed by the whole scene, as well as the food that Levi had made. A highborn lady in training for being a housewife couldn't have prepared a better basket; the sandwiches were perfectly cut, the jam was clearly handmade and blended wonderfully, and the roast beef was sliced with care. Eren had brought his own potato salad and tea cakes that he had convinced Mikasa to make for him without telling her what they were for, as well as brewing tea for Levi knowing what a sucker he was for it. Levi himself was sitting contentedly on the blanket, leaning sideways on one hand while he slowly ate a sandwich with the other, his eyes half closed as he listened to Eren talk about this, that or the other thing and enjoying every second of it. It was a privilege to drink in his presence like this where no one was watching them and they could act as besotted with each other as they really were.

"See, there were many times in history when men being in love with other men was okay," he was saying, waving around his salad fork to add emphasis. "Way back to our earliest ancestors. They said it was better for men to have sex with other men because it meant they wouldn't get pregnant and I can only assume there would be less mouths for them to feed. Then you had the Greeks and the Romans who slept with their apprentices to turn them into men, and even the Spartans who encouraged homosexual relationships in their armies because they thought that men would fight harder to protect and impress their lovers. The Vikings loved keeping male lovers too you know. They didn't have a concept of being an invert, or at least, the man who was doing the mounting was never seen as an invert, only the man who had the cod in his ass. Even the monks in the middle ages were all married to one another and thought there was nothing wrong with romantic love between men. It was only when the Puritans took over that everything went to shit."

"Oh really?" Levi nodded along. "I never knew any of that."

"It's true. Now we have that Oscar Wilde fellow who is terrible at hiding the fact that he's as much of a mollie as you and me. It's more of a well-known secret than anything. If he can get away with it, we should be able to."

"He's married though," the older man pointed out.

"So are lots of the men who come to the Laughing Fox," Eren laughed, popping a blueberry in his mouth.

Well, Levi couldn't argue with that. Finishing his sandwich, he regarded Eren's smiling profile. The boy looked so ridiculously happy, like he often did when he was around him. He was always so strong, so invulnerable. It suddenly occurred to him that he had never seen his boy afraid before, and he wondered if anything did scare Eren at all. Well, of course something had to, but what?

"This is going to seem odd," Levi nervously asked, "but what's your greatest fear? I realized I've never seen you scared before."

Eren's smile fell a bit and he grew somber, but tried to shrug it off. He put his fork down into his bowl and said, "Well, it's…I guess it grew from losing my mom, but I'm really scared of being abandoned, especially by people I love. If I lost someone else, either you or Mikasa or any of my friends, I don't know if I'd be able to handle it. I'm already having a hard enough time as it is. There are nights where I wonder if living is even worth it because I'm so scared of being left behind by people, or I lay awake at night analyzing every interaction I've had that day wondering if I made a person hate me. Sometimes I feel like I'm one loss away from being tossed into an asylum like my mother."

Levi felt his heart drop further and further with every word he spoke. He had never expected Eren to have such a deep seated fear; he thought it would be something more innocuous, like a fear of spiders or something. No, he couldn't handle this. Chest aching, he sidled up to Eren until he was sitting beside him and leaned his head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't know. That's…not silly at all. While I can't make promises for other people, I can promise that I won't abandon you."

Eren shrugged. "Well, realistically I suppose no one can promise that, right? You could die before me, or I could die before you."

"If I had the choice, I wouldn't leave you, you know that," Levi insisted.

"I know." Eren took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So, what's your greatest fear then?"

Without hesitation, the older man told him, "The dark. I know, it's childish, but I've always had this odd fear that ghosts or demons are hiding in the dark in my room at night and are going to spring out and devour me. My parents would always tell me things like that to make me behave and I never quite got over me. That and one time at school a student locked me in a trunk and I was stuck in there for an hour or so. It was enough to scar me for life. Every time I'm in the dark by myself now I start panicking and it makes getting to sleep at night hard. But having Prince sleep on my bed at night helps because it lets me know that I'm not alone at least. It's made it so that I sleep with less candles and gas lamps lit now."

Ah, so that explained all the candles sitting near his bed when Eren visited. Well he was glad that Levi had his puppy if it helped reduce the number of candles and such that were lit then all the better because those were a fire waiting to happen. He put an arm around Levi's shoulder and pulled him close.

"It's not childish," Eren assured him. "We've all got our fears, and we all feel that they're irrational to a point, but they make complete sense to us at the same time. You've got nothing to be ashamed of."

Those words made him feel better, they really did. Sometimes the best thing when you felt like you were going crazy was to hear that someone else was just as crazy as you were. For his entire life, he had been told by others that he had confided in that his fear of the dark was ridiculous at his age, and so he had stopped telling people. So he had taken a huge risk by telling Eren, and he was so happy that the boy didn't reject him. However, there was still one thing that was bothering him.

"There's a dream I've been having for years," he mumbled quietly, looking off into the distance at the fields that lay under their hill. "I'm trapped in a pitch black room with a door that I can never find. I scream and scream for help, but no one ever comes for me. I scream until everything fades away, and then when I wake up, my throat hurts, and I realize I was screaming in my sleep. It's my worst nightmare that I have, and I think my worst nightmare in general. If I were ever trapped in a dark room that I couldn't get out of, I'd never be able to recover from that."

Eren squeezed him a little tighter, feeling Levi stiffen slightly against his body. The subject was stressing him out clearly, but at the same time it seemed to be something he needed to get off his chest, and perhaps it was easier to talk about in the broad daylight like this miles away from anyone they knew.

"Me too," he said after a moment. "I mean, I've been having an awful dream for a few years too."

The older man went still and silent, waiting for him to continue. Eventually, Eren told him, "I'm in this little mausoleum in the cemetery outside of town, the one where my mother is buried, and I'm laying in this coffin, crying. I don't know why I'm crying really, but I just know that everyone has forgotten me. And I sit there, freezing cold, wishing someone would put the lid over the top of me, but no one does. And then I wake up, still feeling very alone. Lately whenever it happens, my first impulse is to run into Mikasa's room to make sure she still knows who I am, and then run into town to find you."

Once Levi processed the horror of Eren's dream, he assured him somberly, "You could, you know. My door is always open. But I'm so sorry that you're dreaming things like that. We're a mess, aren't we?"

Eren hummed in agreement, and then let things fall silent between them for a moment. Just then, the boy remembered something, sitting up and looking Levi in the eye as he said excitedly, "Oh! Taking a break from the sad conversation, I just remembered. I saw that the Sleeping Beauty ballet is supposed to be performed here in December, around Christmas time. I figured if you wanted, I could get us tickets. And it'll be both a Christmas and birthday present from me to you so don't you dare start up about paying me back."

Levi took a deep breath and then stuck his tongue out at him, before heavily putting his head back on his shoulder and grumbling, "Well fine. As long as it's a gift I guess. But…oh God, I'm really going to see the ballet?"

Eren laughed. "Yes. I told you, anything that's in my power to give you, you'll get it. That's part of what courting is about, get used to it."

A rush of giddiness coursed through the older man, making him feel like a child on Christmas morning, and with a giggle he pulled Eren into a tight hug and bowled him over so suddenly that the boy fell over on the blanket. Drawn by the sudden motion, Prince trotted over and licked Eren's face, thinking that they were playing. Levi, who was hovering over the surprised boy, snorted and scratched behind his ears, before finding a leftover bone from the chicken they had eaten and giving it to the puppy. Prince looked delighted beyond belief, and he soon abandoned them in favor of taking the bone and trotting over to the tree with it. But heavens, Eren looked so precious under him, head caged between his arms, hands laying up by his ears. When he registered the position he was in, a sly grin overtook his face.

"Well well," he said, "If I had known that you got like this when I made you this happy I would have done it ages ago."

Levi rolled his eyes, though there was some pink on his cheeks. He tried not to think too hard about the fact that he was straddling Eren's pelvis, and that if he decided he wanted to sit he'd be right on top of his lap. And that would mean he'd be able to feel his-

Oh heavens. His eyes widened and his face turned a deep shade of red as something occurred to him. One didn't usually like to think about the fact that their friends had genitals, and when they were just friends, this was easy to agree with. But now that Eren had expressed interest in him, romantic interest, this would eventually lead to sexual interest, wouldn't it? That was where all relationships went at some point? Levi wasn't averse to sex for sure, but the thought of having sex with Eren was far too overwhelming for him at the moment. It was hard enough to get himself to kiss him, or even just admit that their affection for each other was okay. If he thought about Eren naked in any way, if he thought about what might lie underneath the suit jackets and nice trousers he always seemed to wear for too long, about being able to touch it like he wanted to in his dreams and make Eren's face screw up in pleasure…

Levi's jaw clenched and he swallowed hard enough that his Adam's apple bobbed very noticeably, a movement Eren followed with his eyes. The boy seemed to fully register at that moment the exact position they were in, because he sobered up and his face too grew pink. He cleared his throat as Levi continued to stare, and finally mumbled with a half-smile, "You know, you look really good on top like that. Wouldn't mind seeing you like that more often."

Yes, the older man was naïve, but he had spent enough time around his vulgar college classmates to know exactly what Eren was saying. Levi made a noise that sounded like the air being let out of a balloon but much more pained and strangled. However he didn't move, continuing to commit this pretty image of Eren spread underneath him and feeling guilty every second. The brief thought that this was disgusting, that he shouldn't be thinking about another man like this flashed through his mind, but he squashed it down. It was okay, Eren had told him. Desiring another man was okay. But was it only okay to do that romantically? He couldn't objectify Eren surely? That had to be wrong. Right?

Well, only one way to find out.

"I…Eren?" he stuttered. "This, I'm sorry, this is going to sound strange, but it's not bad that I desire you more than just romantically, right? It's not disgusting that I…I often think about what you might look like without your clothes on? What it might be like to touch you, or your bare skin? Or what it might feel like to have you touch me? I mean, I know how terribly indecent it all is, but I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I find I can't stop it. Then I worry you won't want me because I'm not pure. I…I went to see a prostitute not too long ago to try and convince myself that I didn't really like men, to try and make myself be attracted to women, and it didn't work. I hated it though. What if I never like sex with anyone? I'm…disgusting."

His face remained very red and he turned his face away from Eren, but before he could turn it away fully, the boy pulled it back towards him by taking his chin gently between his thumb and forefinger. To Levi's relief, he didn't look upset at all, but intrigued, deeply so, in a way Levi had never seen anyone look before. His pupils were blown despite it still being so bright out and his lips were parted. He licked them, mouth terribly dry, and Levi was hypnotized by his gaze, as well as by the action of Eren running his thumb over the older man's lower lip. Levi watched as his mouth opened and closed a few times, before he finally replied.

"There's…There's nothing wrong with that at all," he said, his voice slightly hoarse. "Not when you feel the way we do about each other. That's part of attraction, Levi, even with attraction to someone of the same sex. I know some people say, 'Well how can you feel attracted to a body that has the same parts as you do,' which is ridiculous of course. Yes we have the same parts but your body looks a lot different than mine. And someday, when and if you'd be willing, I'd love to get to know it, and I'd love to let you get to know mine. There's no shame in it, despite what others might think. Our parents might be terrified to admit that sex exists and think that dancing in bars will lead to us turning into prostitutes, but if that's the case then Hell is looking a lot more appealing than Heaven. If such places even exist. Yes Levi, please. I want you to desire me as much as I desire you and know that there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. Those feelings are as normal as the breath in your lungs. You're not broken or sinful for experiencing them. And you are in no way disgusting, not at all. Even if we never have sex, I'll still always want to be with you. You're my Doll, aren't you?"

His smile grew extra soft and tender, and he reached up a little more, cupping Levi's face with both hands, and adding meaningfully, "Things may be written for us one way in the stars, but we're strong enough to rewrite them if we want."

Hearing those words, it was as if that part of a weight he had carried for his entire life lifted from his chest. Not the entire thing, because his internalized shame refused to let it go, but enough that bravery was instilled where the shame used to be. Bravery to try and care for Eren the way a man ought to take care of the one he was courting, and the bravery to give into his own feelings. The boy didn't think they were gross or abnormal, and no one had to know about them but the two of them.

"You think so?" Levi smiled down at him. "It's a nice thought. I'm just afraid that it feels like we're stuck in a dream and that at some point we'll wake up and see that this was all hopeless. That everything we'll keep us apart from each other."

Eren shook his head emphatically. "I won't let it happen. I've been told my whole life by my father and other rich people what and who I'm supposed to be, and I'm fed up with it. And I'll be damned if people try and say what you and I get to be. You'll see soon enough Levi that when you're with me, not all of the rules of reality have to apply. We can make our home with each other in the stars, can make our own fairytale. What do you think about that?"

It sounded too good to be true, for sure, and Levi doubted most of what he said. But at the same time, that was the problem. It sounded far too good, and he couldn't help but be seduced by it. The picture Eren was painting, a future where they could achieve their dreams and do so together, wake up to the other's face in bed every morning…oh, if Levi could have that, he would wish for nothing else.

So, even though he was unsure, he was filled with such elation at the prospect, he couldn't help but answer, "That sounds like a perfect dream."

He lowered his body down so that he was laying beside Eren, their chests pressed against each other, and then without letting himself think too hard about it, and allowing his happy feelings to control his actions, he leaned down and softly kissed him.

Eren's eyes widened a bit when he registered what he was doing, but once he did, they closed in bliss and he sighed happily, wrapping his arms around Levi's neck and kissing him back eagerly. Their lips made soft, high pitched sounds, sounds that excited Levi, who was unused to such things, and soon enough he found the euphoria from their kisses overtaking him. He grew more enthusiastic, pressing harder, his head feeling light and his body heating up. When he felt Eren holding him, he just became more excited, pieces of his dreams returning to him where the boy would hold him close while they made love. However, at some point, he found the strength to pull away, panting, eyes dark, face looking wonderfully debauched and his lips moist and red. Eren chuckled lowly, the sound dark and rich and deep in his chest. His stroked his cheek softly.

"Oh yes, I'll wait for you as long as you need," he repeated. "But I'll tell you, you're going to be very hard to resist, my little Doll."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm sorry that these chapters are taking so long to get out, but I promise I'm not going to give up on this fic! I'm just working on two fics at the moment lol. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Bits of it are based off Rewrite the Stars from the Greatest Showman.


	10. The Life of an Invert

It wasn't long before the bright, colorful days of October melted into the drabber, colder ones of November. November meant the start of the holiday season, which normally Levi was not a fan of. That is to say he didn't hate them, he just hated how alone he felt during them. Before his parents passed away he would go to their home and have both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with them, but now that they were gone, he would spend the holidays in his apartment alone. There might be small festivities at his work in the form of food exchanged between coworkers, and Hanji would send him gifts at Christmas time in the mail, but other than that he was largely ignored. It didn't make him bitter, as he understood that these people had families and more important things to attend to, but a small selfish part of him couldn't help but feel lonely and wish there was someone to make him feel loved and wanted when everyone was supposed to be surrounded by their loved ones.

Naturally, when he reluctantly admitted this to Eren when the boy asked him what his plans for Thanksgiving were that year, well, Eren was not going to stand for it.

"That is not happening one more year," he declared firmly one day while he visited Levi at work again. "In fact, how about you spend the holidays with me and my family?"

Levi had gaped, taking a moment to respond with, "Oh no, I couldn't impose"-

But the boy was having none of it. He put his hand on top of his head and ruffled the older man's hair. "Shut up you. It's not imposing if I ask you to come. Besides, you're practically family already."

"But Eren"-

"I won't hear it, Levi, you know how stubborn I am. It's the German blood. And anyway, do you really think I want to spend yet another awkward holiday with my father and sister where all he tells us is that we're not getting any younger and that it's time to get married already?"

He sighed and relented a bit at that, but then his lips quirked upward with amusement. "No, I suppose not. Alright, well I insist on bringing something to dinner."

Eren broke out into a wide grin, ruffling up his hair more and making Levi grin like a small, happy child. "Yes, please do. I'd die for more of your blueberry pie, honestly."

And so, the plans were made, Levi already anxious to be spending an entire afternoon with Eren's family. Yes, he had interacted with them before, but it hadn't been under the most pleasant circumstances and they hadn't exactly been talking about the nicest topics. Hopefully he could rectify that over dinner. Then, the weekend before Thanksgiving as he and Eren took a walk in the park with Prince, something else occurred to Levi.

"Does this dinner count as me officially meeting your family and you showing me off to them?" he found himself asking.

Eren thought about it for a moment, and then decided, "Yes, I suppose it does. But even if they don't like you, that's no concern of mine. Though Mikasa seems to approve of you already, at least a bit. She told me that you're 'safe' for me, that you seem stable and will keep me from doing anything stupid."

Levi snickered at that. "I mean, I'll try my best, but I have no more control over your actions than I do over the weather."

"Ah, but you do have full control over my heart, Doll, and that's an irrefutable fact."

Of course, the older man blushed brightly at that, and Eren grinned at his response. It brought him great joy that he could make the normally stoic, quiet writer react the way he did, to make him show these vulnerable emotions in front of him and only him. And the fact that Levi talked with him about things that he knew for a fact he didn't talk about with to anyone else because he trusted him so much, well, that just made his pride swell even more and made him feel closer to the other man. His reaction was so cute that his hand twitched with the impulse to grab Levi's and for a split second, he almost gave into it.

Then he remembered that they were in public, and reluctantly tamped it down.

Good thing too, because at that moment a pair of young women all bundled up against the cold were coming along the path in the opposite direction towards them, and when they spied the handsome pair with their puppy, they cooed over him and naturally asked if they could pet him. When Levi gave his consent, they kneeled down and let him crawl all over their knees, his ears back and his tail wagging happily as they petted him.

"What a sweet little baby," one girl said as she scratched behind his ears. "It's so nice to see men with little dogs too. So many of them have big, scary brutes."

"Oh I know," said the other. "I'm terribly frightened of those bigger dogs. But you are so cute, yes you are. Oh where did you get him from?"

Levi looked up at Eren, to which the boy flashed one of his charming smiles at them and slipped right into business mode. "I breed them. They're imports from Scotland. If you have any critter problems, these little terriers will handle it as well as any cat. And they're a fair bit friendlier than most terriers you'll come across. And, perhaps I'm biased, but a lot cuter as well."

That made the girls giggle, and if Levi wasn't mistaken, his smile was making a bit of pink appear on their cheeks. The older man sighed, resisting glaring at them as best he could. It wasn't his fault Eren couldn't see just how much he effected the opposite sex.

"I love little white dogs," one girl told him eagerly. "Perhaps when you have your next litter, you could send me a letter?"

Well, Eren was only too happy to oblige. "Absolutely. Write down your contact info for me and I'd be happy to."

She did so, and when they bid each other good day and went on their separate ways, Levi swore he heard them giggling some more and whispering to each other conspiratorially something like, "Heavens, the only thing cuter than that puppy was his owners. I could have taken one and you could have the other."

He made no reaction, but Eren must have heard them too, because when they made some distance away from them, he laughed lowly to himself. Levi explained, "Oh that's pretty common. I have lots of women stopping me when I take Prince here for his walks asking to pet him, what kind of dog is he, things like that."

Eren snorted, "Of course you do. I almost feel sad sometimes that we're not interested in the fairer sex, Levi my dear, because with Prince we'd have no trouble attracting one of them, would we? The only thing they seem to love more than men is men with little dogs. Or cats. But I don't suppose I blame them, since I'm the same way."

"You're incorrigible," Levi stated.

"I don't know what we're talking about, but I agree."

They both looked away from each other and turned their heads towards this new voice. When they recognized who it was, Eren lit right up and waved, and even Levi found a gentle smile forming on his face.

"It's the good doctor!" Eren declared happily. He paused, taking in who she had hanging off her arm as they strolled leisurely down the path towards them, he added cheekily, "And look at the lovely little thing he has brought with him today. How are you today Miss Ral?"

Petra laughed good naturedly. "Oh stop the sarcasm, Mr. Jaeger. You're horrible at it."

"He is, isn't he?" Levi added as the two of them finally came to stand in front of the pair. He took in the sight, surprised and yet very pleased. Hanji was of course dressed in one of her nicest suits; a doctor had to look presentable to the public even when out for a relaxing walk. Petra was in one of her prettiest dresses with a lovely brown coat that someone of her social standing most likely couldn't have afforded, judging from the mink fur that lined the hood. It had to be a gift from Hanji, which also meant…

"So you finally manned up enough to ask her family to court her?" he guessed.

She snickered. "You're one to talk, sir. Didn't your love ask you about courting first?"

He noted how careful she was being in choice of words, and he didn't blame her. They were in public after all, and one slipup could have any of them arrested. This was risky enough as it was. Eren answered for him, "Yes, but do you blame him? You know what a shy little thing he is."

Levi ignored him, but what could he debate anyway? It was true. Instead he said, "Well, I'm proud of you Harry. Petra is very lucky. Not everyone gets to be courted by a doctor. Especially one that understands you so well."

Hanji and Petra gave him a look that said they understood the double meaning behind his words. That is, they understood that he meant that it was nice that they didn't have to hide anything from each other, that Petra knew that Hanji was really a woman and Hanji knew Petra preferred women. This shared secrecy only bonded them closer together, like it did Eren and Levi.

"So, are you guys spending Thanksgiving together?" Eren asked while Petra knelt down and began petting Prince, who was asking for attention from this stranger.

"Yes, at her place," Hanji answered. "It would be nice to do so at my place, but well, I can't exactly lie to my parents now can I?"

"Very true. I'm dragging Levi to my dinner table myself so he can distract me from my judgmental relatives who will all want to know why I'm not doing more with my life or why I'm not married yet, the usual. They're all convinced I'm going to die alone and 'time is running out Eren, you know your cousin was married at sixteen, why can't you be like your cousin?' Same thing every year."

They all laughed at that, as of course they had all been told similar things by their family members. Petra lifted her head and said cheerily, "Well, after Thanksgiving is over, you'll have to come to the Laughing Fox and tell everyone your tales. It's a cherished tradition by the mollies to complain about their annoying and meddling families who are trying to find them good matches."

"I already can't wait," Eren droned.

"Well, from what I heard, it's already starting," Hanji said lowly. "Last time we saw Erwin, he told us that his father is instilling a deadline on him. He either marries or he'll write Erwin out of his will."

"No," the younger boy gasped. "But I thought Erwin owned the company?"

"He does, or at least, he's a partial owner. He acts as the figurehead because his father is retired, but Erwin Smith Sr. owns the other half, and he says if Erwin doesn't set himself to secure a successful future and make it so that he'll have heirs someday, he's taking his share of the company away from him and giving it to his married brother."

Levi asked, "What's he planning on doing then?"

She shrugged. "I suppose something similar to what we're doing. He's going to pass Armin off as a woman, introduce him to his family and marry him. I suppose he could manage it. Armin is small enough and has a high enough voice. That might mean they'll have to move though so that no one gets suspicious."

"That's hardly fair."

"That's the life of an invert, Levi. If it came down to it, you might have to make sacrifices as well for Eren if you two want to protect what you have."

Levi went quiet after that while they continued to talk. He supposed she was right. After all, she had been at this mollie thing longer than he had. But he wondered, would he be willing to do such a thing for Eren? Did he care about him that much that he would leave this town behind, erase who he was and start a new life where no one knew them just so they could remain together? Well, he supposed it was too early to tell, realistically.

But of course his infatuated, fairy-tale loving heart already knew the answer, and though he tried hard to ignore it, he couldn't.

_Yes._

000

Thanksgiving dawned far sooner than Levi was ready for, that was for sure. He had no idea how he was going to make it through a day of dealing with Eren's relatives, but he supposed it wouldn't be so bad with the boy himself sitting right there beside him. Perhaps they'd be able to sneak away at some point to steal some kisses? They hadn't been able to do much of that lately, being so busy and all with hardly a moment to themselves.

His face heated up thinking about it and he sped up on the city streets, careful to balance both his basket with his stacks of pies inside with one hand while he walked Prince with the other. Eren had been cute, inviting the puppy as well, saying that since he was having a family reunion then why couldn't Prince spend the holidays with his family as well. So, he was accompanying him, and if Eren had his way, he'd be in the dining room with him while they ate so that he could enjoy everything the people did. Or rather he was planning on getting his dog addicted to table scraps so that he wouldn't eat the dog food Levi put out for him anymore.

He felt a little silly with so many pies, but he figured that there might be lots of people there, so he wanted to make sure everyone got their fill. He just hoped his food would be acceptable to everyone, considering he had only made them in his tiny kitchen and not the giant one that was surely in all of their houses. Eren had said that many of his family had lots of money, after all. He would probably stick out quite a bit in his shabby clothes, though he was wearing one of his finest outfits. He even stuck a little bowtie on Prince's collar for good measure. Would they look down their noses at him? Would they even notice he was there? Would they find out about his and Eren's relationship? He shuddered at the thought.

Well, only one way to find out.

He made it to the front step of the Jaeger mansion in what felt like no time, and was ringing the extremely loud doorbell, a doorbell that made Prince jump. At that, he heard an excited pattering of footsteps running towards the door that he might have mistaken for a child's if he didn't recognize the gait. The door was flung open, and there was Eren's grinning face greeting him, like the sun after days of rain.

"Oh thank God," he said with relief. "The family has just started showing up and they've only been here for twenty minutes and I already want to throttle every single one of them."

"Aww," Levi laughed, before setting the basket down and throwing his arms around Eren. "Well don't worry, I'm here now." He leaned up and whispered in the boy's ear, "And we can sneak kisses in the back rooms when no one is watching."

"You're the best," Eren breathed. "Now here, I'll carry your basket. Let's get you both settled."

When he walked a little further in, Eren leading the way with his basket on his arm, he was greeted first luckily not by the boy's relatives, but by a flurry of barking and nails clattering on the tiled floor. All four dogs were inside, most likely at Eren's insistence, and they all charged out to say hello, sniffing at Levi and Prince and jumping up on both of them when they recognized them. With a laugh, Levi let the puppy off his leash, and off they all went with a skittering of nails, running and growling and chasing each other into the depths of the house, nearly knocking over Mikasa as she passed them. After dodging them, she made her way into the entryway and stopped in front of the boys, dressed in lovely finery. The dress had many ruffles and the neckline stopped just below her collarbone.

"Mikasa," Levi said with a nod. "You look very nice."

"Thank you," she answered levelly, though he could have sworn there was a glint of amusement in her normally blank and stoic expression. "I've heard at least two aunts behind my back say that I look like a prostitute because my neckline is too low, so it's nice to hear a compliment."

Levi raised an eyebrow. "But isn't it the latest trend for girls anymore? I see it all the time at work. All the younger girls are wearing dresses with lower necklines. But then again perhaps that's why we're getting so many more older male patrons."

"Ew," Eren grimaced.

"Anyway, it's nice to see you here," Mikasa observed, quickly changing the subject. "Maybe if you're here Eren will be less likely to pick a fight with our father and we won't have worry about the turkey being flung across the table like last year."

The boy sighed heavily with annoyance. "It's not my fault. He likes to get on my nerves about the same stupid nonsense all the time, and in front of the family no less."

"I suppose that's true. But anyway, come on it. I can show you were father wants the pies on the table. Eren, why don't you go help the maids for a second in carrying things out. The turkey is quite heavy."

He waved her off and then handed the basket back to Levi. "Sure, sure. Just show Levi where to sit. I'll be right back Doll." He winked at the older man and trotted off towards the kitchen, figuring the sooner he left the sooner he could come back.

That left Levi and Mikasa standing alone awkwardly in the entryway.

Before he could say a word, she beat him to it, and it wouldn't have surprised him at all if she had gotten him alone on purpose based on what she said next. "I meant it, Levi. I know I don't always act like I care about Eren, but on the contrary, I care more about him than anyone else in our family. More than anything, I just want to see him happy and I want him to have a good future. That's why I don't like it when he argues with our father, because the angrier he makes him, the more likely it is that father will cut off his financial flow and bar him from his inheritance so that someday, when he isn't here anymore, Eren won't have anything. He's supposed to inherit the estate when our father dies, but that's only if he has a stable career and at least a wife if not a wife and kids. And father doesn't think Eren will get any of those things by being an artist."

She looked so sad at that moment, her shoulders drooping and her head held low that he believed her. He raised a hand to place on her shoulder, but thought better of it, figuring it would be seen as odd since they didn't know each other that well, and let it fall to his side again. Instead, Levi said, "No, I know you care about him. But you and I know that's necessarily true. There are many famous artists that have been able to make quite a living for themselves. I've seen Eren's work, and there's no reason he can't do the same. He's very gifted."

"I agree. But there are many that don't." She stopped and looked at him meaningfully, her dark eyes practically glimmering with intensity. "And please believe me when I say I'm very glad he has you. You've been very good for him."

Levi looked taken aback at that. "Me? But I haven't really"-

"You have. No matter what you're about to say, you've helped him more than you can imagine. He may not act like it around you, but around here he behaved more like a ghost than a living person after his mother died. He barely responded to the world around him at first, and even when he finally did after a while he wasn't the same. A lot of his happiness was fake, I could tell, and it was very fragile, like that slightest mishap could send him spiraling. At his lowest points, he would…he would tell me to go and get father's gun for him so he could- well. I've done what I can for him, and I know he has friends at the pub that he visits, but none of them ever seemed as close to him as he needed them to be. But since he's made friends with you, it's like night and day. He's brightened right up and seems to get excited about every new day again because it's another possibility to make memories with you, as he puts it. So whatever you did, I'm grateful for it."

His chest felt extremely heavy in the wake of this information, and for a moment, Levi had no idea how to respond. She was right; he had no clue Eren had ever been _that_ unhappy. Sure, he knew his deepest fears and that he missed his mother greatly, but he had thoughts about ending his life before he felt so hopeless? Levi had to suppress a shiver.

"Eren said you thought those things about me. And well, I certainly don't plan on abandoning him if I can help it," he told her sincerely. "Especially if I'm helping that much. Besides, he told me how much he's afraid of that."

She nodded, her eyes serious. "I would hope not. And I think it goes without saying that you won't tell Eren I told you any of these things. He hates it when others see him as anything less than perfectly happy and confident all the time."

"Of course. And I understand. That's just how men are, I suppose. Though Eren and I break the mold and share our feelings with each other. Perhaps that's why he's doing better."

Mikasa had nothing to say to that, though internally she couldn't help but agree. After all, her adopted brother refused to really share many of his feelings with her anymore unless he was pushed to his limits in terms of stressed. She was just happy he had found another outlet.

After that, she led him to his place at the table, and he sat down next to her while she explained a bit who each of their relatives were.

"Don't be offended if they look at your strangely," she assured him in a low voice as she leaned over towards him. "They did the same thing when I was first adopted into this family."

Ah, yes. Levi had heard that Mikasa had been taken in by Dr. Jaeger when her parents had been murdered, as they were longtime patients of his. And well, it was quite obvious that she was not his biological child since her parents were from the East, so it made sense that the poor thing had gotten looks from Dr. Jaeger's family members.

At that moment, Eren slid smoothly into the seat next to Levi with a soft, "Hey, did you miss me?"

Levi couldn't help but grin over at him, but then a second later he was raising an eyebrow at him. "Where's the turkey?"

The boy nodded at the doorway, where the maids were coming in with a cart that carried not one but two huge turkeys, so large in fact that Levi began to wonder if they were turkeys at all; they seemed more like ostriches. But either way, the giant birds were set on the table with care, Eren grinning up at the staff and thanking them with a wink.

After everything was set out, Dr. Jaeger said grace and offered a few prayers before the Jaeger family, all thirty members present, dug in. And Levi used to think that his own dinners with his family were extravagant, but they had nothing on this. He swore there was at least ten of everything, and he was happy he had made extra pies. The table they were sitting at was long and the tablecloth was white and pristine, everything decorated with silver and the finest china with the chandelier dangling over their heads giving off a nice, low glow. And as for the food, everything tasted amazing, and Levi simply couldn't get over how good it all was. Even the dogs seemed to agree with him, having milled in from the other room when they smelled the food and snuck under the table to gather up any scraps that the guests might have dropped. Like a child, he found himself unable to hold back and began piling one of everything on his plate in a bid to sample all that was there before it disappeared. Eren snorted at him from beside him, obviously getting a kick out of how eager he was.

"Are we going to have to roll you out the door later?" he asked him.

"Most likely," Levi replied while shoveling yet more mashed potatoes onto his plate.

"Well good. I say you need more meat on your bones, you poor thing. Give me more to hug when you walk through the door."

Levi felt a wash of nervousness travel down his back. That was pushing it a bit; did anyone hear them? Upon a quick glance around the table, it looked like everyone was too busy with their plates and their gossiping to take notice of what Eren had said. He tried not to sigh with relief at that, and got himself ready to dig in.

Then Eren blasted that relief away when he nonchalantly placed a hand on the older man's knee.

Levi paused in his eating, but only for a moment, glancing over at Eren to try and read his expression. But the boy was giving nothing away, not missing a beat as he started on his turkey. And well…it wasn't like Levi minded where his hand was, because he certainly didn't. He just didn't want anyone else to see them, but since their hands were obscured by the tablecloth, and no one was sitting that close to them, he figured they could get away with it. So, he let the hand stay there, giving Eren a sly half smile in his direction that the boy responded to with a knowing smile of his own.

And then he began moving his hand up Levi's thigh.

It took all of the dark haired man's strength not to drop his fork or let out a noise of surprise at the action. Eren's hands had never been in such an intimate place before. Okay, he remembered them briefly grasping at his behind when they first kissed, but it was such a fuzzy memory. His palms were so warm, the heat bleeding through his trousers and permeating down past his skin and into his blood, sending it racing. His fingers massaged the area teasingly, getting him used to the sensation, before travelling up and then down again several times in a stroking motion.

Eren watched as Levi's free hand tightened into a fist and his rate of eating slowed down dramatically, to the point where he could practically see the wheels sputtering in his head, slowing and then speeding up, reminding him that he had to pretend what was happening wasn't happening. Eren knew better than to go too far of course, but this was awfully fun, and as long as the other man didn't give him any clear signs that he wanted him to stop than he saw no reason to. So he let his fingers tease the outside of his thigh, going very soft and slow so as not to spook him. He came very close to Levi's rear, brushing against it for good measure with the backs of his knuckles, and it spoke to how hyper-attuned the other man was that even through his thick, wool trousers, he still felt his skin twitch under his fingers, like a horse that felt a fly land on its back. Feeling bold, he let his hand glide to the top of Levi's thigh, rubbing and caressing it, practically tickling him, watching the other man's face out of the corner of his eye. He could see Levi stopping to take deep breaths and let them out slowly through his parted lips, and Eren had to bite his lip to keep from laughing with gleeful pride.

"Enjoying yourself, Eren?" Levi finally asked, choosing his words carefully so that only the boy would understand what he truly meant.

"Oh yes," Eren replied, getting his meaning quickly. "This meat is um, quite tender, but firm. I could enjoy it all day if it were possible."

The older man blew on his turkey and answered coolly, "I'll bet you could, you brat."

Eren snickered, and then oh so slowly let his palm drift even more until it reached the inside of Levi's thigh. As soon as it stopped there, Levi let out a tiny croak that could have been mistaken for a moan if his lips had been parted. As it was, he cleared his throat loudly to cover up the sound. But Eren didn't miss how he kept his lips tightly sealed after that and had to shut his eyes once in a while to soak in the pleasure as Eren kept rubbing the tender skin, so very close to his goal, his fingers skittering up towards the direction of his groin teasingly before retreating. This was a problem; both of them were enjoying this far too much, and soon Levi's flushed face would become noticeable, and for that matter, so would Eren's, as he was beginning to forget where they were. But if he could, he would have delicately squeezed Levi's crotch just so that he could see what kind of scrunched up pleasurable face he would make, how his brows would draw together and how he would try and keep his voice down while also trying not to squirm in his chair. It was painful to hold back, so very painful…

Unfortunately, they were interrupted by the wet blanket Eren called his father, the man's voice carrying down the table.

"So Eren," he began steadily, "how goes the job searches? And the college applications? I know you've been looking for both, haven't you?"

The boy deftly removed his hand with a frown, the moment now gone. Why did he have to put him on the spot like this? Levelly, he answered, "I've done neither, father. I told you what I have planned for my career path multiple times. And at this point, if you want to get rid of my inheritance, that's fine by me. I don't need your money or your estate to be happy."

The older man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Eren, we've been through this. You're an adult now and"-

"Exactly, I'm an adult. So that means I'm perfectly capable of deciding for myself what I want for my future. And it doesn't involve becoming a doctor."

By now, several members of the family had gone quiet and were listening with interest, much to Levi's embarrassment. But Eren didn't seem to care at all. In fact, it was almost as if he wanted them all to hear this. Grisha tried a different route, asking instead, "Alright, then how the search for a wife? You been going out a lot more lately, you must have found someone by now."

_Oh yes, he certainly has, _Levi thought wryly. _Just not someone you would approve of._

Eren tightened his fists on top of the table and said a little more harshly, "For the last time, father, I'm not getting married. I'm not going to say it again, and there's no way you can force me to."

Oh, Grisha did not like that. He narrowed his eyes at the boy, peering through his glasses in a way that made Levi's skin crawl. He then told him, "I wouldn't test me if I were you. Listen to me, Eren. I'll say this one time. You have until December of next year to get your life in order, do you understand? That means a stable career and a wife. If not, I'll make you regret it, I promise you that."

Everyone was watching the exchange tensely now, their eyes drifting back and forth between the two of them. Filled with fury, Eren began to stand up from the table, his chair scraping against the floor, but before he could get far, Levi gripped his elbow. Eren glared down at him at first, but then his glare disappeared when he saw how much the older man was pleading with him with his eyes to relax, to sit back down, that he understood how angry he was but if he fought his father in front of everyone he would only make things worse. And though he didn't care if he made things worse, Eren still did as he was bid, not wanting to disappoint Levi. He slowly sat back down and reluctantly continued eating, stabbing his food with his fork.

After a few moments of silence, their guests did the same, the sound of the silverware clinking now coming across as horribly awkward as no one dared to say anything for a long while. But Levi hardly noticed, simultaneously trying to keep Eren calm by keeping a firm, supportive hand on his knee and losing himself in a troubling thought.

Earlier, Hanji had told him that he might have to give everything up to be with Eren, that would have to go to great lengths in order to stay together. And though he was willing to do anything, having Eren disowned by his family and losing his comfortable life was not one of those things. So that might mean that he might have to convince Eren to follow his father's wishes and find himself a wife.

Levi had to suppress a shudder at the thought. If Eren did get married, what would mean for them? Nothing good, he figured. And now what was worse, Grisha had imposed a deadline on his son. They might only have a year left together, and it wasn't fair. Not when Levi wanted eternity with his Aurora.

He spent the rest of Thanksgiving dinner in silence, pretending to nibble at what was on his plate when in reality he had lost his appetite completely.


	11. Dernière Danse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking forward to writing this chapter for a long time, as the dance in here was one of the first things I envisioned when coming up with this fic. The song I imagine them dancing to is Dernière Danse by Indila.

The rest of November and the beginning of December passed in a flurry of holiday shopping, donations to charities and baking like a man possessed, and then before Levi knew it, Christmas was a week away and he was being invited to the Jaeger mansion yet again. This time it was for the annual ball that Grisha Jaeger liked to throw, not just for his family, but friends and colleagues as well. It was the biggest event in town, and as many people that could be fit into the dance hall was invited. So naturally, Eren asked Levi to come as well.

"Not only will Hanji be there this time, but she'll be bringing Petra and all of our other friends from the Laughing Fox," he explained excitedly. "It's the only party of my father's that I actually usually attend, mostly because the other lads and I like to rank the other men that come into the party and see who we would spend the night with if he had the choice, or we like to guess which men might secretly be mollies. It's lots of fun."

Of course part of Levi felt uncomfortable in going to such a large gathering; his heart began to pound with anxiety at the mere thought. But if his friends were there then it might be bearable. Plus, he knew if he wanted to leave at any time Eren would make sure that he would have a way to get home safely. Besides, if Eren had fun there, then there was a good chance that he would too.

But just for good measure, Eren of course had to give him the saddest, biggest eyes he could manage, akin to Prince's when Levi ate steak at the table and add, "It would mean the world if you would come too, my prettiest, best and most perfect Doll."

Levi rolled his eyes and shook his head, the boy playing him like the devil plays the violin or a faun plays a pan flute. It just wasn't fair. "Alright, you brat. But it better live up to everything you're saying it will. And if we don't sneak away at least once for some necking I'll be very disappointed."

Eren smirked and gave a delighted little growl. "Levi my saucy little jewel…anything for you. If you'd like to try, I certainly won't tell you no."

He took the other man's hand like he would a woman's and kissed the back of it delicately, noting how soft his skin was and how it smelled like lemongrass. Looking up, he saw that red was dusting across his cheeks as well, and since they were alone in Levi's apartment, just to tease him further, he pressed his lips against the tips of his fingers, kissing them one by one. Levi watched, enraptured, the feeling of those warm lips against the sensitive pads of his fingers going straight to his groin. So soft, and slightly damp…how would they feel sucking on his fingers? A hot flush went up the back of his neck, and Eren could have sworn he saw his pupils dilate just the tiniest bit. He laughed deep in his chest at his response, loving the effect he was having on this shy virgin he had been lucky enough to ensnare. He used his free hand to stroke Levi's cheek, taking his time, marveling at the fine downy hairs there that seemed to stand up under his touch, before brushing his thumb over that plump, pink bottom lip. Levi was frozen, lost in the deep green of Eren's eyes, now much better at ignoring that voice in his head that told him that this was sinful and wrong. If it was so wrong, then Eren wouldn't look so perfect to him, wouldn't be looking at him like he had never seen anything more beautiful. If this was wrong, then he didn't have the strength to break away from this and do what was right.

Then, Eren leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "You naughty little thing. And yet I'm helpless to deny you anything. You've got me good, my darling. If it's necking you want, you'll get the best necking of your life. We can start by exploring where some of your sweet spots are. I'll make you see stars, my beauty."

He blew against the shell of his ear for good measure, and that combined with those honey-sweet words nearly had Levi's knees buckling and certainly did make him release a soft, shuddering breath. Eren laughed again, kissing the other man's hot cheek as he backed away.

"And now that I've sufficiently teased you enough, I'll see you at the party in a week," he said as he saw himself out, the little demon leaving Levi cold, half-hard and just the tiniest bit furious.

But, Eren had accomplished his goal at least of making him look forward to this party.

So when the day finally arrived, Levi found him in front of his mirror almost frantically dressing and stressing over whether or not he looked good enough for such a party or just plain ridiculous. Eren had gone out and bought this suit for him not too long ago as a "pre-Christmas present" and though he hadn't been told to wear it to the party, he got the hint that that was what the other boy wanted. And well, he could have chosen not to wear it. But at the same time, he wanted to see Eren's delighted face when he walked through the doors in this finery.

And looking at it, this was definitely something Levi would have never been able to afford even if he saved up for a month and bought nothing else. It was far too rich for his blood, by both the look and the style. The suit jacket itself was black with longer coattails which Eren thought made him look mysterious, but the vest itself was silk and dark grey in color with black, embroidered patterns, the buttons a bright, shiny silver. He wore a white cravat and hat lined with beaver fur to cap it all off. It was so strange; he just wasn't used to looking this fancy, for he had certainly never gone to anything this high class before, ever.

He just prayed he didn't make a fool of himself.

After a quick dab of lavender to the base of his throat and his wrists, he told Prince to be a good boy and not burn the apartment down while he was gone, and made his way out the door at five o' clock precisely, the time Eren told him the carriage he sent to pick him up would be waiting outside. And lo and behold, when he made it outside, there it was, looking as sharp and well put together as the driver. And he knew it was Eren's carriage for sure because he recognized the horse.

"Hunter, old boy!" he gasped, and like a happy child went up to him and began scratching his nose. Hunter pushed against his hand, knowing who he was by his scent and whickering. "Well Mr. Jaeger certainly spared no expense, did he? Sends one of his prettiest carts and one of his precious Morgans to come and fetch a commoner."

The driver laughed and said in a thick Irish accent, "Tha' he dinn't. 'E said you were a special guest, Mr. Ackerman."

Levi smiled, touched by the thought. "Well that was very kind of him to say so. I'll thank him myself when I see him, and thank you for troubling yourself to come and get me in this weather. It's colder than a witch's tit out here."

The other man gave another raucous laugh. "Colder if ya ask me."

So as not to hold them up any longer, Levi hopped in the carriage and got himself settled, and then sat back to listen to the pleasant clopping of Hunter's hooves on the cobblestone street. He had to admit, so far, so good. He was actually looking forward to this party like Eren wanted him to. That damned brat; he knew just what to say and do to get Levi in a good mood and excited, didn't he? Though he supposed there was nothing wrong with that. No one else had been able to get excited for a large social gathering before. That was just the power of Eren Jaeger. And besides, the festive scenery was pretty. Being able to enjoy the various Christmas trees all lit up along the street and the children playing in the snow without being too cold himself wasn't a bad deal at all. It was something right out of a festive Christmas song, he supposed, down to the fact that he was on his way to see his sweetheart and spend time with his family and friends.

Soon enough, the mansion came into view, and it felt like the first time he visited all over again. There were bright lights shining from the mansion, and several people milling around, some of them getting out of carriages, some of them going in already, and even some visible through the large windows already mingling. However, now there were several trees decorated sitting in front of the mansion, and the frozen fountains were shining brightly with tinsel. With snow everywhere, it just added to the holiday atmosphere. When the carriage stopped, Levi hopped out, breath misting in the cold air, rubbing his gloved hands together. He thanked the driver, wishing him well and hoping that he got to go inside and enjoy the festivities soon, before heading in himself.

No sooner had he gone inside the building then he was met with wonderful warmth, the sweet smell of cinnamon and gingerbread, and the cheeriness of music playing in somewhere off to his right, most likely in the grand ballroom. One of the butlers was kind enough to take his coat, hat and gloves, and after thanking him he made his way inside. He was happy that he was less nervous now because he knew the mansion so much better now and had an idea of who he was looking for as he milled in. He scanned the room, now happy that he had dressed the way he did, because he fit right in. The men were dressed in their finest velvet and tailcoats and the women were in their silkiest dresses with all the trimmings and ruffles, every style and color on display. However, he wasn't seeing the person he wasn't looking for.

That is until his eyes finally landed on easily the prettiest person in the room. His breath left his lungs; his Aurora was dazzling, shining brightly in a deep green velvet suit contrasted by gold trim. It was wonderfully festive, and to his amusement, Mikasa was standing near him with a matching green and gold velvet dress with huge emerald earrings and a necklace. They were chatting with their friends at the Laughing Fox, the color high on Eren's face and his lips curving upward in a smile before they opened in a laugh. He couldn't hear it, and yet he could because he knew exactly what Eren's laugh sounded like. It pulled him forward like a magnet, and the fact that he had a person at one of these events that he knew would be excited to see him made him feel beyond good.

He made his way over to the group, sneaking up behind Eren, before stretching up and putting his hands over his eyes. Eren froze and began laughing once he processed his new position.

"Guess who," he heard the familiar deep voice say behind him.

"Well, it can't be the Duke of York, because the voice is so close to the ground," he guessed. "Maybe the queen of England? Has she made the journey oversees to our humble party?"

"Shut your sauce-box," Levi growled with a smile.

"Yeah Eren, this party is boring enough, don't go hoping for the queen of England to show up too," he heard Hanji heckle.

The boy burst out laughing again, taking Levi's hands away from his eyes and spun around, looking around to make sure no one was paying attention before briefly kissing his fingers. Levi lit up bright as a star, his stomach tingling at the intimate action, before in the next breath he pulled the older man into a very tight hug. Levi could have sworn he felt his spine crack with his enthusiasm, and he felt Eren lift him a couple inches off the ground. Levi squeaked with surprise, which only made the boy crack up more.

"Now it's a party," he said. "I'm so glad you made it. Otherwise I would have to show up to your door with an angry mob and we would have to drag you out by your hair."

Levi backed out of the embrace. "Well, luckily you don't have to." He looked over his shoulder. "And everyone looks wonderful."

Looking closer, there were many faces that he recognized, but also some that he didn't. Were they inverts too? If not, suddenly he found himself worrying whether or not they had been seen. Did their hug come across as too intimate? Had they seen Eren kissing his fingers? However, they seemed oblivious, most of them looking over just at that moment to meet his eyes. Eren kept his arm around his shoulders, presenting him proudly for the new people.

"Levi, you already know most of these fine people," he said. "But we do have some new faces. For example, this is Annie's husband, Lionel. And here we have Marco and Jean's fiancés, Viola and Loretta. Those are Eld, Gunter and Auruo's wives, and Reiner and Bertholt's fiancés too."

They all waved or nodded to him, and Levi found himself nodding in acknowledgement back. They looked like nice people, and for a brief moment he felt a stab of sympathy for them. Their significant others were leading double lives that were illegal and they were none the wiser. They were all wonderfully naïve. Eld, Gunter and Auruo's wives had no idea that the three of them were engaged in a threesome type of relationship, all of them deeply in love with each other. Jean and Marco's fiancés didn't know that they had half a mind to run away together somewhere where no one knew them so they could be together. Annie's husband, whom she was expecting a baby with, didn't know that she and Sasha had been intimate on multiple occasions. It was tragic in a way, that they couldn't be their authentic selves and their significant others couldn't be with someone who truly wanted to be with them. And he thought about Eren's deadline. Was this going to be their future as well?

However, there was nothing he could do about any of these situations. He wasn't a miracle worker; he was only human. So, he pushed those thoughts out of his mind for now, and instead said, "So, I smelled something really good when I walked in. Where can I find some of it?"

Wasting no time, Eren took him over to one of the tables where food was being served and let him have his pick. It turned out the heavenly smell was a multitude of holiday themed cookies, and Levi wasn't ashamed to say that he tried his best to sample one of everything, Eren encouraging him all the while of course to put more meat on his bones. Once he had had his fill, the boy nodded toward the dance hall, where many couples were either standing around and gossiping on the fringes of the room, or on the dancefloor doing their best to follow the steps of the other people with more experience. There was even a live band playing, which Levi had to admire; he hadn't seen too many live bands in his life. There was even a woman singing some of the songs going on, and he had to admit, she had a very nice voice.

"You want to dance a bit?" Eren suggested.

Levi hesitated. "I well, I've never really danced before."

"Aw, it's not that hard," the boy assured him, nudging him in the direction of the dance hall by bumping him with his hip. "There's so many people in there that no one will notice if you mess up, trust me."

He stared at the dancers longingly. Truthfully, he had always wanted to do something like this, dance in a big fancy dance hall with a live band playing. It was just too bad he couldn't dance with Eren. Well, at least they could dance together at the same time. Breaking down, he decided, "Well, I suppose I could try it for a bit. Just…don't leave me there by myself, alright?"

Eren squeezed him in a one armed hug, and assured him seriously, "Never." Then, after looking to see that no one was watching them, he leaned forward and whispered in Levi's ear, "And afterwards, as a reward for you, we could take a break and find a nice empty closet and…"

He trailed off suggestively, and then as a final punctuation, he blew a cool, tickling breath into Levi's ear. An involuntary shiver went down the other man's spine, and it took everything in him not to pull Eren to him and start snogging in front of the entire ballroom. But he held back, letting him go and he could have sworn there was a suggestive sway to his hips as he walked away. The evil little minx. He would get him back for that later.

So off he went, stepping onto the ballroom floor luckily just as the last song was ending. It gave Levi a second to take in the grand scale of the room. The entire thing was painted gold and white with glorious portraits of cherubs and dancing couples on the ceiling. The ceiling itself was high and round, with glistening beams that solidly held it in place. The floor was so shiny that he could see his reflection in it, and the room was easily triple the size of his entire floor at home. It dripped of the Jaeger's wealth, which of course it would have to, since it was made for so many guests to mill around in, as well of one of the focal points for their parties. Levi watched as some of the women broke away from their dance partners and went on the lookout for new ones, scanning the room for any unfamiliar faces. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, unsure how these sort of matters usually proceeded; was he supposed to ask one of the ladies to dance? Was it alright if she asked him? Could he even stand to dance with a woman he had never met before?

His questions were answered for him when a thankfully familiar face approached him. It was Christa, the heir to the Reiss family fortune. She lit up in recognition when she saw him and moved a little faster, her shoes clicking on the shiny marble floor.

"Levi!" she exclaimed happily, reaching up and giving him a hug.

He hugged her back, a tad awkwardly since he hadn't spoken to her terribly much in the Laughing Fox. However, he did know that she was a very nice girl, never unkind to anyone. "It's nice to see you here, Christa. Though it makes sense you'd be here, doesn't it?" He glanced over her shoulder, not seeing the person he was expecting. "Where's Ymir? I'm surprised she let you out here alone."

She backed out of the hug, explaining, "I had to leave her home, unfortunately. She wasn't happy about it, but our hired help isn't allowed to attend these sorts of things. But I promised to bring her back lots of sweets." She tucked her hair behind her ears, asking uncertainly, "But hey, did you want to dance together for the next song? It's just, I've been dancing with a lot of men I don't know, and they all keep asking really suggestive questions that make me uncomfortable, probably because they're trying to get me to fall in love with and marry them or something to get at my family's fortune, and I know you won't do that, so…"

Levi sighed. Of course they were doing that. So, he took her hand and began leading her onto the dancefloor, saying, "Sure thing. I'll protect you from these creepy non-inverted men."

She laughed sweetly at that, and allowed herself to be led. Christa made sure to get them into an appropriate position on the dancefloor as the musicians raised their instruments to start, promising, "Don't worry. I'll lead you through what I can. Just relax and let your body go loose."

He did as he was told, placing a hand on her waist while taking one of her hands, and once they were set, he found himself looking around the room until his gaze finally landed on Eren, who was luckily very close by and holding the waist of a woman Levi didn't recognize. But when their eyes met, Eren winked at him, which made Levi blush and dip his face in response. Christa, who of course understood the innuendo, giggled at his expense, and he glared teasingly at her in response.

There was a moment of silence, before the music finally started, a soft, bouncy plucking of cello strings, accompanied by the quiet but clear vocals of the singer. The song was in French this time, and though Levi couldn't understand what was being said, it seemed to put him in the romantic mood as much as it did everyone else. Christa encouraged him to pick up his feet, and soon the two of them were gliding around the room in short, halting steps in parts where the cello was prominent, and then more smoothly with longer strides when the female singer crooned. He could at least gather that the singer was asking that they dance, and the song itself was wonderfully smooth and pretty, soft in tone and heavy in implication. It made Levi stand straighter, push out his chest and put a slight arch in his neck, like one of Eren's horses as they pranced.

Speaking of Eren…

He searched for the boy in the crowded room and found him easy enough; he was the only one wearing a deep green suit and of course tall enough that he stood head and shoulders above many of the guests. He watched him until he once again caught his eye, and when he did, that was it, Levi was gone for the rest of the dance.

The whole affair was terribly sweet and yet seductive. As they stepped lightly across the room, Levi almost completely forgot about Christa in his arms, and Eren forgot about his partner as well. They held each other's gaze for several moments at a time, before dropping them to concentrate and then picking it up again. The lights from overhead cast a hypnotic glow over them, making Eren's eyes appear more intense than usual. He was watching Levi very intently, desire pulling him in, as well as longing. Longing to be the one that Levi danced with, the one that held his waist and guided him across the marble floor. The older man fixed him with the same intense stare, trying to convey what actions couldn't, asking him to come closer, closer still…

Eventually, Eren did pass him, and when he did, he made a show of twirling both himself and his partner around at the same time, and as he spun, he passed a hand over Levi's back, unseen. It was nothing more than a soft caress, the boy brushing the backs of his knuckles over his vest, but it burned Levi as if he was touching bare skin. He tried not to arch his back into the touch, using all of his willpower to resist.

So he was going to play this way, was he?

They separated, and when they did, he went back to staring at Eren, narrowing his eyes at him and smirking suggestively. Eren met his eyes challengingly, raising his chin as if to say, "Yeah? What are you going to do, kiss me about it?"

Oh, he was so going to get it later.

Christa snickered at him, and said candidly, "You know, I've known Eren for a long time. Since he was a child of thirteen and coming to the Laughing Fox for the first time. It's amazing. He used to be so randy back then, sleeping with whatever man took an interest in him. I never saw him as the type to settle down. But ever since he met you, he's done a complete turn. He only has eyes for you now and won't shut up about how much he fancies you. He's completely besotted, Levi, like a lass in love for the first time. And perhaps he is, in love for the first time that is."

Ah. So that confirmed his suspicions, that he had in fact slept with all of the naked men Levi had seen in his sketchbook. While he was a tiny bit jealous, he supposed it didn't matter. That was in the past, and all young people did stupid things. What mattered now was that Eren was faithful to him, and so far he had no complaints.

But was Eren really in love with him? The idea was too good to be true. He could certainly hope though.

At that moment, the song ended, and a few people clapped at the musicians for their performance. Levi let go of Christa and thanked her for the dance.

"It was no problem," she told him. "Now go find your sweetheart. I've kept you away from him long enough."

With an eager smile, he did just that, trying not to trot off like a happy child and instead made his way smoothly over to the entrance of the ballroom, looking over his shoulder to make sure that Eren saw that he was leaving. He did, catching his eye again and he could see him bidding his partner goodbye and no doubt making an excuse for why he had to leave. Levi grinned to himself, and kept walking past the crowds, making his way down a hallway he knew well, as it was near where the guest bedrooms were located. He heard a pair of footsteps following him, and he didn't have to look to see whose they were.

It was only when he made his way to the guest bedroom and stopped outside its doorway that he stopped and looked around, seeing that yes, Eren was following him, but luckily no one else. He stopped beside him, also looking at their surroundings. The coast appeared to be clear, the rumble of chatter far away and no footsteps signaling that they had been followed. So, the boy took his hand and, giggling like a schoolboy, pulled him into the room.

"Come on, in here," he insisted, leading him across the room by hand and into the large, empty wardrobe. "That is, if you're still up for that necking?"

Levi huffed. "Eren Jaeger if you don't kiss me senseless by the time the night is over and make me see stars like you promised I shan't speak to you or let you touch me for a week."

His petulance only made the boy laugh harder, and without a second to spare, he yanked Levi inside the closet and shut the door tightly behind them.

The first thing Levi noticed was that it as wonderfully dark and intimate in there, the sounds of the party wonderfully distant and muffled. But he didn't have long to dwell on that fact, because in the next instant, Eren was pulling him to him and making good on his promise, gripping him around the waist and holding the back of his head, before devouring his lips in a searing kiss. Levi's whole body became a livewire, his arms which had frozen uselessly in the air for a second now coming up to grip around his shoulders, kissing him back eagerly, gripping at his hair and holding him in place. Eren tasted wonderful, warm and sweet like alcohol and gingerbread. The boy pushed him up against one of the walls gently, using the leverage to kiss him even harder but not letting go of him. God his body was so large and hot, so firm against Levi's, covering him in sensations he was too overwhelmed to process. He could barely keep up with Eren's eager kisses, and when he felt the boy nudge his tongue inside his mouth to touch Levi's briefly the older man felt a swift punch of arousal to the gut so strong he nearly collapsed. He gasped, holding onto his partner even more tightly. This was far too much; the wet sounds of their mouths separating and rejoining as they gasped for breaths in between was going to make him faint. It was so erotic to his inexperienced self.

At least, he thought it was, until Eren took his mouth away from his and began tracing the shell of his ear with his tongue.

An electric current blazed through Levi's small body, nearly making him jolt with just as much force. He clamped his lips shut to prevent any sounds from escaping, and instead felt the roof of his mouth and his nose begin tingling in a way he had only felt before when he had hyperventilated. Was he hyperventilating now? Was this small bit of stimulation too much for him? It was so ridiculous that something so odd such as licking his ear could have such an effect on him, but feeling Eren suck briefly on his lobe made delicious heat pool low in his belly. When the boy moved down to his neck, unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt so he could have better access, he nearly lost it. He was breathing so hard he thought he might pass out. Eren was licking and sucking deftly on the soft, thin skin, and Levi tilted his head submissively to the side without even thinking, allowing him full access. He tightened his grip on Eren's velvet vest, as if he was afraid his boy and his wonderful stimulation would disappear.

"That's a good boy," Eren praised in a husky voice. "God you smell good. And you're so responsive. You do, um, you like it so far, yeah?"

Panting and dazed, all Levi could respond with was a faint, "Yes. God yes. Eren holy shit, you're so- so…"

He chuckled, low and dark and deep in his chest, before leaning in to breathe against Levi's ear, "You know, I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue."

The older man's breath hitched, and he gasped, "Oh _God,_" before yanking Eren forward again for another kiss, this one more sloppy and uncoordinated than the last. It was more them breathing heavily against each other's lips while their lips occasionally touched. This time, the boy took it a step further, untucking Levi's white dress shirt and letting his hands skim up that warm, firm belly, caressing the soft skin lovingly in gently circles. It tickled a bit, and Levi's stomach jumped away from the touch at first, before he got used to it and pressed into it.

Eren kept him distracted with kisses for a while he warmed him up, and Levi could have sworn he felt the pads of his fingers dragging against the soft, downy hair on his stomach, as well as the hair on his silky back when Eren's hands travelled back there. Up and then down, and then up again, feeling those muscles flex under his fingers. Levi was too overwhelmed to reciprocate, only able to hold on for dear life and let Eren do as he wanted, which he was completely fine with. He kept a hand in his hair and held his head in place, encouraging him with soft undulations of his body and more breathless kisses.

Just as he got used to the boy's hands on his body, Eren threw another surprise for him, stepping closer to him, before he put a leg between both of Levi's. At first he didn't notice it, that is, until Eren raised it, further and further, until his thigh was nudging Levi's warm, swollen groin.

And just that slight touch was enough to make Levi tear his mouth away and breathe the softest, deepest and shakiest moan Eren had ever heard in his life. It sent blood straight to the boy's cock; the sound was too sultry, too sexual for a virgin like Levi to be making. But as soon as he realized he was making that sound, Levi clapped a hand over his mouth and froze, turning his head away. Seeing this, Eren lowered his leg, but kept his hands on his waist, stroking his sides in comfort this time.

"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you alright?"

It took a moment for Levi to calm down enough to answer, his chest heaving and his heart hammering too fast for him to get any words out. But once he recovered a bit, he found himself saying, "Sorry, it's not you, I just- I didn't mean to make noise. I'm sorry, I've just been feeling strange ever since we started this and it just came out. You can go ahead again though, I'll be quiet this time."

Eren blinked in surprise, processing what he said, and then found himself laughing slightly. He took Levi's face between his hands and kissed him again, unable to believe how precious this man was. When he pulled away, he could see the glint of Levi's eyes through the little light available streaming in from the closet door. It held him captive, and he told him, "Levi Ackerman, don't you ever apologize for vocalizing your pleasure ever again. You have no idea how arousing it is to hear that I'm making you feel good. How arousing it is that I'm the first person to kiss your lips like this, or to touch you in such a way. Or to hear your voice like this…it's lovely. If you don't feel comfortable in letting me hear it, that's alright, but please know that there's nothing wrong with it."

Levi took a deep breath and let it slowly, shakily. He hated that he was so inexperienced, but at least Eren understood. It was going to be okay. Eren didn't think less of him because he was embarrassed. He caressed Eren's face briefly, and said, "Okay. Okay then. I'm alright now. Go ahead."

Eren smiled and nodded, and then went in to kiss him again. It didn't take long before he brought his thigh back up again, balancing against the wall and letting Levi straddle it. Once more, Levi gasped in surprise, unable to believe how this simple, firm pressure against such a sensitive area felt so good. A wicked strip of heat shot up his belly and made him crave more. But would Eren think he was odd if he sought more pleasure from his body? If he…_used _him the way he wanted? Well, only one way to find out.

Slowly, he began grinding against the boy's thigh, back and forth, undulating his hips, and oh this was so much better. He was so sensitive though, so sensitive. He had never really pleasured himself before, thinking it too shameful, so this was a lot to get used to. To his relief though, Eren encouraged the action, pressing his thigh more firmly between Levi's legs and holding onto him tighter.

"That's it," he whispered in his ear, "My sweet, darling Levi. Use me however you want." He hissed, Levi's musky, intimate scent rising from beneath them and making Eren practically growl with lust. "What a good boy. Keep going now my precious Doll."

Levi did as he was told, soft gasps that might have been moans that he was holding back escaping him once in a while at first, then more frequently as he kept going, punctuated by every thrust of his hips. An unfamiliar heat began to coil low in his belly, tighter and tighter, and his cock felt so heavy and swollen, something throbbing harshly as if he suddenly had to urinate. It got worse the more he more pleasured himself, and through the haze in his mind he recognized what the urge was.

With a gasp, he pulled back, halting his actions and going still again. Before Eren could ask what was wrong, Levi found himself apologizing all over the place again, gripping the other boy's shoulders tightly so that he didn't fall over.

"I was going to come," he explained. "And I don't…it's too overwhelming. I've only come a couple times when I was young, and I didn't like it. I felt sick afterwards and I just…I can't do it. I'm sorry Eren, you must find me so strange and frustrating."

He practically curled on himself with shame, but Eren put a finger under his chin and lifted it up, refusing to let him say such things about himself. He waited until those eyes glinted at him again, and he could have sworn they were wet with tears of humiliation this time. The boy crooned softly, "No don't…don't cry. It's perfectly alright, Levi. I promise I don't think you strange or frustrating. If that's how you feel, then that's how you feel. You're very right though, ejaculating can be a very overwhelming and scary experience at first. You do feel nauseous and faint and you wonder why people enjoy such a thing and why they would ever want to do so again. And not that I'm saying you do it tonight if you're not ready, but I promise the more you get used to ejaculating, the less overwhelming it is and the less of a big deal it is. So in the future, maybe, you could think about trying it. I'd certainly love to bring you so much pleasure that you come for me."

Eren's words were a lot to take in, but once he did, he felt better. It was okay; Eren didn't think he was strange. He accepted his limitations and cared about his feelings and might even want to try this again in the future. He nodded, sniffing a bit, and leaned his forehead against Eren's chest, accepting his comfort. The boy rubbed the back of his neck and kissed the top of his head.

"Alright then, sweetheart, why don't you tuck your shirt back in, calm down a bit and then we can head out into the gardens for some fresh air," he suggested. "Does that sound good?"

Levi nodded against his chest, and then slowly began to tuck his shirt back in.

After several minutes of deep breathing and getting himself together, as well as some playful joking with Eren, Levi's spirits were up again. They stepped out of the closet and, after making one last check that they were both presentable and showed no signs of their previous activities, they headed out of the room and back into the party, stopping by the entrance to grab their coats and then heading outside.

It was just as cold as before, of course, their breath misting in front of them, Levi complaining about how now his fingers and toes were numb. Eren just snickered, telling him if he moved he'd warm up soon, and let him to a part of the estate he had never been in before. The gardens here lined with hedges that were trimmed so that when the leaves were out they formed a maze. For now, they all stood like snow covered skeletons, their branches pointing toward the moon. The snow sparkled brightly up at them, almost blinding. And to Levi, it was terribly romantic.

He heard Eren sigh heavily next to him, causing him to look away from the scenery and at him. "Levi, I…part of the reason I brought you out here was because I wanted to tell you something important. Something that I wanted to make sure you could hear clearly and without all that noise of the party going on. I've been thinking about it for a while, and now I'm sure."

"Sure about what?" Levi asked, now very confused.

Eren opened his mouth again, looking like he wanted to reply, and then a devilish grin came over his face. "I'll tell you…if you can catch me first."

And with that, he took off, powder spraying behind him, leaving the other man to sputter in confusion. "Seriously Eren? What are we, children? Just tell me!"

"Catch me and I'll tell you!" he called back impishly.

Levi could hardly believe this, but it was hard not to get caught up in the silly laughter Eren was emitting. He couldn't help but join in and take off after him, slogging through the snow and winding around the bare hedges. Eren would vanish from his sight for a moment, only to reappear in a flurry of giggles, poke him and take off again, acting like a naughty, school-aged boy rather than the heir to a family fortune. It was nice to see him like this though. Here was the real Eren, a foolish, wild thing that wanted what he wanted and would accept nothing else. He wanted to be free, he wanted to be a famous artist, he wanted to love with his whole being.

And he wanted Levi.

Luckily, the boy didn't try too hard to get away, and soon enough, Levi caught up with him, running into him so hard that the two of them fell over into the snow. The older man ended up on top, hands on Eren's shoulders and straddling his waist, because of course he did. But Eren seemed to find it all highly amusing, because he broke into more peals of laughter.

"So, I wanted to tell you," he said, looking into the other man's eyes, "that I've fallen in love with you. Hopelessly and completely. I've fallen so deeply in love with you that there's no way to pull me out of it. I never thought it was possible for me, but here I am, a fool head over heels for you, Mr. Ackerman."

Oh. How simple, and yet earth-shattering. Levi laughed and shook his head. He should have expected nothing less than such a dramatic confession from his boy. He stroked his cheek, cupping it in his warm palm, and said, "That makes us both fools, then."

Eren's face was open with surprise, before he understood his meaning and leaned up, pulling Levi into a tight embrace, holding him under the mellow, bright moon. Neither of them noticed the cold snow underneath them. It was everything he could have hoped for, for how many people got to say that the person they loved most in the world loved them back? And if Eren could, he would have frozen time right there and lived in that bubble of a moment forever.


	12. Once Upon a Dream

When Levi first figured out that he fancied men back when he was a child, he found himself often dreaming about his ideal partner; sometimes daydreaming, and sometimes it happened when he was asleep. The one thing these dreams all had in common was that his ideal man always seemed to be someone tall, someone that could make him laugh, someone that was extremely patient and forgiving, someone that would hold him whenever he asked and someone that made him forget about his fear of the dark because their presence would be so bright and overwhelming.

He often dreamt of situations where he would be extremely nervous and this man would be there with him, smiling down at him and reassuring him that there was nothing to be afraid of. He dreamt of someone that saw his tears and would pick him up and dance with him until they dried and he was laughing against their chest. He dreamt of a person that loved him in spite of his imperfections, that helped him through them and made him so happy that he forgot about how alone he used to be.

He dreamt of someone that made him feel _safe._

Perhaps that was why he and Eren bonded so quickly. The boy's presence felt familiar, somewhere deep down, like his heart knew him and what he would be like before they ever said a word to each other. His heart recognized that smile and that laugh because he had heard them before, even if it was never in the waking world. Though he was often afraid of something going wrong, things between he and Eren often played out like a waking dream, somehow soft and ethereal. And perhaps this was all a dream, as ridiculous as the notion was. If so, he was fine with staying asleep forever.

It was silly to call his life now a fairytale, but that's what it felt like. And his fairytale only became better when Eren told him that he loved him for the first time. He thought his heart might explode with affection for the boy underneath him in the snow, and at that moment, he felt exactly like Snow White, the fairytale princess that Eren also referred to him as sometimes. Eren genuinely seemed like the prince who had found her in that gold and glass coffin in the middle of the woods and whisked him away, if he could call his dingy apartment a gold and glass coffin and a tiny overpopulated city in New York the middle of the woods. It certainly was a concrete jungle ever since the Industrial Revolution happened. The Jaeger mansion really was a slice of natural heaven away from town, a dream in and of itself.

For Levi, being in love was a new, wonderful feeling. He had certainly been infatuated with other people before. He had wanted to be around a particular lad that had caught his eye in the past and had taken any excuse he could to be near him without of course stating what his intentions were. The good part about being an invert is that in part no one really understood how many of them there were so no one suspected him of being one, so he could watch his classmates changing while simultaneously fighting the guilt that welled up within him all he wanted. But Eren had helped him overcome that guilt and realize that at least he wasn't alone in his feelings for the same sex. And if other people were like him, was it really so wrong? Besides, he had a hard time believing that someone as wonderful and kind as Eren could be bound for Hell. So, little by little, he began to step away from those beliefs that had been pounded into him ever since he was small, and it was incredibly freeing.

Yes, being in love was wonderful, but it was equal parts sweet and warm as it was wild and terrifying. Levi had never come across someone that he felt like he would die for, or change who he was for if he asked. If they somehow were discovered, he was surprised to find that when he looked deep down inside himself, he would volunteer to go to prison in Eren's place. He would rather sacrifice his reputation than the boy sacrifice his. After all, Levi was nobody, and Eren had great standing in the community. If Levi had to throw away everything he had ever wanted to accomplish in life so that Eren could be happy and live a long life, then so be it.

Levi shook his head, trying to banish these morbid thoughts. This was no time to be thinking about such awful things anyway, not when the new year had just begun, 1891 finally upon them. Eren was beaming like the sun behind him and practically pushing him into the carriage, so enthusiastic that he nearly made Levi knock his hat off on the top of the doorway. He put a hand on it and ducked inside, laughing to himself.

"How old are you?" he said fondly. "The theater isn't going anywhere. We'll get there in plenty of time."

Eren practically leapt in behind him in one jump, wiggling giddily as he sat down across from him. "But you've never been to the theater before!" he exclaimed. "This is exciting! I can't wait to show you it. And we got really good seats in the balcony so you can see everything. Besides, I've never seen it either. It's a new ballet all the way from Russia, never seen here in America before. And it'll be cool to see one of our favorite fairytales playing out in front of us! I wonder what the music will be like…"

Levi snickered, saying, "You don't have to keep selling it to me, I know it'll be amazing. I can't wait to experience my first event in a theater."

The boy gave him a slightly devilish look, eyes narrowing playfully when he added, "Plus, as far as I know, we'll have the balcony all to ourselves. So we can hold hands the whole show if you'd like?"

Levi matched his impish expression, answering, "Does Prince lose his mind every time I get his leash out and tell him we're going for a walk?"

Eren laughed at that, still barely able to contain his excitement.

The theater wasn't too far away, located near a lot of the entertainment centers in the city. There was a shopping square that Levi sometimes went to here that sold lots of high end clothes and such, so he mostly only came here to window shop. But he had gotten Eren's Christmas present from here, a new set of what the shop owner had told him were high quality paints and a new sketchbook, things he figured every artist always needed. Eren nearly burst into tears when he received his gift, and likewise Levi nearly fainted when he received his from Eren. It had been a custom made silver pocket watched with diamonds around the border, and on the inside it had been engraved with one simple phrase:_ Only truth doth speak my heart, Untill never do we part_. It was too much for him to take, and he had sat there, getting all choked up over a watch of all things, so Eren held him, both of them laughing and crying like a couple of fools.

Soon enough, their carriage was pulling up in front of a large, crowded, brightly lit building. It reminded Levi a lot of the Jaeger mansion, except if it was possible, it was even bigger and grander. He could tell immediately that if Eren wasn't with him there was no way he'd be able to afford a balcony seat in his lifetime. Just seeing the building though suddenly made him as excited as Eren, and even though the boy told him he'd been to plays and other ballets here before, he was acting like this was his first time.

Well, he supposed it was, in a way. His first time going to one of these with a lover, so he'd been told. And that of course is a much different and more fun experience than going with family.

Eren hopped out of the carriage before it even stopped, and he heard an exclamation from the driver but paid no attention. Levi of course waited until it rolled to a stop like a civilized person and rolled his eyes at him as he finally got up and stood in doorway, the door of course hanging open.

"You're going to get killed doing that and I'll have no sympathy for you when you do," he chastised, gracefully and carefully getting down himself.

Eren pretended to be shocked, slapping a hand over his heart and acting like he'd been shot. "You wound me. Snow White has a bit of the evil queen in him."

Levi snorted, coming to stand beside him, and saying, "More than a bit I'd say. I conspired with Mikasa you know. Gave her some of my recipes so she can cook you something besides sweets when I'm not there. Heavens knows you need to save your teeth, you only get one set."

"Oh now you've gone too far, you beast."

If he could have, the older man would have leaned up and kissed his cheek. But as it was while they were in public like this, the most he could do was reach up and pull his hat over his eyes. Eren fumbled in the lot, fixing his hat, only to see Levi sticking his tongue out at him. Maturely, Eren did the same to him, and the two of them chased each other up to the queue to get in, surprising a few of the other patrons. They were passed off as rowdy teenagers, which that was pretty much how they acted when they were left alone.

However, they stood quietly in the line, each chattering like little birds over what the show might be like. Levi of course was now unable to contain his excitement since they were physically here, wondering what it would be like to watch a show in one of the fanciest seats in the theater. What was a real show like? His parents had told him about them since they had been to a play or two before he had been born, and they had said they'd take him to one sometime, but of course had passed away before they could. So, he decided he would enjoy this show for them too.

Levi's heart hammered as the line moved from the chilly outdoors towards the inside of the building, even more so when Eren handed their tickets to the man inside the ticket booth. They passed through the till, each keeping the stub they were left with for their ticket so they would know where they were supposed to sit. Levi followed him up the stairs to their immediate right, the older man's senses all being stimulated at once. He tried to look everywhere all at once, to take everything in.

"Oh Eren," he breathed, eyes sparkling like a child's.

The whole place was magical, or at least it seemed that way to Levi, who's immediate response to anything he found amazing was to romanticize it and figure out how he could fit it into his story. It was like they were in another world now. There were rows upon rows of seats beneath them, all close together. The place smelled peculiar, not bad, just very specific, like oil and upholstery and perfume. Lots and lots of perfume, whether it be from the stage or the ladies that were already seated around them. When they sat down in their seats, Levi marveled at how soft and plush they were. They were deep red just like most of the surrounding décor. The curtains were the same deep red, and even from the distance they were at he could see that they were massive and heavy. If one of those curtains fell on top of him, he had no doubt that they would kill him. But oh, the stage itself was something grand. Levi leaned forward in his seat, craning his neck as he beheld it. It was made of a dark, rich wood that shone even in the low light. There were gaslights that lined the edge of the stage, bringing to mind all the stories Levi had heard of dancers' dresses catching on fire because they gotten too close to lamps. He very much hoped that such a thing wouldn't happen tonight.

Even with the lights low and the stage still, Levi still couldn't get enough. Eren was absolutely infatuated with his excited expression. He already knew watching his reaction was going to be more entertaining than the actual play. Levi was gazing up and around at the crowds in the seats beneath them. It was an amazing thought that if he came here by himself, he would probably be down in one of those seats, and he had always envisioned himself sitting in one those seats. But here he was, in one of the most luxurious seats in the theater, something that people like him could only dream of. All of the people in the other balconies were dressed like they were, most of the older ones even more so. The men were in their best, pressed suits, their hats now in their laps like his and Eren's were. The women wore their best and biggest jewels around their necks or on their fingers, some wearing glittering feathers in their hair or sparkling dresses. Some of the other men had pocket watches too, the bright chains sparkling by their pockets in their pants or on their vests. It made Levi happy that now he had one too, one that he would treasure forever.

He turned to Eren once he was able to tear his eyes away from the scenery and asked his partner, "So how will we know when the show starts? Do they tell us or something?"

Eren laughed quietly. Levi was too adorable and he just couldn't take it. "The lights in the theater will dim and the lights on the stage will get brighter. Then the curtains will pull back and you'll see all the dancers on stage. You might even see the orchestra moving into the pit down there."

He pointed to a dark area in front of the stage that Levi hadn't seen at first, but now he couldn't stop gazing at it. So there was where the music would be played.

"Live music," Levi said to himself, and then to Eren, "I've never seen live music before I met you. I do love music myself. I'm excited to hear what songs they'll play. Do you think they'll fit with the story well? Like, if we heard them later, we'd immediately think 'yes, that sounds like Sleeping Beauty, I always imagined this type of music to go with this story?"

"You are so cute," Eren said, reaching over and ruffling his hair. "I guess we'll see though, won't we?"

Soon enough, though not soon enough for Levi's liking, the lights dimmed and the musicians began to filter into the pit, all of them carrying their instruments carefully. Then, the heavy curtain lifted.

And from there, slowly, bit by bit, Levi's mind was blown.

He had no idea what to expect for this show, but whatever it was, this was far beyond anything he could have conjured up. He had heard of ballet dancers before, had seen them in books, but it was something else entirely to watch them move. It was so beautiful, so graceful, both the women and the men managing to perform these extremely taxing physical feats and yet somehow making it look effortless. How long did they have to practice, he wondered? He knew in a million years he'd never be able to do something like that.

It was amazing though, watching a story play out in front of him that he had only read about before, and in a way that he couldn't have imagined. The beautiful sets and costumes made everything come alive for him, and he found himself on the edge of his seat as he watched the drama unfold. Now, this version of the story was a bit more sanitized than other versions he had read; the princess wasn't raped in the middle of the woods and her children weren't in any danger of being cooked by an evil queen. So needless to say it was not the version written by the Grimm brothers. This version instead had fairies that took care of the princess in a cottage in the woods, and oh the woods were gorgeous. Levi found himself analyzing the set as much as the performances, loving how much attention to detail was paid. Everything was painted and sculpted with care, and he found himself wishing he could stand among all the fake trees and bushes on the stage. He might actually feel like he was in the woods then. Even the stream on stage sparkled like it was real.

However, nothing sparkled as much as the costumes. Everything matched the mood perfectly, from the princess' commoner rags to her royal gown, all tailored for a ballet setting. The woman they picked to play princess Aurora looked exactly how Levi thought she would, delicate and fair, while the prince was dashing and dark. He couldn't help but look over at Eren and smile sweetly, before glancing around at their surroundings quickly to make sure no one could see them at this angle, and then taking the other boy's hand.

"That Aurora is pretty, but she has nothing on you," he leaned over and murmured.

Well, if that didn't practically make Eren squirm with delight. He replied back with an even bigger smile, "Is that so? What about the prince?"

Levi said cheekily, "What prince? The only prince I see is right here."

The boy snorted as quietly as he could manage without attracting attention. "Heavens, my sister would say you've spent too much time around me. 'You're beginning to use the same cheesy lines as Eren.'"

"Are they working?"

"Oh yes, one hundred percent."

Of course, what enthralled Levi's attention the most about the whole performance was the music. Oh the music, it absolutely took his breath away. Not only did it compliment the scenes beautifully, but it gave off such sweet, fairytale vibes, tugging at his heartstrings and plunging him into a place he hadn't been since he was a small child. He heard the swaying, bouncy tunes being played and thought of running through the woods barefoot with woodland creatures following him. It was all so romantic and melted his heart, and it took everything in him not to lean against Eren and wrap an arm around his waist.

Then came the song that played when the prince and princess met each other for the first time.

Now _that _song captured Levi like nothing else. The rhythm swung back and forth, like a pendulum, and the lyrics spoke to his soul.

"_I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream._

_I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam…"_

He looked over at Eren again, his lips parted in shock. This song…this song was them. He had just been thinking about this sort of thing this morning. It was- oh heavens…

"_And I know it's true that visions are seldom what they seem..."_

"Eren," he whispered, nodding towards the orchestra pit. "This is my favorite song. Doesn't it remind you of us?"

"I was just thinking the same thing," he answered, his eyes shining in the low light as he squeezed Levi's hand.

"Oh Eren, we're going to have to come to see this again," he begged. "I have to hear this song again."

The boy couldn't help but laugh, and found himself saying, "Anything for you, my prince."

All too soon, the show was ending and the dancers were taking their final bows. Even though it had lasted hours, to Levi, it felt like it had flown by, and when they filtered slowly out of the theater, bundling up against the cold, he couldn't help but chatter excitedly to his partner excitedly about all of his favorite parts.

"When they danced in the woods, Eren, I want to do that sometime," he told him. "Or when the prince fought the dragon, the effects they used, it was so amazing! You mean it though? We can go again?"

"Yes, I loved those bits," the boy told him, standing close to him, shielding him against the cold as they walked to the carriage. "And sure. We can see if there's any tickets left. The show is going to be here all month, so I'll see what I can do."

In the end, Eren, his wonderful, wonderful Aurora, managed to get them into the show at least four more times, all because he couldn't get enough of seeing Levi smile as he watched the goings on. And every time his favorite song came up, he got all excited and cuddly, patting at Eren excitedly. But then, he would immediately pull out a notepad and begin furiously writing something down, something that Eren couldn't see, and any time the boy asked what he was doing, he just told him it was a surprise and he'd find out later.

It wasn't until long after the show left town and Valentine's Day rolled around that Eren finally found out what it was.

Levi was excited; this was his first Valentine's Day with a sweetheart. In fact, he felt he'd never have one to spend it with considering his circumstances, so his luck did not go unnoticed. Eren had promised him something wonderful that day, while Levi promised the same.

Later that evening, Eren stopped over to Levi's apartment carrying a huge box, standing outside of his door and looking dapper as usual. Extra dapper, if Levi did say so himself. Not in the traditional sense either. He looked very relaxed, windblown and warm, his hair tousled, with comfy trousers and a soft looking shirt. Despite the cold weather, the moment he walked inside, he put down his huge box and un-tied his tie, tossing it on the bed. He unbuttoned the first couple of buttons and revealed his collarbones, and he had the immediate urge to bite them. Heavens what Eren had done to him? He had never been this shameless before. But he supposed the boy didn't mind. In fact, he might be encouraging it.

He unbuttoned his shirt even more, revealing a sliver of his toned chest. Oh yes, he was doing this on purpose.

Levi smirked. Well, two people could play at this game. As Eren knelt down to say hello to Prince, who was leaping up on his legs to ask for attention, Levi also unbuttoned the first couple of buttons on his shirt, revealing the milky skin of his neck and the hollow of his throat. When Eren looked up, he could see his breath visibly catching in his throat. He couldn't blame him he supposed. When they had made out in the closet, the lights had been off, so they hadn't seen each other's bare skin before. But now…it looked like Eren liked what he saw, that was for sure. He was practically drooling.

"So what's in the box?" Levi asked, lifting his chin and smiling down at him in a way that indicated he knew exactly what he was doing.

Eren blinked, open mouthed. He gaped like a fish for a moment, and then answered, "It's um- a um, gramophone. I noticed you didn't have one."

"A gramophone?" he wondered, tilting his head.

Eren stood up, explaining, "Well yeah. You said you liked music. So I figured we could get some music playing in here for when you write to help inspire you. But that's not all."

Levi sighed and shook his head. This was too much; Eren didn't have to spend this much money on him. He still wasn't over him constantly giving into his demands to go to see Sleeping Beauty as much as they had. He still thought he hadn't done anything to deserve it. The older man watched as he set it up, his hands moving so quickly that he had no doubt he had done this before.

When it was done and he got it playing, Levi was absolutely astounded to hear the first few notes of his favorite song from the ballet filtering from the bell.

"_I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…"_

It was so light and happy, tugging on his heartstrings the way it had the first time he heard it. And now he could listen to it any time he wanted to? In his own home? This was a gift beyond imagining. But of course, Eren had to outdo himself by holding out his hand, and asking in a low voice, "Did you want to honor me with a dance? I've owed you one since our Christmas party. It's just a shame that we can't dance in front of everyone so I can show them just how much I care about you."

It took Levi a minute to process the request, but when he did, his heart leapt. He beamed at the boy, taking his hand and answering, "Of course. I've wanted a dance since then as well."

Eren pulled him over towards where the gramophone was sitting on the floor. They fiddled around for a moment, trying to figure out where to place their hands on each other. It was a bit awkward since they were both men and tried to decide who was going to lead in the dance. In the end, Levi let Eren do it since he had more experience, and he himself was shorter anyway. Once they were settled, they let the music wrap around them, and Eren set off, taking him through some very easy steps, nothing too fancy since they were alone.

It was wonderful, Levi decided very quickly. Yes they were dancing, but very slowly, no pressure to perform or follow any set dancing pattern. It was mostly them swaying slightly back and forth to the rhythm, Eren holding Levi close. Very quickly, it became apparent that it was more about the two of them being close together than any actual dancing, and Levi was more than fine with this. So, they glided over his old wooden floor, trying to avoid the floorboards that creaked, Prince skittering around their feet, as if he were joining in.

"It's a great coincidence that you chose this song," Levi said after a moment, "because it goes with my present for you. It's not much, I apologize, but um, here we go…Now keep in mind, I haven't really sung much since I was a teenager in our church's choir, so I'm probably out of practice."

Still keeping up their easy, slow pace, Eren looked down at him expectantly, and then his mouth fell open once more when Levi began to sing. The voice that came out of him was low and deep, but soft and terribly intimate in their cozy setting. He was singing the lyrics to the song and looking at Eren like he was his Prince Charming, like every word of the song was meant for him and him alone.

"_But if I know you, I know what you'll do,_

_You'll love me at once the way you did once upon a dream."_

He repeated the stanzas twice, all quiet and romantic, at once point even tucking his head under Eren's chest trustingly, trying to get as close to him as possible. He swore he could hear the boy's heart beating a mile a minute through the thin skin of that bare slice of his chest. And Levi had a brief moment where he hated that they had to pull down the shades of his window to hide them from prying eyes. He wanted everyone to see how much they loved each other, that they were just as infatuated and devoted to the other as non-inverted couples. That they could have a song that was "their song" and dance together like those couples. That they were no different.

It just wasn't fair.

Once the song finally faded out, they stopped dancing, and Levi couldn't find it within himself to look at the boy anymore, his face feeling hot. It had been years since had sung in front of anyone, and he was sure his voice sounded awful. He didn't want to see Eren's expression that would confirm what he was sure was disgust. So he stuttered out, "So um, that's what I was writing down when we went to the ballet. The lyrics to the song. I wanted to practice it so I could sing it for you since I thought it encapsulated our relationship so perfectly. Even before I met you Eren, I feel like I've known you for years. I saw you in my dreams as the man I wanted to be with someday, someone who loved me for who I was and who made me feel safe. Who was as kind and careful with others as he was with me. And when I first saw you at that party, I had that uncanny rush of 'This is the man I've been seeing in my dreams for years.' And I knew I couldn't let you go. Being with you has been like a dream, and I never want to wake up from it. I'm sorry, this is all horribly cheesy isn't"-

He didn't get to finish. Eren had taken his face between his palms and held it still while he pressed a kiss to his lips, a kiss that effectively silenced him. Once he processed his new position, Levi relaxed, letting himself melt into it, his eyes slipping closed. He placed his hands on the boy's shoulders, tilting his head to the side, deepening it.

They only parted when they needed air, their lips separating with a soft sound, and the look in Eren's eyes when he gazed down at him took his breath away. It was beyond a look of just love: it was tenderness, reverence, devotion and an understanding that was both deep and profound. He caressed Levi's cheek with his thumb, sighing fondly, so fondly.

Levi couldn't look away.

"This is the greatest Valentine's Day I've ever had," he said in a voice gravelly with emotion. "The fact that you took the time and practiced a song for me is far more valuable than anything I could have ever bought you. It means more to me than all the gold and jewels my family possesses. From here on out, I'll never hear that song and not think of you, or this moment. My precious Doll, my fair Snow White, I love you as much as Aurora loved her prince, and you've awoken my soul as much as he awoke her from her deep sleep."

Levi choked up as well, not knowing what to do with such beautiful words. He dipped his head forward, but Eren prevented it, placing a finger under his chin so he could keep looking at his lovely face. He continued with, "You're very right though. I too felt like I've known you for years, and that we've met before in dreams."

"I'm glad it's not just me then," Levi admitted.

"Of course not. Now, could you do me the honors of singing for me again?"

Delighted beyond belief, Levi obliged, snuggling back into his boy again, letting the music take them away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Eveningstargazer for coming up with the inscription inside Levi's watch! And if you haven't guessed, the song in here is from both the Sleeping Beauty ballet and the Disney movie, "Once Upon a Dream." I consider that the theme song for this fic, so you'll see it pop up more in this fic.


	13. Before a Fall

"Come on Levi, focus. Remember, for my birthday I want to read the first few chapters."

Levi sighed heavily, taking his gaze away from the window. He had been watching a couple of kids slipping around on the slick cobblestone below, and he supposed Eren must have heard the keys stop typing. The light from the window shone in Levi's glasses, which he had slipped on when his eyes began to get tired at around hour one. He sighed heavily and grumbled, "Got it boss."

Eren snickered from his place on Levi's bed. He was leaning up against his pillows with Prince draped over his lap, the dog passed out cold. They were both spending the Sunday in Levi's apartment, the older man, thanks to the music that floated out of his new gramophone, was finally struck with enough inspiration to think he could begin shaping the first five or so chapters of his story. And when he told Eren, the boy had been beyond ecstatic to hear it and had asked to read them for his birthday, saying he wanted nothing more than to read his partner's beautiful work. So, to keep himself busy, he kept Levi motivated and focused while he practiced and worked on his new typewriter. He also sketched in the sketchbook Levi had given him for Christmas. Levi smiled as he heard his pencil scratching on the paper and saw his hand moving once in a while in huge strokes. Sometimes when he lifted it he could see that the side of his hand was covered in black dust, and, uncaring of his nice pants, Eren wiped it off on them quite a few times.

"Maybe I'd be more motivated to write if you'd just tell me what you were drawing," Levi tried again. "I mean you've been drawing for as long as I've been writing and it's been…" he glanced over at the clock, "Almost four hours now. You must have finished something."

"Oh I've finished several somethings," he told him, going back to his work. "I'll just show them to you when you've written another page."

Levi groaned, whining petulantly, "Eren, my fingers are about to fall off. Why do you do this?"

The boy snorted. "Because I want my Snow White to become the best, most famous author of the decade in this country. I want to see you travelling the country and talking about how amazing your book is and signing copies while making a ton of money because of how successful you are so you can move out of here like you keep telling me you want to do. I want you to get that house in the country near me so we can see each other more often. Moreover, I still stand by my offer of having it built for you. I mean, I could have it built for you anyway if you want."

"Eren, no," Levi insisted. His heart wouldn't be able to take it if Eren spent that kind of money on him. Agreeing to take him to that expensive ballet so many times in a row just because Levi wanted to go still left him reeling. "I have to stay here because it's close to my job, you know that."

But once more, Eren wasn't going to let this go. "I'd have a carriage take you in and out of town, it would be no problem."

"Yes it would. I'd feel too guilty. You spoil me far too much and I don't spoil you nearly enough. If I could, I would, but I have all I can do to make my rent most months."

"I know love, I know," Eren said understandingly. "But you don't have to spend lots of money on me to spoil me. You spoil me just by letting me interact with you and allowing me to call you mine."

Levi rolled his eyes, but there was a fond smile on his face. "Eren…"

"No, I mean it. I told you, Levi. I understand why you feel guilty, but please don't. You know I don't see it that way, and you just allowing me to hold your hand and kiss you or spend the afternoon with you is enough of a gift."

The older man sighed eventually and shook his head, saying, "Alright. If you say so."

After that, they went back to their work for a little while, Levi finishing off a page while Eren kept working. His mind was beginning to wander again, and naturally his gaze drifted back to the boy on his bed. Eren was still drawing diligently, not even noticing that he had stopped writing this time, too much in the zone obviously. What was he working on that was so important, Levi wondered? There was such a look of concentration on his face; his lips were parted and his eyes were narrowed slightly, as he was determined that this sketch would not get the better of him.

Patting his thighs distractedly, Levi finally chanced asking, "So do you feel like showing me what you're working on now?"

Eren replied laughingly, "No. Be patient you goose."

Levi chewed on his bottom lip, the wheels in his head turning. He wasn't in the mood to be patient. Lately, he had become bolder with Eren, something that the boy thoroughly seemed to enjoy. He initiated kisses a lot more now, lots of deep, passionate ones. He liked pulling Eren behind huge heavy curtains in his mansion to both kiss and make out, and as well as do the same in disused closets. He was even brazen enough to pull Eren into a quieter part of the library that he worked in, push him against the bookshelf and kiss him deeply, gripping the front of his coat in his fists. He had to admit, it was a little thrilling kissing him amongst the smell of all of his books. Now, whenever he came in this part of the library he would be reminded of this encounter and it would bring a smile to his face. He just hoped he could repeat it sometime.

"Hmm…" Levi hummed, getting up from his chair and stretching leisurely. "What if I don't feel like being patient?"

Eren didn't look up from his sketchbook as he asked, "What do you mean?"

The older man straightened up, straightening his spine and raising his arms over his head, taking his time in answering. He then slowly made his way over to the bed, practically stalking over like a cat. When Eren heard his slow footsteps, he looked up from his sketchpad, and he was partly shocked and partly aroused when he saw that Levi was grinning at him like he was prey. The way those eyes were focused on him sent a thrill through him, though he kept his wits about him, keeping a hold on his sketchbook. He grinned at the other man, something warm stirring in his gut. He liked where this was going and wondered if he could encourage it. He supposed they were far enough away from the window that no one would see them.

"I mean," Levi said slowly and deliberately, as if he was speaking to someone that wasn't very brightly, "that I think you're going to give me that sketchbook."

Eren laughed low in his chest. "You do, do you? And how do you think you're going to get me to do that?"

Levi slid up onto the end of the bed, jostling Prince awake. Snorting with amusement, he picked the puppy up and put him in his bed, where he curled up and sighed, falling asleep again within minutes. He then turned his intense gaze back into his boy, laughing teasingly as he pulled himself up between his legs the other had parted to accommodate him. Just that small action made Eren feel vulnerable, wonderfully so, exposing such a sensitive part of himself to his love, even if his pants were on. Levi hooked an arm around one of Eren's legs and placed a kiss against his knee, replying, "I have my ways."

Oh dear. The dark, hooded gaze he was fixing Eren with should be made illegal, completely banned from society. He held very still, waiting to see what the other man would do. He knew Levi was still quite shy about doing anything too sexual in nature with him, and he didn't want to suggest anything or make any sudden moves that might deter him. If anything like that happened, it would be on Levi's terms. The older man tilted his head as he gazed up and down Eren's body, unsure if or how he should proceed. In fact, he looked so unsure that Eren felt the need to reassure him with, "It's alright. You can touch me however and wherever you want, whenever you want. From here on out. I mean that. You don't have to be embarrassed, because I'm not."

Levi found himself sighing in relief at that. How did Eren always know exactly what to say to make him feel better? It was almost like he knew what was bothering him before he himself knew. Probably because he had experienced similar fears in the past. So, he steeled himself again, and went with his impulses, stroking Eren's thighs up and down. He started up by his knees and trailed his fingers very lightly down his inner thighs, but even that light touch made heat sear its way down into Eren's lower belly. Levi looked far too good between his legs like that. It made his mind wander to what he might look like naked and stretching him out, preparing to slide his length inside of him before he began moving-

He let out a shuddering breath, trying to control his physical reaction to such thoughts and failing. Levi snorted, saying, "I can practically see your lewd thoughts in your eyes, Eren Jaeger. You're a filthy, filthy boy."

"Can you blame me?" Eren mumbled, face heating up harshly. "I have to admit, I've thought of us being in a position like this. Besides, you look really good like that. Very powerful and confident."

"Ah, are you attracted to power, Eren?" Levi wondered, rubbing little circles into those strong thighs, the muscles honed from hours of horse riding and heavy lifting. "Is that why you let so many men in higher social situations fuck you?"

"P-Perhaps a little bit," he admitted, grinning defiantly at him, still refusing to back down and lose. "I certainly appreciate a man who knows how to take charge. But not all of those men fucked me. I was the one on top several times too, so I know how to bring a man great pleasure. Though I must admit, I can't take the credit. I had really good teachers. As you know, I was a bit wild in my youth. But it just means that now I know men's bodies very well and can make them see heaven no matter what position I'm in."

Now it was Levi's turn to feel his face flame, completely derailing the control he felt. "Is-Is that so? Heaven?"

"Oh yeah," Eren replied, offering him a funny half smile. "And if you'd like, I can teach you the same. Your body has lots of pleasure spots that I'm sure you're not even aware of."

"Like what?"

Eren crooked his finger in a "come here" motion, and Levi did as he was asked, leaving his spot between his legs and choosing instead to come up and sit on the boy's hips. And perhaps it was an accident, but it was most likely on purpose, his behind was resting halfway onto his groin. Oh no, he knew exactly what he was doing, because as soon as the pressure was put in his lap, Eren grunted, his eyes widened and his face only grew redder. That blush on his face certainly looked delicious, Levi decided. He could get used to it. It made him look cute and vulnerable. He leaned forward and placed his hands on his chest, stroking it in slow, dreamy circles, purposefully avoiding his nipples, at least for now. He leaned down closer to Eren's face so that he could hear what he had to tell him.

"Well, for example," Eren murmured, as if he was revealing a great secret, "there's a spot inside your arse that when you touch it, it's very much like stimulating a woman's clitoris. Okay, not exactly as intense, but it's…I've known men that can come from touching this spot alone without laying a hand on their cods."

"Inside their arse, eh?" Levi asked. "I've never heard of such a thing. Are you sure you're not making that up?"

"Oh no, I'm not," Eren insisted. "If you'd like someday, I'll have to show you. You can stimulate this part from the inside or the outside. It doesn't feel as good on the outside, though it is pleasurable for sure."

Levi leaned in a little further, their noses nearing touching. "Tell me more."

Well Eren couldn't say no to that, especially when he asked him in that enticing tone of voice. He was so innocent, and he had to admit, it was kind of fun to teach him about these sorts of things.

He had to resist shuddering. That just made him sound like a dirty old man, and it was hilarious since Levi was the older one. But still, regardless of their ages, he was happy to give him a preview of the pleasure that was in store for them both when Levi was ready.

"There's many ways to do a blowjob," Eren continued. "And I've worked my way up to being able to fit a whole man's cock down my throat without choking. I suppose it feels just as good as sticking your cock inside a woman, except better, because of the suction. And like I've said before, I've been told I'm very good with my tongue, able to touch very specific parts that I want to pleasure. I can't wait to show you."

"And I can't wait to practice on you," Levi stated.

Then, to Eren's utter surprise and delight, the older man leaned back, putting more pressure on his rear and pushing down on the other boy's cock. Eren's jaw tightened and he pressed his lips together in a vain attempt to hold back his voice, but when Levi smirked and began rocking back and forth on his groin, he abandoned all pretenses and groaned lightly.

"You tease," he said tightly. "You're having fun with this aren't you?"

"Maybe," Levi said. "Yes. Can't help that you're making such a cute face. I want to see more of it."

He kept grinding on his lap, feeling his cock swell under his behind. He was back in his position of power, it seemed. It definitely did a lot for his ego knowing that he could turn Eren on so easily, despite the fact that he had been with several other more experienced men. But now Eren wanted him and him alone, despite being gorgeous enough to have anyone he wanted. It was an intoxicating feeling.

"You are such a minx," Eren commented, reaching forward to grip him around the waist. It was very hard to keep his voice even when the most beautiful man in the world was purposefully rubbing his behind on his cock. It was hard to believe that he had never tried to seduce anyone before. It was like he was made for it. He was just happy he no longer had any fear of the more intimate side of their relationship, or at least, it was greatly reduced. He massaged at the muscle there, firm even underneath his dress shirt. The first couple of buttons were undone, exposing his neck and collarbones, and he had a strong urge to lean forward and lick them.

But Levi wasn't going to give him the chance. Surprising Eren thoroughly, the other man bent forward and instead kissed _his _neck. At first, he was hesitant, just pressing his lips to the area where his jaw met his neck. But when he felt Eren freeze and then sigh, he smiled against the skin and kept going, brushing his lips down and then up again, teasing him with his warm breath, before offering wetter, more open mouthed kisses against the skin. Eren grunted softly, rubbing his hands up and down the other's back, even sticking them under his shirt so he could feel the warm, silky skin.

"I don't know what's gotten into you," he observed, "But I have no problem with it. You are divine, my Doll, do you know that?"

Levi breathed a laugh against the damp skin, choosing not to answer verbally, and instead licked a stripe all the way from the base of his neck up to his jaw. He then flirtatiously offered little pecks from his jaw all the way to his lips, before landing on his goal, giving Eren the deep kiss that he craved. He kissed with his whole body, leaning forward while undulating his hips, bringing the boy further pleasure. Eren couldn't help it; he moaned into his mouth, reaching up to run his fingers through Levi's hair, kissing him back with fervor. The wet sounds their mouths made were intoxicating, and Eren knew he'd never tire of kissing Levi, no matter how many times they did so. Even when they were eighty, he would find kissing this man to be a privilege.

So caught up in their kiss was he that he didn't notice Levi's hand moving until it closed around his sketchbook and snatched it up. Once he felt it in his grasp, he separated their lips and declared with victory, "Hah! You're too easy to distract."

Eren's mouth was open with shock, staring between his hand and his face, before he snorted and said, "You scoundrel. You know my weakness. Alright, go ahead and look, you deserve a reward."

Levi preened, lifting his head high, and keeping it held high even as he slid off Eren and chose to lay next to him. Eren opened it to the correct page for him, the sketchbook opening like a normal book. The first drawing was a simple, messy lined sketch of his kitchen, which he could see pretty easily from where he sat.

"I love your kitchen," Eren explained, "one of my favorite places. You make the best food I've ever had."

Levi blushed and mumbled, "No I don't. I'm sure your professionally trained cooks are much better than I am."

"Not at all," he insisted. "They don't make me as much pie as I want whenever I want. And they don't cook the crusts as perfectly as you do, or blend the filling as well. And your garlic biscuits are to die for."

The older man still didn't believe him, but he didn't argue. He flipped to the next page, and gasped when he saw what was there. It was Prince all curled up on his lap, his messy, wispy beard and sleepy eyes perfectly captured. It was so cute he could have died, and he found himself saying, "Oh my God…look at him. Eren, would you mind terribly if I kept this? I'd love to get to it framed and hang it up."

Eren breathed an amused laugh. "Not at all. Tell you what, I know a guy, I'll get it framed for you professionally."

Levi wanted to argue, but he knew it would be pointless. If he tried, Eren would just kiss him until he relented, and he was helpless against his kisses. So, he sighed and let him have his way. He flipped to the next page, and this time, when he saw what was there, he froze.

It was a sketch of himself, staring out the window with his hands poised on the keyboard. It was full of bold lines and sharp detail, and it was clear that there was so much care put into the sketch, so much love. Everything about it was gorgeous: his profile, his graceful fingers, the arch in his neck and wrists, the graceful lines of his throat, the way his jaw was pronounced, and his long eyelashes. Though his expression couldn't be seen, the relaxed position of his shoulders still conveyed someone who was daydreaming and blissful, and the fact that that small detail came across so prominently was amazing to him. In fact, the person in the sketch was so beautiful that it didn't even look like him. He pursed his lips, shaking his head and averting his eyes slightly.

"What's wrong?" Eren asked, concerned.

Levi closed the sketchbook and handed it back to him. "Nothing. I'm just not that beautiful."

The boy rolled his eyes. "Now don't you start. I draw exactly what I see. And if that's how you appear in my sketchbook, then that's how you look in real life. I don't add extra details to make things look prettier than they really are."

"Eren…"

"I mean it. Now I want you to tell me when I've ever lied to you before."

He hated it when Eren said that, because he never could find a time when the boy had lied to him before. He cared about Levi too much to ever do that to him, and he knew Levi had a hard time believing anything good about himself. So, the older man just sighed and placed his head on his shoulder, grumbling, "Brat."

Eren laughed, laying his head over his.

000

Levi was very proud of himself. He might actually be able to meet Eren's deadline and have a substantial amount of his book for him to read. He had tried starting his story before, but it had never seemed right before, so he had always stopped. It must have been due to Eren's encouragement that he was able to keep going, the boy's proud smile and excitement over the possibility of getting to read his work. And of course, he had to admit, it was much easier to work and more motivating to do so when he had an awaiting audience. So, the week before Eren's birthday, he went to bed that Saturday, excited to work all day the next day, Eren's happy face in his mind.

However, nothing could ever go right for him for long, could it? That was how it always happened. When he finished school to become a librarian, his mother had died. Before then, his father had died when he finished his last few years of secondary school. What was the saying? "Pride goeth before a fall?" So it made sense that things would come crashing down just as he was about to finish the first part of his book.

Levi had no idea what time it was in the night when he woke up. At first, he had no idea what had roused him, and thought that he was dreaming. When he opened his eyes, he realized that it was still pitch black out, so it had to be the middle of the night. Not only that, but it turned out the thing that had woken him in the first place was Prince barking. And they weren't normal barks that he made when he heard something outside the window, or when someone was at the door. They were high pitched, desperate barks, rapid and unrelenting. He sounded quite alarmed, and what was more, as he groaned with exhaustion, Prince heard him and rushed over from his place in the middle of the floor. Also unusual, considering he normally slept next to Levi on the bed all night. He jumped up on the bed, getting in his master's face and licking him relentlessly, whining anxiously. Levi groaned again, petting his head sleepily.

"Wassa matter, puppy?" he said groggily. "What do you-?"

He never got the rest of the words out, his sentence instead cut off by a coughing fit as something unknown entered in his lungs. The coughing woke him up the rest of the way, and left his eyes watering. Through his wet eyes, he watched Prince hop off the bed again and stood in the middle of the floor once more, barking at the door and wagging his tail anxiously. He kept looking back at Levi, as if he would have the answers. Rubbing at his throat, it took him a moment to figure out what the problem was, and he did so the moment he took a deeper breath. The acrid smell hit him like a ton of bricks, and immediately sent him into another coughing fit.

_Smoke._

Before he could fully comprehend where the smoke was even coming from, some deep seated instinct commanded him to get up and get moving, that smoke meant fire and fire meant death. They had to get out of here now and pray it wasn't too late. Adrenaline flooding his body, he leapt out of bed and landed in the middle of the floor on his hands and knees, still coughing harshly. His whole room was flooded with smoke that was leaking in from under the door, making it impossible to breathe or see. And what was worse, he began hearing the panicked shouts of some of his neighbors all around him, only adding to his fear.

But what really got him going was not the prospect of losing his own life, but hearing Prince's terrified yelps as he began to grasp what was happening. They forced Levi off the floor and scrambling over for the first warm thing he could find: his fancy suit coat he had worn when he had gone out into town that day. He rapidly pulled it on, limbs shaking the whole time he did, and jammed some slippers on his feet. Still coughing and his breaths coming out wheezy and panicked, he began feeling around for his puppy.

"Prince," he croaked, "Come here love. We're going to get out of here. Come with papa."

Luckily, for once, Prince listened, perhaps just scared out of his wits and wanting the comfort of his master. Levi picked him up once he felt his fur under his fingers and held him against his chest, covering up his head with the jacket so he wouldn't breathe in anymore smoke. Then he himself placed the coat up over his nose and mouth and, without a second thought, twisted his doorknob and swung it open.

He was greeted by a huge billow of smoke that rushed up in his face, rendering him blind. He squeezed his eyes shut, so while he didn't see the flames, he certainly felt their raging heat against his face. He didn't know if they were right in front of his door or further away, but he supposed he didn't care if he burned to death at this point if he did so while trying to get away. All he could do was feel his way along the wall, stepping as quickly and lightly as possible, praying he didn't step on any flames. He kept a tight hold on Prince, who was squirming around in terror, hoping his dog didn't dislodge his grip. He stumbled a bit when he came up to the stairs, but quickly he descended them. There were two of them, as he lived on the third floor. Alright, he could do this.

_Please don't let any of the stairwells be completely on fire,_ he thought fervently.

Levi did try to call out to other people, to let them know that there was a fire, but he couldn't get his voice above a raspy whisper. It was all he could do to save himself at the moment, so all he could do was hope his loud footsteps as well as everyone else's would be enough to rouse other people. He felt other residents bumping into him, and a couple of times he fell to his knees. But he kept going, getting back up again, determined to save himself and his dog. He was all Prince had, and if he didn't make it, he couldn't imagine how devastated Eren would be.

That gave him a new sense of determination, and despite the burning in his lungs and his inability to breathe, he pushed on. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, he felt the giant door to what he knew led to the outside, and as if he had found the door to Heaven, he pushed through it, nearly crying with elation. It took everything in him not to fall to his knees the minute he felt icy cold air against his face and blessed oxygen rushing back into his lungs. Now that he could feel fresh air, he was finally able to open his eyes and see that he was definitely out in the front of the building, the familiar street that he walked down every day to get in there in front of him, and the other side filled with people in their nightclothes, all residents of the apartment complex.

Levi quickly jogged over to join them, legs shaking, finally falling to his knees once he felt he was safe. He didn't even notice the snow under his knees, instead captured by the sight of the apartment building now consumed by bright flames, even brighter against the night sky. Black smoke was rising and curling around the moon, an awful thing to behold. There were gasps of disbelief around him, as well as cries of dismays and weeping as people watched everything they had burn in front of them. There were even some that were screaming the names of their loved ones, trying to get back into the building to retrieve them. Levi himself was too numb, only having the sense of mind to let Prince poke his head up above the neck of the coat so he too could breathe. By this time, the puppy had gone still save for the fact that he couldn't stop trembling, whether from the bitter cold or fear, he didn't know. All that mattered was that they were both alive, and aside from some soot on Levi's face and clothes, they were okay.

It was another ten or so minutes that felt like an eternity before the fire carriage showed up, the telltale barking of the Dalmatian they kept alerting people that it was arriving. The dog was racing in front of the carriage, clearing the way of people so that it would have a faster journey. No sooner had the carriage stopped in front of the building than the firefighters were hopping off of it and pulling out their hoses, shouting frantic orders to each other. The water began spraying, but it barely seemed to touch the flames, which continued to rage.

Helpless, Levi too watched his livelihood and all of his possessions burn in the fire, hugging Prince tightly and hiding his tears in his wiry hair. The puppy tried his best to console him, turning his head and licking his nose, having never seen his master so sad. But he too was powerless to do anything, except stay still in Levi's arms and curiously watch what was going on around him, unaware that everything he owned was being destroyed in front of their eyes.


	14. Home

Every once in a great while, Eren's father would be called away late at night after his business hours for emergencies; a late night crash, someone who came into the hospital that was desperately ill and they were short staffed, or a large scale disaster that needed every doctor they could get. The boy woke up to the sound of his father moving around and speaking to someone in the hallway near the door to his room. At first, he ignored it, but then a few key words roused him.

"Yes a fire…Oaks Garden apartments…destroyed everything, injured"-

Immediately, Eren was harshly conscious, sitting straight up in bed. Before he knew it, he was diving into his closet and throwing on some clothes, limbs stiff with sleep, but mind determined. Oaks Garden was the apartment complex where Levi lived, and if the whole thing had been destroyed…

_What happened to Levi?_

Was he okay? Had he gotten out? Had he burned alive in the blaze? Had the smoke gotten him? His thoughts began to spiral with questions, and he knew it would be useless to try and go back to sleep. He also knew there was no way he'd be able to wait until morning for news. The seconds ticked by as he forced his clothes, his breathing growing more frantic and high pitched. All he could think of was his deceased mother, her pale, sickly face in her coffin as he attended her wake. If he had to go through anything like that again, he wouldn't survive.

Without a second to spare, he raced out of his room, clothes and hair askew, shoving his shoes on as he ran. He only just caught his father in the front entry before the other man heard his frantic steps and turned around, confused.

"Eren?" he asked, medical bag in hand and eyebrow raised. "What are you-?"

"I'm coming with you," Eren stated, already pulling on a coat with shaking hands.

Dr. Jaeger narrowed his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. There's no reason you should"-

"I wasn't asking," the boy said firmly, a slight growl to his voice. "Oaks Garden is where Levi lives. The only way you're going to keep me here is if you chain me down. I'm coming even if I have to hide under the carriage to do so."

His father sighed heavily, shoulders sagging. He hated when his son got like this. He said, "I don't have time for this. Fine, you can come. I suppose we could use your help. But don't get in the way, and do everything the doctors tell you."

Eren didn't care if he had said yes or no. He was already pushing his way past him and heading towards the carriage that was waiting out front for them, the messenger that had alerted them of the emergency. It was a medical carriage, somewhat of a mobile hospital. The two of them hopped in the back without a second to spare, and the messenger urgently clucked at the horse, which set off at a canter rather than just a leisurely trot.

Neither Eren nor his father spoke to each other the whole way. The boy was white knuckled, gripping the seat and staring out the window with a gaunt, pale face. He felt so nauseous and anxious that he thought he was going to have to ask the driver to pull over so he could vomit. However, at that point he would rather just throw up between his feet so as not to risk slowing them down. He could feel a panic attack crushing his chest, an attack that he knew wouldn't subside until he was holding Levi's warm body in his arms and hearing his heart beating next to his ear. He had to have faith. His Doll was strong and determined. He had to have escaped, he just had to.

For Eren's sanity's sake, there was no other option.

Thankfully, due to the urgency of the situation, they made their way into town in half the time that it normally did, and as soon as they did, Eren could see the smoke covering the moon, a beacon guiding them to the devastation. It wasn't until the building was in sight after they turned a corner that he could see the flames, still being battled by the firemen. They were so bright, but considerably less strong than he thought they would be. It seemed at this point that they were beginning to go out, because what he could see of the building was completely charred, so it appeared that the fire was simply running out of fuel. The occupants of the building were huddling together in the snow quite a distance across the street. Even from this distance, he could see the horror on their faces, their tears streaking their soot stained cheeks, their burned clothes and arms.

He found himself scanning the crowd desperately, searching of course for his beloved, trying to pick out his dark head among the crowd. He didn't see him though, and his heart lodged itself in his throat. No, he had to have made it out, he just had to? Before the cart even stopped, he flung the door open and leapt out onto the slippery street. He was instantly numb from the cold, but he didn't notice. He began jogging over the crowd, Levi's name on his lips in a frantic cry. A few heads turned in his direction, but then turned away again.

"Levi!?" Eren tried again, stopping halfway to scan the faces of the people again. "Levi! Please, where are you?"

His breath clouded around his head, yet another sign as to how cold it was, his own panicked wheezes just serving to terrify him more. He heard shouting off to his left, the sound of some of the building crumbling, but he didn't turn to look.

It was nothing compared to the crumbling of his heart.

Then suddenly, a miracle. He heard his name being called back, and people moving aside quickly as someone pushed their way through the crowd. And like a fairy stepping into a grove, there was Levi, cold, pale, feet clad in nothing but slippers stepping onto fresh snow, soot on his face and hair, looking haggard and frightened but blessedly alive. He was looking at Eren like he was a hallucination conjured by his scrambled mind that was desperate for comfort. But the boy didn't fade away. Instead, he raced forward, crying Levi's name in earnest, before he pulled him into a bruising hug. Levi hugged him back with one arm, tears welling up in his eyes at the sound of Eren's sobs of relief. The boy was trembling quite hard, arms locked around him, unable to let go for several seconds. It wasn't until he had completely reassured himself that Levi was real and breathing that he finally backed up and looked him in the face. Tears were streaking through the soot on his cheeks, and using his own coat he wiped at it in a painfully sweet maternal fashion.

"I thought I had lost you," he finally breathed. "Oh God, all I could think of on the way over here was that I was going to have to go to your funeral and I wasn't going to be able to be pulled away from your body. That they were going to have to lock me up in the asylum."

"It's okay," Levi hastily assured him. "We made it out alright. Oh please don't get your nice coat dirty. That soot won't come out easy."

"I have a dozen more just like this," Eren said distractedly. "And we?"

That was when he noticed Prince poking his head back up over the neck of the coat Levi was wearing like a groundhog in February. Levi smiled down at him, petting him with his free hand and saying, "He saved me, Eren. If it weren't for his barking, I wouldn't have woken up. He's a very good boy."

It took a moment for the implication of the older man's words to sink in, but when they did, Eren found himself releasing another shaky sigh, before he leaned forward and kissed Prince on the top of the head, fluffing up his white hair with his hands. Prince licked his lips and then tried to bite Eren's nose when he took his face away.

"You are such a good dog," Eren told him seriously. "You deserve steak dinners for the rest of your life. When we get you someplace safe, I'll have the cooks make them special for you."

Levi breathed a laugh through his nose, still scratching his puppy behind the ears.

That was when Eren realized, "We have to get you to see my father. He's here taking care of the injured, and your breathing doesn't sound too good."

The older man shrugged. "I inhaled a bit of smoke, but I'm not as bad as others I'm sure. There's other people who need to see your father more than I do. I can wait."

"But Levi"-

"No, Eren," he told him gently. "I mean it. I know you're worried, and I know I'm the most important person in your life, because you're the most important one in mine. But you have to be sensible. There's people here with burns all over their bodies, and some who even though they got out, might die if they don't see a doctor in the next five minutes. I'll be okay for a while. Now please, go help those people, and I'll see what I can do to help as well. Alright?"

His tone left no room for argument, so Eren had no choice but to agree. He sighed with resignation, and nodded, giving Levi one last hug and running behind him further into the crowd, asking who was injured and letting them know that there was a doctor here with more of them on the way. Levi nodded in approval, proud of his love. He knew it had been hard, but he had done it.

Sure enough, more doctors swiftly arrived on the scene, Hanji being among them. She and Dr. Jaeger worked in perfect tandem, not wasting a moment when of course time was of the essence. She was actually the one that eventually saw Levi, and she smiled sadly when she saw him, but then hugged him in much the same way Eren had, tightly and with great relief.

When she examined him in the medical wagon, she told him, "Well, luckily it doesn't seem like you have an injuries. Your breathing does sound a bit labored, and you told me you've been coughing, but I'd say that's due to some smoke inhalation. You'll be coughing like that for a few days at least, and more than likely there'll be soot in the mucus. So if you see black stuff when you cough, don't panic. It's just your body getting rid of it. Luckily I think your case is quite mild since you managed to cover your nose when you were inside the building, but I'll give you these pain meds for it. If you start feeling worse, like you get a bad headache or you find gaps in your memory or you find yourself confused a lot, please come find me, that means it's getting worse."

Levi agreed, and asked, "Could you listen to Prince's lungs too? I covered him up with my coat while we were in there, but I'm just worried."

"Well, I'm no vet," she replied, "but I can give it a listen."

He held his puppy tightly as the stethoscope was placed against his ribs, Prince unfamiliar with what was going on. He did try to sniff at it, thinking perhaps it was a new toy, but alas, Levi kept his head against his chest so he wouldn't interfere. After a moment of moving the stethoscope around, Hanji leaned back and pulled it out of her ears, saying, "Now, I don't know what a normal dog's heartbeat sounds like, so if you want, I'd say take him to a vet to be sure, but to me his lungs sounded okay. His breaths were coming easy and he wasn't wheezing. He's also not coughing, so I'd say what you did saved him from inhaling any of the smoke."

Levi's shoulders sagged with relief and he picked up his puppy, kissing him on the head. "My good boy. He saved me, Hanji. He did. If he hadn't woken me up, I wouldn't be here talking to you."

She smiled and leaned forward, scratching Prince under his chin. "What a hero."

After that, she sent him on his way with an offer to stay at her place tonight if he needed it. "Though I'll bet I'll have to wrestle Eren for you," she added.

"You're probably very right about that," he told her as he left the wagon and the next patient was ushered in.

And literally within the next couple of minutes, Eren was pulling him aside and insisting that he come back to the mansion with him for the night. Levi looked up at the horizon, realizing that the dawn light was beginning to glow over the distant hills, and now that the danger had passed, now that the last of the embers were being put out on Oaks Garden, he suddenly felt so exhausted he could barely stand upright.

"I'll have Dr. Ware tell the library that you need to stay home for a couple of days to recover," Eren told him while he sat him down in his father's thankfully emptying wagon. "And while you do that, we can figure out what to do from there with you. For now, get some rest. I'll bet we'll be heading home soon."

And, obediently, Levi leaned up against his shoulder, keeping Prince on his lap and closing his eyes. His last coherent thought was the sensation of Eren draping his coat over him, enclosing him in a cocoon of shared body warmth, before he drifted off to the sound of patients milling about and people shouting orders.

000

Not surprisingly, the fire was a total disaster. It turned out it had been started by an unfortunate woman whose flannelette nightgown caught fire after sparks landed on her. It had quickly gone up in flames and spread to the highly flammable wooden floor and wallpaper, before spreading through the rest of the floor and building. When firefighters went back inside to see if anyone or anything had survived, it was a total loss. Anyone unfortunate enough to not make it out had perished in the flames, either asleep in their beds or trapped on a stairwell. One person had been trampled by other people that had escaped. Either way, neither the people nor anyone's possessions had survived.

So it was true. Levi had lost everything.

Once he had recovered somewhat from inhaling all the smoke, a feeling of extreme loss and devastation settled over him. None of his things were salvageable, he was told. None of the clothes Eren had bought him, or his typewriter, or his gramophone, or most importantly, the book he had worked so hard on all month. All gone in a single night. In fact all that had survived were the clothes on his back and thankfully, the silver watch Eren had given him, which he had left unwittingly in the pocket of the coat he had worn outside. It was bad enough losing his book; he didn't know what he would do if he had lost that watch too.

He found out quickly too that it was going to take quite a long time for the apartment complex to be rebuilt. Since it had been destroyed, it would have to be built again from the ground up. So that meant that residents were going to have to find someplace else to stay. It was devastating, of course. Many of the residents were immigrants that had no family and nowhere else to stay, and certainly couldn't afford to move to somewhere else more expensive.

It appeared that now Levi had no choice but to move in with Eren.

He insisted it was just temporary, and the boy kind of nodded along at first. Like he knew Levi was going to change his mind. But the longer Levi stayed, days turning into weeks, the more he found he liked being at the Jaeger mansion. He liked having Eren just down the hall. He liked being able to pull him behind some curtains for a quick kiss, or being able to follow him all around the estate. Yes, their time spent apart made their reunions sweeter, but being able to look forward to seeing Eren at the end of every day after work just made all that labor worth it. When no one was looking, he would greet Levi in the entryway with a kiss like a wife that had missed him while he'd been at work all day.

Eren had insisted as well that he replace everything that Levi had lost in the fire, everything that he could, anyway. Of course, Levi's family pictures and book couldn't be replaced, but one day Levi had come home to see his closet had been stocked with just about one of everything that he had had before, as well as a few more surprises. More suits with shinier buttons, more dress shirts in every color imaginable, hats made out of the finest beaver and rabbit fur. Everything made him look so much more handsome than he believed he actually was, and Eren told him that everything made him look positively ravishing.

"I'm sure that wasn't the goal when you picked these clothes out, was it," Levi said flatly while Eren admired him in the mirror as he stood behind him.

Eren placed a hand on his chest in mock offense. "Levi my dear, you wound me." Then he added with a sly smirk, "But you know me too well, don't you? I might have done something terrible by making you look so appealing. Some woman might try to steal you away from me when you take Prince for his walks in the park."

It was said in jest of course, and it caused Levi to snort. "Well then I wish them the best of luck because they'll need it. I'm happily taken by a wonderful man whom they could never measure up to."

Though Eren didn't need the reassurance, Levi still loved giving it to him. He loved telling him how much he meant to him and how he was perfectly happy being with him. Such a far cry from how he used to be.

And now it was quite possible that he might be happy living here in the same house with him.

This room was becoming like his old apartment. In fact, it was much larger and more luxurious than his previous apartment, and what was more, it was just a couple doors down from Eren's room. This of course was not a coincidence. Prince seemed happy here too, able to play with Eren's other dogs and run around the farm, following Levi closely, interested by all the nice smells. And at night, he got to pass out on Levi's huge bed with him. Best of all, here, Levi was surrounded by people constantly, whether it was Eren himself, or Mikasa, or any of the number of butler's or maids or the barn staff. He no longer felt lonely, the dark cloud dissipating at long last. It was so amazing. Levi felt constantly warm and his mind stimulated by all the conversation around him. He felt cared about by so many more people now, and for the first time in a long time, he felt like had a family, that he was part of a home rather than just existing in a space.

Levi still wasn't completely sure however that he really wanted to stay in Eren's home until they went to the Laughing Fox pub one night. He felt guilty of course about all that his boy was doing for him; giving him a place to live, providing him with clothes and a ride to work. It was more than he could handle. But though he knew the right thing would be to move out, the selfish part of him wanted to stay so he could keep seeing Eren every single day. Spring was trying to warm up their city when they went again, the first time Levi had been there since his home had burnt down. This would be good though, a good distraction from all the drama that had been going on. He was looking forward to seeing their friends again.

What he was not expecting was an outpouring of sympathy from the people at the pub.

The minute they walked through the doors, as soon as they saw Levi's face, it was as if everything stopped. All chatter in the room ceased, and sympathy filled their expressions as they turned their gazes on him. Levi and Eren were still in the doorway when Jean and Marco got out of their chairs first, Armin following close behind. Armin and Marco seemed to dogpile Levi at the same time, embracing him tightly from two different angles.

"Eren wrote us and told us everything that happened," Armin explained against his hair. "I'm so sorry Levi."

"You poor darling," Marco soothed, rubbing his shoulder. "If there's anything you need, please let us know."

Jean snorted as he stood slightly behind them, saying jokingly, "What are you talking about, Marco? Like you didn't already bring half a department's store worth of stuff here for him."

Levi's eyes widened over the boy's shoulder at those words, and then wriggled out of his hold. He held both Armin and Marco at arm's length, unable to believe what he had just heard. "You what?"

Armin rolled his eyes, scoffing, "Nice going, Jean. Way to let the cat out of the bag."

Jean waved him off. "He was going to find out in a minute anyway."

Sure enough, Levi looked over Marco's shoulder to see a huge pile of wrapped gifts all compiled on one of the large mahogany tables that they usually put their feet on, or snuffed out their cigarettes out on ash trays, or place their glasses of whiskey on. But now it looked like Christmas morning had thrown up all over the place. Levi walked past them, dazed, staring at the pile like it was going to bite him. He just for some reason could not process what he was seeing, nor did he want to. This was too much for him to handle. He felt Eren walk up behind him, and he chose at that moment to let his knees give way. The boy caught him around his shoulders and helped to lower him steadily to the floor. He kept himself flush against his back, and Levi used him as support, feeling dizzy.

"Shh, it's alright, love," he soothed him, pulling him close and rubbing up and down his shoulder. Levi put a hand over his mouth, feeling tears welling in his eyes and a sob closing up his throat, two things he didn't want to escape him. "Please don't cry."

"Did you tell them to get all these things?" Levi wondered. He didn't sound like he was accusing him. He was just wanted to know.

Before Eren could answer, Erwin piped up with, "No. All Eren told us about was the fire. We all came together and made the collective decision to help out. We all know how devastating the fire was. And if it'll help ease your mind, we all donated supplies to the other victims of the fire as well. If our money is going to be spent on anything, we'd rather it be on people that need the help."

Looking around the room, Levi could see nothing but sincerity on everyone's faces. Some of them nodded to emphasize Erwin's point. Levi indeed felt a bit better knowing that he wasn't the only one they had bestowed all these gifts on, he still couldn't handle all their generosity. He scrubbed at his eyes, let out a big, shaky sigh, and finally said, "I'm sorry. I'm just not used to so many people caring about me and spending money on me. It's foreign, and Eren will tell you that no matter how many times he does it for me I'll still never get used to it. I've just been used to depending on myself ever since my parents passed away, so being able to depend on other people is still an odd thing for me. But…from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You're all far more than friends, you're like family to me now."

Eld raised his glass of whiskey when he finished and said, "Hear hear."

There was a murmur of agreement, and those that had glasses filled with drink raised them as well and repeated, "Hear hear," or "Well said."

Once everyone took a sip, Sasha and Connie got up from their seat, carrying their presents over and setting them in front of Levi, Sasha saying, "Open mine first."

Then Hanji seemed to come out of nowhere, putting an even bigger present beside him, insisting, "Nonsense, open mine."

Levi sniffed, laughing at them. "Before I open up anyone's presents, I'm going to get off this hard floor, otherwise my back will be punishing me for this tomorrow."

Eren helped him up, holding him close the entire time, and led him to the couch, sitting down next to him. He watched fondly as Levi dug into his pile, thinking he was the most adorable thing as he lit up over simple things like a new set of cooking pots or oven mitts, or new sheets of paper to restart his book. Even more incredibly, Gunter and Auruo told him that once he got further in his book, they had connections with a couple of publishing houses.

"So go ahead and send us the manuscripts," Gunter instructed, patting Levi on the back with a heavy hand. "Well make sure the publishing house gets it. "We'll let them know you're a friend of ours, and that'll at least get your manuscript in the door."

"Seriously?" Levi gasped. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Of course," Auruo replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Us mollies have to help each other out, because no one else will. It's nice knowing you have allies in this shitty, cold world."

Well, what a way to phrase it. But he supposed he was right. Levi reached out and shook both their hands emphatically, unable to help the huge smile on his face. "Thank you so much. That means more to me than you'll ever know."

"You know," Eren added behind him, causing Levi to turn around and look at him, "I've been thinking. When you start writing again, I'd like you to show me the first few chapters so that I can create some illustrations for it. Perhaps if you like them enough, you could add them to your book if you want? Just so people can get an idea of the world you're creating, or even what your characters look like. You describe to me exactly what they look like so our visions match up, yeah?"

"That would…that would be amazing," Levi breathed. "Lord, all of you are going to give me fits. If I'm carted off to the morgue tonight it'll be your fault."

Eren laughed and pulled Levi close, kissing him on the cheek.

An hour later, the older man was surrounded by a pile of essentials and still sitting next to Eren on the couch, listening to the latest gossip and watching everyone kiss and cuddle like normal couples. It warmed his heart to see. Evidently, Annie had her baby soon after Christmas, a healthy little boy. However, she was unable to nurse him, so they had a wet nurse for him, a maid of theirs that coincidentally also recently had a child. Jean and Marco married their respective fiancés just a month ago, joint weddings set up by their families, and in their minds, the two boys were marrying each other rather than their new wives. They even gave each other promise rings that they kept in pockets inside their jackets wherever they went.

Erwin and Armin were indeed still set to leave town. However, they wouldn't be doing so until the end of the year, when they would pick up everything they had and left town. Armin would change his identity completely and become Erwin's "wife" as well as live as such. He was just lucky he could pass as such. Ymir and Christa were beginning to talk about doing something similar. It might be possible, they decided, to move up to Boston and live in what was known as a "Boston marriage" where women could live together as a married couple did without actually getting married. It would be easy to pass Ymir off as a man if she kept her hair short, and she could work while Christa stayed home and took care of the house.

Levi shook his head sadly. So many sacrifices they were making just to stay with the ones they loved. But looking at Eren, he knew that such a sacrifice would be worth it. Perhaps they would be able to do something similar? Though of course it was far too soon to tell, the thought of marrying Eren, even though such a thing was impossible, living together as normal couples did, sounded nice. True neither of them would be able to give each other children, but who said they needed children to be happy?

As the night reached its conclusion, Levi found himself in Eren's lap, arms draped loosely around his neck, chin placed on his head. Eren was holding him around his waist, a clear sign of affection and slight possession. They looked like some of the other couples there for once, and it made Levi very happy. They finally fit in.

"Eren?" he found himself asking quietly.

"Hmm?" his boy hummed, feeling the vibrations in Levi's throat as he spoke against his nose.

"I um…" Levi paused, not sure at first how he wanted to word his question. "Well, would you mind terribly if I said with certainty that I wanted to remain living at your home? I feel selfish for asking to do so, and I could pay rent if it would make your father happy. I don't want to take advantage of your kindness, but I'm finding I've never been happier than I have been staying in the Jaeger mansion."

To his surprise, Eren laughed a little, but tightened his hold around his waist, pulling his face away from Levi's neck and looking up him with sweet, sparkling eyes, saying, "I can't say that I mind at all, and I was under the impression that the Jaeger mansion was already as much your home as it is mine. And don't worry about my father. There's over two hundred bedrooms in that house. If he has a problem with you occupying one then he can come to blows with me over it. I'll set him straight, and it'll be a joy for me to do so."

Levi snorted, settling back against him, kissing him lightly against the lips before burying his face against the other boy's neck. He whispered in his ear, "My Aurora. You really are the one I saw once upon a dream."

Eren just squeezed him back, and replied equally as tenderly, "And you're mine."


	15. The Greatest Show

Levi originally thought Eren's most endearing moments were when he spoke to him quietly in the hushed atmosphere of his room together when they could manage to sneak away, when he promised him all sorts of sweet things that any man in love wants to hear. Or when he did kind things for the people around him: give a beggar they passed on the streets a coin, donating to the poor houses, or making sure his father's employees didn't work too hard or long, things his father often seemed to neglect because well, in his words, "they're just Irish and Italian dogs with no families here, they need the money and I need the labor."

And all of those things were wonderful, but Levi absolutely melted inside when Eren caught sight of a poster saying that Barnum and Bailey was going to be in town at the end of spring and started jumping up and down right there in the middle of the street. He was making all sorts of strange excited sounds, little squeals and exclamations of his name while he gripped his upper arms, very nearly taking him in the air with him.

"Oh my God, the circus Levi!" he was babbling. "I haven't been to the circus since I was a kid! We simply _have _to go or I'll just die!"

"I have a feeling my arms will too if you hold them any tighter," Levi quipped.

Eren just said, "You don't need arms to watch a circus, you old grump. You just need to have an open mind and to have fun! It's the most magical even the world and- oh Levi please, you have to go with me."

Why did Levi have the feeling that he was looking at what Eren might have been like if he were ten years younger and instead pulling on his father's waistcoat? He rolled his eyes fondly and said with a smile, "Of course you goose, we'll go. It'll be fun. The last time I went I was very little. It was one of my first memories, actually. So it'll be good to get some fresher memories."

"Do you think it would be okay if we brought Mikasa too?" Eren asked. "She loves the circus, and she hasn't been since we were little either."

Levi could hardly see the sullen, apathetic Mikasa enjoying anything, much less a circus, but if Eren said so, then he would believe him. So, he agreed, "Of course. It'll be nice to have at least one sane person there with us."

Well, at that, Eren had pushed his hat over his eyes and taken off down the street, leaving Levi to chase after him while the boy laughed his fool head off.

So, when the circus was officially in town, off they went, Eren skipping next to him and around him like a child that had never been to the circus before and had been told all about how wonderful it was. He wouldn't stop babbling either, and Levi only heard half of it, but he couldn't stop smiling. Even if he didn't hear everything Eren said, he still loved listening to him. Nothing was better than seeing his boy so excited.

"The circus is just so magical, Levi," he was saying. "It's the inspiration for a lot of my art. I always try and emulate the bright colors that I remember, and all the sparkling lights and the fun and dreamy atmosphere. This is going to be so amazing. Oh, every time I'd ask father to go when I was younger after the first time he wouldn't take me again because he said I had to 'grow up.' I know if my mother were here she would have taken me…"

"Well, we're going now," Mikasa assured him, clutching the arm of a young man she had met just a couple of months ago, the son of one his father's medical associates. His name was Benjamin, and he was a pretty successful guy, on his way to becoming a doctor himself. Eren wasn't sure if she genuinely liked this man or if she was succumbing to the pressure that their father was putting on them. He was being just as hard on her lately as she was on him, perhaps even more sometimes because she was a woman, and it was far more disgraceful for her to be unmarried than it was for him. But at least Benjamin seemed nice enough, if a little daft sometimes. He was treating his sister well, and that was all that mattered. They were currently courting, and if they ended up marrying, he supposed he wouldn't complain.

"When was the last time you went to the circus?" she asked Benjamin.

"Oh, a couple years ago with my little sister," he said. "She just loves it, and"-

Levi stopped listening right after that, too enthralled with watching Eren bounce around him like an excited puppy. Besides, a tiny part of him resented Benjamin, and this had just started lately. It wasn't anything that the other man had done, per say. He just hated that he could openly flaunt the fact that he was with his chosen partner. He could hold her hand, he could let her hold his arm. He could shield her from the breeze as it picked up with his coat, or even lend her his coat if she said she was too cold. He so terribly wanted to do those things for Eren as well, and even if some of them were innocuous and innocent and things friends might do for each other, if two men did it for each other, it would have been strange. It just hurt that the most intimate they could be with each other in public was to hug, and even then, it couldn't be too long or too tight, and they had to appear as if they really didn't want to. So many silly social rules, and he was so sick of it.

He shook his head. He couldn't dwell on these sorts of things, not when Eren was in such a good mood. When they made it up to the ticket booth after almost a half hour of waiting in the long line, Eren automatically reached for his money, but Levi slapped his hands away.

"Oh no," he chided. "You always pay for everything. I think you forget that I work too, you know. I can get this."

"Levi"-

"No, now hush." He added in a lower tone, "I can afford it just fine, Aurora."

At the name, Eren's face broke into a blinding grin. He loved hearing Levi call him that. It was like the older man was telling him that he loved him in a single word, and it was inconspicuous enough that if anyone heard him call him that, they wouldn't understand the deeper meaning behind it.

Once they had paid, they were given back their tickets with little holes punched in them, and Levi knew immediately that he was going to save his ticket forever. They found their way to a couple of seats among the packed stands. Families were clamoring already, excited beyond belief for the show that was coming. Levi supposed he couldn't blame them. Now that they were inside the dimly lit tent and gazing at the empty, dusty stage, his excitement was piquing as well. He sat beside Eren, naturally, while Mikasa sat next to him and Benjamin sat on the end. But evidently there was almost very little point, because Eren kept standing up and fidgeting like a racehorse in the starting gate. It got to the point where Levi grabbed him by the back of his coat and yanked him back down, the wooden seat vibrating as his butt hit it.

"You're making me nervous," Levi told him, though not unkindly. "You really are like a little kid, my Aurora."

"I know, I'm sorry," Eren said, though he didn't sound too sorry. His eyes were still sparkling in the low light and he was glancing all around with wide eyes, as if searching, waiting for the performers to appear already.

Next to them, Mikasa, who had been chatting with Benjamin as animatedly as Levi had ever seen her do, stopped her conversation to place a hand on Eren's shoulder and told him, "Listen to him, Eren. If you bounce around anymore you're going to break the stands and send us all tumbling to the ground. Levi already survived a fire, he doesn't need to be crushed to death."

Levi snorted at Eren's cross expression. His pout when he glared at her was adorable, and he playfully pushed at his other shoulder.

It was a few more minutes of bantering later before the lights went out completely and a hush fell over the crowd. Eren reached over and practically shook Levi until his teeth rattled, saying in a high pitched, ecstatic voice, "It's happening, Levi it's happening!"

Levi blew against the side of his face in an attempt to get him to back away, but Eren still didn't let go. Of course he didn't. He was so far gone in his excitement that he couldn't see anything past what was in front of him. It only grew exponentially when the music began, one long, low note of several brass instruments that thrummed through their bones, vibrating in the air around them. And then, over the sounds of the instruments, a voice boomed from the middle of the darkened stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" came the voice, "Be formally welcomed to the Ringling Brothers circus! And what a show we have for you tonight!"

The crowd absolutely roared, everyone standing up and cheering and clapping. Levi felt like he was going to go deaf by the end of the night if not in the next ten minutes. Eren of course was right there with the children behind them, absolutely screaming. He had legitimately never seen him so excited before, and he thought briefly that the other boy was going to explode into rainbows.

Now that would have been a show unto itself.

But soon enough, the excitement was infecting Levi, because the room suddenly exploded into a multitude of colors and music, like a garden blooming all at once to the sound of a symphony. Lights flashed on to illuminate the ring master, one of the Ringling brothers himself no doubt, though which one he couldn't be sure at this distance. White horses trotted out from backstage with women in sparkly, puffy dresses balanced either on their hands or on one foot on their saddles. While they did this, fire breathers appeared right behind the ringmaster, blowing multi-colored flames at each other, the flames balancing on red and white sticks.

From then on, it was a blur of nonstop movement and action. Levi and Eren found themselves holding each other without thinking when the acrobats appeared and began swinging thousands of feet above the stage. They watched with huge eyes as they flipped and spun through the air, gasping with the crowd every time it looked like they wouldn't make it. There was a safety net just in case, but at the same time, there was always that chance that they could fall. The same thing happened when the knife thrower came out and threw huge knives at a young lady standing spread eagle in front of a target. Each knife Levi expected to go into the girl's body, but luckily none of them did.

Of course, Levi and Eren's favorite parts were the animals. There were so many of them, all doing things they could scarcely believe animals could do. There were dogs setting off tiny cannons and riding on little bikes. There were horses performing jumping tricks with clowns and cowboys dressed in sparkling outfits. There were lions and tigers jumping through flaming hoops and being told to bow, or rear up and roar for the crowd. There was even a bear in a tutu dancing. The best part was the elephants that strode around the arena and in the aisles, some had riders on their backs, while others didn't. They were made to stand on a large ball and balance on it, the audience holding their collective breath and waiting. Luckily, the trick was pulled off without a hitch, and everything ended well.

Even after the show was over, the entertainment continued, because after the sun went down, Barnum and Bailey opened up their tent behind the main performance tent where the sideshow "freaks" resided. Eren and Levi were obsessed with the strange and bizarre, and throughout the whole show they had been dying to see these individuals as well. Mikasa seemed less enthusiastic, but Benjamin talked her into it, saying it was a once in a lifetime sort of thing.

And it certainly didn't disappoint.

There was the bearded lady, the Siamese twins, the world's smallest man and the world's tallest. So many different wonders of the world, things that had them both gasping in wonder, and they even found themselves striking up conversations with some of the people. It was adorable, Levi thought as he watched Eren carry on and on with the bearded lady about different parts of the world she had been to and some of the places Eren would love to see as well.

On the way home, in a way that only Levi would be able to fully understand, Eren told his partner, "It's not just the show itself that I love about circuses. I love the performers because I feel like we're not so different than they are. People think they're strange or that they don't belong in civilized company, but they're normal people and they deserve respect and acceptance."

He glanced down at Levi meaningfully, green eyes sparkling at him, while Levi smiled and nodded at him. "Well put."

Mikasa ended up snorting. "Well, they're certainly more civilized than you are, Eren. I'm sure that at least the Siamese twins clean up after themselves when they leave the dinner table and down spend all hours of the night out at a gentleman's club."

Eren narrowed his eyes at her while Benjamin laughed. He then looked over at Levi, clearly searching for support, but all the older man had to say was, "She has a point. We've been friends for almost a year and I'm already tired of cleaning up your share of the dishes, or fixing up your deplorable room for you. I'm not your mother nor am I your wife."

At that, Eren wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at him, causing Levi's face to heat up. It was a look that said, "But you'd make a great wife for sure."

He didn't know how much more of this boy he could take.

When they got home, Levi was not surprised at all to find Eren splayed out on his belly on his bed, pencil flying like crazy over the pages in the sketchbook Levi had given him for his birthday. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that he was drawing the acrobats, the lines messy as he depicted their fast, fluid movement from memory. It was endearing to see, the fact that he was this excited over something generally meant for children.

As if Levi couldn't love him anymore.

"I guess this means I'll have to add a circus scene into my story," Levi said from the doorway.

His response was an emphatic, "You better. A story without a circus is not one I want to read."

"Of course not."

000

Eren had been to more weddings than he cared to remember. Very few of them he did in fact remember because he pushed them out of his head. His father had dragged him around from wedding to wedding to wedding of people that Eren knew and didn't know. Most of them he didn't know because they were patients of his father's that were so grateful he had saved the life of one of their family members that he was invited to watch a distant relative of theirs get married. It drove Eren crazy because especially as a child, he had been bored stiff. There were a few kids present at these weddings, but during most of it he wasn't allowed to play with them, instead being forced to sit perfectly still and be quiet during the ceremony. Grisha had always told Eren to pay attention to what was going on because someday soon that was going to be him up there at the altar getting married to a wonderful woman.

Levi too had been to his fair share of weddings, dragged along by his parents. But they were more somber affairs, things that took place directly after the funerals of the bride's previous husbands. He always thought it was ridiculous that they moved on so fast, but his mother reassured him that it was because in order to have income, the women had to have a husband as quickly as possible. And she hoped that when he grew up he would find someone as young and fresh as he was. The last thing he needed was the emotional baggage of a widow that had already been used by another man.

He very much hated women being described like that, especially by his mother of all people, and now that he was older and was friends with so many women who weren't interested in being with a man, much less having a man take care of them, he hated it even more.

However, though Eren had attended weddings at the Laughing Fox, Levi had not, and it was a wedding unlike any other.

"A wedding between inverts?" Levi had said when he opened the invitation. "Is that even possible?"

They were in the privacy of Eren's room looking at it, and it was quite interesting to see. It looked just like a normal wedding invitation. But the names on the invitation were Erwin's and Armin's, rather than a man's and a woman's. It certainly lifted Levi's heart, but it was strange at the same time.

"Well, yes," Eren told him, sitting next to him on the bed and looking at the piece of paper over the top of the other man's head. "It's not a wedding in the traditional sense. There's no official court that will recognize it of course, and no priest to wed us. Plus, our families won't see it. The only witnesses to the wedding are the people at the pub, and it's more for ceremony than it is for anything official. Many of the inverts that have gotten married at the pub for example are also married to other officially recognized spouses of the opposite sex. The only people that recognize these marriages are us. Some do it for fun, some do it seriously, and I'd say based on these invitations, Armin and Erwin are doing this for the latter reason."

Levi blinked, turning the invitation over, but there was nothing on the back. He said somewhat slowly, "Do you think after this they'll be moving away? If they do, how are we going to keep affording to rent out that space at the pub?"

Eren "aww-ed" at him, pulling him close and kissing the side of his head. He assured him, "Don't you worry. There are still some of us that have some means. Christa's family is the richest one in town, full of old money. She said she'd cover Erwin's costs, and of course the rest of us will pitch in. If he leaves, we'll manage to hold onto the pub."

That made Levi feel more relieved than he could imagine. The pub had become a sacred place outside of Eren's home, a haven where he could be himself in front of a group of people that he had become closer to than he could have ever imagined himself becoming. He had gone from having one friend that was only there when she could take a break from her busy schedule to see him, to having dozens of them, as well as a dog that could keep him company and a partner that loved him more than anything.

He had said it to the boy several times, but he felt the need to say it again. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Eren."

Eren snorted, having no idea where that was coming from, but he'd take the compliment, even if he didn't understand what he had done to deserve it. So he teased, "I know."

It sent Levi into a fit of giggles followed up by him shoving Eren hard enough so that he fell over onto the bed.

Just a couple weeks later, they were waiting in one of the big leather chairs down at the pub. All of the furniture had been turned to face one side of the room, like church pews. The room had been decorated a bit, by Hanji, if Levi were to guess, because there was no rhyme or reason to where the bouquets of flowers were placed or the grains of rice were tossed. The decorations were a mish mash of colors and white, probably the only things they could sneak in on such short notice. But still, it was charming in its own…Hanji sort of way, but he had the feeling that no one would ever put her in charge of the decorating committee ever again.

There was a sense of excitement vibrating in the air around them, much like the sense he got in the stands at the circus. Hange was already standing there at the front of the room having also been appointed as the vicar for the evening, beaming at the back of the room where the two grooms were standing for now, waiting for their cue. On the grand piano sat Bertholt, who looked tall even sitting down. Also in the back of the room, there was a camera, certainly an odd sight. Levi had only seen those occasionally, and wondered if the two men were going to get their picture taken today. There were no bridesmaids or groomsmen, but he supposed those were unnecessary in this situation. Eren explained to him that in a way, they were all bridesmaids and groomsmen to the two grooms, and that went without saying, so there was no reason for them to stand up there beside him. All of their friends were chatting amongst themselves in the seats, waiting for it to start.

It finally did at Hanji's signal. She nodded towards Bertholt, and he began playing the wedding march on the piano, jauntily and happily. Almost as soon as the music began, Erwin and Armin got up from their seats and met in the middle. They faced towards the path that had been made for them in between the rows of furniture, took each other by the arm, and guided each other slowly up the path. They were smiling everywhere, at practically everything. They smiled at each other, looked completely besotted, before looking down and smiling at their friends in their seats. Levi would have found it amusing if he didn't understand their excitement so well. Both Erwin and Armin were dressed in some of the nicest suits they had, Armin in navy blue with silver buttons, something that Erwin had clearly bought for him because there was no way he would have been able to afford that on a librarian's salary. Erwin was in a black suit that gripped his broad shoulders, gold buttons gleaming, looking like there was nowhere else he would rather be.

They reached the end of the aisle, and the music stopped on a long, cheerful note. But Erwin and Armin didn't separate, not entirely. They let go of each other's arms, but kept their hands joined as they turned to face each other. Armin, who happened to be facing Levi's direction, glanced over at the dark haired man and Eren and beamed at the both of them, as if he could believe his luck. Eren grinned back, while Levi offered him a softer, more subtle smile. Armin straightened back up, trying to keep from bouncing in place like an excited puppy.

Hanji began with her speech about why they were gathered there, and Levi was just pleased that he could openly take Eren's hand and hold it in his lap, stroking his bony knuckles. Upon looking around, he saw that the other couples were holding each other's hands as well; Jean and Marco, Ymir and Christa, Sasha, Annie and Connie, Eld, Gunter and Auruo…it was just so nice to witness. So nice to see them all being themselves when they were forced to cover up who they were during the day. He wondered how many of them wished that they were the ones up there getting married to their true loves.

When Erwin and Armin were prompted to read their vows to each other, Erwin began with, "Armin, I know it hasn't been easy being with me. I know we've sacrificed a lot. I know I've been extremely selfish in asking you to change who you are just to stay with me. But I'm beyond thankful that you've tolerated not only that, but who I am as a person. I'm glad that we're able to share what I'm considered our true wedding with our good friends before we get married officially in front of our family. Here, we will get married and become husband and husband. In front of our family, we will lie in front of not only them but God about who we are and become husband and wife to fulfill their own selfish needs. You're a blessing in my life that I don't deserve, but I hope to work every day to become someone who does eventually deserve you."

Moving words, Levi thought. He could tell that Erwin meant every word. The older man flicked his eyes over towards Eren, and clucked with sympathy when he saw that he was crying openly, the poor thing. He reached up and stroked his cheeks, wiping away his tears. He pulled the boy against him, holding him tight with one arm.

Armin smiled at Erwin in a long suffering, fond sort of way, as if he had heard those words hundreds of times before, before he began with, "Erwin…you're going to drive me to an early grave, you silly old goat." There was laughter from the crowd, and he paused to let it peter out, before he continued, "My love for you goes beyond any ridiculous societal conventions. It goes beyond anything present on Earth. If it meant I could stay with you, I would do a lot more than change who I am. I promise to be the best husband and wife I possibly can be and treat you to all the love and respect that you deserve. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, and to start a new life with you. Yes, I'll miss the life we have here dearly, but it's worth it to spend it with my true love."

"And it doesn't have to be forever," Hanji reassured him.

Her advice was taken seriously, both men nodded at her, as she was perpetuating the same lie that they were about to. And perhaps someday she would take that extra step and wed Petra. But for now, Erwin and Armin looked back at each other, and Erwin repeated, "Yes of course. It doesn't have to be forever. We can come back and visit here whenever we'd like."

Hanji smiled hugely with approval. "It's a promise then. And with that, I pronounce you husband and husband. Here's to a long life full of prosperity and love for the two of you."

Eagerly, they gazed at each other, before Armin practically leapt up and threw himself at the taller man, Erwin catching him in his arms, squeezing him tightly as they kissed. Applause rose up from everyone, as well as cheers. Over the noise, Eren leaned over to Levi and said, "They deserve this. They've been together for almost five years, it's about time they got married."

Levi nodded in agreement. Though he hadn't known them that long in comparison, it was easy to see the devotion they held towards each other, and it stirred something deep within him. Was this what his and Eren's relationship was going to look like down the line? Was it going to be this deep? Were they going to become this inseparable? Would they be this willing to do whatever it took to stay together?

Erwin picked up Armin and carried him down the aisle, the younger boy laughing. Bertholt had begun to play the piano again, creating a nice, joyful ambience as they took their first steps together as a married couple.

After that, Reiner hopped up, guiding them over to sit on one of the nicer leather sofas that they had, before positioning the camera in front of them. They ended up sitting next to each other, Erwin holding Armin around the shoulders, the two of them leaning in close to each other. It was an innocent enough position to anyone who would happen to pick up the photo. They wouldn't be able to accuse them of anything personally. But to those that knew them, it would be much different. They could scarcely keep the smiles off their faces, but knew they had to. They were going to have to sit perfectly still in front of this camera for a long time, so if they decided to smile, their faces were going to hurt pretty bad.

When Reiner deemed that they were in the perfect position and the camera was centered, he disappeared under the large cloth that covered the giant contraption and squeezed the trigger that to Levi looked like a bike horn. After that, there was a bright spark and a puff of thick smoke that made Reiner wiggle out from underneath the cloth, hacking and waving his hand in front of his face.

And of course, Eren and Levi took it all in, both of them having more fun as this wedding than any one they had been to. As he sat there with his love, he couldn't help but imagine themselves being in Erwin and Armin's place. The idea made him so happy he could hardly contain himself.

Maybe someday, he thought to himself. Someday.


	16. Dreams and Reality

It was safe to say that by the beginning of that summer Levi had settled fully into the Jaeger household. He had carved out his own place there, becoming as much of a fixture of the home as Eren and Mikasa were. At first, some, especially Mr. Jaeger's friends and associates, thought it a bit odd that this seemingly random young man had taken up residence in the mansion. He explained to them though that he was a very good friend of his son's whose home was destroyed and had nowhere else to go. Besides, he paid his rent and earned his keep, so he saw nothing wrong with him staying there.

Despite the fact that he saw him as a bit of a bad influence on his son.

After all, Levi didn't seem to be encouraging Eren to obtain a stable career for himself. Instead, he kept telling him that they were going to make it big someday as a writing and artist duo, Levi writing his books while Eren illustrated them. He was also looking out for potential jobs for Eren and telling him about them. Grisha did like seeing the excited spark in Eren's eyes when he was told about these jobs, but he knew deep down he was wasting his time. The life of an artist and writer was a never-ending struggle, and though Levi at least had a stable career to fall back on, Eren did not. He was already far overdue for making a life of his own, and Grisha's patience was running out.

It didn't help that Mikasa seemed to like Levi, despite the fact that she rarely seemed to like anyone that Eren made friends with. Perhaps it was because their personalities were so similar, and she could see that Levi cared just as deeply for his son that Mikasa did.

In fact, Grisha didn't know of any two men that were as close and Eren and Levi were.

The whole situation was very queer, as far as he was concerned. But Eren had always been a very affectionate boy, loving easily and with his whole heart. However it was difficult for him to attach very deeply to anyone ever since his mother passed away, so he supposed it should be a good thing that he found someone he own age and gender that he could bond with.

So why did he find Levi and Eren's relationship so odd?

For now, he put his concerns aside. There was still time before December, and in that time, maybe Levi would be a good influence on his son in helping him find a woman to court.

Speaking of Eren and Levi's careers, Levi was proud of himself that he found the will to start writing again. It broke his heart that he had to start at the beginning, but Eren assured him that this just meant he had been given a chance to write his book even better than he could have before. This was the version of his story that was meant to see the light of day.

"The faster you get it written, the faster we can take it to Auruo and Gunter and see what they think of it," Eren reassured him.

That's right. Though Levi was beyond excited at the thought of an actual publisher seeing the beginning of his novel, he was also so nervous he felt that he was going to vomit. He was nervous enough showing his work to Eren, or Mikasa, who had oddly also liked his writings. But Eren kept telling him that it would be worth it, that he had nothing to fear. It was then that it came out that the boy had secretly brought his manuscript to the pub and asked some of their closest friends to read it. Armin had absolutely died over it, while Erwin had thought it was very refreshing. Hanji was also similarly enthusiastic, unaware that Levi had such a gift for writing, while Marco held the same sentiments, saying that if he got an editor to polish it up, it would be something very special.

"Eren!" Levi had exclaimed after he found out, his face turning bright red.

"What?" Eren held up his hands in surrender. "They loved it. I figured you just needed a bit of a push to get it to the publisher. The more people who gave you positive reviews, the more likely you were likely to go through with it. So…did it work?"

The older man had sighed in frustration, before growling, "Yes. I hate you."

He had then kissed him briefly and then immediately turned back to his typewriter, fingers practically burning up the keyboard. Eren snorted, saying to himself, "Anything for you, dear."

After that, Levi had written at the speed of light, already knowing what he wanted to write, and now having the will to write it. He barely took breaks, sometimes falling asleep by the light of a gas lamp at his desk in front of the typewriter, leaving Eren to either brave lifting him into bed, or draping a blanket over his shoulders.

However, Levi's determination was contagious, as now Eren found himself going out into town, looking for ads either in the paper or on shop walls looking for artists. And after just one afternoon, he found three opportunities, and quickly applied for all three. Two of them told him they believed he needed more experience, but one was willing to give him a shot in making posters to promote his shop, which sent Eren over the moon with excitement. It was his first job where he would get paid for his art! When he had found out, Levi had pulled him into his room and kissed him deeply.

"I'm so proud of you," he had breathed against his lips.

Eren laughed with elation, telling him, "I probably wouldn't have done it without you. Look at us, following our dreams. Maybe we can actually do this."

"What a pair we make, huh? The writer and the artist. We'll either succeed or die broke in a gutter somewhere under mysterious circumstances, like proper artists."

Eren had rolled his eyes. "So dramatic. No, failure is not an option. We'll be successful and move out of town. Maybe we can build a house by the ocean so that we wake up to the sound of the waves every morning?"

At that, Levi eyes brightened right up. "Really?"

Eren shrugged. "If we save up, or if we make it big, I see no reason why not. A little house by the beach for just the two of us. We can be away from everyone, and when we're in that house, we can be ourselves. Yes, don't worry. I'll make sure to get it built for you."

Levi truly didn't deserve him. He was far too pure for his dirty self, he thought. But even so, it just spurned him to work even harder, until finally he finished what he felt was almost half of his story. He figured that would be enough to at least capture the interest of a publisher. He knew they usually preferred the whole or at least most of the manuscript, but he hoped because Gunter and Aururo had connections, they would make an exception. So, when he was ready, he gave them what he had.

"No matter if the house likes it or doesn't, they'll most likely call you in for a meeting," they told him. "We'll give you the news when we see you again."

Levi had thanked them profusely again for doing this favor for him, unable to believe that he was actually doing this. After all, he had wanted to publish stories since he was an adolescent. It was so surreal, and he honestly didn't feel like he was really submitting his work for professional eyes to see.

"Well, if they don't like it, I suppose I'll have to give up writing forever and stick to my day job," he told Eren on his walk home from the pub, but Eren had waved him off at once.

"Nonsense. You'll just take it to another publisher, and if they say no, you'll just keep going to publishers until you find one that says yes. I'm not going to let either of us give up."

The older man had no idea what he was going to do with this boy. He was going to give him a heart attack; how did he always know just what to say? He swore, he would have never been brave enough to publish anything without him, nor would he have the gumption to keep going. Half the reason, he discovered, that he wanted to get his work out there was because he wanted to please Eren, to see that proud smile on his face.

He supposed that that wasn't such a bad motivation, though.

It took weeks for the two of them to hear anything back from the publishing firm, weeks that Levi spent on the edge of his seat. Meanwhile, Eren busied himself with his new job, throwing himself completely into it. He only seemed to take breaks when Levi would bring him his meals, setting them down next to him, sometimes on the floor, where Prince would find it very quickly and try and steal whatever smelled good to him. Levi had to admit, the poster looked brilliant, bright and colorful and attractive to the eye. It was sure to capture the attention of anyone that passed by it, including lovely stylized text of the store's slogan.

"It isn't what I dream of doing, but it's a start," Eren had told him. "Someday I want to sell my paintings out of my studio at whatever price I name. You know, so we can save up to have that home built."

By the time he finished his posters and was ready to deliver them, Levi finally received news about his manuscript. True to Gunter and Auruo's prediction, he wasn't told whether or not it was good or bad. Rather, he was given a letter saying that the publishers wanted to meet with him early one morning before he started work.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Eren had asked with concern when he saw how pale Levi had gone when he read the letter.

Levi shook his head, and smiled at him tightly from his desk. "I'm a big boy. I can go by myself, and whatever they have to tell me, I can handle it by myself."

"Well, whatever happens, just know that I'm proud of you, and that you're very brave."

He repeated those words to him the morning he left to go to the publishing house, deciding to go in style by riding one of the Jaeger's Morgans into town. He had to admit, he felt rather fancy and important as the horse trotted smoothly over the paved road, his horseshoes ringing out in the still morning air. He did gain the looks of a few passersby, mostly women that tittered and giggled amongst themselves. Levi had to resist looking away in embarrassment. He didn't understand their reaction at all, though Eren often said that Levi looked very handsome on the back of their family's beautiful horses.

All too soon, he was arriving at the publishing house and tying his horse outside, relieved to see that there was someone outside to watch him as well as the other horses. He would hate to have Eren's horse stolen. Once he was taken care of, Levi timidly walked inside the building, which was intimidating only to him. In reality, it probably wouldn't stand out to anyone else; it blended in pretty well with the other businesses surrounding it. The glass doors were large and imposing and practically slammed behind him when they shut.

At hearing the doors shut, a woman behind a small wooden desk that he hadn't noticed before looked up from her papers, and when she saw him, she offered him a friendly smile.

"Well, it's two o' clock," she observed. "So I'm guessing you're Mr. Pixis' next appointment? You're right on time."

Levi found himself stumbling over his words and he hated himself for it. "Um, y-yes. He said he didn't like it when people were late."

"That he doesn't." She got up from behind her desk and led him down a hallway, prompting him to follow her. He found himself in a large room, passing several shiny oak desks where many men sat, glasses on and bent over their work. She only stopped when she was a couple of feet away from one of the bigger desks near the back of the room, saying, "He's sitting right there."

When her job was done, she left them to it, leaving the room. Levi was there by himself now, trying to stop his knees from shaking. He had kept telling himself for weeks, ever since he had dropped off his manuscript, that it didn't matter what this man's opinion was of his work, he would keep writing. However, now that he was actually here, in front of this man, he felt that even the slightest criticism might send him falling to his knees in a fit of tears and prevent him from ever sitting in front of a typewriter ever again. He knew it was foolish to think that way, but he couldn't help it.

The couple of seconds it took for Mr. Pixis to notice him seem to last for an eternity, but eventually, he was looking over the top of his glasses at Levi, before his moustache turned upward in a smile. He stood up, and held out his hand.

"Mr Ackerman, wonderful to meet you," he said. Levi took his hand, feeling a bit better, and shook it.

"You too," he replied, a bit quietly.

"Oh now don't look so nervous, I don't bite. Come, sit, sit."

He pulled an empty chair from behind a desk near them and set it next to him. Levi did as he was told, sitting down, pressing his knees together and fiddling with one of his shiny buttons. Eren had insisted he wear this fancy suit jacket, saying that no matter what, he needed to make a good impression. Now that he was sitting in front of Dot Pixis, who was dressed extremely well, he was glad he had taken his advice. But now he was afraid he was going to pop the button off in his fit of anxiety.

"I've seen that expression many times," Pixis remarked. "You look like you're going to be sick, boy. I promise you there's nothing to fear."

"I'm sorry," Levi said in a small voice. "I just- not many people have looked at my work before. I haven't gotten too many opinions on it outside of my friend group."

"Many potential authors have been in your shoes, for sure," he replied sagely. "But I have good things to say about your manuscript."

At that, Levi perked up, looking more attentive, but not too much so. He didn't want to hope too much, after all. He could say he liked bits of it but overall didn't think it would do well. Pixis continued, "Now, as I'm sure Gunter and Auruo told you, normally I don't take half-finished manuscripts, but they told me I wouldn't regret this one. And I have to say you wrote enough that you definitely got me interested and a little disappointed that there wasn't more."

Levi paused, and then dared to ask, "So, you liked it?"

"Certainly. You have a unique plot and interesting characters that feel real and human despite the fact that it's a fiction story bordering on fantasy. That's rare, you know. I also like the way you write prose. It's detailed, but purposeful. I didn't feel that any word was really wasteful. That being said, there are some moments where you over-explain or ramble, but with some editing and polishing we can fix that. I also think there's some chapters you can get rid of, but when you write more we can decide what you can delete."

Levi couldn't comprehend what he was saying, so amazed by it was he. He sat there dumbly, all of his thoughts screeching to a halt. But he had to say _something_, otherwise Mr. Pixis would think there was something wrong with him. So he finally settled on, "Does this mean you want to put it through?"

And to his utter astonishment, the other man nodded. "I think it has some great potential. Obviously we're working with the raw material right now and this isn't the version I'd want published. But come back to me either when you're done or almost done with the manuscript and we'll save a slot for you. I'll get you in contact with one of my editors then."

"That's…"

"A lot to take in?" Pixis gave a hearty laugh. "I've seen that expression many times before too. Don't worry, I think Auruo and Gunter did a great service by bringing this work to my attention. We've been friends for several years, and they like to find undiscovered writers for me and recommending their books to our house. They haven't let me down yet and it looks like they haven't broken their streak."

It was only now beginning to sink in. Pixis really wanted his work. He wanted to edit it, promote it, and put it out there for people to read. He was going to get what he always wanted, what he'd been dreaming of doing for years and years. He was going to get his name out there, people were going to get the chance to read and enjoy his work. If he planned this right, he might be able to do what he really wanted and make a living completely by just writing. He sighed in relief, trying to keep himself from shaking.

"Thank you so much for this, sir," he said emphatically, "I won't let you down either. I'll work hard, and whatever you need from me, I'll give it to you."

"I had a feeling you'd say that." Pixis shook his hand once again with a kind smile. "I look forward to working with you then, Mr. Ackerman."

After that, Levi practically ran out of the building, barely touching the stairs, his manuscript back in his bag. He hopped onto his horse, very nearly pushing him into a gallop in his frenzy, but holding back so that he didn't knock anyone over on the street. The whole trip back he was almost vibrating in his seat, dying to tell Eren his news. Hell, not just him, but anyone who would listen. He wanted to tell everyone on the street he passed, he wanted stand on every chimney on every rooftop and scream the news at the top of his lungs: his book was going to get published. This was absolutely insane.

When he finally made it home, he burst through the door, almost knocking over the butler that held it open for him and sliding across the freshly waxed floor, flew down the hallway, knowing that Eren would be in his room at this time. And thank heavens he was indeed there, laying on his bed, sketching his heart out. When he saw him, he didn't so much as offer him a hello before he was leaping onto the bed, landing on Eren. The boy "oof"-ed, all the air being squeezed out of his lungs in an instant. He could have sworn all of his ribs cracked as well, and since Levi landed partially in his lap, he wouldn't have been surprised if the older man took away his ability to have kids as well.

"Jesus Christ," Eren wheezed. "You madman, where's the fire?"

"In my manuscript," Levi replied eagerly, rolling over so that he was sitting in his lap, straddling his hips. "Pixis wants me to write more! He said he'd put it through the publishing house once I have more! I can't believe this Eren, I just want to die!"

"Well don't do that!" Eren exclaimed, sitting up further. He cupped Levi's face in his hands, a huge, open mouthed smile pushing up his cheeks. "This is amazing! Oh my God I'm so proud of you, Doll. Look at you! Look at the both of us, achieving our dreams. We must celebrate!"

Levi nodded excitedly. "Let's go to the Laughing Fox and get some drinks and food. Maybe some of our friends will be there."

"Absolutely. When it starts to get dark, we can get ready to go out."

So off they went that evening, hanging out in the pub for hours, laughing and drinking and making friends they most likely hadn't meant to. But when Eren was drunk, he was quite giggly and affectionate, and even more extraverted than usual. To him, everyone was wonderful and friendly, and Levi was even prettier than usual. Blushing, Levi kept having to push him off and telling him to lower his voice so that others wouldn't hear them. After all, they weren't in the back room where they met their friends, and they didn't know any of these people. Levi himself found that he also loosened up a bit when he had alcohol in him, remaining sweet to Eren but threatening to fight anyone that came near him.

"And you tell me to be subtle," Eren laughed, slapping Levi on the back.

They left just a bit before the bar was about to close, both of them having sobered up slightly, at least enough to walk home in a mostly straight line. Alright, they had to pull each back up next to each other because they were both quite wobbly, but for the most part they were doing alright.

Except Eren could not stop laughing because Levi pointed out all the bird shit covering a building they passed. Levi just rolled his eyes, dragging the boy along.

"I'm sorry, the way you said it was so fucking funny, I just…" Eren tried, and then started back up again, giggling himself silly, nearly bending in half.

"Idiot," Levi sighed. "Why do I love you again?"

Before the boy could answer that, however, after Eren stood up, still getting his giggles out, he suddenly went quiet and stopped walking. Levi tried to pull him along, but Eren refused to budge. Without looking to see why he was still, the older man said, "Come on you great lump. I'll carry you if I have to, but I can't guarantee I won't drop you a few times along"-

"Levi, hold on."

The tone of his voice made Levi halt in his tracks. It was so serious, such a stark contrast to how jovial he had been a minute ago. He looked at his partner, seeing that he was looking down a dark alleyway located between two buildings. But as he followed his gaze, he couldn't see exactly what it was he was seeing, as the blackness was so thick. He took a step towards the alley, but Levi held him back.

"Hold on, that doesn't look safe," he told him. "Do you want to get mugged?"

But Eren reassured him, "We won't, I just…I want to check something."

"Eren, it's so late that it's tomorrow. This is not the time to just be 'checking something,' especially not in a dark alley."

"Then wait here."

He walked away from Levi, leaving the older man to scramble towards him. There was no way he was going to be left out on here on these dark streets by himself. He stayed close to Eren, their bodies practically touching as they walked through the mouth of the alley. It took a minute for their eyes to adjust to the dark, as the light from the street lamps didn't reach here very well. But then, once he could see better, he realized that there were piles of trash littered all over the place. It looked like this alley hadn't been visited by any cleaners in quite some time. There was hardly any place for them to put their feet without stepping on some kind of slop or broken glass. It made Levi cringe hard. And beyond that, this looked like exactly the kind of place that a killer might be hiding out, waiting for a rich idiot to wander down so he could steal everything he had, slash his throat and then leave his body for the crows.

"Eren!" he hissed, and then let out a cry as a pile of rubbish moved. He nearly smacked into the opposite wall trying to get away. But like an idiot, instead of running away from it, Eren moved towards it, pulling away dirty blankets that covered the pile.

Except, it wasn't a pile of trash at all.

As Eren pulled back more cloth, Levi slowly realized that the pile was in fact a person lying on the ground. The person was as pale as the moon, almost glowing in the dark. And even from this distance, Levi could see that the person was a man, a very young man, their age perhaps. He was so thin that his face looked more like a skull, his eyes sunken into his skull and his cheeks gaunt. He was filthy as well, covered in several layers in dirt. To his surprise, Eren placed his hand against the man's neck, checking for a pulse.

"Is he….dead?" Levi found himself asking. He didn't know why he did. It was so obvious that he was. There was no one that could be that thin and still be alive.

"No," Eren answered, clearly in disbelief. "He's…Levi, I know him. His name is Thomas. We used to be casual lovers at the Laughing Fox for years. And then he- Thomas?"

He paused, and Levi heard a hoarse, wheezing breath come from the pile of blankets. The older man peeled himself away from the wall and came over to stand next to him. He knelt down, and just as he did, he could see the glitter of the thin man's eyes as they opened.

"Thomas, can you hear me?" Eren asked, somewhat desperately. "It's me."

There was silence for several moments, to the point that Levi thought that he had passed away right there, but after a minute, Thomas finally said hoarsely, "Jaeger…hey it's- you're going towards the light too?"

Eren shook his head in disbelief. "What? What are you talking about?"

"Going towards the light," he repeated faintly. "Climbing towards- do you have water? Or, no…no…"

"I don't, but I"- Eren looked up at Levi helplessly. "You do not look good at all. Here just, are you hurt anywhere? We can get you to my father, he can help."

The older man sighed. "Eren, I don't think he'll make the trip."

Eren fixed him with a wide-eyed, pleading stare. "We could still"-

Just then, Thomas made a tight, gasping sound that made Levi feel sick to hear. Thomas sounded ill, like his lungs were full of something, perhaps water, or worse. His body gave a weak shudder, and Eren found himself pulling the blankets back up to his shoulders and placing his warm hand against his cheek in a vain attempt to bring him some heat. But this young man was clearly beyond anything anyone could do.

"Thomas, hold on," Eren still tried. "Just hold on, we'll get you some help."

But Thomas didn't appear to hear him anymore. His eyes flickered weakly over to meet Eren's, cracked lips parted, but he didn't utter another word. He spent a minute fighting for breath, choking on whatever was filling his lungs, before he lost the battle. He gave one final wheeze before he was still and eerily silent. Eren shook him, trying to rouse him, before he placed a couple of fingers against his neck. Then, he sighed heavily, shoulders drooping and head lowering.

"He's gone," he announced, but Levi already figured that. He placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," the older man said gently. "Perhaps we can find an undertaker in the morning, or get in touch with the police"-

"No." Eren cut him off quickly, almost coldly. "No, letting anyone know that we were in contact with Thomas is about the worst thing we could do. Even if we did tell someone he was here, his family wouldn't want to claim his body."

He pulled the dirty blankets up over Thomas' head, figuring it was one of the few things he could do for him to respect him. He then stood up and dusted off his pants, Levi staring at him in disbelief.

"What on Earth do you mean?" he asked. He was shocked to hear such things from his compassionate boy, and a bit frightened. How could he say something so cold?

Eren just pulled him out of the alley, sparing one last look at the still bundle, before making his way out, saying, "Quick, before someone sees us."

They skittered out of the alley, looking left and right to make sure they were alone. The streets were of course deserted at this time of night, which meant they were safe. Nonetheless, Eren still held his arm and made sure he kept moving down the street, away from the alley.

He then explained solemnly. "Thomas was found out about being an invert by his family and taken to court about it. A few men came forward saying that he sodomized them, not people in our pub, of course. And I know he didn't do it against their will, so they betrayed him. He went to jail for a couple years, but after that he was never the same. Society ostracized him. No one would hire him for work, his family wanted nothing to do with him anymore, and if we tried to help him, we risked being found out as well. Basically, anyone that wanted to help him would be seen as a mollie, even if they weren't."

Eren shook his head sadly. "That's what happens to people in our world, and that's why we have to be so careful. I know I don't act as careful as I should, and I scare myself sometimes honestly. So that's part of why I'm glad I have you. You curb my behavior so we're less likely to be found out. In truth, I know jail for a couple years isn't bad. It could be worse. They used to hang inverts for their crimes. But the jail here…going there might as well be a death sentence."

He didn't say anything after that, continuing on in silence, leaving Levi with a cold chill up his spine that not even the warmth of the late spring night could cure. He had always known that what they were doing was a big risk, but seeing it in front of him was horrifying in ways that he didn't want dwell on. He knew Eren was worth all the pain, but still. He had been so caught up in their own little dream that sometimes he forgot how cruel reality was.

Levi didn't feel warm again for the rest of the night, his frightened chills spreading down to his bones.


	17. Beautiful Porcelain

Levi was his own worst cockblock and he hated it.

Never mind the amount of times he and Eren had started to become heated with each other and then they heard a creak or footsteps that indicated that someone might be close by and they had been forced to pull apart. Those were far fewer than the times Levi had initiated them stopping what they were doing for some stupid reason that he couldn't quite comprehend.

Like right now.

All he had said when Eren came home from a job of clearing rodents from a nearby mine was that he looked stupidly attractive with all that dirt and soot staining his face and clothes. He had no idea where it had even come from or why he found it so attractive. Perhaps it was the trails of sweat glistening through the dirt and soot that had his mouth watering. Or maybe it was just because he had been in an odd mood lately, getting overly hot over the smallest things Eren did. All he had to do was laugh in a certain way, or wake up with bedhead and stubble and stumble drowsily to the breakfast table. Or step out of the shower in nothing but a towel with his body all rosy red in all the right places, or get close enough to Levi so that he could smell his thick scent, or-

He had to stop thinking, because it was just making the feeling worse.

But when he had asked Eren what could be wrong with him after describing his symptoms, his partner had simply thrown his head back, laughed as loudly as a jolly barbarian, and told him, "You're just itching for a storm of heaves, love. That's perfectly normal, especially for young men like us. I'm honored that I'm inciting such a reaction in you, honestly."

Well, that had made Levi red as a cheerful maid. It didn't help either when Eren had followed up his diagnosis with, "Whenever you'd like ride out that storm, you let me know, yeah? I'd be happy to help."

And so here they were, because Levi was a lustful fool who couldn't control his own urges and Eren was a horrible enabler, on his boy's bed, Levi pinned to the mattress while his partner hovered over him. The door was locked under the guise of Eren taking a nap so that no one would disturb them.

Levi's arms were wrapped around Eren's upper torso, stroking his thin white shirt while the boy kissed him hard, pushing his tongue into his mouth. He straddled him as well, placing a thigh against his groin temptingly, a silent offer for him to rut against it if he so chose. And once more, just like their last few heavy trysts, it didn't take much for Levi to get overwhelmed. He grew dizzy and began breathing hard, trying to pull himself closer to Eren but he couldn't ever seem to get close enough. No matter how many times they made out, just when he thought he got used to it, Eren would do something that would blow him away again and knock the wind out of him.

This time, his boy chanced pinching his nipples through his thin shirt, pulling them up into tiny peaks. And though it wasn't exactly pleasurable in the same way that kissing was, the slight pinch still went straight to his groin and he pushed his chest into Eren's hands.

"Jesus," he breathed. "Where did you learn that?"

Eren just snorted above him. "It's nothing really special, you silly. You don't think of your nipples as sensitive until someone else touches them."

He gave Levi a certain look, like he wanted to devour him, eyes going darker, before he pulled the neck of his shirt aside and down to expose one rosy nipple, and leaned forward to take it in his mouth. Levi bit his lip hard, so hard that he swore he was going to draw blood, determined not to make any sound so as not to alert anyone to what they were doing. His hands drifted to Eren's head, carefully holding him in place while he tightened his throat and squeezed his eyes shut, entire body tensing up as he fought to keep the pleasure inside.

Eren's tongue felt far too good, too wet, too warm, against that thin, sensitive flesh. He licked and laved at his nipple while he pinched the other one, and the two sensations had him reeling. Unable to help himself, he began rutting against his partner's leg, finding that he simply could not sit still. Eren gave a small groan of approval, before pressing his thigh more firmly against Levi's crotch, while he continued his ministrations to his chest. He even added his teeth sometimes, the tiny zing sending flushes of heat to Levi's groin. His head tilted back, and he was gritting his teeth so hard he was sure they were going to crack.

"You can make at least a little noise, love," Eren told him. "Just a bit. I want to hear you."

But Levi barely heard him. His face was flushed and his head was full of clouds, seeing the heaven that Eren always promised him whenever they were together like this. That wicked, frightening heat began to build in his belly again, and that so intense it was painful tingling rose and rose inside of him.

That shocked him out of whatever trance he was stuck in, and before he knew it, he was saying, "Stop…please. It's too much, I'm sorry, please don't hate me."

This tended to be the norm. Just as they both began to really get into it, just as Levi was about to reach the point of no return and Eren was about to follow him there, Levi would always force them to stop. He was still too afraid to ejaculate, not wanting to encounter the weakness and nausea that he knew would accompany it. He shook and shook, self-disgust and hatred welling up in him. Why was he like this? He could see that Eren was frustrated with him as he sighed pulled away, sitting back on his feet while Levi recovered. Or at least, he had to be. No he had never said so out loud, but why wouldn't he be frustrated with someone like Levi? Someone who was scared of sex, who had even heard of that?

"I don't hate you, Doll," Eren reassured him in the most tender voice he had ever heard. "How could I? I told you that we would go at your pace, and if I never get you out of your trousers, then that's fine. I'd rather have you as a person than be in your trousers anyway."

"Oh stop it," Levi said tightly, sitting up. He couldn't handle how sweet and virtuous Eren was being, especially when a tiny voice inside him told him that it just wasn't true. The more he refused to give Eren sex, the angrier the other boy was sure to grow with him and the more likely he was to leave him. "I just…I'm trying. I'm sorry. Just please don't leave me."

"I'm not- I'm not going to leave you," Eren replied, a bit in disbelief. "On the contrary, that should be my line. Perhaps that's why I'm trying to be so careful with you. I live with crippling fear that you'll leave _me. _Especially if I push you too hard, too fast."

He scooted up the bed, laying down on the pillow next to Levi while the other man righted himself, straightening up his clothes and running a hand through his hair. Eren studied him for a minute, waiting for him to say something. When he didn't, he decided to ask, "Do you mind telling me why you're so afraid? Of pleasure, when it gets too intense? Do you know the reason?"

Levi chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, unsure if he knew for sure or if he was just crazy. He played with the ends of his untucked shirttails, before placing a hand on Eren's head, running his fingers through his hair, showing him that he didn't bear him any ill will. Eren leaned into the touch like one of his dogs, and when Levi turned to look at him, he kind of looked like one of them too. His face was half buried in the pillow to the point that he could only see one green eye peeking at him, his messy brown hair fanning over the white pillow. Levi pushed it out of his face, tucking it behind his ear. He would say that Eren needed to get his hair cut, but he had to admit, he thought the longer hair looked good on him. It was getting long enough that sometimes Eren would tie it back, and that was more attractive than the older man cared to admit to himself.

"I suppose I can blame my parents for this one," Levi finally admitted. "I mean, our society as a whole tells us that sex of any kind is improper, even sex between married couples to a certain extent. One time my mother told me that if the man or woman felt any kind of pleasure during sex, especially the woman, then there was something wrong with them. It was improper, not to mention sinful and dirty, and either one of them could be sent to an asylum for it. Sex is strictly for procreation, my parents said. So any time I feel pleasure, I start to feel bad. Guilty. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it. It's been drilled in me since I was young."

Eren clucked sympathetically at him, and placed a hand on his knee, rubbing little circles on it. "Ah, I've been told that too. I'm sure most of us have. I don't blame you for feeling that way at all. I did for many years too, until I became a regular visitor of the Laughing Fox and those fellows there taught me how to get rid of those inhibitions. Perhaps that's part of the reason inverts are demonized. We're more sexually liberated than our parents, and think that sex can be used for other things besides just procreation. People that love each other and are committed to each other especially should be able to have sex whenever they want, and should be able to share that pleasure together. I can see the merit until waiting until marriage where having children is concerned because you want them to grow up with two parents, but for people like us, we don't have to worry about that, so those rules don't apply to us. Do you see what I'm saying?"

The rules didn't apply to them…Levi rolled that sentence over and over again in his head. That's right. As people who were different from the mainstream citizens wandering around, looking to court someone of the opposite sex, he supposed that was true. The rules of sex and love were already different for them in one sense, so why not in another sense as well? Levi hummed in contemplation, still stroking Eren's hair.

"It's…It's okay if we feel pleasure during sex," Levi said hesitantly. "Because we're not trying to conceive a child. We're just in love and want to make each other feel good."

"Exactly." Eren nodded against his pillow. "Again, it took me years to get over my own fears, so it might take you years as well. But when you're ready, I'll be here."

Years? Levi shook his head. He was far too impatient to wait years for anything. Always had been. Even the thought of having to wait years to get his degree had annoyed him. No, he would get over this one way or the other, and soon.

After that failure, Levi began to develop a plan as to how he could conquer his fears. As much as he wanted to take giant leaps, he knew he was going to more than likely do baby steps instead. If he did too much too fast, it would most likely make things worse. Eren just touching him anymore, even just platonic, friendly touches while they were in the company of other people made him hot and stupid for him. This was getting ridiculous. He hated being such a mess, such a contradiction. If Eren touched him absently he wanted him, but when the boy gave him what he wanted he'd freeze up. So how could he get over this if even just touching him was becoming a problem?

Well, he supposed he would just have to come up with a solution that didn't involve touching.

Then, out of the blue, it came to him. He just sitting at work, an awkward place to be of course when thinking about sex, but his mind wandered to it nonetheless, when he remembered Eren's sketchbook. Such an odd thing, but it was the answer to his problems. That night when he got home, he didn't waste any time before he was racing to up Eren and pulling him into his room, shutting the door behind them.

"I have an idea," Levi explained breathlessly and intensely, "on how we can get me more comfortable with sex."

"It must be a good one if you had to lock the door behind us," Eren said with a grin.

The older man nodded. "I thought of your sketches, and all the men you've drawn before, down at the pub. How they were all naked…I thought, well, perhaps you might want a new model."

He looked away for a moment, blushing. It was so pretty on him that Eren couldn't resist reaching up to touch his warm face, running a thumb over his cheek. To make sure he was hearing him right, he asked, "Do you mean you want me to draw you?"

"Please. I figure if I can- I can get used to you looking at me, that might help."

Eren's throat suddenly felt as if he had swallowed sand. Just the mere idea of seeing Levi naked was enough to send his thoughts into a nosedive. How was he going to get through that drawing without giving away his lust? Most likely he wouldn't, but hopefully Levi wouldn't mind? He supposed he could only wait and see.

So, a few days later when everyone either had the day off or they were out of the mansion, they headed down to a guest bedroom that was hardly ever used, but still completely furnished. The bed in the middle of the room was as soft and luxurious as every other bed in the house, the blankets and canopy a deep read with gold trimming. Levi went in wearing a robe while Eren followed behind him, trying to remain stoic and failing. His face cracked into a nervous smile, and Levi looked over his shoulder at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" he asked.

Eren shook his head, laughing to himself, unable to meet his eyes as he said, "Nothing. I just…I'm going to see you naked. I'm one lucky piece of shit."

Levi rolled his eyes clear to the sun, but then said, "You are. No one has seen me naked but my parents and my doctor."

Oh, why was he like this? Why did that turn Eren on when it really shouldn't have? Alright sure, he had seen most of Levi's naked upper body, but he had never seen him completely naked before. His precious Levi, giving him all of his firsts. It brought him a strange sort of pride, that the older man trusted him this much to allow him to see him like this.

Eren motioned for him to sit on the bed, and Levi did so, looking at him expectantly, tilting his head like Prince when Levi asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. Eren stood in the center of the room awkwardly for a moment, letting out a breath that made his cheeks puff out and patting his thighs because he didn't know what to do with his hands.

After a moment of looking everywhere around the room except at Levi, he finally asked, "Do you mind if I do a few sketches of you in different poses? There's lots of furniture in here to work with."

Levi shrugged. "Sure we can. Just tell me where you want me."

"Hmm…." Eren began looking around the room again. There were so many possibilities: an armchair, a desk, and even a fireplace. He figured he should start with the most obvious and have Levi lay on the bed. "Alright, you can um, lie down. Put your feet up towards the pillows and your head down towards the end of the bed."

"Do you…do you want me to undress now?"

"That would- if you still want, I don't want to make you do anythi"-

"Eren, shut up."

"Shutting up."

Levi laughed a bit at that, and Eren found himself laughing as well. However, that laughter was gone the second he untied his robe and let it pool around his waist. Eren's mouth went dry when the other man stood up and let it fall away completely. It was clear Levi was trying his hardest not to look at him as he picked up the robe and tossed it on the bed. Was he afraid he'd see disappointment there? He knew what he saw in the mirror every day, but he never thought anyone else would see it. Did Eren like what he looked like at all?

Evidently, when he was finally brave enough to look the other boy in the eye, despite the fact that his face felt terribly hot and he felt dizzy with embarrassment, he saw that yes, his blush was being mirrored by Eren, perhaps even tenfold. He could see that shining gaze flickering over every inch of his body, eyes half lidded and hazy. It was as if he had gone into a trance, forgetting what he was there to do. Levi felt his skin prickling pleasantly everywhere Eren looked.

But still, he couldn't but ruin the moment a bit by clearing his throat and offering Eren a teasing smile. "Focus, Aurora. You have a job to do, remember?"

Eren snapped out of it at those words, but his blush didn't fade. Instead, he stuck out his tongue at him and replied, "Yes you cheeky thing. Now lay down."

Levi did as he was bid, laying in the pose Eren wanted, the boy also directing where he should put his arms and legs. "Put your hands by your face, yeah, like that. Now straighten one leg and bend the other a bit- perfect."

He pulled up a chair near Levi's head, slightly at an angle so that he could see three quarters of his body. He was on the side of his bent leg, which hung off to the side, offering him a tempting view of his flaccid cock. It was hard to get ahold of himself when faced with that, when all he wanted to do was take it in his mouth and suck on it until it was hard. He swallowed, and told the older man, "Alright, keep your eyes on me. Don't smile."

Levi took a deep breath, trying to do what he was asked. It was difficult to do so when Eren looked so cute and so serious. All he wanted to do was smile at him. At the same time, all he wanted to do was smile at Levi. He looked beyond adorable; the pose he had him in looked like he had been caught by the observer laying there and was daring him to do something with his naked body, curious dark eyes fixed on Eren.

The boy sighed heavily and finally opened to a clean page in his sketchbook, before setting pencil to paper. He wasn't going for anything detailed. Rather, he decided he would do a few quick, somewhat messy sketches for the most part, before perhaps detailing one of them later.

It was certainly going to be impossible to choose which one though. He had figured Levi would have a beautiful body based on the glimpses he had had of it, but this was beyond anything he could have imagined. Levi was easily the prettiest thing he had ever seen in his life, ever. Laying there against the deep red blankets, his pale skin practically glowed against it, like a brand of moonlight resting on a velvet brand of fire. He just didn't look real, and certainly didn't look human. He looked like a creature of fable, like an elf or a fairy that had graciously allowed Eren to try and capture his unearthly beauty with his pencil. But there was no way his mortal self would ever be able to capture every lovely detail of that body, though he would try his hardest. Levi really did look like Snow White, a male version of her. His skin was as pale and delicate as porcelain, blue veins visible along his wrists and the inside of his thighs. His eyelashes were as long as a woman's, fanning over his cheeks every time he blinked. His hipbones pushed against his thin skin, sharp and delectable. He wanted to badly to bite them. There was even an enticing dark trail of hair traveling down his lower belly, before giving way to a dark patch of pubic hair, framing a gorgeous, pink cock. His cock rested on a firm, dark sack, the sign of his virility. Heavens, and his thighs looked so thick and strong, beautiful and smooth. Between them was a dark valley where he knew his entrance was hidden. Perhaps he could convince him to show it to him in a later sketch.

He couldn't stop himself from shivering, nor the flush of heat that made his abdomen tremble, his lungs unable to inflate sometimes for several beats. Why was this so arousing? Was it because he couldn't stop himself from imagining what he would like to do to all of this perfect skin revealed to him for the first time? Or because he was so into capturing every dip and curve of his body on paper?

To stir himself even more, or perhaps to put Levi a bit, since he knew he liked to be talked to when he was nervous, he praised, "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on, Levi Ackerman. Out of any man I've ever drawn and had the pleasure of seeing naked, none of them compare to you. You're a creature in your own league. I feel like I'm witnessing something holy, something rare. I just hope I can capture your beauty appropriately."

Levi frowned and averted his eyes for a moment. "Oh please. I can't be. Erwin and Jean are far more attractive than I am, and I know you've drawn both of them. Even Armin is adorable. I'm…not."

"Hush. You're positively otherworldly, at least to me. Perhaps love makes people seem more beautiful to us, but I don't see anything wrong with that."

Levi shook his head. "You're far prettier than me. You're all…warm, with nice curves and firm lines, bright eyes like the sun."

"See?" Eren pointed out. "And I would disagree with you, saying that you're more attractive. You're like the moon, all soft and glowing. I feel like a mortal caught in the glen of a fairy, and I'm just hoping you choose to spare my life. I'm waiting for you to offer me food that I would definitely eat so that I could stay in your world forever. You look like you should be surrounded by jewels and pearls, or flowers of every shade. You make my heart tell me to give you everything."

The older man's heart throbbed in his chest, and his throat tightened unexpectedly. Why did Eren say things like that, things that utterly blindsided him and made him so happy that he cried? Just a couple years ago after his parents died, he never could have imagined having a person that cared for him this much ever again. He always thought he would be alone. Now he had a man that practically worshipped the ground he walked on, a man that he would also do anything within his power he possibly could. Sometimes his love for him genuinely terrified him, but mostly it made him feel powerful and safe. He sniffed, resisting the urge to wipe the warm tears away that welled up in his eyes before sliding down his cheeks. Eren clucked at him and reached forward, wiping them off his face.

"I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to make you cry," he apologized. "I only speak the truth."

"I know, you moron," Levi grumbled. "Even if I don't believe you."

Eren laughed, continuing to draw, his whole arm moving, sometimes in large strokes, or sometimes just his wrist moving in small, quick strokes. Once he finished that sketch, he told Levi to stay in that pose with a few minor alterations.

"Look towards the window," he instructed. "And spread both your legs. Put a hand over your crotch, though."

"You're so lewd, Mr. Jaeger," Levi teased. From the tone of his voice however, he sounded comfortable with the instructions. "You're lucky I love you and want to please you."

"You don't have to do anything to please me, you know," Eren reassured him. "If you're not comfortable, you can tell me."

"I'm fine. The longer I'm naked, the more comfortable I'm getting. And well, I want you to like my body. I don't know, I want to show you as much of it as I can, a little at a time." He paused, laughing a bit, and then added, "Plus, I have to admit, it _is_ fun to tease you, and to see how much you want me."

Eren laughed deep in his chest in a way that sent a shiver down Levi's spine. As he moved down towards the lower half of the other man's body, he patted his knee, saying, "You're a naughty little minx. The whores in the brothels have nothing on how seductive you are."

Levi shrugged. "I only know how to seduce you. I don't think this would work on any other man, nor would I want to seek out any other man."

Why was it that everything Levi was saying tonight kept turning Eren on? Was he just that hard up, or was it just Levi? He figured it was just the magic of Levi. He could have recited tax laws to him, and as long as he did so in that deep, hypnotic voice of his and looking at Eren in that certain way, he was completely gone over him. At this angle, it appeared as if Levi looked completely subservient, prepared for the observer to do anything to him. His legs were spread vulnerably, the only thing protecting his modesty being his hand, as if trying to cover himself up uselessly. He looked so fragile, so exquisite, like a marble statue carved by the Greeks. A living statue whose abdomen collapsed and expanded, ribs pushing against his skin and retreating as he breathed. It was hypnotic, and sometimes he got so caught up in watching the motion that he forgot to draw.

He put Levi in a few more poses that evening before he declared himself finished. First, he had Levi sit in the armchair, legs draped over one arm while he leaned his back against the other, lips parted while he held onto one of his knees. He looked every inch the cute, bratty young man Eren knew him to be like that. To finish off with, Levi laid on his hands and knees, behind in the air while his head laid on one of the pillows on the bed. He looked at Eren over his shoulder, eyes half lidded in a way he was not directed to, a seductive come hither look directed at his boy.

"If you're not careful, you're going to make me throw this thing aside and mount you like a dog that smells a bitch in heat," Eren said casually, not looking up from his sketchbook. His face was extremely red while he said it.

"I must be doing a good job then," Levi remarked. "Now hurry up with that, will you? My back is beginning to ache."

"I know, I know," he reassured. "You're doing a good job. Your back looks good like that. Just remember what Mikasa always says, 'beauty is pain.' Don't forget that."

"You're going to be the one in pain if you don't get a move on."

"Alright you, don't get your gaying instrument in a knot, I'm drawing as fast as I can."

To his credit, Eren did finish soon after that, adding the last few details and darkening a couple of lines. Even after Eren gave Levi his okay to put his robe back on, he kept working, sitting down on the edge of the bed and beginning to add more details to more of his sketches, trying to take away the messier lines and make it look more like an actual person. Levi sidled up behind Eren, still tying his robe around his waist, placing his chin on his shoulder so that he could watch him work. When he saw himself looking so lewd on the pages of his sketchbook, his face went up in flames, unable to believe that that was really him. He was normally so prim and proper, worse than a virgin before marriage. Had Eren really brought this side of himself out of him? Or had it always been in there? He buried his face in the back of his neck.

"I feel like I look like a toffer of the worst kind," he mumbled.

"You do not," Eren admonished. "Besides, you said you'd only do this for me. By definition, that means you're not a whore, and you don't look like one. You look positively stunning."

"Well…" Levi finally sighed, "I suppose that was rather…fun. Freeing, in a way. I liked posing like that for you, and I liked you looking at me like that. So I guess the next step is you touching me, and I think I'll enjoy that, for sure. I um, I think I enjoyed you looking at me far too much. I'm surprised you didn't notice that I had a partial erection through half of this."

"Oh I noticed," Eren laughed. "I drew it too. It was delicious, added very nicely to the art. If you ever let me do this again, I think next time I'd like to bring in some props. I thought to myself that I believe you'd look great with some jewels around you, either wearing them or on the bed next to you. Or perhaps some flowers, or other pretty things."

"Mmm, I wouldn't mind posing again for you," Levi said. "Perhaps we could do that one more time before I decide to let you touch me…teasing you is far more fun that I thought."

"And you call _me _a brat."

Levi laughed and kissed his cheek, still amazed at his boy's ability to see beauty where he thought there was none and give it flesh. Even more miraculously, he was able to do something that no one else had been able to do in Levi's life: convince him that he was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title for this chapter: In which Levi wants to be drawn like one of Eren's Laughing Fox boys, lol. So I'm going to go on an updating binge, because I feel like we could all use a bit of escapism right now. Expect a chapter either every day or every other day for a while. I hope you enjoy!


	18. Always By Your Side

Summer was now in full bloom, capturing the city in a vice grip of sunshine and humidity. It was the only time of year Levi wished he could forgo propriety and run down the streets in nothing but his skivvies because his normal clothes became so suffocating. He could only imagine what the poor women must be going through with their thick, heavy skirts. So when Eren proposed a walk that day, he nearly strangled him.

However, when he named their destination, his murderous impulse faded, and he decided, yes, this was another one of Eren's good ideas.

Levi wondered why he never thought of going to the town cemetery for so long. No, he knew the answer to that. After his parents died, he couldn't bring himself to look upon their gravestones and know without a doubt that they were gone. It was easier to live in ignorance and fool himself that they were just away on an extended holiday, rather than see the evidence literally written in stone that they were dead. He knew if he visited their graves, he would burst into tears, and even if he was alone, that would embarrass him greatly.

But Eren said he made of point of visiting his mother's grave as often as he could. "I've just been a bit caught up with…other things, so I haven't thought about doing it as much lately," he said to Levi with a sly smile. "But that's good. I would often visit her when I had a terrible case of the morbs, so by not seeing her so much, that means I've been pretty happy lately. I can't remember a time when I've stayed this happy for this long ever since she passed away."

"Well…that's good," Levi agreed hesitantly. "Either way, I'm glad we're going to see them now. Lord knows my parents' graves are probably overgrown and need some weeding."

They walked together side by side down the road, bouquets of flower in hand, figuring the exercise would be good for them, and truthfully, while it was humid enough that it made everything they wore feel awfully wet even if the sun was out, Levi didn't mind. It was a chance to spend quality time with Eren, where they could speak about anything without having to worry about prying ears.

"It'll be nice to go to this cemetery again," Levi said. "I haven't been here since we buried my mother."

Eren nodded in agreement. "I do like that it's out of town, so it's a bit more peaceful. I'm sure the dead appreciate it too. I know my mother probably does."

Just then, Levi realized something. "You've never really told me much about your mom. I mean I know how she died and how her last few days were, and I know that you loved her. But I'd love to hear more about her. How was she before she um, well…"

He trailed off awkwardly, unsure of how to phrase it. But Eren had no trouble figuring out what he meant. "Before she went crazy, you mean?"

"Well, I suppose so."

Eren nudged him with his elbow, letting him know that he wasn't offended by the implication. It was true after all. So, he answered, "Well, I told you before how she was a very caring mom. She had me pretty young. My father was ten years older than she was, so they got married when she was sixteen and he was twenty-six. By that time my father had actually been married already, but his wife had passed away from tuberculosis. Her parents were actually new in town, and when they became patients of Dr. Jaeger, they must have thought 'Oh what a nice young man, our unmarried daughter would be perfect for him, and she'll be set for the rest of her life if she marries him.' I guess they were just lucky that after they were introduced he agreed.

"I was born about a year after they got married. I was told that they tried to have other children, but my mother either miscarried, or they died in infancy. They have pictures of the dead ones around I think. I've seen them. My parents paid a photographer to take pictures of them so they would have at least one picture before they were buried. But I was the only one who survived, so my mother doted on me. I was everything to her, or that's what she said. When my father was too busy working or too tired to pay attention to her when he got home from work, I was there for her, and we became really close. She was a very nice mom, and I think she spoiled me far too much in hindsight. But she always told me that we had to be kind to everyone, especially those less fortunate than us, so we have to take every opportunity to help them out and make sure that we treat them the same way we would our closest friends."

Ah, that explained a lot, Levi figured. No wonder Eren always made an effort to befriend his father's staff. He was trying to carry out his mother's wishes and make her proud of him.

"She was the one who encouraged me to pursue what I loved, like the arts and things. She hired a private tutor for me when I showed promise as an artist to show me the ins and outs of figure drawing and painting. When I got older, she even hired models for me so I could practice. Sometimes she would model for me too. I'll have to show you those paintings. She looked really pretty in her big pink and red dresses. Even when she had grey in her hair, she looked so pretty.

"We adopted Mikasa into the family when I was about ten, and I could tell my mom was overjoyed. I know she always wanted more kids, so she loved being able to take care of another child who needed her, and she never made me feel left out. Though I wasn't happy about it at first, I grew to accept Mikasa, and soon enough saw her as my sister. She always made sure that Mikasa had the nicest clothes to wear, and I think Mikasa was blown away by this. I don't know, I guess she never really had nice clothes to wear before this. My mom spoiled her just as bad.

"As we got older, though she kept it from us, she didn't bother to hide from other people that she wasn't happy being with my father, and I understood why. The few times they did speak to each other, they were always arguing, and I think it was these fights that triggered something in my mom, because she was never, well, right after them. She would start threatening to hurt herself. One time when we had company over she tried to escape by climbing into the fireplace and trying to shimmy up the chimney. Maybe part of her madness was because she was repressing who she really was inside, I don't know. But when my father caught her having affairs with other women, that was the final straw. He sent her to the asylum and I didn't see her again until her funeral. Now he just refuses to talk about her, and if we mention her in his presence, he gets really angry."

Eren just shook his head, sighing heavily. "The thing I miss the most about my mom is just the happiness she put into the house. She was always laughing and smiling, always decorating and trying to brighten the place up. Now I feel like that's mine and Mikasa's job."

"I'm sorry," Levi said, and he hated how hollow the sentiment sounded. But what else could he say? "I wish I could have met her. She sounds great."

"She would have liked you, I think," Eren said. "She would have been one of the few people I could have told about us. And she would just be overjoyed that there would be someone out there willing to put up with me, and encourage my love of art the way she did."

The older man bumped him with his hip, replying, "Of course. You create things that are so pretty, how could I not encourage you?"

Soon after that, they found themselves arriving at the cemetery gates, great wrought iron sentinels that always made Levi feel like he was entering another reality. Like he was, in a way, passing over from the land of the living into the vale of the dead. At the moment, it looked like they were the only living souls there, no one else around for miles. It was settled in a grove surrounded by willow and pine trees. Near the front were the graves of children and infants, several dozen of them. Further back were the adults, and that's where he and Eren headed. Their first destination was Eren's mother since she was closer.

"I always remember where she is because there's this giant, overgrown bush next to the gravestone near hers," Eren said. "And yup, there it is. They need to trim this thing back."

Sure enough, once they walked around the bush, there was the stone with Eren's mother's name on it, with an empty space above it for Dr. Jaeger when he passed away. _Carla Jaeger, his wife._ Eren knelt down, placing his wrapped bouquet in front of her grave, before beginning to pull some weeds and overgrown grass away.

"In a way," he said, "I'm a bit surprised my father still wants to be buried with her. Her affairs and then commitment were a huge scandal for years. Still are, depending on who you ask. We're forever the family that had the crazy, sapphist wife of the good doctor, and 'oh think of what she must have done to the children, how badly she must have messed them up. Poor doctor Jaeger, if only he had known.' I'd rather have my crazy sapphist mother around than him, honestly."

Levi had no idea how to respond to that, so he just let him rant, choosing to help by pulling weeds on the other side of the gravestone. That was when the older man noticed a couple of smaller graves near the main stone, three in total, all with different names on them. He figured he already knew who these belonged to, but he couldn't help asking anyway.

"These smaller graves…are these the babies your mother lost?"

"Yes," Eren answered, no emotion in his voice. And that was that. He didn't explain further, and Levi didn't ask further. The tiny graves were explanation enough.

After they finished sprucing up around the stone, Levi led him towards his parents'. Their grave was of course not nearly as large or fancy, but it served its purpose. The most ornamental it got was the fact that there was a cross etched into the stone above his parents' names. When Eren laid eyes on the stone, he said, "Wow, I've passed by this grave a bunch of times. Always noticed it because it was kind of in an odd shape. Never thought that someday I'd become acquainted with any family members of these two, let alone courting one."

"Fate is funny," Levi agreed, and then also placed his flowers in front of the grave, before continuing his weed pulling and grass trimming.

"So, you've told me a bit about your parents," Eren pointed out. "I know your mom was very kind and supportive and your dad was a bit stricter. Do you think they would have liked me?"

Levi huffed a bit, a smile spreading his cheeks. "Well, of course they wouldn't be able to know that we were together. Their hope was that I'd find a nice girl that would take me as I was, and that I would have a big family so that I wouldn't get too lonely. That's what they were always worried about, because I kept to myself so much, yet always felt so lonely. If only they could see where I'm at now…as long as they didn't know what you really were to me, they'd be so happy that I'd found someone I could be close to, as well as all the other friends I've made.

"My mom I think would have liked you a bit better. She would have said something like, 'You finally found someone who wants to do art stuff like you do, isn't that wonderful? You'll have to collaborate.' Then she would have invited you over to our place for tea like every weekend and given you a ton of food to take home all the time like your own parents never fed you. My dad would have liked that you encouraged me to get out and make business connections, but his reason would have been something along the lines of, 'So he can get out of that gal boy career of his and do something worthwhile.' He'd want you to change me into a real man, or I guess a man more like him."

"Like either of us aren't real men already," Eren sighed. "Besides, we know that just having a cod doesn't make you a real man. I think Hanji is braver and manlier than most men I know."

Levi laughed. "Very true." He then stared down at his parents' gravestone for a moment, continuing, "I know I complain about how they raised me quite a bit, but I also know they meant well. Like your father, I think. They just want the best for us, but don't know how to go about asking us properly or convincing us in the right way what we should be doing. Your father just wants you to have a safe and secure future as well as well as heirs so that the mansion is looked after by the family. And he wants a partner to take care of you because he knows someday when you're older you'll need it. My parents wanted the same thing for me. They just wanted me to have kids so that I'll be happy and have someone to take care of me when I'm old and gray. I suppose I do feel a bit sad that they wouldn't approve of how I was living, but…"

"Well, I'd say your mom would be happy at least that you're probably going to get your book published, if all goes well," Eren said. "As for the rest, you can't worry too much about making your parents happy. You need to live your own life and make yourself happy first and foremost. It's not all about your parents."

He went quiet for a moment, before adding, seemingly randomly, "Though I'd give anything to get my mom back. I know my fear of being abandoned started when she passed away. Now I'm just scared everyone is going to leave me somehow, either because they'll get tired of me or they'll die."

Levi went over to him and sat beside him on the grass, leaning his head on his shoulder, reassuring him, "No one's going to leave you, Eren. I'm not going anywhere, not in life…" he looked around the graveyard briefly, and then added, "and perhaps not in death either. Maybe someday we could get a plot here together. This place doesn't seem like a bad final resting place, you know?"

"Yeah," Eren agreed, but he had said it in a voice devoid of emotion, and he wasn't looking at Levi anymore, instead gazing off into the distance at some above ground mausoleums, the kind that held a single dead body inside, the kind that had a door you needed to unlock with a key. It was as if he was having some sort of unsettling premonition, the way his eyes were glazed over, and it made Levi shiver to see it. Unable to say anything more, he just snuggled closer to Eren, letting him know without words that he was there for him no matter what.

000

The next morning, the minute Levi sat down for breakfast, he knew something was wrong, because Eren wasn't at the table with them. He always ate with them no matter what, as he got up as early as Levi and Mikasa did usually. He looked at Eren's empty place, and found himself asking his sister, "Have you seen Eren?"

She shook her head. "I figured maybe he was still asleep? Or in the barn? But now that you mention it, him not being here is odd."

Something wasn't sitting right. Levi finally decided, "Alright, let's eat and then we'll go check on him. He has been staying up late working on jobs lately. He might be tired from doing all those."

So, they ate their breakfast, more quickly and more subdued than usual. There wasn't the usual conversation between them, where Eren and Mikasa would banter back and forth, Eren being his usual chatterbox self while Mikasa nodded along and Levi tried to ignore him both and resist throwing something at Eren's head to shut him up because he was far too awake for this time of day. When they finished and helped to put their dishes away, they immediately made their way towards Eren's room.

The large, dark door was still shut, so that meant most likely he was still in there. They glanced at each other, before Mikasa raised her hand and knocked.

"Eren?" she called. "Are you there?"

Silence. She tried again, once more announcing their presence, but still nothing. So, wasting no further time, they both opened the door, Levi following behind her.

Well, Eren was still in there at least. However, he was still huddled in bed, blankets still pulled up to his shoulders. His eyes were open, but it was very apparent quickly that he wasn't staring at anything. His eyes were glazed, gaze distant, and he barely appeared to be breathing. The curtains were still drawn, plunging the room into darkness save for little streams of light that were leaking in around the edges. Levi was in utter shock, worry washing over him. Was Eren sick? Were they going to have to go get his father? He turned to Mikasa, about to voice his concerns, but he stopped himself when he saw the expression on her face. It was resigned, accepting, and extremely tired. She looked like she had aged twenty years in just a few seconds.

Like she had seen this sort of behavior many times before.

Levi watched as Mikasa made her way slowly but methodically around the room, first moving to the window to pull open the curtains. The light flooded in, momentarily blinding Levi. Eren was facing away from the window, so it didn't bother him. She then went back over to the head of the bed, placing her hand on her brother's forehead.

"Well, he's not sick, so I'd say this is another episode," she guessed.

"Episode?" Levi wondered.

"Sometimes he'll go through periods where he just won't get out of bed and just be so down that nothing can make him feel better. He also says stuff that's…unsettling."

Mikasa kept brushing his hair back out of his face, but he didn't react, continuing to stare into a void only he saw. The only motion that came from him was breathing and blinking, and it made Levi feel far too uneasy. Eren was normally so exuberant, so full of life, always trying to make others happy. To see him like this made him feel sick. But perhaps he was like this because he was burnt out by always acting like the spot of sunshine in everyone's cloudy day? He supposed he could understand that. Being the one that always made everyone else happy for so long had to be exhausting. Maybe he just couldn't do it anymore.

"Go get some water," Mikasa told him.

"What about some breakfast?" Levi wanted to know.

She shook her head. "He won't eat when he's like this. I've tried. The most we can do is keep him hydrated."

He did as he was asked, returning with some water and placing it on the table next to his bed. Mikasa was still stroking his forehead, running her fingers through his hair. Eren hadn't moved an inch. She turned her head towards Levi, and her expression was still one of defeat and utter exhaustion. "Pull up a chair and sit down," she said. "It's going to be a long day."

Levi glanced between her and Eren, still not comprehending what he was hearing. Why was she taking this all in stride, acting like it was so normal? Eren looked like the living dead and she was just talking about his condition like he was a naughty child that refused to get out of bed. Well, he thought, maybe this was completely normal for her. Doing as he was asked, he pulled up the chair sitting in front of Eren's desk up next to the bed, wanting very much to reach out and hold his love's hand, but he knew he obviously couldn't, not with Mikasa standing right there. So instead, to keep himself busy, he found himself asking questions.

"How often do these episodes happen?" he wondered, voice uncharacteristically soft, as if he was afraid he was he going to disturb Eren somehow.

Mikasa sat carefully on the edge of the bed next to Eren's head. "It used to be at least once a week and it would last for days. That was after our mother passed away. Lately it's been once every few months. He had a few episodes before you started living with us, so that's probably why you haven't seen them before. Lots of times when he's like this, he won't eat, or acknowledge that anyone is in the room. He just kind of talks to himself, or worse, talks to our mom. As he comes back a bit more, he will start talking to me, but it's mostly just crying and begging, him thinking I'm going to leave, saying he doesn't deserve to live because he's such a burden that can't live up to our father's expectations…it's awful."

Hearing all of this was just making Levi feel sicker. He couldn't have imagined that this was what Eren meant when he said he was afraid of being abandoned, that this could possibly be one of the symptoms. That made him wonder…

"Does his father have any answers as to what to do to help him?"

Mikasa's eyes widened a bit, and if Levi wasn't mistaken, a hint of fear leaked into her gaze. She quickly shook her head, and said, "He doesn't know about this. I try to hide it from him as much as I can and just take care of Eren myself. I'm afraid if he finds out he'll have him committed to an asylum. Our mother went through periods very similar to this, so…I'm afraid he'll see the similarities."

Levi stiffened, and he tightened his hands into fists on his lap. "I'll help you as much as I can. The only way he's sending Eren anywhere is over my dead body. I'll be fine going to jail for punching the shit out of him if it means Eren is kept safe."

She cracked a smile at his words, and said, "Well, now I'm definitely glad my brother found you."

At that, all the wind was knocked out of Levi's lungs, and he couldn't inhale for several beats. A cold wash of fear dripped icily down his back and adrenaline filled his body. Did she _know?_ No, she couldn't, they had been so careful. But if she _did_ then it was all over. She would tell everyone, and they would end up like poor Thomas; desecrated, forgotten, unwanted by anyone. Laying there waiting for the trash collector in the morning to find them and dump their bodies on the island in the middle of the harbor for the seagulls and crows to pick over. Their dreams forgotten by time, no one knowing their names, and their love for each lost to the wind. He watched her carefully, waiting for her to continue before he dared to say anything else so he didn't give himself away.

To his relief, Mikasa finished with, "Though Eren is so friendly with other people, he doesn't have very many close friends, or people that know him well. So not very many people know his vulnerabilities, much less how to help him when he's in his darkest moments. It makes me happy that now he has someone else who's almost as close to him as I am. I know this sounds selfish, but it helps to take some of the pressure off of me too. I mean, I would do anything for him, I really would but…"

"Everyone needs help," Levi agreed, relieved that he finally understood what she meant. Their secret was still safe for now. "Even sisters who can do everything."

She smiled again, thankful. "If I have to, I supposed I can get ahold of Benjamin and he can help as well. If this continues on for too long, but for now I think you and I can handle this."

"I just wish he would talk to us," Levi said. "It feels strange talking about him when he's right here. Can he not hear us?"

"I'm not sure. He's never given me any indication that he can. He never seems to remember anything I say to him when he's like this, even when I ask him if he does. I do try and talk to him though, both to break the silence and in hopes that it'll reach him somehow. Maybe the sound of my voice makes him feel better somehow. I've sung to him on occasion too, songs our mother sang to him. Sometimes that works and he'll start singing the song too. Just…I wish I could do more."

Levi hummed in agreement. He leaned forward a bit to place a hand on Eren's shoulder, figuring that would be a safe place to touch him that wouldn't arouse suspicion, and he was dying to touch him in order to comfort him. Completely ignoring Mikasa now, he spoke directly to his boy, saying to him, "Come on, Eren. We're here, waiting for you. You need to come back to us. Right now you're like the real Aurora, aren't you? Asleep, in a way, waiting for someone to awaken you. We just need to figure out how."

He could feel Mikasa's confused stare, but he shook it off the same time she did. After all, she knew Eren loved fairytales, so it made sense that Levi did too. It was most likely some reference that only the two of them understood. So, she let it go, hoping that their combined touch would be enough to, as Levi said, "awaken" him.

As the day dragged, the two of them sat sometimes together, sometimes one at a time, taking shifts, one sitting and trying to comfort the distressed boy while the other ate, rested, or used the bathroom. Indeed, as Mikasa said, Eren didn't touch any food all day, despite their attempts to get him to try something. He only drank when a cup was pressed to his lips and he reflexively swallowed the water that entered his mouth. It was like dealing with someone that was catatonic, except they were awake. It was so bizarre, so surreal, that part of him felt like he was in a dream. A nightmare.

He wished he could wake up.

But no, Eren was the one trapped in the nightmare, and no matter what he or Mikasa did, he just wouldn't wake up. The most he moved all day was when he rolled over, or curled up further into himself. Perhaps he was asleep and they just couldn't see it, but that prospect was even more frightening. He was asleep, but was already awake, so if he was dreaming, there was no way they could wake him up.

One point in the day when Levi was left alone with his boy, after checking over his shoulder several times to make sure he was by himself, he found himself stroking his cheek and kissing his forehead. He wished he could get in bed beside him and snuggle up to him; maybe the warmth of his body would be some form of comfort to him. But he doubted he'd be able to get out of bed fast enough before someone came in. Plus, he was afraid he might fall asleep next to him, and if someone caught him doing that…well, it was best not to think about that.

"Oh Eren," he sighed. "I wish you could just tell me what to do in order to help you. I'd do it for you, you know. Even if you wanted me to go to the moon and bring down a piece of it for you, I would. My poor Aurora…"

Suddenly, he got an idea. He had been talking all day to Eren, but he hadn't tried singing to him yet, like Mikasa had suggested. And what better to sing than their song? Still stroking his cheek, and trying not to stare too much at his hollow gaze, he took a deep breath and began.

_I know you, _

_I walked with you once upon a dream. _

_I know you, _

_that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam._

He kept going, singing in his deep, even voice, sounding like a siren singing to a thunderstorm rolling over the sea. And when he finished the song, he started up again, lulling himself into a trance. Perhaps this song would be the magic spell that woke his fair prince from his deep sleep, because if it didn't work, he had no idea what he would do.

And then, against all hope, Levi received the miracle he had hoped for. Eren's eyes gradually cleared, something deep in his soul hearing the familiar melody and clinging the deep love that he knew resided within it. He used that love to help pull him up, up towards the surface, where he burst into the sun, and was met with the somnolent, gray eyes of his Levi. He blinked several times, clearing his vision. His mind still felt fuzzy, and the darkness still weighed heavily on his heart. But now, he found he could focus on things that were around him. He had the strength to push his horrible thoughts aside because there was someone worth going towards in the real world.

Levi watched his eyes focus, hardly daring to breathe as the boy's eyes flicked up to meet his, before his hoarse little voice breathed his name. Levi let loose a shaky sigh of relief and leaned forward to hug his head to his chest.

"You scared the life out of me, you goose," he found himself saying without thinking. "Oh my poor Eren. I'm here."

"Levi," Eren repeated, as if he couldn't believe it. "You…I dreamed that everyone had left me. You were locked in a dark room, screaming for me to get you out, but I couldn't. I was left there alone, and I didn't want to live anymore. It was…oh Levi, you're _here._ Please don't leave me, don't ever leave me. My precious Doll, if you aren't with me, I don't know what I'd do."

Levi didn't have the heart to refuse him, and deep down, he knew that he didn't want to leave Eren's side. No matter what, no matter what forces threatened to pull them apart, be they from the world or their own fears and insecurities, they would endure them. He pulled Eren tighter to his chest, making sure he could hear his heart beating, and promised, "Never. I'll always be here Eren. You're my Aurora, right? And I'm your Doll. One can't exist without the other. No matter where we end up, I promise I'll always be by your side."


	19. Golden

After Eren recovered, they settled back into their more normal routine, with Levi going to work every day and writing more of his book when he came home, while Eren went on pest control jobs and spent his free time look for more opportunities to sell his artwork. It was definitely still a work in progress, the but more jobs he got, the more likely people were to hire him. And luckily it seemed that a fair number of businesses were looking for new ways to advertise themselves, and thought the fresh touch of a new artist might be the way to go.

For once, other than Eren's bouts of depression, things seemed to be going okay. Even when he didn't want to get out of bed, Levi seemed to be the magic medicine that at least encouraged him to interact with the outside world a bit, and would cuddle him and reassure him as much as he wanted that he was going to stay with him for as long as life would allow him. And that seemed to be what Eren needed, though he apologized over and over again for being a "burden" but Levi understood very well. He too had terrible depression when he was living alone, depression that was now being alleviated by being surrounded by so many people.

As the heat of the summer dragged on, Levi was suddenly reminded of something very important, and it came to him in the middle of a sentence he was typing indoors in a vain attempt to escape the heat: it had been a year now since he and Eren had met. A whole year already. Levi could scarcely believe that that much time had passed. A year of being with someone he loved, and still did very much so. There were many couples that were married that didn't love each other as much as they did, and yet stayed together out of duty. He believed part of the reason he was so keen to stay with Eren was because the world was so bent on keeping them apart and he just wanted to prove them wrong, but more importantly, it was because Eren was so special to him. He meant it when he said he never wanted to leave him.

But with a groan, Levi realized something else. During that whole year, despite many attempts, they still hadn't made love one single time. Not once. He supposed that was alright in a way, as courting couples were not supposed to have sex until they were married. But for people like them, there was no way they could legally get married anyway, so like Eren said the rules didn't have to apply to them.

More importantly, was Levi even ready for such an act? He had only recently come to terms with the fact that it was okay for him to be romantically involved with a man, and even then anxiety over being found out followed him at every turn. Could he really take that final, huge step and give his body to another man?

Well, it wouldn't just be any man; it would be Eren, whom he knew very well and trusted. That was how he had to think about it. It would be with his boy, his Aurora, someone he had seen jump up and down at a circus like an excited little kid and cry because he was afraid everyone he loved was going to leave him. If there was anyone that he trusted to be intimate with, it was him.

But of course that niggling thought that they shouldn't be doing this crossed his mind, that he was scared of what might happen if someone caught them in the act. And no matter what he did, he couldn't rid that fear from his mind.

So, when he finally gathered up the courage one night, he went to Eren with his news and concerns, wringing his hands the entire time and feeling as if he were about to explode. But of course, the minute the words, "I want to try having sex with you but I'm scared we'll be found out and about a million other things," left his mouth, he was pulled into his boy's embrace with a sympathetic chuckle and a hand running through his hair.

"My poor Doll," he cooed.

"Don't make fun of me," Levi grumbled, but still pushed his head further into his chest, like a cat that wanted attention.

"I'm not," Eren insisted. "I'm just remembering how nervous I was the first time I had sex. Now, I've never had sex with a woman, so I can't speak from that kind of experience. I always knew I was like this, so I didn't even attempt it. But I thought the same things you did. 'Is it right? Am I going to make a huge mistake? Is God going to strike me down for this?' And now look at me. I've joined giblets with many men and I'm still walking around. We'll be fine. And if you'd like, we can go somewhere deserted so that we won't be discovered. I know lots of places."

Levi sighed. He felt a bit better, truly, but of course the insecurity still lingered. But when he really thought about it, he still wanted this. So he suggested, "Well alright…I trust you. We could always go to my special place. You know, the one on the hill. I've never seen anyone come by there in all the years I've been visiting it."

Eren pulled away and looked down at him with a shining grin. "What a great idea! It'll be a memorable first place for a romp in the grass. Nice and quiet and warm, and more importantly, you'll be able to scream as much as you want and no one will hear you."

The older man made a strangled noise in his throat and pulled out of Eren's arms, slapping him gently on the chest in reprimand while the green-eyed boy laughed, amused by his embarrassment.

"But seriously," the boy insisted, "I'll take care of you."

"I know," Levi said when he had calmed down a bit, though his face was still very red. "But…let me take care of you too, will you? You've done so much for me…I want to return the favor a bit."

Eren growled in a way that sent some nice shivers down his spine, saying, "Of course. I'll show you what to do, have no fear."

So, days later, he and Eren left in secret one afternoon, telling anyone who asked that they were going into town and would be back by dinner time. Except they kept going, and going, walking out of town, trying to act normal, but instead every once in a while breaking out into giggles like naughty kids that were skipping school. Levi had to admit, a part of this was quite fun, knowing that they were going to break the rules. What had Eren done to him? He used to be such a stickler for the rules. He supposed when you were in love, those sorts of things became secondary and your partner eclipsed everything else. Especially when he supposed, really, they weren't doing anything wrong. No one was going to be hurt. So off they jogged, not noticing the warm weather, occasionally chasing each other past bewildered onlookers on the street.

When they made it to the small patch of forest that served as the pathway to their destination, Levi finally took the chance to pull Eren into a deep kiss, placing a hand behind his head and holding him there. Eren hummed into it, letting himself be dragged down and holding his partner around the waist. When the older man pulled away, he said breathlessly, "I've been wanting to do that since we left the house."

Eren laughed, and didn't stop, because it seemed like every few feet from there one of them kept stopping to kiss the other, small pecks, or deep, tongue-in-mouth kisses. At one point Levi even became brave enough to push the boy against a tree, pinning him against the rough bark so that he could tease him a bit more thoroughly. He licked his way into the other boy's mouth while grinding his hips against his. He laughed a bit when he felt Eren reach forward and grab his rear, squeezing it in appreciation. He certainly didn't miss how the boy encouraged him by pushing his hips forward so that he could grind against him harder.

"Have I ever told you how much I love your butt?" Eren gasped between kisses. "It was one of the best parts of drawing you. It's so small and so cute, but so firm. It fits in my hands very nicely. I can't wait to actually touch it without your trousers in the way."

"Soon," Levi promised, equally as breathless. "We have to peel ourselves away from this tree first."

Eren hummed in agreement, but made no moves to do so, instead pulling him back in for another kiss, pushing his hips forward for some more grinding. Already he could feel a subtle hardness forming in his partner's trousers, and that only made him more keen.

Eventually, they managed to stop, but only long enough for Levi to let Eren pull away from the tree trunk. They did absolutely nothing about each other's wild hair, or the fact that Eren's shirt had come untucked and the first few buttons of Levi's shirt were undone, revealing an enticing, milky expanse of skin. His collarbones were on display now for anyone to see, and they looked so delectable that Eren wanted to bite them.

Not long now, he told himself. The sooner they got up the hill, the sooner he could give into his heart's desire.

If passing through the cemetery gates was like passing into the realm of death, passing through these woods, with its dapple sunlight filtering over their bodies, green leaves glowing as they reached towards the sun, and trickle of a creek off to their left, felt like passing into the realm of the fae. Nature was all around them with not a person in sight, and in a way, it was fun to pretend that they themselves were one of those magical creatures. After all, Eren had said he looked like a fairy. If he pretended very hard, he could look at Eren and see one of the fairies of Irish legend that would roam the empty, misty moors and weep, trying to lure men to their deaths. And yet he was taking Levi into his fold, accepting him as one of his own. Though, he supposed if Eren wanted to lead him to his death, he wouldn't be opposed. At least he would die happy. Either way, he was beyond fortunate to be in the company of this beautiful person.

Many kisses and insistences later that no, they had to keep moving, they weren't there yet, yes I can give you one more kiss, alright one more, oh just one more, they were finally climbing the hill. By this point, Levi was excitedly leading Eren by the hand, his face flushed and a bright smile on his face, still unable to believe that he was here. Eren let himself be lead gladly, matching Levi's smile. When they finally made their way through that long, golden grass up onto the peak, they spared a brief glance towards the patchwork of farmland in the distance, appreciating the colorful view and the total silence. Not a person around for miles, the only sound being birds chirping and wild animals scratching around for food. The tree that sat up here was also in full flush, the leaves providing wonderful shade.

It was like a dream.

"Well, here we are," Eren sighed, the breeze tousling his hair even more. "Still think you're ready?"

Levi pursed his lips and nodded. "I mean, I'm nervous, but I suppose that's normal. But yes, I still want this. Just show me what to do."

Eren gazed into his eyes for a moment more, but saw nothing but sincerity in them. Still, he felt the need to say, "If you want to stop at any time, or if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, let me know, yeah? I promise you won't be hurting my feelings. I want this, yes, but I want you to enjoy it."

"I know," the older man assured him. "Trust me, I'll say something."

With another smile, Eren leaned up and kissed his forehead, the softest he had ever done. Levi leaned into it, his eyes fluttering shut. He very gently gripped Eren's upper arms, holding him in place.

"Relax," he breathed against his skin. "It's just me. You have nothing to fear."

"I know," Levi said, getting more into it.

He let Eren map his face with his lips; his forehead, his eyebrows, eyelids, down his nose, both cheeks and his chin. Every place was brushed with those soft lips, or kissed, Eren also running his fingers through his hair. His nerves tingled pleasantly, and with those hands in his hair, he felt like he was being forced to relax. His eyes stayed shut as he absorbed the sensations. This was very nice, Levi thought. It was so gentle, so sweet. This was like the advice that prostitute had given to him so many months ago on how to make love to a woman; soft, gentle touches. It looked like that this sort of touching worked on men as well. He had half expected Eren to just jump into things, to be rough right off the bat. He should have known better. Of course Eren would relax him and be soft with him, get him really in the mood before they worked their way towards the bigger things.

Lord, he had thought it so many times, but he knew he didn't deserve this boy. But he knew Eren would say that was only proper and he wasn't special for being so careful with him. Every man should treat their partner like this, he said.

The tension began to drain out of Levi's body into the soil beneath them, and as that happened, he began to feel more confident, his inhibitions disappearing into the wind. He leaned up and began reciprocating the affection, brushing his lips over Eren's face as well, massaging his shoulders as he worked. He felt Eren smile against his lips, and that gave Levi even more confidence. He sat up a bit more and ran his lips around the shell of his ear. At the feeling of the other man's breath in his ear, he shivered and placed his hands on his shoulders, holding him in place. At the positive reaction, Levi dared to run his tongue on the outside of his ear, tickling it slightly, before gently nipping the top of it with his teeth. He felt Eren lean into the action, sucking in a breath, letting out a tiny moan when Levi sucked on his earlobe.

He backed away for a second when he heard the sound, the sound sending that strange rush of heat towards his groin. He found himself asking, "Is- did that feel good? That wasn't too odd was it?"

Eren found himself breathing a laugh. "No, of course not. I think people underestimate how good having your ears touched feels. Levi, it's okay you know. You can just…do whatever. I'll let you know if it feels strange. Don't be afraid to do whatever's on your mind. Chances are if it feels good to you, it'll feel good to me too."

"Okay." Levi took a deep breath, steadying his nerves. "Got it. I'm sorry."

"Shh," the boy hushed him. "It's fine. Don't take it so seriously, love."

Don't take it so seriously. Alright, Levi supposed he could do that. He gave Eren a soft kiss on his cheek just before the other man scooted forward and gave him another deep, slow kiss. This time, he finished unbuttoning Levi's shirt while the older man finished shrugging out of it, setting it aside. When all of that pretty skin was revealed, Eren couldn't resist rubbing his palms over it. He was mesmerized by the way his muscles moved and his shoulders shifted under his hands. His skin was so soft, so sensitive, twitching like a horse's every ticklish place that he touched.

Without hesitation, Levi mimicked his actions, pushing himself to learn as quickly as possible. Excitedly, he pushed Eren's shirt up his chest, running his nails lightly up his abdomen as he did so. He felt the other man's skin twitch in response. They separated long enough for Levi to pull his shirt off, before it too was discarded. That was when Levi was met with the expanse of Eren's warm chest, two dark nipples now revealed to him practically begging for his attention.

Carefully, Levi bent forward to run his tongue over them, remembering how much he liked this when Eren did it and hoping the boy would enjoy it just as much. He sucked on them and bit them occasionally, alternating between one and the other. The breath Eren sucked in above his head was most definitely worth the chance he took, and so was the hand in his hair. Levi then began to kiss his way up his chest towards his neck, nibbling on the thin skin all the way up to the area under his ear. Eren leaned into it, and the touch actually coaxed a whimper out of him. What's more, Levi couldn't help but reach between their bodies and cup at Eren's groin, squeezing and fondling it, and _heavens _it was so warm. The action made the boy's legs clench together automatically, and the pleasure was so intense so suddenly that it made a blush rise to his cheeks and a moan leave his throat.

Levi laughed lowly against the damp skin of his neck. "Not bad for a virgin, huh Eren?"

He received no answer except for the boy pushing his groin further into Levi's palm, before saying after a minute, "My little minx…you're going to have to help me out of my pants in a minute because they're getting rather…_tight._"

"I'll just bet. Stand up for me then please."

Eren did as he was bid, though not without great difficulty. It was torture to pull away from that warm hand the delicious pressure it was gifting him with, but he knew an even better sensation was just up ahead if he took his pants off. Apparently, he wasn't moving fast enough, because Levi was pulling at his trousers, managing to get them and his underwear off his hips, before Eren started cracking up at his eagerness and managing to get them off the rest of the way.

Levi had never seen Eren completely naked before, never anything more from the waist up when he got out of the shower and he was wearing a towel around his hips. The most he ever got to see was an enticing trail of hair traveling down his belly down towards his groin, but it was always cut off from his view. Now, he got to see everything, and he found that his mouth had gone completely dry. Is this how Eren had felt when he saw him naked for the first time? If so he could understand his insistence in calling him beautiful despite his protests. Eren had a very pretty cod, darker than the rest of his skin, flushed darker and at half-mast because of his arousal, and a dark, firm sack beneath it. That trail of hair led to a dark patch of pubic hair that surrounded his cock, a trail that he very badly wanted to follow with his hands.

"Like what you see?" he heard his boy tease.

Levi jumped and looked away, unaware that he had been staring. He explained hastily, "Sorry you're just…you're very handsome. I've, um, I've imagined many times what you might look like under your trousers, and what's here surpasses anything I could have imagined."

A throb of heat went through Eren's body at his praise. Honestly, he had heard quite a few men tell him he had a very pretty body, but in that second none of it mattered anymore; the only person whose opinion he cared about was Levi's. He couldn't help but spread his legs a bit more so that his partner could get a better look at it.

"I'm glad my body pleases you," he said. "Now…your pants?"

Levi swore at himself, making Eren snort in amusement. The older man fumbled with his pants, so caught up in admiring the other man's body that he completely forgot about the fact that he was still far too dressed. And…now that Eren mentioned it, these trousers were getting awfully tight. So, they were pulled off and placed to the side on top of his shirt, leaving them both wonderfully bare in front of each other.

Unexpectedly, Levi felt himself tearing up, and quickly wiped at his eyes, wondering what was wrong with him. What a time to be crying, and why was he crying at all? He was so happy. But that was precisely the problem, wasn't it? He was so happy that he just couldn't hold it in. Eren sat up a bit and leaned forward, placing a hand on his shoulder. But before he could ask what was wrong, Levi was shaking his head and saying, "No it's- I just never thought I'd get this far with anyone, much less someone I loved so much. You make me feel so good just by being you, make me so happy…I just don't know what to do with all this happiness inside me. I feel like I'm going to explode sometimes."

Eren clucked with sympathy at him, kissing his temple, before he told him, "Well please don't do that. If it helps, I feel the same way about you. And I'm honored that you want to be with me in this way."

Levi nuzzled under his chin, offering him little kisses on his throat. Eren held him for a moment as he got ahold of himself. Levi sniffled a few times, burying his face in his shoulder briefly, and then asked the boy thickly, "Put your hands on me? Please…show me how much you love me."

Well, Eren did not need any more prompting. He pulled back and gazed deeply into Levi's eyes for a moment, seeing his own reflection in those dark, silvery pools, before he kissed him hard, working his jaw sinuously against his. He held him tenderly, and then carefully leaned forward, gradually pushing him back until he was laying down on that long, golden grass. The grass swayed gently in the breeze above his head, and what a pretty picture he made beneath Eren on his back in that grass.

The boy hovered over him, kissing him eagerly while Levi kissed back, wrapping his arms around his neck and keeping him in place. God, his kisses alone felt so good, addicting as the finest alcohol he had ever tasted. He couldn't stop running his hands over his body, feeling all that warm skin, the pads of his fingers catching on fine downy hairs on his back. He dug his fingernails into his skin slightly when he began kissing down his neck. Levi let loose a shuddering breath and squeezed his eyes shut at the ministrations, arching his neck into the attention. But his lips didn't stop there. He kissed down his chest, nipping at those sharp collarbones, nibbled on his nipples a bit, before kissing his ribs and down his navel. The lower his lips went, the harder Levi's heart pounded, the anticipation killing him.

Eren didn't disappoint him either, deciding to be kind this time and not making him wait for much longer. He sucked briefly on both hipbones, and then gave Levi one last look, making sure that it was still okay. But Levi just kept watching him expectantly, breathing heavily, so he went for it. Taking his cock in hand, he licked one long stripe from the root to the tip without hesitation, causing Levi's hips to jerk off the ground at just how intense the sensation was. But if he thought that was intense, it was nothing compared to Eren wrapping his lips around the tip and laving at the head with his tongue, thoroughly wetting it. Gradually, he sunk down further and further, Levi's cock filling his mouth very nicely. He moaned at the feeling of it, loving how full his mouth felt, and knowing that it was _Levi_. His smell was so strong and musky, so masculine and unique, unlike anything he had ever smelled before. It was thick, settling on his tongue as surely as the head of Levi's cock. Slowly, he began bobbing his head up and down, creating a soft sense of friction, sucking every once in a while. He even managed to rub at the sensitive spots that he knew were on his cock a few times.

Levi for his part was seeing stars. The stimulation was so intense, so overwhelming, that for once in his life, he couldn't hope to stay quiet. Unaware of what he was doing, he threw his head back and cried out loud enough to frighten away a small flock of birds. The sound surprised Eren so much that he actually paused in his ministrations for a moment and stared up at him. He couldn't see his face, as his back was arched, but from how quickly his belly was rising and falling, how much his thighs were twitching next to his head and how hard his toes were curling, it was obvious that he was feeling _very _good. Eren decided that he'd better be careful; he knew how scared Levi was of coming, and from how unused his body was to sexual stimulation, it was likely that he would come very quickly. He didn't want to spook him, so he kept his ministrations slow and easy.

When Levi finally got ahold of himself a bit, he chanced looking down between his legs to see what Eren was doing, and the sight almost made him lose it right then and there. His pretty dark head was bobbing up and down between his trembling pale thighs, providing him with exquisite stimulation. He was laying on his stomach and his arms were wrapped around his thighs, both to hold him in place and prevent his thighs from squeezing him around his neck. Oh lord, had he really almost done that? He hadn't even noticed. But he supposed that didn't matter now because he just couldn't handle how gorgeous Eren looked or how _amazing _he was making him feel. He hadn't even known such ecstasy was possible; it far surpassed anything he had ever seen or felt in his dreams.

Too soon, he could feel that powerful aching between his legs, that rising of the point of no return, that little death that threaten to overwhelm him. No, he still wasn't ready, not quite yet. But luckily, Eren seemed to recognize the signs. Perhaps it was the change in his breathing, how it went from rapid to more high pitched, or how restless he became, squirming and unable to sit still as the pleasure became too much. He pulled away, taking his lips off his cock, a string of saliva connecting his bottom lip to the shining, pink head.

Levi threw an arm over his eyes, shaking with all of the different sensations assaulting him, trying to regain control over himself. Eren sat back on his heels while he wiped at his mouth. Once he was finished, he suggested, "When you recover a bit, did you want to be the one to be inside me?"

That certainly gave the older man pause. He lifted his arm away from his eyes, staring at him from the ground. Had he heard that right? Levi propped himself up on his elbows, saying, "I mean- I don't mind, but I assumed since I was the one who was new at this that I'd be the one to…?"

Eren laughed deep in his chest. "Certainly not. It's exactly because you're new to this that I'm suggesting that you not be the one to take it this time. We can save that for a later date, if you're willing. For now, I'm used to being the one on the bottom, so I don't mind. I figured for your first time, it might take some of your anxiety away."

Eren really was a miracle made flesh. Though Levi would have been the one on the bottom for him if he had wanted it, the idea still made him very nervous, especially for his first time when he had other things on his mind. He seemed to know exactly what he needed, and he agreed with a relieved sigh and a nod. With a gentle smile, Eren reached for his trousers, pulling out a small bottle. He held it up for Levi to see, explaining, "Oil. Since we're not naturally wet on the inside like women."

Ah, that made sense. Levi watched as Eren coated his fingers with the oil and inserted them into his entrance, carefully stretching himself out. It looked wonderful, and for a minute Levi couldn't help but feel jealous. He wished those were his fingers inside of his partner's warm, willing body, just to see what he felt like. Well, perhaps another time. For now, he would just observe what he was doing and log it away for future reference.

When Eren was finished, very quickly since he was so used to it, he coated Levi's cock liberally in the oil. And then, after placing the bottle aside and wiping his hand on the grass, to Levi's surprise, he laid on his back. When Levi just stared at him uncomprehendingly, Eren crooked his finger in a "come here" motion.

"I want you to enter me like this," he said. "Is that okay?"

"Yes, yes of course," Levi answered. "Oh my God yes, Eren you treasure."

He laughed as he held open his arms as an invitation for the older man to dive into, an invitation he readily accepted. He embraced him hard, placing kisses all over his faces. Eren leaned into his lips, sometimes tilting his head back to catch his lips with his own. He then tried to position his entrance so that it was near Levi's cock, nudging it with his rear to encourage him to enter him. When Levi still hesitated, he reassured him, "Go ahead, Doll. You won't hurt me. Come on now, I can't wait to feel you inside me."

The older man shuddered at his words, and found that he couldn't deny him, not when he asked like that. So, carefully, slowly, he nudged Eren's entrance with the tip of his cock, watching where he placed it so that he was sure he was in the right place. When he felt himself begin to slide in, the journey made much easier because of the oil, he adjusted his position and kept going, further and further until he was buried in his body as far as he could go.

Eren adjusted his body slightly so that Levi slid inside him even deeper, his insides moving as well, caressing his cock gently. Levi could barely breathe; Eren's body was so very warm, so tight. It felt like warm velvet, conforming to every bump and ridge of his length. It took him a minute to convince himself that he wasn't going to come right then and there, and when he was sure, he spared Eren one last look, and at a nod of encouragement from his boy, he instinctively began to move.

His thrusts started slow and easy at first, warming them both up, but rapidly, when he realized how good it felt, Levi began to grow impatient, and he sped up. Eren's breathing rapidly began to grow heavier, his legs spreading further to allow his partner full access. Levi was intoxicated by the sight of himself disappearing in and out of his boy's body; it was just so erotic. The sounds of their activities began to overtake him: the sound of his hips smacking into Eren's behind, Eren's moans which were quickly becoming louder and louder, and the squelching between their bodies as his cock was pushed inside him over and over again.

"Levi, oh God," Eren cried, tilting his head further and further back the harder and deeper he went. "My Levi, my beautiful Doll- _Ah! _You're amazing, doing so we-_well!"_

Levi couldn't bring himself to say anything back, mostly because he couldn't stop moaning himself, couldn't articulate any coherent thoughts beyond how good he was feeling. He was hot and yet shivering all at once, sweat rolling down his back, though whether that was from the heat or his exertions, he wasn't sure. Either way, even when that heat began to build in his belly, he didn't stop. He _couldn't _stop. It felt so good, better than anything he had ever felt in his life, and Eren was making it happen. He felt the boy wrap his legs around his waist, his heels digging into the soft flesh of his rear, holding him in place, and his arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling them so close that their chests were touching. Levi buried his face in his shoulder, breathing harshly and loudly in his ear. Between the intense physical and emotional pleasure, he knew he wasn't going to last.

But now, he was ready. Being surrounded by Eren, feeling so comforted and ecstatic, he felt ready to come for the first time with his boy. He could do this. The pleasure continued to build, and it scared him with how intense it was, but he forced himself to get past the hump that he usually forced Eren to pull away when he felt it. Instead, he bore down, and thrusted as fast as his hips would allow him to go, practically sobbing as he did so. His sobs were only matched by Eren's as the boy reached between their bodies and began to jerk himself off. Levi felt the movement of his hand between them, and when he felt the heat and wetness of Eren's orgasm against their stomachs, that did it. The clenching of Eren's entrance as he came undid him wholly and completely, pushing Levi into his first purposeful orgasm.

His vision when white, and for a minute, he lost all sense of awareness. He must have fainted for a moment, because when he was aware of his surroundings again, he had been turned on his side, no longer inside Eren, but instead laying beside him. His boy was stroking his face, the sun shining behind his head, lighting up his pretty green eyes. He smiled when he saw Levi open his eyes. He was still breathing as hard as Levi was, shaking as well, and to comfort them both, he leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"My love," he breathed, "are you alright?"

"M'okay," Levi whispered. "Oh Eren, you're- I, God you're _fantastic. _I love you so much. I can't, I can't"-

He cut himself off, tears falling from his eyes, tears belonging to an emotion so strong that he couldn't hope to comprehend it, much less name it. But Eren understood, because he didn't ask him to elaborate. Instead, he just gathered him up in his arms, placing his head over his, stroking his back and shushing him, telling him over and over that it was okay, that he loved him so much.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," Eren said against his hair.

"And you to me," Levi mumbled against his neck. "Eren…thank you. Thank you, thank you, _thank you."_


	20. A Cold Day In Autumn

After that afternoon spent on the hill, Eren and Levi were nearly insatiable when it came to each other. It thoroughly surprised both of them, to be sure, just how obsessed they became with pleasuring each other whenever they got a moment alone. Levi thought he would be satisfied for life after he and Eren wobbled home later that evening. He was so very drained, still tingling with aftershocks all the way home and right until he eventually collapsed into bed, falling asleep before his head hit the pillow. But though he had never taken drugs before, he imagined that this is what it might be like. He had gotten a taste of an ecstasy far beyond his comprehension, something that stimulated every one of his senses, something that made him see heaven. And he was surprised to realize that just a couple days later, he wanted more.

He didn't know whether or not it was because Eren was such a siren, or because he himself felt like a bratty, hormonal teenager all over again. Maybe he was just making up for time lost during those teenage years when he could have been experimenting with what made him feel good. But Eren was very right; though his orgasm had completed blindsided him and made him faint for a few seconds, it didn't frighten him like he thought it would, and it was overall a pleasant experience. Either way, whenever he passed his boy in a dark hallway or they were near an empty closet that people rarely went by, he was pulling him close and ravaging his mouth, then his body in a frenzy of lust and greed.

Eren of course had absolutely no complaints. He loved seeing his normally stoic, prim little Doll acting like he was constantly in heat and only his boy could satisfy the ache that always seemed to rage in him. He was more than happy to soothe the fire inside of him by first flaming it to unimaginable proportions, and then putting it out with an intense orgasm that made his partner go completely limp and docile.

Speaking of which…

This time, it had been Eren who had gotten the itch, while they were in the barn of all places. However, this place was much more public, and though it was very huge, it was more well-travelled than most of the mansion. Therefore there were more chances that they could be caught. But for some reason, on this particular day, perhaps Levi was more hard-up than usual, or maybe they had been getting away with it for long enough, that the thought excited him a bit. When no one was looking, Eren had pulled the older man into an empty stall and held him close, before kissing all over his neck. Levi arched into him, his body becoming a livewire in minutes, not even questioning why Eren was like this suddenly, just happy that he was. He began breathing heavily and pawing at Eren's crotch, his thighs, and what he could reach of his rear. The boy chuckled at his insistence.

"Ah, perhaps we should go somewhere a little more private?" he suggested, red-faced and panting. "I've always fantasized about fucking you in one of the tack rooms."

Levi pulled back, humming and pretending to think about it, before giving his boy another deep kiss and saying, "Well then let's make it a reality."

They checked before leaving the stall to see if anyone was milling about. A couple of grooms were entering stalls further down the aisle, so they flattened their hair and casually walked out, trying their best to not appear half-hard, and if anyone asked, their faces were so red because it was quite warm out. Either way, they skittered away as best they could without attracting attention, before Eren dragged Levi inside one of the large, luxurious tack rooms and shut the door behind them.

The door locked from the outside, but luckily when the door opened it swung into the room. So, in order to buy them some time should they be found out, the two of them moved a heavy trunk in front of the door. Once that was finished, they resumed, giggling and kissing and unbuttoning pants with fumbling fingers.

"This is amazing," Levi told him between kisses. "It's like you've set me free. My anxiety is just falling away the more we do this. What sort of witchcraft did you use to make this happen?"

Eren snickered, "I'd say it was my natural charm but more likely it's just my prodigious engine that you want so much."

Levi had to put a hand over his mouth to keep himself from bursting out laughing. "Prodigious my ass. But yes, I do want it. I have to be honest, most cocks that I've seen have been quite hideous. How is it that you have the only pretty one in town?"

"It might just be pretty to you because you're in love."

"No, I'm serious. I wouldn't want to touch any of those other things with a ten foot pole, let alone put one in my mouth."

With that, he got down on his knees, pushing Eren back a step or two so that he was leaning against a saddle sitting on a rack. He then helped him to pull his trousers down just enough so that his cock was exposed. It was already flushed dark and beginning to stand up, and looked so enticing. Levi decided to tease him a bit though, licking around the base of his cock and the skin of his lower belly, before moving to lick at his sack, which was so warm against his tongue. He heard Eren groan, but it was a groan of half frustration, half arousal. Levi glanced up at him with sparkling eyes, knowing exactly what he was doing.

"You evil beast," Eren growled down at him with a feral grin. "I never took you for a tease. You learn very fast."

"I've told you," Levi breathed against his skin, "that it's very fun to tease you. You look very cute when you're frustrated."

He leaned down and kissed what he could of Eren's thigh, licking and biting at the firm skin, feeling the muscle flex underneath it. He left a little mark there, one of the only places that he could do so. It brought him pride to know that every time he looked at it, Eren would know who he belonged to as he remembered how he got it.

"Just remember, you're mine, yes?" Levi asked sweetly.

"Completely," Eren agreed eagerly. "I'm so in love with you it's disgusting. You've ruined me for any other person in the world."

Levi gave him another nip on the thigh for good measure, before slowly and torturously making his way back up to his cock again. But once again, he didn't take it in his mouth. He still teased Eren by licking the base, tiny, barely there kitten licks, clearly having the time of his life as he breathed in his intimate scent. He could feel Eren's hand settling on the top of his head, trying to guide him towards where he wanted, but obviously being unsuccessful.

"Leviiii," he whined, petting through his hair. "Come on, must you be like this? You're killing me."

He did sound quite desperate, the poor thing. Well, he decided he'd been mean for long enough, so he finally took Eren in his mouth, sucking hard on the head of his cock. Truthfully, he had only sucked Eren off once since they had had sex for the first time, so he was sure he was still rubbish at this whole business. But Eren had come that first time anyway, and deep down he knew no matter how bad a blowjob was, it was rather easy to get a man off as long as there was some sort of heat and moisture applied to those sensitive areas. And likewise now, just as then, Eren was tensing up, thighs quivering as he fought to hold down the loudest of moans that wanted to escape him. His head fell back and almost hit the wall behind him, and he brought up a hand so that he could bite the back of it to muffle the noises he was making. Unlike Levi, Eren had no problems with broadcasting to whoever was listening that his partner was making him feel good, or crying out his name so that everyone knew who he belonged to.

Levi briefly pulled back, still stroking Eren's cock, and told him, "You're a very pretty sight when you're feeling good, did you know that? I love how I can make your thighs shake and your skin all hot from what I'm doing."

Eren had no answer for him; no charming quip or snarky response. Oh, then that must have meant Levi was doing _very _well. The knowledge also made Levi feel quite warm, and at the same time, chills skittered under his skin. He found that he couldn't help himself, and he gripped at his own cock, only adding fire to the burning ache he felt. He groped at himself as he sucked Eren off, and the boy happened to look down and see it. He moaned helplessly at the sight, feeling dizzy with the knowledge that Levi felt so good from pleasuring him that it brimmed over until he just _had _to touch himself. He was ruining his prudish partner in the best way, as he knew just a month ago Levi would have never dreamed of doing something like that.

The older man was encouraged further by the fact that Eren kept breathing praise like prayers over the back of his neck, leaning further and further back, being held up completely by the saddle behind him. He was rambling nonsense, things about how Levi was gift from the heavens, how he looked amazing on his knees like that, and other things like, "Just like that, flick your tongue- _there, _oh Levi, I feel like I'm going to die, I see a light and I'm going towards it, follow me won't you?"

He had to resist laughing. Eren was both precious and ridiculous when he lost control of his senses, and it was a privilege knowing that he was gaining the skills so that he could do it again and again. He could hear his boy breathing in that certain rapid, high pitched way that let him know he was on the cusp of losing it. Any moment now he was going to come, and he would most likely want Levi to pull away soon.

And there it was. Eren began pushing on Levi's head and the boy started whispering little plaintive commands of, "Wait, hold on," and of course the older man listened, sitting back on his heels and wiping the saliva that had dripped onto his chin. However, instead of getting himself off the rest of the way, Eren reached into his pocket and pulled out that bottle of oil, before he began slicking up his cock with it.

Oh, of course. He had said he had always wanted to fuck Levi in here. And well, Levi had already bottomed once before now, one time late at night long after everyone had gone to bed. And it had been a strange experience, but not an unpleasant one. Perhaps the more he did it and got used to it, the better it would be?

Still, he couldn't resist saying, "Bold of you to assume such a thing, sir." And then when he saw Eren pause and look at him with concern, he finished, "But you're right. I'd love for you to be the one to fuck me."

And with that, he went over to another saddle sitting on a rack in front of them, before he teasingly pulled his trousers down, taking one leg out of them. It would be far easier for him to spread them if he did so, after all. Like the tease that he was, he bent over, raising himself up on his toes and pushing his rear in the air temptingly. He then looked over his shoulder at his boy, who was completely awestruck. The fact that his jaw was just about on the floor only made it funnier.

"Well come on Aurora, I'm not a very patient man," Levi told him. "You better hurry up, or I might just change my mind and walk out of here."

He would do no such thing of course, and Eren knew that, but his boy played along, sauntering over with his oil, saying, "What a bossy Doll I have. For that I might just have to tie you up with the harness straps to the wall and leave you here."

Levi's face went a pretty shade of red as he thought about that. Not about being left there overnight, but about having his wrists tied to the wall, unable to touch Eren and being forced to take everything he had to give. He had to admit, the smell of the leather around them was delicious, almost as heady and intoxicating as the smell of their own musk. Eren watched as his face grew redder and redder, and he had to laugh.

"That doing something for you, my love?" he asked, placing a hand on Levi's cheek. "Perhaps sometime I can borrow some of the straps in here and bring them back to our bedroom for an evening?"

Levi looked away from him, lips pursing into an adorable pout. "P-Perhaps you can. Only if you want. I'm not saying you have to or anything, but it might be fun to try."

Eren breathed a laugh, and then swiftly leaned over and began mouthing at the plump cheeks of his rear, licking and nibbling. He massaged them gently as well, pushing them together and pulling them apart, migrating down to offer Levi little licks to his small, pink entrance as well. It flexed and fluttered beneath his tongue, and Levi whimpered in response, pushing back into his mouth as he worked. He was always aware that that place was sensitive, but _this _sensitive? To the point that it made him even harder and practically dripping onto the saddle that was holding up his hips? This was insane, and yet here he was, a panting, red-faced mess because Eren's tongue was too talented for his inexperienced self.

Luckily, he didn't push him, knowing his limits, and instead prepped his partner thoroughly, before entering him. He gave him a moment to adjust, before he was pounding into him with vigor, hipbones smacking sharply into that plush rear and making soft slapping sounds. Levi was surprised that he began moaning like a whore so quickly, but he couldn't help it. Eren just seemed to know what angles he would like the best and was working hard to hit those angles. It didn't help when his boy told him, "Lift your leg, put your knee on the saddle, so I can reach even deeper. There you go, that's a good boy," because as Eren suggested, he was indeed able to stimulate places inside of him he didn't even know could feel this good.

He felt Eren change angles, and on that first thrust after he did so, Levi's back arched like he had been shot and he shouted in surprise, so loudly that he covered his mouth directly after. Eren laughed, shushing him and leaning over his back, kissing it.

"Found it," he said proudly.

"Found what?" Levi wheezed. "Oh my _God_ Eren."

"Your prostate. That's the special place inside that I told you about before."

"It's…_Eren"-_

The boy laughed darkly, straightening up, and continuing to move his hips. Every time he hit his prostate, Levi saw stars, and it was almost impossible to keep his voice down. Almost. But somehow he managed it, biting the back of his hand until he just about drew blood. The stimulation was only heightened by the fact that his cock kept rubbing against the leather saddle. It was so smooth and soft; whatever oil they used on these saddles was amazing.

Eren leaned forward again, leaving wet, opened mouthed kisses against Levi's neck, wishing that he wasn't wearing a shirt so that he could kiss his back. But he still received the desired effect. Levi leaned into him, eyes squeezed shut, mouth hanging open, babbling nonsense about how he couldn't take it, but for Eren not to stop, to never stop. Of course, Eren had no intention of doing that.

"It feels so good inside you," the boy said hoarsely. "So hot, so tight. My precious Levi, making me feel amazing. I love you."

And he kept going like that, mumbling half in a trance about how much he loved his partner, and Levi soaked up every word. He was absolutely lost in a haze of pleasure, unwilling to focus on anything but his boy. His world narrowed down to the sweet, numbing bliss in his hips, Eren's hands gripping his thighs, and the moans and cries both of them were emitting.

All too soon, it was over, Levi coming with a broken whimper, curling in on himself, while Eren lurched forward with a deep groan, biting the back of Levi's shirt to muffle the loud sound that wanted to escape.

For a moment, they sat there, frozen, Eren unable to straighten up, simply breathing hard into the back of Levi's neck. Every once in a while, he kiss the soft skin, noting how damp and sweaty it had become. Levi had gone limp, draping himself over the saddle. Once Eren caught his breath, he began laughing, the endorphins from his orgasm flooding his whole body and making him giddy.

"You're going to be the death of me," he told him.

"You might have actually killed me though," Levi said breathily. "I'm not sure yet. I feel dead. Do I look dead?"

That just made Eren laugh harder, and he turned the older man's head towards him, saying, "On the contrary, my sweetheart, you've never looked better."

He then leaned forward and kissed his tired lover, Levi leaning up and meeting that kiss with enthusiasm.

000

The summer dragged and dragged, eventually melting into a warm autumn. Time continued to roll on. Prince was no longer a puppy, but instead a full grown dog. He still shared Levi's bed and kept him company every night. Eren even thought of letting him breed with one of his females to produce puppies that might make better pets than they would ratters for those that just wanted to keep a pet and didn't want a working dog. Levi and Eren coupled whenever they could, the act only bringing them closer together as they learned how each other's bodies ticked and what the other liked the most.

For example, Levi learned that Eren loved having the nape of his neck kissed and sucked, as well as his thighs. Eren figured out that Levi liked being tied up and even blindfolded because he liked not knowing what was going to happen next. It certainly made his orgasms stronger than normal. He also liked being told how good he was being, how nice his body felt and how much his boy loved him. It was immensely comforting, being wrapped up in his body's words and his body, being held close and whispered to like they were the only two people in the world. It was more fun than Levi ever thought it would be, exploring this unknown territory. He also liked being told what Eren wanted him to do to him when he got home; it gave him something nice to look forward to during work.

More importantly, there was a lot going on with their friends at the pub. Erwin and Armin finally moved away to the next town over to start their new life with promises to visit when they could. They couldn't do it too often, as the trip was an hour away, but they said whenever they had the opportunity, they would make the journey.

"They'll have to tie us up and throw us in a sack to keep us away from our friends here," Armin told Eren and Levi with tight embraces during their last visit to the Laughing Fox.

"I hope you can find another gentlemen's club like this where you are," Eren said, and he meant it.

Erwin placed a hand on his shoulder, causing the boy to look up. He was probably the only person here taller than him, Levi noted with amusement. "Don't worry, we'll be looking. And if we make any friends, we'll either invite you down to meet with them or we'll bring them here. It's comforting to know that there are others like us in other places."

Levi nodded, and told Armin, "I hope you'll be the best librarian you can be in your new home. You'll certainly fit in better pretending to be a woman than you ever would have as a man."

Armin had laughed at that, knowing that sadly it was true. While male librarians used to be the norm a hundred years ago, now the profession was dominated by women, particularly single women, and seeing a man there often made people believe that he was "one of those." The fact that he would be a married "woman" would be odd enough. But of course, he wished Armin nothing but luck and happiness, and secretly hoped that no one would find out about his and Erwin's secret.

Soon after they left, to lift everyone's spirits, Hanji and Petra decided to finally get married after almost a year of courting. Petra's father was beyond thrilled by the union, of course not knowing the truth. All he knew was that his daughter had been chosen by a successful doctor who was a pioneer in women's health and would be taken care of very well for the rest of her life.

They had their wedding in the town church, the same one Levi used to attend with his parents every Sunday, and this time, he got to be in the wedding. Hanji chose him to be her best man, the two of them joking how she looked much better in a suit than he did.

"How did you end up so much taller than me?" he groused as they adjusted each other's ties. "You pull off being a man better than I do."

She chuckled, saying, "Well, if it weren't for your support, I wouldn't be able to pull it off as well as I do. You helped me a lot, covering for me and convincing me that I could finish medical school, that just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I'm not smart enough. Not only that, but look at what I'm accomplishing that male doctors can't. You're the best Levi, you really are."

He shrugged, crossing his arms awkwardly. "I'm just doing what every friend should be doing, shitty glasses."

"Well, I just hope that soon after this, we have another wedding at the Laughing Fox between a certain cute rich boy and his grumpy partner, because I think they need to tie the knot just as bad as Petra and I do. We're all taking bets about when it's going to happen and who's going to ask who first."

At that, a dusting of pink spread across his cheeks, and he told her firmly, "We couldn't get married, not really. Besides, Eren says he doesn't want to get married."

"Not to a woman," Hanji corrected. "But I'm sure he'd marry _you_ in a heartbeat."

Well, it wasn't as if he hadn't thought about it. But that was too much to hope for, wasn't it? Either away, he couldn't afford to think about that right now. This was Hanji's day, not his. And thankfully, the ceremony went off without a hitch. Petra looked absolutely beautiful, and Hanji was very handsome. All of their friends from the pub were there, cheering for them, happy for the fact that they could publicly get married to the person they loved in front of all of their friends and family, something many of them very much wished they could do. Either way, it was a sunny spot in the increasingly grey weather and a reason to celebrate in their otherwise mundane, boring lives. And thankfully, unlike Erwin and Armin, Hanji and Petra were planning on remaining here, in this town. Oh, they knew that there might be suspicion. People would wonder why Petra wasn't getting pregnant or why Hanji never grew a beard. But they had come this far living the lives they had, so they figured all they could do was keep moving forward.

Seeing their luck did give Levi hope though. Maybe Hanji had a point; maybe he and Eren should get married at the pub. After all, Grisha wanted Eren to get married so bad, didn't he? He laughed to himself a bit at the thought. Well, he'd certainly get his wish, it would just be like wishing on the monkey's paw.

The thought of being tied to Eren in whatever way he was able to though was certainly a fantasy he had had quite a few times. So maybe it would be worth it? It may or may not have been the reason he found himself stopping at jewelry stores on his way home looking for rings. However, most of them were way out of his out of his price range, so he was forced to drop the idea, at least until the hopefully brought in something cheaper. Why did all of these rings have diamonds in them? Did all women really want diamonds? Would they throw a fit or the ring just wouldn't be an engagement ring without them? It was ridiculous.

Ever since he and Eren had sex for the first time, they started sharing a bed at night more and more often. At first, it happened just because it was more convenient. Their trysts would mostly happen late at night after everyone went to bed, so by the time they were finished, they were too exhausted both from their activities and the late hour for either one of them to get up and return to their beds. Besides, it was immensely more comforting and cozy for them to sleep together.

Levi had never shared a bed with anyone before, and he learned quite a bit about himself and even more about Eren in the process. First of all, his boy was quite the loud snorer, sawing logs like a sawmill that just never stopped running. He also contorted himself into the oddest positions. Sometimes when Levi woke up, he'd see him with his ass in the air and his head down on the pillow, drooling with his hair all in his face. He had no idea how someone could sleep like that, but Eren always seemed to wake up rested, so who was he to judge? His boy was also very clinging, acting like a big dog. He had the whole giant bed, and yet he always wanted to be tucked up right behind Levi or in front of him, practically draping his large body over the top of Levi's smaller one.

Yet, Levi learned that he actually didn't mind, not at all. The constant pressure of his body meant that he wasn't alone, and he kept him warm as the nights began to grow colder. He knew he would certainly appreciate this during the winter. Yes, the dark still bothered him, but as long as he had Eren, and Prince, who often slept on the bed with them, it didn't frighten him nearly as much as it used to. The nights when he used to sleep with a handful of candles next to his bed, burning through the dark hours were a distant memory. Eren also told him that he had the cutest bedhead he had ever seen, and the sexiest morning stubble. He also liked to sleep on his front, and when he did, he let out the most adorable kitten snores Eren had ever heard. The boy often liked to kiss him awake because he just couldn't handle how sweet he looked laying there in his bed, all tucked in, blankets stopping just under his bare shoulders while his face was half obscured by the fluffy pillow. He was just too precious for his own good.

Usually one of them would leave the bed just as the sun began to get up so that no one would see them leaving the other's room, and this morning one chilly fall day was no different. That night they had slept in Levi's bed, and as Eren woke, he found that Levi was tucked right up against his chest, breathing warm, damp breaths against his skin. He was still deep in sleep, which was unusual. He was such an early riser as a rule. Poor thing, all the hard work he had been doing at the library ever since school started for the kids must have been taking a lot out of him. Since it was Sunday, he supposed he could let him sleep in; he deserved it. So, carefully, he extricated himself from the bed, placing a kiss in Levi's warm hair. He watched as the older man nuzzled a bit into the pillow Eren had just been laying on, searching for his scent even in his sleep and settling into that spot. It warmed Eren's heart to see it, and he very much wished he could crawl back into bed with him, or at least give him another kiss. But he was afraid he might wake him up with the latter, and the former wasn't a good idea if they wanted to stay a secret. So, with a great effort, he tore himself away and left the room in nothing but sleeping pants, before slipping into his room as quietly as he could.

He emerged a couple minutes later, fully dressed and his face washed. Levi still wasn't awake, but he was hungry, so he decided he would head to the kitchen for some breakfast now and maybe later bring some to his partner in bed. Levi would probably complain about getting crumbs in his sheets, but he would appreciate the gesture and with a few grumbles, thank him for the food and for the fact that he wouldn't have to get out of bed to eat.

With that idea in mind, he made his way to the kitchen with a spring in his step, whistling his and Levi's song. The smell of cinnamon greeted his nose when he arrived, and he was fully expecting some kind of cinnamon roll to be waiting there on the table. Perfect, he loved those, and he knew Levi did too, even if he didn't like to admit it.

However, he most certainly did not expect to see the looming figure of his father already seated at the table.

Seeing him there gave Eren pause. He was usually already long gone at this time, even on Sundays. So what was he doing here? The look he fixed Eren with when he heard him enter the room made it look like he had been sitting there waiting for him, and when he stood up and began walking over to him, he was sure of it.

"Heading into the office late today?" Eren asked.

Grisha ignored him, and the serious look on his face made the boy's heart skip a beat. Whatever he was going to say, he was not going to like it.

"Sit down, Eren," he commanded quietly. "You and I need to have a talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah. From here on out things are going to get serious.


	21. Our Fairytale Isn't Over Yet

Those few simple words chilled Eren right down to the bone, and a million horrible thoughts filled his head so fast that it made adrenaline flood his body. He froze in place, hardly daring to move. His father knew, didn't he? He knew about him and Levi and he was going to report them. They would be tossed in jail and their reputations would be ruined. He would never get his art out there and Levi would never get his book published. Then they would end up like poor Thomas, dead and forsaken on the side of the road. He debated on what he should do: leave, and head back to his room where he would lock the door so he wouldn't have to face this conversation? Or stay and face the music?

Quickly, he decided that it would look more suspicious if he left. Besides, there was always that small hope that his father didn't know and that he was going to talk about something completely different, like the fact that he still didn't have his lift together. Yes, perhaps this was just another lecture. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he did as he was asked, sitting down at the table. He decided at that moment though that if his father had indeed found out, it didn't matter. He would threaten him into silence, do whatever it took to keep himself and Levi safe. Squaring his shoulders, he looked his father in the eye, his own flaming defiantly.

Grisha wisely sat a couple chairs away from him, knowing how his son could get when he heard news that he didn't like. He had a tendency to lash out at whatever made him angry, and quite often that person was him. Folding his hands on the table, he said to Eren, "I know you haven't been looking for a girl to be your wife, though I've asked and asked you to. I've never seen you come here with any girls, none of my friends have seen you with any girls either. Even when I gave you a deadline, you made no efforts. Despite every threat I've implemented, you haven't changed."

Every single word just made Eren angrier and angrier. His hand on the table tightened into a fist, knuckles pushing against his skin. He was about to argue with him, to say that he didn't care about his threats, that he didn't have any control over him anymore. He was on the verge of making his own way in the world by following his passion, and he didn't need his father telling him how she should and shouldn't be living his life. But before he could say any of that, Grisha kept right on talking.

"However, no matter what you may think, and I know you're too young to realize this now, but your reputation is everything. An unmarried man without children won't be seen as trustworthy or have as good a character as a married man with children. A married man will have more job opportunities and will be able to climb higher in his company. I'm just looking out for your future. And since you seem bent on destroying your opportunities and your future, I'm making one last effort to save it, one last effort to make sure that you become a respectable citizen and not a hysterical madman like Carla. I know it's not December yet, but I've gone ahead and found a girl from a good family for you. You will meet her, court her, and then marry her, and this time it's not a suggestion; it's a command."

Eren bared his teeth in a snarl. He knew he should feel relieved that it appeared that his father hadn't figured out about his relationship between him and Levi, but he just couldn't, he was so blinded by his sudden rage. He growled, "Yes, you've told me hundreds of times why I need to get married, and hundreds of times I've told you that I won't. How many times do I need to say it before you get it through your thick skull? I'm twenty-one years old, not two. I'm old enough to know what I want in life, and those plans don't, nor will they ever include marriage. If I succeed or fail, that has nothing to do with you or your reputation. Now for the last time, drop it. If I ever hear you mention this again, I'll knock your teeth so far down your throat you'll be shitting them for months."

They stared each other down like a couple of angry alley cats, waiting for the other to look away first. However, they were two stubborn halves of the same whole, so they held each other's gaze for several seconds. Finally, Grisha broke the standoff, saying, "I tried to do this the easy way, but I don't know why I even bothered. We always have to do things the hard way with you, don't we?"

Eren scoffed. There was literally nothing his father could threaten him with, and he dared him with a smirk to take his best shot. However, he should have known better than to underestimate Grisha Jaeger.

"Your friend, Levi…" he began. "You two have become pretty close in the last year. I'd dare even say you're as close to him as you are Mikasa, aren't you?"

That was putting it mildly, Eren thought sarcastically, but he did not like where this was going, not at all. His heart thudded hard in his chest, trying to lodge itself in his throat, and before his father could say another word, he growled, "You leave him out of this. He has nothing to do with the conflict between you and me. He pays his rent here and behaves himself, as well as helps out here when he can. You have nothing on him that you can threaten him with anyway."

Grisha ignored him, knowing it was a desperate, scared attempt to keep him from speaking anymore. Besides, he absolutely had something he could threaten him with. "You're right. But I'm still within my right to kick him out of my home if I see fit. And from the way I see it, he's been a bad influence on you this whole time. He hasn't encouraged you to get a stable job or get married either. If he were any sort of friend, he would agree with me and tell you that you need to go back to school."

Eren shook his head, growing colder and colder with horror. Still, he bristled with defensive fury, almost shouting, "He's my friend _because _he encourages me to do the things I love. That's what friends do. You would know that if you had any. All you have are colleagues who stroke your ego and tell you it's not your fault that I act the way I do, that you're the perfect parent and I'm the problem."

"You're not helping your case any, Eren."

"I don't care! I'm sick of people seeing you as so fucking perfect while I'm this wild animal that's ruining your reputation. Why don't you tell them the truth? Tell them that you took my mother away from me and then took yourself away by burying yourself in your work so I've had to go looking for affection in other places, affection that you should be providing for me? That the thought of losing any more people that I care about scares me so bad that I can't function? All Mikasa and I have had for the past ten years. We've raised each other. Then my friends at the pub raised me, and now Levi is helping to shape me into the adult that I want to become. That was all your job, father. Don't go blaming me for your mistakes, not again."

Grisha shook his head at him, not acknowledging a thing he said. "You're responsible for your own reputation, Eren. You can't go blaming your parents for all of your problems. Now I'll say it again. You will meet with this girl, court her, and marry her. You do not have a choice. You will do this or I will throw Levi out of our home, and I will make sure that you never see him again. Do you understand? And don't go saying that I'm taking away someone else you care about again. You brought this on yourself. Those are your options, Eren. Take them or leave them."

He was serious about this. Eren ground his teeth, trying to cover up how frightened he was. This couldn't be happening. Okay, he didn't know about his and Levi's secret, but he knew his father absolutely had the power to make it so that he would never see his lover again. His father had a high standing in the community with connections everywhere. He could spread any number of rumors that he wanted and ruin Levi's life in any number of ways. He could make it so that Levi was fired from his job, banned from stores, and run out of town. People would believe anything his father said because he was a "nice guy" and no one would believe Levi because he was just a nobody, someone without family or many friends to fight for his honor.

The frustration burned in Eren's gut, welling up until it made tears sting his eyes. It just wasn't _fair. _He and Levi hadn't done anything to anyone. So why did they have to be punished like this? All he wanted to do his own thing, and he could see his dad's point of view, but this was getting out of hand. As much as Eren had always tried to run away from his father, and as much as he thought he was finally getting away from him, it turned out that he was no closer to being his own person than he was before he met Levi. Grisha still had complete control over him, and the realization of this fact made him feel sick.

"Well?" his father said expectantly. "You only have a minute to decide. You said you're an adult and you want to pick your own path? Here's your chance."

Eren made a strangled sound in his throat, fighting back tears, his throat burning. He could barely stand it. He looked from Grisha's shoes to the cinnamon bun that he had planned to bring for Levi. His innocent, lovely Doll. He couldn't imagine him surviving one day on the streets. His father was right; he was an adult now, which meant that he couldn't afford to be selfish. He had to think of others, and most importantly, he had to protect the person he loved the most.

And when he really thought about it, when he looked inside himself, he discovered that if it meant Levi could be kept safe, he would throw away his own wants and dreams in a heartbeat.

Eren swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut, unable to look his father in the eye as he ground out in a defeated voice, "Fine. I'll do it. I'll marry this girl and go back to school. You won, Grisha. I hope you're happy."

And with that, he stood up from the chair, pushing it aside so that it made a loud screech against the floor, and he stomping rapidly away from the table, just in time for his tears to finally fall.

From the kitchen, he made his way towards Mikasa's room, knowing that he couldn't be by himself right now, and he couldn't bear to tell Levi what was going on just yet. If the other man started crying because of what he said, he wouldn't be able to take it. So, at the moment, Mikasa was the best option. He burst into her room, uncaring whether or not she was awake. Thankfully at this point, she was, and dressed. She looked very surprised to see him, regarding him with wide eyes at the sound of her door creaking open and then Eren barreling in. She was even more shocked when he practically ran in and threw himself on her bed, dissolving into tears the second the door was shut and his face was buried in her blankets.

When his back started heaving on sobs, that was when her surprise changed to concern, and within moments she was racing over to the bed and sitting down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder, asking, "Eren? What's the matter?"

But Eren didn't answer her for several minutes, unable to stop crying long enough to get any words out. He just kept crying and crying, seemingly incapable of pulling himself together. It frightened Mikasa greatly, since, although Eren wasn't afraid to show his emotions and cried quite often when he was upset, it was never usually for this long or this hard. What could have happened to upset him so much?

After a few minutes of petting his hair and back and letting him know that she was there to talk when he was ready, he finally seemed to regain his senses a bit to explain to her what happened, telling her everything their father said word for word.

"He's a monster," he finished with, still scrubbing at his red eyes. "He wants to mold me into someone like into someone like him so that I don't become someone like mom. And he's using Levi as leverage because he knows he can't use you anymore now that you're with Benjamin and you'll have a stable future ahead of you. I didn't offer Levi to stay here just for Grisha to turn around and do this to him. He's done nothing wrong."

Mikasa hummed in agreement, and then added nonchalantly, "No, you offered Levi to stay here because you love him and didn't want to see him homeless on the streets or in a poorhouse."

Eren nearly leapt off the bed, a combination of icy, sickening shock and an incredible, unholy amount of terror coursing through him. He sat up abruptly, his expression morphing from shock into a glare, and he defending, "I'm not"-

"Eren, don't bother," she cut him off, not unkindly. "You're not exactly very good at hiding it. I'm actually surprised our father hasn't found out, though I think he suspects something. But I and even some of the staff know or suspect it. You two are always together, always close. I've seen you hold hands under the table, and I've seen you two leave the barn more than once wearing each other's ties. I've even heard you leave his room early in the morning sometimes. Trust me, you're not fooling anyone. Thankfully most of the staff is loyal to you because you've been so kind to them. But their loyalty will only stretch so far unfortunately because you're not the one writing their paychecks."

The boy had absolutely no idea how to react to that. This was it, he figured. All of his reckless activity and carelessness was finally coming back to bite him. She was right and he couldn't deny it. All he could do was bow his head and wait for her to say, "I think we need to get the police involved," and he could fight it all he wanted, but some of the other staff knew too and they'd be able to back her up. God, this day just kept getting worse and worse, didn't it? His world was crashing down around him. Tears sprung up in his eyes anew, and it was all he could do not to faint.

Instead, to his utter astonishment, she placed a hand on top of his head and ruffled his hair, just like she would do sometimes when they were little kids and he had done something she found cute. His eyes widened, even as tears continued to flow down his cheeks. He was just so completely shocked that he couldn't move, couldn't react. What was she doing?

"It's okay," she reassured him. "I've known for a while now. If I were going to tell anyone, I would have done it by now. I mean, I don't understand it and I think it's queer beyond imagination, but you're my brother and I don't want to see you in jail."

He sighed heavily, shaking his head, wiping at his eyes but leaning into her hand. "Mikasa you…" He couldn't articulate what he was feeling, not at all. So he settled on, "Thank you."

She patted his head and put her hand back down by her side, unsure of what to say next. So Eren decided to ask, "So, the reason you find it queer is because I'm in love with another man?"

"Well, is that not queer?"

"I suppose it is if you're not used to it. Levi thought so at first too."

"Wait…you didn't coerce him into this did you?"

Eren gave her an astonished look. "No! Of course not, you know me better than that! He's always known he fancied lads rather than women, just like I have. It's…I don't know how to explain it. You know how women know they want to marry a man? That just know from a young age that they find men desirable? I felt the same way. And so did Levi. And now we love each other as much as any husband and wife might. Two men are just as capable of loving each other deeply as a man and a woman."

She sighed, shaking her head, the confusion on her face showing him that she clearly didn't get it. But still, she said, "I still don't understand it, and I think it's unnatural, but because I love you and want you to be happy, I'll support you. And like I said before, I won't say anything to anyone."

Well, he figured that was about as good as he was going to get, and to be honest, it was far better of a result than he could have hoped for. Though he didn't appreciate some of her comments about his and Levi's love being unnatural, as they didn't see it that way, he knew he should just be thankful that she wasn't going to report him and leave it at that. So, he pulled her into a hug, and was grateful that she hugged him back.

"I appreciate it," he told her sincerely, "more than you know. You're a good sister, Mikasa. Better than many blood related sisters are to their brothers."

She didn't say anything in response to that, just continuing to hold him for a minute in silence, before she eventually said, "You need to be more careful though. At least, in the time you have left before you get married. I guess…enjoy the time you have left with Levi until then."

Oh heavens, Eren hadn't even considered that. His heart stuttered to a stop in his chest, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. He just hoped Mikasa didn't notice the change in his posture or demeanor; he didn't want to give anything away. She couldn't know just how terribly devoted he was to his boy, though he had a feeling she already suspected.

God, how was he going to explain this to Levi?

000

Later that morning, Eren's father told him that they were going to meet his bride to be that afternoon where they were going to talk a bit and get to know each other. It made Eren cringe inside to hear it, and even more so when he agreed to do so without a fight.

And he still hadn't told Levi what was going on.

That breakfast was certainly an awkward one, and he absolutely hated the fact that he didn't allow himself to sit next to his lover when he eventually came down to eat, yawning and bedhead out of control. He was so cute that Eren could barely take it, and all he wanted to do was ruffle it up more. But of course he held himself back, keeping his gaze straight ahead and hardly acknowledging Levi's presence in the room at all. He had to convince his father fully that he was going to do as he said so as not to jeopardize Levi's living situation in any way. Out of the corner of his eye though, he swore he could see the other man's smile drop just a bit when he didn't receive his usual hello from his boy when he sat down at the table, and it absolutely killed Eren to see it.

This was going to be so much harder than he thought.

It wasn't until after they left the table, Eren waiting several minutes after Levi got up and left to leave himself, that he caught up to him and swiftly pulled him into his room, shutting the door behind them. He even locked it for good measure. Upon seeing this, Levi smirked a bit, misinterpreting what was going on.

"You're certainly getting bold, Aurora," he said as Eren walked quickly over towards him. "It's the middle of the day, you know. Anyone could hear us in"-

He didn't get to finish his sentence though, as he was cut off abruptly by his boy pulling him into a hard embrace, practically making his spine crack. The air was pushed out of Levi's lungs with an "oof," and he froze up, wondering what was going on. The embrace was so desperate, frighteningly so, and if that wasn't worrisome enough, then the harsh, shaking breaths next to his ear definitely were.

He blinked in surprise over his shoulder, hands hovering over his back for a moment before he hugged him back, wondering what on Earth was going on. "Eren? What's wrong?"

At his innocent question, Eren just squeezed him tighter, cupping the back of his head. He found himself bursting into tears all over again; what was wrong with him today? He couldn't remember crying this much in a long time. He found himself babbling, "It's bad Levi. Everything is so bad. It's all…I'm _sorry."_

Levi felt ice forming in his veins, making all of his limbs feel cold and numb. He wriggled in his hold and pushed away from him. "Eren," he asked seriously, reaching up and cupping his face in his hands, "Eren does…does someone know? Did someone find out about us?"

The boy sniffed, taking hold of both of his hands with his own, rubbing his knuckles. "Well, yes and no. Here let's- let's sit on the bed. I'll tell you what's going on."

Stunned, Levi let himself be led over to the bed where they sat down on the edge. Eren kept holding onto his hands, stroking his knuckles, but he couldn't meet his eyes. He looked so ashamed, but of what? What could he have done since this morning that warranted such shame and sadness? He tried to dip his head so that he could look him in the eye, but Eren wouldn't lift his head in response. It was so disheartening to see.

Eventually, the boy explained what his father wanted him to do in a low, distant voice, as if he wasn't fully present. The more he kept talking though, the more Levi found himself dying inside, feeling sicker and sicker with every word he said.

"So it looks like he doesn't know for sure, but Mikasa does," Eren finished. When Levi's eyes widened, he assured him, "It's alright…though she doesn't understand our relationship, she supports us and she said she won't tell anyone, and I believe her. I've never known her to lie about anything serious like that."

For several beats, Levi didn't say anything. It was a lot to take in after all. There was sweat prickling uncomfortably on his back and he still felt like he was going to throw up. When he could finally form thoughts again, his first words were, "I'm sorry that you're being put through this, Eren. It's all my fault, and if you want, I could move out. I'm sure if I wasn't here, your father wouldn't be"-

"Now stop right there," Eren told him firmly. "This is absolutely not your fault. My father has been looking for a way to blackmail me into doing what he wants for years. If he hadn't used you, he would have used Mikasa, or someone else close to me. He knows I care about other people more than I care about myself."

Levi sighed, stopping himself from saying anything else. He didn't want to argue with him, and he supposed what he was saying was true. Grisha was just that kind of person. Instead, he asked in a small voice, "So he's taking you to meet this girl this afternoon. Has he at least told you anything about her?"

Eren shrugged. "Just that her name is Emma Hayes and she belongs to a family well-bred northerners that have lived here ever since the colonial days. Their family is made up old money and they're very respectable, though I guess her father is a colleague of my father's in the next town over, the one Erwin and Armin are moving to. Other than that, well, I guess I'm going to find out more today."

He wilted further in front of Levi's eyes, bowing until his head was almost in his lap. The older man placed a hand on his head, working tangles out of his long hair, and the gentle touch just undid Eren further. He found himself saying with despair, "I just don't know what I'm going to do. I know I have to do this, but I- I'm betraying you while I do it. And Mikasa brought up that we won't be able to be together anymore once I'm married and- _God Levi, _I just can't."

He choked up, the rest of his words dying in his throat. Levi felt more of his warm tears dripping onto his lap, and his own eyes stung. This just wasn't fair, and he knew he could think that as much as he wanted but it wasn't going to help anything.

This was reality for people like them. They had known this from the very beginning. After all, most of the people at the pub were married. To think they could escape such a fate was naïve, and truthfully they should could themselves lucky that they had been able to get away with their relationship this long. But all good things had to come to an end, didn't they? Everyone had to wake up from their dreams eventually, and then at some point those dreams would fade away. He stroked Eren's hair, a sorrowful but accepting smile on his face.

"It'll be okay," he murmured. "You know as well as I do that in order for you stay safe and for people not to get suspicious, it's better if you get married. No matter what, you know I'll always love you, even if I have to do so from a distance. You'll always be my Aurora, and even if- even if you're sharing your bed with someone else and telling someone else that you love them, that'll never change, and it'll never change how I feel about you."

Far from comforting him, his words made the boy sob harder, his shoulders heaving. He pushed his head against Levi's chest, and without hesitation, the older man held it there, shushing and murmuring in his ear, "Shh, it's alright. We'll get through this. No matter what, I'll always be by your side, supporting you."

"_Levi," _Eren cried, "I…I'm not strong enough…"

"What?" he asked, wanting to know what he meant by that.

The boy straightened up, looking Levi directly in the eye. God, his face was full of so much pain that it tore the older man's heart to shreds. His cheeks were streaked with tears and his nose was running. His eyes were bloodshot as well, and Levi couldn't take it anymore. He reached up and wiped away at his tears with his sleeve. Eren shivered, and said, "I'm not strong enough to stay away from you. Not even at the prospect of being married to someone else. I refuse to wake up from this fairytale we've been living, alright? We'll just have to change how the story goes a bit, but I'm not going to give up. You're my precious prince, and no one else will be able to replace you."

Levi could barely believe what he was hearing. So Eren would be willing to be unfaithful to his future wife so that he could still be with him? That was so vile, so morally wrong, so low and wrong to someone who had done nothing wrong.

And yet Levi couldn't bring himself to tell him so, because it was everything he wanted to hear. When he looked deep inside, he found that he too was pitifully weak, too weak to stay away from Eren either. His boy was the most important thing in his life, and if he was forced to give him up, he was sure he would go right back to what he was before he met him; an anxious, lonely mess who retreated to his room and never came out because the darkness underneath his blankets was preferable to the real world. The very thought horrified him, and it just made him hold onto Eren tighter.

"I can't stay away from you either," he found himself admitting. "I-I'm sorry. I know I should say differently, but I'm too weak. I need you, Eren. You're everything to me."

For some reason, Eren felt a somewhat hysterical bubble of laughter well up in his chest and release itself. It was congested and sounded awful, but it was still laughter. And through it, he kissed Levi briefly, and told him, "We're both horrible. The lowest of the low."

Levi nodded in agreement, and found himself laughing as well.

Suddenly, Eren got an idea. "Wait…before I get married to this girl, maybe you and I should get married."

Levi looked taken aback, his eyes round and huge. "W-What?"

Excited now, Eren sniffed and wiped at his nose, continuing, "Yeah. Yeah, you and I should get married. At the pub, in front of our friends. They could get things set up for us. I could get some rings made…that way when I got married to Emma, it would be nulled because I would already be married. And then someday, when I'm making lots of money from my art, after I get that beach house I promise you made, you and I can run away from here. We can run away somewhere where no one can find us, somewhere we can be together. There's still hope for us, Levi. We can do this."

The older man couldn't believe what he was hearing. It sounded too good to be true, far too good. But then again, pretty much everything Eren told him always seemed too good to be true, and then he made it happen. So maybe, as fantastic as this sounded, he could make this happen as well? In the wake of their lives crumbling down around them, he had to cling to any shred of hope that was thrown his way. And if Eren said he could make it work, he would believe him.

"Yes," Levi found himself agreeing, growing more and more eager the more he thought about it. Excitedly, he nodded, taking Eren's face in his hands and kissing him, "Yes, yes. Of course I'll marry you. And I'll hold you to that. You're right Eren. Our fairytale isn't over yet."


	22. Two Weddings

He was getting married.

No matter how many times Levi turned those words over in his head, he still couldn't believe them. Never in his life did he ever imagine that he'd ever be getting married. At the most, if people's tongues started wagging, he figured he might try and push down his inverted desires and get married to a woman, have a family, that sort of thing so that he could portray a mask of normalcy. But that would only be if he really had to. In truth he had planned on staying alone forever so that he wouldn't have to put himself through that, knowing he'd never be able to be happy with a woman, and he wouldn't be able to get married to a man.

He was still absolutely blown away that he was, in fact, defying all logic and all the hopes his younger self had had. He was not only getting married, but to a man, a wonderful man that he loved with his whole heart. Alright, it wouldn't be in an actual church and no one in Eren's family would see it, but their friends at the pub would. And at the moment, they were closer to Levi and more accepting than anyone in his or Eren's family ever would be. So maybe it was okay that they were the only ones who would be there to witness it.

He and Eren hadn't wanted to waste any time, since Eren's father was pushing for him to get married within a couple months. And oh, his poor boy, he felt so awful for him. Yes, he was completely focused on his and Levi's upcoming wedding, putting in a special order for rings for the two of them, but he was also forced to focus on forming a relationship with this woman Grisha had picked out for him.

Levi had met Eren's bride to be, Emma quite a few times in just a few short weeks, on account of he kept bringing her back to his home as many times as he went and visited her at hers. Every time he saw her, he had to remind himself that she was innocent in this whole mess, that she had no idea of what was really going on between him and Eren. There was no reason to hate her or be jealous. And really, she was a very nice girl. Levi was introduced as Eren's good friend, so she was of course determined to get along with him. She was always nice and polite, baking for them and sharing with him and Mikasa. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone, and clearly the more time she spent with Eren, the more she saw what Levi already knew, that he was a wonderful young man with a huge heart and an altruistic nature. She was also quite pretty with her auburn hair and freckles, only made prettier by just how good her heart was, and how soft spoken she was. She loved Eren's dogs and let them crawl all in her lap and play in her skirts. Really, if Levi had to pick a woman for Eren to be with, he might have picked her too.

But knowing that she was so kind to his boy didn't make it any easier to watch them walk around the gardens, arm in arm, chatting amiably. The same gardens that Eren had confessed his love to him in. Or to see them giggling over lunch, or to see her snuggling up to him on the couch while he wrapped an arm around her waist.

Or, worst of all, to hear her say to Eren that she was falling in love with him, and then to hear him reply back, "I'm falling in love with you too."

Levi told himself that it had to be this way, that Eren didn't really love her. He was doing this to survive, to protect Levi. He had to stop being ridiculous, to stamp down those feelings of jealousy whenever they rose up, because they were unfounded and weren't doing anyone any good.

There was one bright spot after all these occasions spent with Emma though. Every time Eren came home from them, he would make a beeline for Levi, push him into a dark corner or closet, or even into one of their rooms, and the second they were out of sight or earshot of anyone else, he would pull Levi in for a desperate kiss, holding him as close as he possibly could. And Levi would kiss back with his whole body, wanting all of Eren all at once, frantically trying to reclaim his boy for himself.

"Oh thank God you're here," Eren breathed against his neck. "Please, put your hands on me. I need to replace her touch with yours. I'm so sorry I have to do this to you. It kills me to show affection to someone else, you know. I love you so much, Doll."

And Levi would arch into the touch, eagerly doing as he was asked, letting his hands roam all over Eren's body. He knew that this was the real Eren, this one that loved him, rather than the one who told Emma that he loved her. He _knew _that, and yet having these physical reminders and hearing his words were crucial for his sanity. His heart felt like it was the verge of breaking every day, and only Eren could keep it together.

Of course Eren loved him. They were going to get married before he and Emma were going to.

So, once the rings were finally ready, they set the marriage for a day that Eren would be free from any obligations towards his fiancé so he could focus his entire attention on his Doll. He must have been feeling extra guilty lately, because that entire day before the wedding, he was so very affectionate towards Levi, kissing him and holding him and nuzzling him like an overly zealous cat. Every time he could, he whispered words of love and devotion against his lips or his skin, telling him how excited he was to tie himself to Levi forever.

"It's going to be a beautiful wedding," Eren promised.

"It will be as long as Hanji isn't in charge of the decorating again," he agreed.

Hanji was in charge of the decorating again. But this time it was clear there was more time for the preparation. So, when Levi got a peek at the pub's back room, where they usually met anyway and where Erwin and Armin got married, he could see that most of the decorations matched. They were a combination of green and gray with some white interspersed, green for Eren, gray for Levi, and white for the wedding itself. He could see a little cake that he was told Petra had baked, and it was so cute that he couldn't stand it. However, he wasn't allowed to look at it for too long, as he was whisked to a back bathroom by Hanji.

"I'm here to help you change," she explained quickly. "I went ahead and chose this suit from your closet so it'd be a surprise for Eren. Chose a suit for him too." She thrust a suit out towards him, one that Levi swore he hadn't seen before. Where did she even find this?

"You creep," he said, though he was only half-joking.

She insisted, "You'll thank me later when Eren's jaw drops when you walk down that aisle."

He sighed with exacerbation, taking the offered suit. "Just turn around while I change, will you?"

"Oh come on, we're all men here," she teased. "I'm just a better man because when I get kicked in the cock lane it doesn't hurt."

"Yeah, but if I punched you in the face you would bleed the same way a man would."

Hanji snickered, but did as she was asked, turning around and facing the opposite wall. Her job now it seemed was to watch the door to make sure that Eren didn't try and sneak in for a peek at his future beau's lovely outfit, and to catch the bits of discarded clothing that Levi threw at her.

And, of course, to act as a heater for Levi's cold feet.

"Why am I even bothering though, Hanji?" he was muttering. "No one will know that we're married except for all of us here. It won't stop Eren's actual wedding. It won't stop the pain that we're both going to have to go through."

She sighed. It had broken her heart when she heard that Eren was engaged to marry a woman, but she wasn't surprised, of course. She knew Levi was hurting a lot more than she was. Hanji thought about it for a minute, before saying, "I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I can give advice based on what I've seen the other men and women going through here. That pain will become a part of normal, everyday life, and soon enough, you'll learn how to cope with it until it fades. You just learn how to deal with this new part of your life, and you'll develop a new routine. You already know that Eren is doing this for survival, so you're learning how to get rid of your jealousy, and accepting your role as the 'side lover.' But as long as you remember that Eren loves you enough to do what he's doing for you, then it'll be okay."

Levi's shoulders rose and fell with a sigh. He knew she was right. It was going to hurt, and almost nothing in the world was going to make it better, except for Eren's reassurance that he loved him. But if he made him tell him that too much, then he might be seen as too needy or clingy. He had to get ahold of himself if this was going to work in any way. He had to trust that Eren loved him and only him.

Luckily for him, trusting Eren was something he was very good at. And he knew that all he could do was take it one day at a time, that every day it would get easier. As long as he was the one that Eren returned to at the end of the day, he wouldn't complain.

"Well, I think I'm good," he said after a minute.

Hanji turned around, and pressed a hand over her chest when she saw what he looked like. She had picked out a dark gray suit for him, one with bright, white gold buttons. The vest underneath the suit was black, hugging his torso nicely, and so was the tie. In his pocket already was the silver watch that Eren had given him, the chain sparkling at his hip. He was even given a pair of black gloves that stopped right before his wrists, like the riding gloves Eren had. They were tight, but allowed him to grip things with no problem. He stood there awkwardly, looking down at himself so that he didn't have to look at Hanji's watery eyes, her hands clasped in front of her.

"Aren't you the most precious, handsome thing I ever did see," she gushed. "My baby has grown up and is getting married to the man of his dreams. I'm so proud of you."

She crossed the distance between them and hugged him tightly, so tightly that he swore he could feel his ribs cracking and his feet leaving the ground as she lifted him up. He released a strangled groan and wheezed, "Alright, alright. You're going to wrinkle my suit, you big oaf. Put me down."

Hanji complied, smoothing down his suit and fixing his tie. To his utter horror, she also licked her palm and flattened down his hair. The second her hand touched his head, he snarled and zipped out from underneath her palm, batting it away. She laughed, and at that moment, she heard the piano keys clanging a few times, which was meant to both quiet everyone in the room down and serve as a signal for Levi that the wedding was going to start soon. His heart began to hammer, and his palms went clammy. He looked up at Hanji, searching for reassurance, and thankfully she gave it to him.

"You'll be fine," she said gently. "If I could make it through my wedding, this will be a piece of cake for you. And then when it's over you can have some of the actual cake my lovely wife made. And you better like it or I'll shove the gramophone in the parlor over your head and make you wear it home."

Well then. He didn't have anything to say about that. But he was sure he was going to love it. So, he let Hanji guide him towards the doors into the back room, both of them waiting for the signal. Hanji offered him one last look of reassurance, before the wedding march started.

Levi's throat went dry, but he was actually oddly calm, and he only became calmer when the doors were opened by Connie and Sasha. Their smiling faces and Sasha's giggling was a speck of normalcy amidst the chaos in his heart. So were all the happy faces of all their friends, all sitting in their leather chairs and couches, all turned towards the front of the room. A few long carpets were laid one in front of the other to create a path towards a makeshift archway. There were a couple bridesmaids, Petra, Annie, Christa and Ymir, on one side of the archway, all of them holding one of Eren's beloved Westies instead of flowers. Jean, Marco, Eld, Gunter and Auruo were on the other side as groomsmen. And of course standing there waiting for him was Eren, holding Prince on his leash.

Oh, his boy was breathtaking. He was always breathtaking to Levi of course, but this time, he was even more so than usual. His suit was white, something Levi had seen only rarely, and it looked absolutely amazing on him. His waistcoat underneath it was a pale pink with some embroidery, while his buttons were silver. Even Prince had a cute little bowtie on his collar, and when he saw Levi at the end of the hallway, his tail began wagging and he stood up from his sitting position. His excitement was only matched by Eren's, whose eyes lit up in the same fashion as the dog's. Even from there, he could see a light, pretty flush on his face as his eyes roamed up and down Levi's body, clearly approving. Of course, he was having the same thoughts about him that Levi was having about Eren.

_Heartbreakingly beautiful._

He had to remind himself that he had to walk towards him, that he couldn't just keep standing there and staring at him, as much as he could sit there and do that forever. Hanji pulled him forward gently, and he followed her willingly. They were walking too slowly and yet far too fast all at once. It was so surreal; sound seemed to be muffled, he could barely feel Hanji's arm in his, and his vision narrowed completely so that all he could see was his boy. He felt practically sick with elation. What kind of expression was he making? Was it completely ridiculous? Why was he not saying anything to him? Should he say something at all? Was he ever going to make it to-

Oh God he was already there, standing front of Eren. When had that happened? He must have blacked out for a minute. The boy was smiling down at him, brighter than the sun. His hair had been pulled back into a low ponytail, all slick and smooth, so unusual for him. He usually just let it hang wild around his face. He was trying hard to look nice for him and it was so cute. He took Levi's hands and held them between them, while Hanji scooted around and stood under the archway so she could officiate the ceremony. She spared a look to Petra, who was holding Malcolm, and took his paw, making it so that he waved at her. Hanji smiled in response, and began.

It was the standard, "We are gathered here today," speech, and truth be told neither Eren nor Levi heard most of it. Eren was too fixated on his partner and holding Prince in place to really listen. His dog kept jumping up between them, wanting attention, until Levi finally picked him up held him to his chest. Once there, the dog calmed down and settled in, panting as he looked at everyone in the room. People cooed over how cute he was and how obviously happy he was to be there.

It wasn't until Hanji prompted Eren to bring out the rings that Levi snapped back to himself. He had to admit, he was curious as to how the boy could possibly have altered the rings in any way. He certainly didn't have to; as far as he knew they were just plain bands, and he knew Levi would have been fine with that. So what could he have possible added to them?

He got his answer when Eren pulled the rings out of his breast pocket, both of them a burnished gold attached to very thin silver chains. He gave one to Levi, and he knew that this was the one he was meant to give to Eren in turn. However, upon looking closer at the ring, he noticed that there was something engraved on the inside of the ring. Squinting his eyes, he read it.

And then froze in place when he realized what it said.

_Once upon a dream._

He gasped quietly, so quietly that only Eren and Prince heard him, the latter turning his head toward him and licking his nose at the sound. Eren grinned hugely when he saw his reaction. When Hanji finished speaking, he carefully took his ring, and instead of putting it on his finger, he put it over his neck.

"I, um, I figured rings on chains would be more suited for our needs," Eren began awkwardly. "That is, we obviously wouldn't be able to wear them on our fingers. I wish we could. I wish we could show our love to everyone in the world. But I figured if we wore them around our necks, we could still wear them everywhere under our clothes, and at least we would know they're there. And every time we look at them, we'll remember how much we love each other."

He took a deep breath, and continued, looking Levi right in the eye, "And I mean that, Levi. I love you, more than anything in the world. I know things for us from here on out aren't going to be easy, but I want you to remember that I'll be loyal to you and love you first, as long as we live. You were the one who gave life to my art, who convinced me to follow my true passion and to do whatever makes me happy. And I mean it when I say this is the happiest I've been in years. Ever since my mom passed away, I've been miserable. And the night I met you, ever since then, I've been able to see the light again. I've been able to look at each new sunrise and wake up most mornings excited about what I'm going to do that day, how I'm going to further my career, and how I'm going to show you that I love you. In spite of my worries and insecurities, my bad days and my outbursts, by some miracle you've stayed by my side and told me that you love me back. You've become my Doll, my prince, my Snow White and so much more. You told me once that you felt like you met me once upon a dream years before we met, and I feel the same way. So I can't wait to keep living out our dreams together, until the day we move onto the next world."

At the end of his speech, Levi was crying freely, wiping his tears in Prince's hair and sniffling hard. Eren really was going to break his heart and send him to an early grave with declarations like these. He knew his boy had told him things like this before, and he knew he didn't lie to him, but he supposed it took on a whole new meaning when he said these things in front of their friends. That was the moment he figured it out.

He didn't have anything to worry about.

It didn't matter what happened from here on out. No matter what Eren and Emma did together, Eren had chosen Levi first, and would be loyal to him first. He was marrying Levi because he chose him, but he was marrying this girl because his father had chosen him, and that made a world of difference. One way or another, things were going to be okay.

Oh no. Now it was his turn to give Eren _his _ring.

Levi felt cold all over, and his legs began to shake. This was silly though; it was just Eren. Whatever he said, no matter how stupid it was, his boy would love it, or laugh with him about it. He was just talking to his best friend, that was all. Prince seemed to agree with him, because he turned again in Levi's hold and began kissing his face, trying to encourage him. So, holding his dog with one hand, with the other he draped the chain over Eren's head, his boy having to bend over a bit while Levi stood up on his toes. The older man stepped a bit closer to him, swallowed hard, and then began his speech.

"Shit, I have no idea how to begin." He blushed to the roots of his hair. "Well that was a terrible start."

A few of their friends laughed, and for some reason, that made him feel better. That's right, their friends. It was okay. He was just saying this stuff in front of their friends. It didn't matter if he made a fool of himself now, because he often made a fool of himself in front of them. So, he kept going.

"Well, anyway. I guess I could go on and on about all the things you've done for me since I've met you, but you already know. You already know what a sad case I was when you first found me. I never left home, didn't even have any motivation to go out and make friends. My story was trapped in my head and I didn't have a hope of putting it down on paper. I had almost no one and was going nowhere, and I didn't even want to admit back then that I was an invert. I was scared of who I was, and that's a horrible situation to be in. Then you came along, with your smile and your dogs and childish ambitions and thoughts. Who knew that that was exactly what I needed? Heh, if someone had told me a year ago that the love of my life was going to be not only a man, but a man who squealed like a child whenever he saw the circus was in town, who got me to socialize with all sorts of individuals who engaged in all kinds of scandalous behaviors and who told me that not only would I write my book but that it had promise of getting published, I would have slapped them in the face and told them to check themselves into a mental institution. I just could never imagine me being in love, let alone with someone like that. I don't think you've changed me Eren, but you've definitely brought out the best parts of me, parts I didn't even know existed. When I'm with you, I feel warm, I smile, and I'm beyond happy, all impossible things. You're an absolute miracle worker, Eren Jaeger. No matter how impossible the things you tell me we're going to do seem to be, you always find a way to make them happen. You're my own personal fairytale, my dream, and my Aurora. I love you more than words can say, and no matter what, I'll remain loyal to you and live for you. I can't wait to see where life takes us."

He could believe he had said so much. Where had that even come from? The only explanation he had was from his heart. With shaking hands, he put the chain over Eren's neck, the boy accepting it with a giant smile. He practically wiggled in place, anticipating what Hanji was going to have them do next, already so excited he could barely stand it.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband," she said happily, taking a step back. "Go ahead and kiss your beau, Eren, before you burst a blood vessel."

Well he didn't need to be told twice. He practically lunged forward, taking Levi's face in his hands and kissing him hard. Levi kissed him back, keeping his hold on Prince, who was practically smushed between their chests. Everyone clapped, some of them wolf whistling at just how enthusiastic the kiss was, Eren almost pushing Levi backward, only stopping himself so that he didn't drop his dog. At all the noise, Eren's other dogs began barking, wondering where the fire was. It made the bridesmaids who were holding them laugh and struggle to keep their grip on them.

It wasn't a big wedding, and it would never be officially recognized. Eren almost knocked Levi backward and Levi had almost thrown up standing up there so many times. But it was beyond perfect, and when the older man looked deep inside, he knew he wouldn't have had it any other way.

000

The second time Eren got married, Levi was present as well.

It was about a month afterwards, Grisha of course pushing them to do so, to fix what he saw as a "problem" as quickly as possible. If only Levi could tell him it was far too late for that. Even if they hadn't slept together several times before they got married, they certainly had a passionate wedding night. A wedding night that had involved lots of candles, a plush comforter, more leather restraints, and Levi coming multiple times in a row. He had had to have a cloth shoved in his mouth because he had been screaming and crying so much from the sheer pleasure of it all, and Eren had come just from pleasuring him without even being touched.

Eren had told Levi that he didn't have to be at his wedding if he didn't want to. He had said, "I don't want to put you through that. I know how much it's going to hurt you, because it's going to hurt me just as bad."

But to his surprise, Levi had just shaken his head, placed a hand on his chest, and said, "I'd rather be there with you for that very reason. If you were hurting by yourself, I couldn't bear that. I made a promise when you gave me this ring that I'd be with you in good times and in bad, and I'm not going to break that promise. Besides, wouldn't it look odd if the groom's best friend wasn't at his wedding? Everyone might be suspicious, and people are becoming suspicious enough."

He supposed he was right about that, as much as he hated to admit it. He had sighed, and said, slightly defeated. "Well, I suppose then since you can't be my groom again, I'll put you as close to me as I can and make you my best man."

Levi figured that was about the most they could hope for. So, he accepted, and added with a slight laugh, "Too bad you can't have your dogs at this wedding too. They're much cuter than bouquets."

Eren had agreed wholeheartedly.

On his second wedding day, Levi had thought that he looked just as beautiful as he had on his first. He wore a different suit this time though. Levi wore the same one, dressing for his boy, as always. As Eren waited for his new bride in front of the church, he chanced a quick glance at his best man, and saw that he once again had his watch in his pocket. And though he was dressed up to neck, Eren could still see the glint of his chain when he moved certain ways. As he waited for his bride, he placed a hand over his chest, right where his own ring lay. And Levi knew he was telling him without words that he loved him, right in the face of his own family, and the woman he was being forced to marry. But it was disguised as the gesture of a man who was moved so much by the beauty of his future wife that he had to keep his heart inside his chest.

Once again, Eren took the hands of the person across from him while a priest spoke over them, tying the two of them together for life. And once more, Levi didn't listen to a word, because though this wedding was official, it didn't mean anything. Eren was right; it was null, because his boy was already married.

He took a deep breath and shut his eyes, placing his hand over his heart as well, feeling the solid warmth of the ring against his breast. He told himself once again; Grisha chose Emma, but Eren chose him.

And when he kissed her to cheers and clapping from the congregation, yes, Levi's heart stung. It hurt seeing his boy lay his lips upon another. It hurt knowing that tonight, he was going to have to listen to them consummating their marriage. He was going to have to hear his boy expressing pleasure as he made love to another. And it was going to kill him to listen to it.

But as long as he had this ring, and Eren's promise of a new life, he would keep his hope. Because at the moment, it was all he had.


	23. The Most Important Person In My Life

Levi knew it was going to be hard for him on Eren's wedding night, especially considering their rooms were right next to each other and he was going to have to hear everything. When they came home from the boy's wedding later that evening, as much as he wanted to pull him into his arms and reclaim him as his own, he had to let Eren take Emma to his room and shut the door. He had to hear the click of the lock as the key was turned, shutting the world out. Levi hated himself for lingering outside of his own door for a minute, like a sad dog waiting for his master to come out of his room. And like a sad dog he had the desire for Eren to return to him and cover him in affection.

But his affection wasn't reserved for just him anymore.

The older man sighed. He needed to grow up. This is what Eren had to do. It wasn't all about them and their wants anymore. So, he forced himself to go about his nightly routine.

Alone.

He fed Prince, who was overjoyed to see him of course, hopping all over him and nipping at his sleeves. He felt bad since it was too late to walk him, but he promised to take him on a walk tomorrow bright and early before work. And he figured that was the most he could do at the moment to help keep himself sane, to distract himself with work and taking care of his dog, things that were normal.

He hopped into bed as soon as he had washed and changed, suddenly feeling too drained to stay awake anymore. Prince hopped in with him, laying next to his lap and curling up in a tight ball. Levi just prayed he fell asleep long before Eren and Emma did.

Sadly that wasn't the case.

It wasn't…as horrible as he thought. He truthfully didn't hear too much, but what he did hear made him cringe and kept him sadly awake. Once in a while he heard a soft gasp from Emma, or Eren's name on her lips. She had to be nervous, of course, since unlike her new husband she was a virgin and had no idea what she was doing. But in a way, Eren was a virgin all over again too, because he had never had sex with a woman before.

Levi swallowed down the burning jealousy in his gut, knowing that she was seeing his boy's beautiful, bare body instead of him. She was seeing Eren's face twisted in pleasure, hearing his soft voice speaking to her in that special way. Those were things reserved for him and Levi, and them alone. The way the moonlight frosted across Eren's ribs, the kind sparkle in his eyes as he looked down at him, the way his hands slid down Levi's body before wrapping around him in a tender embrace…she wasn't allowed to have those things.

When he heard Eren give a little cry of pleasure, he felt tears spring unbidden to his eyes. He covered his head with his blankets, hiding his shame. He knew this was just the start of things to come, that he had to get used to this. But for now it hurt. He felt abandoned and exhausted already.

How was he going to survive fifty or so more years of this?

The next morning at the breakfast table wasn't any less awkward for Levi. Eren and Emma came down to eat together, looking completely normal, but of course everyone knew what they had been up to the night before. Mikasa, who was sitting next to Levi, in the place Eren normally sat, casually patted his shoulder, but he understood the action for what it was. She was trying to comfort him as best she could, and he appreciated it. Eren completely ignored him, lavishing attention on his new bride, the two of them giggling back and forth, Eren whispering something to her that made her turn beet red and slap his shoulder playfully and say, "Stop it!"

Levi turned to his eggs, his throat feeling completely dry as he took a bite and swallowed them.

He tried not to look at his boy for the entire meal, knowing that if he did he might burst into tears again. And since not only was Eren's father sitting with him, but Emma's parents and siblings as well, that would not be a good idea. The only comfort he had besides Mikasa's knowing, solid presence was the dogs trotting around their ankles, looking for scraps.

He sat there in miserable silence until, at one point, Prince actually tried begging from Emma's father, and the man spoke harshly to him.

"Get down!" he growled when Prince stood up innocently, putting his front feet on the man's thigh. The man slapped his paws, and Prince backed up, looking bewildered.

Levi immediately bristled, opening his mouth to tell him off for daring to touch his dog in such a way. But to his amazement, before he could, Eren leapt up, his chair screeching against the floor as it was pushed back by the movement. He was snarling and he was glaring daggers at his new father in law.

"Don't you dare!" Eren shouted. "You don't lay your hands on an animal in anger like that! Especially not that one, he's a hero! He saved the life of my best friend, and if you hurt him again, I'll do whatever you do to him, tenfold!"

Well, the man certainly looked shocked at that. Emma pulled Eren down by the back of his shirt, telling him to calm down, that her father wouldn't do anything like that again. Eren kept seething, but did as he was told, staying quiet, but stabbing at his breakfast now with his fork.

It was all Levi could do not to smile, but he managed it, though not without great difficulty. No, Eren couldn't speak about his love for him in company like this, but he could express his love in other ways. Prince wasn't even his dog, but he knew how much he meant to Levi, and therefore would defend him and talk about how amazing he was, in place of his owner.

Emma's father kept giving Eren nasty glances, and he swore he heard him mumble to his own wife, "I fear for our daughter's future if she's married to that brute."

But Levi kept his mouth shut, though he dearly wanted to leap across the table and strangle him. Eren would never hurt Emma, that he was sure of. He was only violent towards people that deserved it. And he knew he would never hurt Emma because he had never hurt him; he would sooner hurt himself.

His boy was wasted on this family.

Hanji was right though. Only time was going to heal these wounds. Time, and a strong constitution. So Levi let time flow, let fall pass into winter, and let himself settle into this new reality, this new day to day life in the Jaeger household.

Eren enrolled in classes at the medical school his father went to that autumn, and started attending there in the mornings so he could work in the afternoon. His work now consisted strictly of pest control. To Levi's great sadness, there was never any new art in his studio anymore when he checked. He understood why though. His boy was just so exhausted from the combination of both school and work, as well as the extra-curricular work that school made him do. After a long day, he would collapse into bed many hours after Levi came home from work without saying a word to him. Any words he would spare in his half-awake state were usually reserved for either his father or his wife. Any attention he had within him to give was for Emma because it was his duty, and it was in turn her duty to take care of him.

Levi busied himself with work as best he could. When he came home, he was still greeted by his dog, as well as Eren's. Anymore, because Eren was so busy, without being asked, Levi took it upon himself to look after them, especially since no one else knew their routine like he and Eren did. But he found that he missed Eren's kisses of greeting when he walked in.

However, that was just the beginning of it.

There was a huge hole missing in Levi's life, now that Eren was absent from it. It was gaping, oozing, and all the work in the world couldn't heal it. He was beginning to feel like how he did before he met Eren, back when he was alone and didn't know what a kind touch or the warmth of romantic love felt like. True, he still had the friends that Eren gave him. He still went to the pub and made merry with their fellow inverts, where he often found himself babbling to Hanji and Petra after one too many drinks about how much he missed Eren and how he felt sick with loneliness. How he would die just for a kiss from him. And then he would burst into tears over how clingy he was being and how he had to be mature about this whole thing, that he hated he couldn't just get over it.

"Eren deserves someone better than me," he lamented to Hanji, face pressed into her shoulder. "Someone who doesn't get so jealous over such stupid things."

"Well, this isn't just a stupid little thing," Hanji told him, wrapping an arm around him and patting his shoulder. "If Petra had to marry someone else and I lived in the same house as they did I'd be going mad with jealousy and grief too. That's not immature, Levi. That's human."

"I know. I just wish it wasn't so hard. Maybe I could stop being human. Is there a way to become a dog?"

She snorted with laughter, pushing his face further into her shoulder and clucking sympathetically at him.

Levi had to admit, Eren was very good at pretending that he wasn't an invert. He doted on Emma as much as he was able, giving her as much love and attention as tired self would allow. He provided for her, and anything she asked for, if it was within his power to give, he would give it to her. He often came home with a present for her, usually jewelry, or sometimes perfume. Anything she might enjoy. He was being a good husband, and Levi was actually quite proud of him.

However, along with those gifts for her, Levi was pleased to find tiny trinkets also waiting for him, either on his pillow, or something that had been pushed under the door. One time it was a bundle of lavender that had been cut from the garden and tied together with a piece of string. Another time it was a hasty sketch of Prince that had already been framed, and yet another time it was a bag of some of Levi's favorite chocolate. Every time he saw one of these presents, the older man would choke up. They weren't anything fancy, but that didn't matter at all to Levi. They were all beautiful, and the only way that Eren could show his love for him right now. He was so thankful for them, thankful for the fact that his boy, as busy as he was now still took time out to get these little tokens of affection for him. He wanted so badly to return that affection, but at the moment, he couldn't not without Emma seeing it. When Eren wasn't at school or work, she was always with him, so there was no way he could sneak him anything.

As the holidays approached, some interesting developments began to take place. First of all, it was obvious right away, as if Grisha need more proof, that Eren was not cut out to be a doctor. Though Levi never saw his grades, it was clear from their constant arguments that he was not doing well in school. He went every day and did everything that was asked of him, and yet he was still doing poorly.

Levi was sitting on top of the winding, wooden staircase that led down into the main entrance. Prince kept bringing him a ball to throw down the hallway next to them, so every time it was dropped in his lap, he would throw it down the hall. As they did this, he heard their voices raise in yet another argument during one evening that Grisha happened to be home.

"This is disgraceful, Eren," Grisha said. "Not a single good mark from you this semester. Your professors are even saying that in your hands on training you're squeamish at the sight of blood and internal organs. Good medical students don't shy away from that sort of thing."

"I've already told you, I never wanted to be a medical student!" Eren shot back.

He could hear Grisha's voice rising in turn. "Don't tell me you're failing on purpose? Do you think that getting kicked out medical school will free you of our deal? Because it won't. If you don't get your grades up soon, the only person that will get kicked out is Levi, and I don't care where he ends up."

Levi winced, not noticing the ball that Prince dropped in his lap. He hated being reminded of the fact that Eren was suffering this whole mess because of him.

Eren came back with, "I'm not failing on purpose!" Was there a hint of fear in his voice? "I'm doing my best knowing full well what's at stake. You can get as mad as you want, it won't make me get any better grades. It won't make me any better at this. How many times do I have to tell you, I _can't_ be a doctor. Some people just aren't fit for certain careers, no matter how hard they make themselves work at it."

"Well, you better make yourself fit for this career, and you better do it fast. You have a wife to support now"-

"Because of you."

"-and soon you'll have children you'll need to take care of. There will always be sick people, and that career pays well enough for you to keep this mansion, as well as provide for a family. I'm not having my only son go into something as frivolous as the arts, or taking care of dogs for the rest of his life. I worked hard for people to hear our name and think of money and respect, and I will not have that tradition broken because my son decided to be selfish. So you better get your act together very fast."

He heard Grisha's angry footsteps clicking away on the polished floor as he left the room, having got the last word in, leaving Eren alone in the room. Levi couldn't hear anyone else for several seconds, and without hesitation he got up, getting ready to head down the stairs to comfort him. However, before he could, he heard Eren growl with frustration and then leave the house, the luxurious door slamming behind him.

He sighed, sitting back down. So he didn't want anyone with him right now. Well, perhaps he had the right idea. If Grisha happened to catch them together, it might just flame his suspicions and make him not only angrier with him, but would make things harder for Eren. They were already on thin ice as it was.

Not only did they not have time to steal moments alone together, but to his horror, Levi found that he was scared to do so anymore. God, this really was like back at the beginning, when he just realized he was in love with Eren. It was awful. His boy was in pain and there was now nothing he could do to help ease his suffering.

The other development was equally as distressing, unfortunately. As the months passed, it was becoming obvious that Emma wasn't falling pregnant. This was highly unusual, as most women ended up pregnant within the first month or so of getting married, and if they didn't, people often began to wonder if there was a problem. They were certainly having sex, Levi knew this for sure. So why wasn't it producing any results?

When Christmas was just around the corner, it got to the point that Grisha decided they needed a medical exam. So, they sent Emma to see Hanji, and Eren was examined by his father. Levi wondered meanwhile why it was such a big deal. Some couples just couldn't have children, and frankly he was kind of okay with Eren not having kids. It would just something else that tied him to Emma.

Then again, when he sat there and thought of Eren having kids, the idea also made him a little bit happy. Eren and Emma would make some really pretty kids, and he knew they would be good parents. Eren would try his best, even on his bad days, and on his bad days he would have lots of help in taking care of them. Helping to raise Eren's children would be another way he could show his boy how much he loved him. Levi would dote on them and spoil them within an inch of their life, and be the best uncle he could possibly manage.

Though secretly, when he really thought about it, he wished he and Eren could raise those kids together, just the two of them, and that those children would call both of them dad.

Levi sighed heavily to himself, flopping on his bed, wishing these thoughts would just leave him. But now that they were stuck in his head, that was it. He had never thought of himself as father material, not even the slightest, because he had so many issues of his own to think about raising another person. But the thought of raising kids with Eren sounded quite good. Maybe two of them, two kids that would love them and all of the dogs that Eren raised. Sure, they couldn't physically have children themselves, but there were so many orphans that needed parents.

They would never let two men raise children, of course, but this was Levi's fantasy, so in his world, they would. They would let them give those kids a better life. Or, if Eren had children with Emma, part of him wished they could take them away and raise them, without the influence of Grisha, or anyone else who might try and tell them that Eren and Levi's love was wrong. They would raise them to accept everyone and not care who society said deserved love and who didn't. And they wouldn't try and mold them into being "normal."

By the time Eren's exam was finished, Levi was almost asleep on his bed, and he couldn't believe that he had in fact almost fallen asleep. He must have been more drained than he thought. He started awake when the door in the entryway slammed open, and he almost fell off the bed.

Things didn't get any better when he woke up a bit more and realized that Eren and his father were once again yelling and at each other's throats.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Grisha was shouting at him. There were angry footsteps coming up the hallway towards Levi's room now and it must have been Eren's because his father added, "Don't you walk away from me! I want answers!"

Levi's heart thudded a bit in his chest. He always hated listening to them fight because it reminded him of hearing his own parents argue. He shivered, trying not to cower. But what if his boy needed him? He had to protect him in case this fight got out of hand. Getting off the bed, curiosity getting the better of him, he made his way over to his doors and opened them just the tiniest bit, peeking through the crack.

The two of them were standing in front of Eren's room. Grisha's back was to him while Eren was facing him, though he couldn't see him. They were poised like two cobras ready to strike, hands balled into fists. Well, Levi certainly knew where his boy got his temper from.

"What the hell are you on about?" Eren hissed. "Answers?' I don't have them for you. You're the doctor. You tell me."

"No one in our family has problems getting erections," his father was saying to him. "Hanji just got back to me with Emma's results, and we know the problem isn't with her, so it's with you, one hundred percent."

"You act like I'm doing this on purpose," the boy huffed, crossing his arms.

"I think if you tried hard enough, you could fix this 'problem.' What kind of man has a hard time getting aroused around a beautiful woman? I think this is tied to your doing poorly in medical school. I ask you to do these things for me, and they're not too terribly difficult, and you refuse. Many men can get their wife pregnant with no problem. Many men can get a _whore_ pregnant with no problem. So how come it's a problem for you? It didn't take as long for me and your mother to conceive, so it can't be genetic. Therefore it has to be a choice you're making."

"A choice you forced on me! Mom would have never allowed this to happen. She would have let me choose who I was going to marry, if I were going to marry at all! If you were half the decent person that she was, you would"-

Grisha cut him off with a slap to the face, one that was so loud and so forceful that it produced a loud crack that echoed down the hall. It made Eren recoil and stagger back a step, before reaching up to hold the cheek that had been slapped. His cheek began to turn redder and redder, and he just stood there, silent and stunned. Levi gasped, and without hesitating, he burst out of his room, at the same time he heard more footsteps hurrying down the hall. Mikasa's and Emma's, he noticed, seeing their worried faces out of the corner of his eye. His defected to Eren's side while his wife hung back a bit, wondering if she should intervene or not. Levi couldn't blame her, he supposed. This was her father in law, and she was living under his roof. She didn't want to cross him so soon into her marriage.

Levi put himself between Grisha and Eren, eyes narrowed in fury, not caring at the moment if he was thrown out. No one was going to hurt his boy while he was present. He bared his teeth at him, saying angrily, "You're lucky I don't knock you flat on your ass right here and now. You deserve it. No good father would ever blame his son for things he can't help."

The double meaning was only picked up by those who knew. He continued, "No father tries to change his child into something he isn't, either. If Eren fails, it's because you set him up for failure. I know because my father did the same thing to me, and I pushed him away. Don't do the same thing with your son. You can kick me out if you'd like, but in the end you and I want the same thing: for Eren to be happy. And you'll notice how many of us are standing at Eren's side. No one is standing on yours."

The other man stared at him, surprised, but didn't say anything. Not to kick him out, or defend himself. He simply hung his head, as if he knew Levi was right, but couldn't swallow his pride and admit it. So, Levi turned his back to him and went over to Eren, touching him for the first time in months. He placed his hands on his shoulders, raising himself up a bit to get a good look at his cheek, which was still quite red. He then looked to Emma and Mikasa and said, "Shall we take a break and sit in one of the parlors for a bit? That should be a quiet place for Eren to put some ice on his face."

The girls nodded, relieved by the idea of getting away from the tension, and the four of them left together.

After that incident, to everyone's shock, Grisha actually made an effort to be nicer to Eren. He wasn't angry as often, trying to hold back from starting fights or criticizing him as much. Levi had to snort to himself; of course he was behaving better, now that he saw for himself that more people were on Eren's side rather than his own. But of course, he still confronted Eren on a regular enough basis to remind him of the consequences of failing school, and that he needed to start a family soon. As he put it, Emma didn't deserve to be punished this way, that she deserved to have children and the chance to be a mother.

Levi wished he could tell him Grisha to his stupid face that Eren most certainly did not have erectile dysfunction. He knew first hand, remembering how that thick cock had felt in his mouth and how good it felt inside his body, sliding along his inner walls and brushing against his prostate-

No, focus, he told himself, clapping his hands against his burning face. The point was, Eren had no problems getting it up. Not around him, and not around the many men he had slept with beforehand. The problem wasn't him. The problem was Emma. He just couldn't get an erection when faced with a pair of breasts and a cock lane. For some reason, this made Levi giddy to know. He felt bad for his boy and Emma, but his jealous side couldn't help but be delighted that he could satisfy Eren in ways that his wife couldn't. Despite how well he treated Emma, he was still awkward around her, and clearly didn't desire her the way he desired men.

Eren was still his, through and through.

On Christmas day, which of course was always Levi's birthday, he decided to take matters into his own hands. Though he couldn't have Eren all to himself right now, especially not over the holidays, he decided he would find a way to at least spend a little bit of time somewhat alone with him. So, he volunteered to take Eren and Emma on a sleigh ride through the snow countryside. He figured he could do that much for them at least, since Eren had taught him how to drive horses.

"That sounds so romantic," Emma had agreed.

"Indeed it does," Eren replied, though he wasn't looking at her. "Alright. Why don't you have Finn and Hannes get Lilly ready? We'll get our coats on."

"You got it Au-Eren."

He hated that he couldn't use his nickname in front of Emma, but it was alright. Eren was the only one who heard the slip up, and he smiled brightly. Levi tapped at his chest where his ring sat in response, and then snatched his coat, excitedly running outside.

Eren loved him. He still loved him.

Of course he did though. He had done nothing to suggest that he didn't. It was just nice to see a sign of it from his boy himself rather than just getting presents from him.

After that it was a blur. Soon, Levi was leading Lilly the giant Shire by her reins to the front of the house, waiting for them in a lovely carriage all decked out for Christmas, a wreath hanging off the back of it. There were even huge pelts sitting inside along with big red blankets. It was a rich setup; anyone who saw them would know they had a lot of money. Lilly enough had giant shiny bells on her harness that would ring out as she walked, letting anyone know that was nearby that they were coming. When Eren and Emma stepped out of the front doors, the girl laughed happily and clapped her hands together like a small child.

"Oh, how charming," she exclaimed, her breath rising up around her in a misty cloud. "What a pretty girl we have here. Big strong girl."

Levi laughed, hopping up in the driver's seat. "I debated asking to hitch up another Shire with her, but Hannes assured me that she'd be strong to pull us all."

"Of course," Eren confirmed, getting up into the carriage behind Levi. "We rent her out to plow entire fields for farmers around here. She does a good job." He turned to Emma, holding out a hand to pull her up next to him, "Come on now. This is going to be a great ride. We have pretty scenery, a handsome driver, and a whole afternoon to kill."

Grinning, she took his hand, and once she was settled in under the blankets next to him, off they went with a snap of the reins from Levi.

It really was a dream of a ride, a lovely Christmas present from Levi to Eren and a birthday present to himself. It was a scene right off a Christmas card. The bare trees were covered in snow, muffling any sounds. There was also snow as far as the eye could see, an endless expanse for them to travel on. Lilly covered the deep snow easily, her bells ringing merrily. Any other sleighs they passed, they waved to, so happy to be out that they couldn't help but share that joy.

Levi was in fact so happy that he didn't even mind that Eren and Emma were talking in sweet, soft tones to each other. His "handsome driver" comment was still rolling around in his head, and it made him all warm to hear it.

Eren only made him feel warmer when he said, "Thank you for suggesting this, Levi. You look really good up there."

The older man turned his head towards him slightly to say, "I learned from the best."

The boy winked at him. "Of course. But what a perfect day this is. I get to go on a ride at Christmas with sleigh bells, blankets, and I get to enjoy it all with the most important person in my life."

At that, Emma snuggled up to him, cooing, "aww." However, Eren didn't lean into her. Once again, only Levi understood the double meaning. He could practically feel his boy's eyes burning into the back of his head, making him feel wonderfully hot. He smiled to himself.

That's right. He and Eren had made a promise to other to love each other until the day they died. And neither of them intended to break that promise.


	24. Will You Still Love Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Lord, when I get to heaven  
Please, let me bring my man  
When he comes, tell me that You'll let him in  
Father, tell me if You can  
All that grace, all that body  
All that face makes me wanna party  
He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds
> 
> Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?  
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul? - Young and Beautiful, Lana Del Ray

After the holidays were over, he and Eren finally caught a break. Emma decided that she wanted to go and stay with her parents for a couple of weeks, as she didn't get to see them during Christmas time, since they spent it with one of her sisters. So, she would spend it with them after the rush had died down and traffic wouldn't be as bad.

That meant Levi would have Eren all to himself again for two glorious weeks. For that amount of time, things could go back to how they used to be. At least, he hoped they could.

The day Emma left, after Eren bid her goodbye with a kiss and lots of well-wishes that she would return safely, Levi could feel the tension rising in the air around them. It was the weekend, which meant Eren didn't have to go to school, and Levi didn't have to work. Grisha was gone, and Mikasa was out making wedding plans with Benjamin, as the two of them had decided that since Eren had tied the knot, it was Mikasa's turn now. That meant they had the place all to themselves.

But Levi was still a bit nervous and on edge. Eren didn't want to look at him after he shut the doors on Emma. He looked so tired, so defeated. Was he realizing that it wasn't worth the effort of having an affair on the side? Was he going to abandon him?

Those thoughts were dashed however when, without a word, he began heading back to his room, and as he did so, he paused, looking over his shoulder at Levi meaningfully. Well, the older man didn't need to be told twice. Making sure that no one was watching them, he glanced around, and then trotted after Eren like an eager child, his stomach tingling with anticipation. What was Eren going to do? What would he say? The suspense was killing him.

He didn't have to wait long to find out. They crossed the threshold of Levi's room, and the second they did, Eren was telling him, "Lock the doors," in _that _tone, the one that booked no room for argument. His heart pounded and his hands shook as he tried to fit the key in the lock, turning it with great difficulty. Eren was going over and shutting the curtains, plunging the room in darkness.

When he finished with that, he strode over to Levi purposefully, saying, "I told the staff I was going to be in my room until lunchtime and not to disturb me. I also said that you were going to be napping."

Levi opened his mouth to say something, but never got the chance, because before he knew it, Eren had taken his face in his hands and was kissing him hard, _desperately_, like a man starved and Levi was the first sustenance he had come across in months. Literally. It had been almost four months since Eren had touched him last, innocently or otherwise. And it had been that long since Levi had even touched himself, being too depressed to do so. He too was starved for warm, loving human contact. He grasped at Eren's back, clawing at his shirt, kissing him back just as furiously.

Eren moved down to his neck, kissing and licking. He paused, catching his breath, pressing his nose into the crook of his neck and shoulder and inhaling Levi's scent deeply. "God I missed this," Eren was muttering into his skin. "You smell just as good as I remember, and your skin tastes just as sweet. I missed you so much, Doll. You have no idea _how_ much."

Levi's knees had gone weak at hearing him whisper like that, feeling his breath against his skin. His eyes fluttered shut and his head to the side, exposing more of his neck for him. He melted like butter in his boy's embrace, and his breathing became heavier.

"Tell me," the older man asked breathlessly.

He slid his hands up underneath Levi's shirt, caressing his skin. "I missed the feel of your body against mine, the taste of your lips, and the feeling of your cod inside me. I missed your deep voice whispering all sorts of filthy things in my ear, how you say my name when I'm giving you pleasure and how you want to hold my hand right before you come. I missed everything about my love."

"God Eren, I missed you too," Levi whined, pressing himself as close to Eren as he could manage. "I missed your arms around me and hearing you say that you love me."

"I love you, Levi. I love you so damn much that it terrifies me. I'm so sorry I've been ignoring you"-

"Don't apologize. I know- I understand. I don't fault you at all."

"But I still feel bad. You're my husband and I haven't been treasuring you like I should."

Levi shivered at hearing him call him his husband, and began placing wet little kisses on his neck, unbuttoning Eren's shirt as he went so he could get to more skin. He was telling him without words that that didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Eren was with him, kissing him with all the passion Levi had missed so much and speaking words of love to him. Everything was perfect now.

"Levi, my Levi," Eren whimpered, letting his head tilt back. "Please- _God_, I need you to make a mess out of me. Destroy me, ravish me however you want. I don't care how…just erase her touch from my memory. I want you to fuck me so hard that I can't walk for days. I'm so tired of being the one doing to fucking, so I want you to take me as thoroughly as you can. Make me disappear in you, my prince."

Well, Levi was more than happy to do as he asked, especially when he asked him like _that_. He was amazed at just how quickly he forgot about all of his suffering the minute Eren took him into his arms. Must have been more of his magic. So, he got to work, pulling his boy's shirt off of him and kissing all of that glorious skin that was revealed to him.

Their lovemaking was feverish and frantic as they made up for all the time they had lost. Once more they reacquainted themselves with each other's bodies, Levi delighted to find that Eren's sweet spots were all just where he remembered them. His boy praised him every time he felt those flushes of pleasure because of him.

"You're so good," Eren gasped, arching his back while Levi sucked him off. "My perfect, precious Levi. You're the only one for me, will always be the only one for me. No one else- _ah! A-Ah! _N-No one else makes me feel this good."

He chanted his name like a prayer, digging his fingers in the pillow under his head, pulling on it as the pleasure overwhelmed him. Levi couldn't help but notice with glee that there was absolutely no evidence of Eren's apparent trouble getting erections now. His cock was so full in his mouth, oozing precome. His boy was so wet, so needy, spreading his legs so far that his knees were touching the mattress. His face was scrunched in pleasure, eyelashes fanning over his cheeks, long hair splayed out on the pillow under his head in a halo. He was completely gone, lost in the ecstasy Levi was gifting him with. The older man hadn't even been blowing him for that long before he was coming, and coming hard.

As he panted and shivered, Levi wiped his mouth, laughing to himself at just what a sweaty wreck Eren was already. His poor baby. He crawled up on his hands and knees towards the head of the bed, laying down next to him.

"Your semen was thick," Levi observed, propping his head up with his hand. "Been a while since you've come?"

Still breathing hard, Eren gave a slightly hysterical laugh. "Yeah. I've had to fake so many orgasms with Emma. It gets exhausting after a while."

The older man clucked sympathetically and leaned over to peck his lips, saying, "You poor thing. Well, you won't have to fake with me."

"No I do not. You take good care of me."

Once Eren recovered a bit, the boy lavished some attention on Levi, slicking up his fingers. Levi got on his hands and knees in preparation, backing up so that his rear was right in front of Eren's face. His boy then proceeded to massage his insides while jerking him off, every once in a while replacing his fingers with his tongue. In no time, he had begging and crying out for more. He had gone without being touched for so long that he felt like a teenager all over again, coming within a minute or two because he was so overwhelmed.

It took them a while to work each other back up again, more kissing and touching and teasing before they were both hard again, but they were so desperate for each other than they found the strength to go for another round, this time Levi holding Eren's legs apart while he pounded into his willing body. Once again, Eren sang his praises, the older man watching mesmerized as Eren's body was jostled with each one of his movements. He was so gorgeous underneath him like this, so willing, so open, his body accepting him so easily. Levi had forgotten how warm his body was, how sweet Eren's voice was when he called out his name like this. Just hearing him praise him was enough to push Levi over the edge while Eren followed after him.

The two of them collapsed next to each other on the bed for several minutes, catching their breath. Levi placed his head on Eren's chest, listening to his heart franticly beating in his chest, and for some reason he got the feeling that his heart hadn't raced like this in a long time due to feelings of pleasure.

He snuggled closer, throwing a leg over both of Eren's, clinging to him tightly. He felt a bead of sweat roll down the back of his boy's neck, and Eren had an arm wrapped around his shoulders, stroking them while he held him.

"I really got you going, didn't I?" Levi said.

Eren laughed, his voice a bit hoarse from all the screaming he had been doing. "Yeah you did. I don't think I'll be walking anywhere without a limp for quite a while. I'll have to tell everyone I took a fall off my horse and landed on my tailbone or something."

Levi kissed what he could reach of his chest. His skin was clean of any marks, thankfully. It made him sad that he couldn't suck marks into his skin anymore, but he didn't want there to be any signs of their activities, now that Eren had a wife.

"Oh!" Eren exclaimed suddenly. He turned over to face him a bit more. "I almost forgot. I submitted the plans for our beach house to a contractor. They said they'll start building it within a couple of weeks. It could take a few years to finish, but it'll be worth it. They're the only ones who will know where it'll be located. I haven't told anyone else; not Mikasa, not Emma, not anyone. Once it's done, we're leaving this place, and we're not telling anyone where we're going. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be found."

It took Levi a minute to process what he had said. He had actually started construction on the house. It was becoming a reality. And once it was done, they would be able to leave and start a new life. Just a few more years. All they would have to worry about was each other. Even the thought of leaving everyone they knew and loved behind didn't bother him. They would get over it. This was going to be just what the two of them needed.

It was a fairytale come to life.

"That's amazing…" he breathed. "Oh Eren, I can't wait. Just a place for the two of us, where no one can judge us again. Where we can be ourselves. You're such a blessing. I'll wait as long as I need to, don't worry."

He tilted his head back and kissed him fervently, and Eren pulled him even closer, rolling them over so that he was laying on top of Levi.

From then, with this to look forward to, things were different between them. During those couple of weeks, he and Eren were intimate as many times as they were able. They slept together whenever they had the chance in as many dark corners of the mansion as they could find. It was a chance to bond all over again.

However, even when Emma came back from visiting her family, Eren didn't slow down. He was not going to be a slave to his father's wishes any longer, and would behave as he pleased. He still tried to keep up the good husband façade, and did so pretty well in Levi's opinion. Emma never said she felt neglected, and they believed her. No, Eren still couldn't give her children, but he did his best to take care of her in every other way a husband should take care of his wife.

One night, after they had finished another tryst in a guest room, they laid there together in the moonlight, caressing each other's faces and just gazing into the other person's eyes. It was as if their time spent apart made them realize how precious and dangerous their relationship was. It just made them treasure the other person more, pulled them closer together.

Running a hand down Eren's bare side, Levi got to thinking. "So we'll live in this beach house for the rest of our lives, right?"

Eren chuckled, tapping him on the nose. "If that's what you want. We can fall asleep to the sound of the waves rolling up on the shore every night and wake up to the sound of the seagulls flying in the sky. We'll have a porch where we can watch the sunsets. Maybe we'll even see some whales or dolphins swimming off the shore."

"Can we build up a library in the house too?"

"Yes my little librarian. Anything you want, I'll give it to you. Like always."

Eren was covering his skin in little kisses, hovering over him slightly. Levi leaned into all of them, soaking them up they were rain and he was a parched flower. The idea of spending the rest of his life with Eren on a beach sounded too good to be true, but it wasn't. Not anymore.

He sighed, leaning his head against his boy's ribs. "What do you think we'll be like? When we're older? Do you think we'll realize how foolish we're being right now? Will we wish we hadn't done this?"

"Not if it means we can't be with the one we love, I don't think so," Eren refuted. "I'll never regret any action I take to be with you."

Levi sighed heavily, the breath tickling his boy's skin. For some reason, he couldn't let the idea of what things would be like for them when they were older. Maybe the world would be more accepting and they wouldn't have to hide anymore. But more importantly…

"Eren?" he found himself asked in a small, vulnerable voice. "Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful anymore?"

Eren kissed his forehead, and then nuzzled his own against his. "Of course, silly. Why wouldn't I? Won't you still love me when all I have is my madness?"

"Definitely. I'll take care of you no matter what."

"Then there you have it. We have nothing to worry about."

Levi made a contented noise somewhere in the back of his throat and settled against him. It was a special power Eren had, to make him feel like everything was perfect even when it clearly wasn't. He made him feel so safe, and it still amazed him that he had the ability to do the same for his partner. He didn't want to think that they were special, but it was hard not to believe maybe this was the case. Maybe they could make it. Maybe their love was different from everyone else's.

Maybe when the day came for them to meet their maker, God would let him take Eren to heaven with him. Maybe…they didn't have to die as sinners.

It was a narcissistic thought, but he couldn't help it. It was Eren's magic working again; it made him dare to hope. They were both good people, so why shouldn't they be able to do so?

He pulled Eren in for another kiss, and let the sweet light that Eren always seemed to have in his soul poured into his own body, where it blotted out the darkness inside.

The sun lighting up his night sky…just like always.

000

Levi was overjoyed that just a couple months later, Eren seemed to regain his confidence in himself and his relationship with his partner enough that he felt comfortable in going back to the Laughing Fox to see their friends again. And of course, all of their friends were over the moon at seeing him again, everyone clapping him on the back and pulling him into embraces, some even kissing him on the cheek. Even Jean seemed excited to see him again, though he tried to cover it up with several coughs and a gruff attitude.

"There's our boys!" Marco cried happily, throwing himself at them. Eren caught him, but just barely.

Jean stood behind him, his eyes lighting up, but when they looked in his direction, he just shrugged and averted his eyes, saying, "Yeah, I guess we missed you or something. But uh, hey more importantly, look who came to visit."

He turned away a bit, facing someone behind him. They followed his gaze, and when they did, Eren all but squealed with excitement, "Erwin! Armin!"

Erwin offered him a charming, bright smile, while Armin nearly bowled him over, throwing his arms around him and squeezing him tight. Eren said over his shoulder, "I can't believe you guys are here! Ugh, I missed you."

"We missed you guys too," Armin replied. "So much that we had to come see you. Can't be away from our friends for too long."

Levi watched them with amusement, beyond excited that Eren had been reunited with one of his longtime friends. As they hugged, he looked around a bit, noticing that while those two were here, there were a couple faces missing.

"Where's Hanji and Petra?" he asked to no one in particular.

Sasha happened to hear him and piped up from her place on the floor, "Hanji's just feeling a little under the weather, so she stayed home. The irony right? The doctor is feeling sick. But it's no big deal, they told us. Petra's taking care of her, so she'll be back for our next meeting I'm sure."

Huh, well that was a shame. Too bad she couldn't be here to see Erwin and Armin again, but no matter. He would have to remember to stop over to see her soon, maybe bring her something to eat. She liked his food as much as Eren did, at least that's what she told him. He didn't know what was so good about his food, but according to Eren he must have laced it with opium and that's what made it so tasty.

"Well come, sit down," Erwin said, already plopping down in the huge leather arm chair he usually sat in. "We have a lot to catch up on. Tell us what's going on in your life. You said in your last letter that you got married."

Eren sat down on the couch that was next to them, and Levi purposefully placed himself in his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. Armin also did the same thing to Erwin, becoming a mirror image of them.

"We did. We wear our rings around necks." Eren said. "I never take mine off. Levi's also done writing his book! He's going to turn in the final manuscript next week! I'm so proud of him I could explode."

Levi waved him off. "That's nothing compared to you having a beach house built for us. I can't wait for it to be finished so we can move into it."

The boy laughed, holding him a bit tighter. "I'm having little hearts cut on some of the doorways and the windows, so no matter where he goes in the house he knows how much he's loved."

Armin went, "Awww, that's so sweet."

Levi's face flamed red. Why did Eren have to be so sappy, and why did he love him so much for it? He shook himself out of his embarrassment, and moved on quickly with, "Well, Mikasa got married last month. She moved out to live with her new husband. It's good…she seems really happy with him."

"And now my father will stop badgering her," Eren said with an approving nod.

They then started asking about what was going on with Erwin and Armin. It seemed that for now at least, everything seemed to be working out for them. They were pulling off their illusion well. No one suspected a thing about Armin's true gender, though now he was dressed as a man. His hair was a lot longer than it was the last time they had seen him, but whether he was dressed as a man or a woman, it looked good.

"We've settled in nicely," Erwin said, swirling around the whiskey in his glass. "I manage my father's company now and Armin works at one of the libraries. We've made a few friends there, some inverts, some not. There's not a gentleman's club for people like us there as of yet, but we have a mind to start one. It looks like you guys are still managing this one here alright. Is that gramophone new?"

He looked off in the corner, seeing the shiny player sitting on a stand. It was currently playing a bit of opera music, making the room feel even livelier and somehow a bit smokier. Eren nodded, and added, "Oh yeah, and so's that. Painted it myself."

It was a picture of a scene from the circus they had attended, almost a perfect snapshot. Levi was so proud of him for feeling inspired enough to pick up his paintbrushes again. The painting was full of bright colors, perfectly blurred movement, and shining highlights that mimicked the sparkling of the performer's outfits, as well as the spotlights that shone down on them from the ceiling. It certainly brightened up the room, capturing all the movement they had seen in the ring, taking him right back to that amazing day.

"We'll have to go back when it comes back into town," Levi told his boy, patting his shoulder.

Armin just snickered a bit when he saw it. "Of course that's what you'd paint, Eren. It's beautiful though. Maybe if we commissioned you, you'd paint a scene of the circus for us too?"

At that, Eren brightened right up, his green eyes practically like springtime. "Yes! Absolutely, I'd love to do that for you guys!"

Just then, they heard a _clunk _of wood being set down on wood. They looked over in the sound's direction, and saw that Reiner had set up his camera. They hadn't even seen it before, but it must have been sitting in the corner near him when they walked in. They hadn't seen the camera in here since Armin and Erwin got married.

"Alright!" Reiner's voice boomed from the front of the room, causing everyone to stop their chattering and turn their heads towards him. "Got a treat for everyone today. I brought the camera back, so I figured what we could do is see how many pictures of our couples here we could take so we can hang them around the room, or so you can have them for yourselves. So whoever wants their picture taken, line up. I'll have you sit on the couch here."

Well, without hesitation, Sasha, Connie and Annie hopped up from their places on the floor, Sasha dragging them both over. A few more of the other couples looked up at each other, and Levi could see that they were agreeing that it was a good idea. So, he looked down at Eren, raising his eyebrows at him. Eren met his gaze, leaning his head back and fixing him with that silly, besotted look he always seemed to have for him.

"What?" he wanted to know. "You want to get our picture taken too?"

Levi shrugged. "Yeah, why not? I mean, I know you have _those_ sketches of-of me." He looked away from him, a pink blush rising on his cheeks. "But those are just of me. I'd love to have a picture of both of us. So when we're old and grey we can look back on this and go 'remember when we looked good?' Like, that's what we looked like when we first met. That's when we were just starting out."

"Hmm…" Eren scratched his chin, pretending to think about it, before he broke into a grin. "Oh sure, of course we can. Haven't had my picture taken since I was a kid. This will be fun."

They watched their friends go one after the other, each sitting there, waiting for the flash, and then remaining still so that the picture could settle. After the threesome came the next threesome of Eld, Gunter and Auruo. Then Christa and Ymir, Armin and Erwin, and Jean and Marco.

"Well, I guess since everyone else has gone, it's our turn," Eren finally said, jiggling his leg in order to nudge him off his lap.

"Alright you, let's go then," Levi replied, getting up and taking his hand. Eren followed him, willingly as always, trotting behind him.

When they sat down on the couch, Reiner smirked at them. "There's Mr. Jaeger and Mr. Ackerman. I was wondering when you'd show up. I'd have thought you two would have been first in line, since we never see you without Levi in your lap anymore, Eren. You two are the soppiest couple I've ever seen in my life."

Eren stuck out his tongue at him and Levi snorted. The boy said, "Well, I think someone is jealous. At least I married my love. When are you going to ask Bertolt? You've been together for years, time to hike yourself up by your whirlygigs and do the same."

Reiner flushed a bright red, and looked up briefly over his camera to make sure that Bertolt hadn't heard that. Luckily he was too deep in a conversation with Jean and Marco to take any notice. Quickly Reiner put his head under the cloth, mumbling something like, "Shut your fool mouth Jaeger or I'll pull your lower lip up over your head."

They snickered conspiratorially for a moment, before Reiner told them to get ahold of themselves so they could get this over with. So, they got into their familiar positions, Eren sitting down while once more Levi sat down in his lap.

Then, Levi got an idea. "Wait, let's pull our rings out of our jackets, so we can see them."

The boy winked at him. "Good idea."

So, that's what they did, Eren working the chain up until the ring sat on his tie, while Levi placed his ring on top of his cravat. Two pretty glints of gold shining in the gas lamps, and would hopefully show up well in the picture. They schooled their faces into something neutral, sitting perfectly still, trying very hard not to blink as the flash went off and the smoke exploded and billowed outward.

"Okay, just stay like that until I tell you to move," Reiner said in a manner that indicated he had repeated that line many times before. Of course he had. Photography was a hobby for him, though many people paid him to take their pictures too since not too many people had cameras, and his family had more than one.

Normally, sitting there like that for Levi would have been fine. He had no trouble staring off into space for hours on end, though people often told him that his resting face was a bit scary, almost like he was ready to kill whoever it was accidentally directed towards. So he had to be careful where he looked when he caught himself staring. But sitting there next to Eren, for some reason, made him want to burst out laughing. Maybe because the tension was so awkward, but either way, he had to take several deep breaths to steady himself so he didn't screw up their picture. It was just another sign of how much Eren had changed him that he could be so silly so easily now.

When their time was finally up, they each let out twin breaths of relief, and Levi wondered if Eren had been truly holding his breath. He then hugged Levi tightly, kissing him for good measure, and telling him, "Good job. Can't wait to get that back."

"Give me a couple weeks, I'll get it to you, no problem," Reiner assured them. "Now scoot. Gonna have Jean take a picture of me and Bertolt."

They did as they were told, retreating back to the couch they were sitting on before, snuggling close together. They went back to drinking their whiskey, getting pleasantly buzzed, Eren threatening Levi with a good time when they got home, sloppily kissing his neck while the older man cracked up at just how tickly it felt.

God, it didn't get any better than this, did it? At that moment, despite everything, as it always was when Eren was around, everything was perfect. They were lost in their fairytale world, and had no desire to leave it. And from how things looked, they would never have to.

However, all fairytales had to come to an end at some point, didn't they? And unfortunately, the heroes didn't always emerge victorious. Sometimes the witch or dragon was just too powerful, and despite the hero's best efforts, still managed to burn their castle to ashes.

And now, for the Laughing Fox and everyone in it, there was fire in the air.

It started with a slight noise, one that no one noticed at first, until it grew louder and louder, too loud to be ignored. Everyone raised their heads, wondering what it was. It sounded like several horses passing by the building, but they were so close.

Like they were right outside the door.

Before any of them could react, or guess as to what was going on, the door to back room burst open, and in raced what looked like the entire police force. They shouted their presence to everyone in the room, along with the command for everyone to stay where they were.

They threw themselves on many of the people in the room. Erwin, Armin, Jean and Marco, who were closest to the door, were taken down first, pressed onto the floor while their hands were cuffed behind their backs. Reiner was next, though it took two men to hold onto him, as he was very large. Bertolt tried to pull the cop off him, but he was quickly subdued and cuffed. Even the women were pushed to the floor roughly, Sasha and Annie's faces pushed harshly into the floor.

Levi watched all of this in horror, adrenaline filling his body, but he was like a rabbit caught in the gaze of a fox. He couldn't move, no matter how much his mind was screaming at his body to do so.

"Levi, let's go!" he heard being screamed next to him.

That, as well as his wrist being yanked on, pulled him out of his stupor. When he came to, he saw that Eren was leading him out of the room, following Ymir, who was dragging Christa out, as well as Connie, Gunter, Auruo and Eld. They all made it past the door and into the main part of the bar, but no further, before the cops caught up to them and took them to the ground, one by one. Ymir and Eld were screaming curses at the police as they were cuffed, telling them they had no business being here, that they weren't hurting anyone. Levi and Eren were caught last of all, stopping just short of the door to freedom before they were yanked back and thrown to the ground.

Levi couldn't help it; he shrieked, the pain frightening him as the cop pulled on his arms too hard, nearly wrenching his arms out of their sockets. Eren heard it, and snarled, "You motherfucker! Get your hands off him! You're hurting him!"

The officer that was holding him grabbed his hair and pulled his head back, hard, effectively silencing him. Eren kept glaring at him though, baring his teeth.

"You're all under arrest for committing adultery, as well as various perverted sex acts, including sodomy," the police officer informed him. "And you're all coming with us."

Levi shuddered under the man's body, feeling sick with fear. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. But it was, wasn't it? Their happiness just couldn't last forever. Someone was going to find out about their activities eventually. That was just reality.

And that reality was rapidly turning into a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we get into the chapters that I envisioned when I first thought of this fic lol. For this chapter, especially the first half I listened to Young and Beautiful, Lana Del Ray. I feel like it fits Eren and Levi really well for this fic. So um, yeah...whoops xD


	25. The Burning Kingdom

The tip had come in from one of Annie's friends, who had seen her go into the Laughing Fox on more than one occasion with groups of women and groups of men. Women didn't usually go into bars, unless they were involved in some kind of prostitution ring, or were being held there against their will, so her friend had gotten in contact with the police out of concern. They police had then done some surveillance, found out the true nature of the pub, and that was what led to the arrest of its members.

And that was what led to all of them being stuck in holding cells at the county courthouse.

Since there were so many of them, many of them shared the cells that were available, cells that were only designed to hold one or two people at maximum were now holding four or five. Thanks be to God, Levi was in the same cell Eren was, along with Jean and Marco. The others were nearby, and even if he couldn't see all of them, he could hear them well enough. But when they tried to call out to them, or talk to them, they were silenced with a whack to the bars on their doors.

Levi was not ashamed to say that he spent much of the days pressed close to Eren, absolutely frightened out of his mind. He had never been in trouble in his life, whereas Eren at least had witnessed raids like this before, even if he hadn't been caught up in them.

"It's going to be okay," Eren reassured him, rubbing a hand up and down his back. "Just remember, when you've got connections like my family has and you're rich, you can often make these problems go away if you pay enough."

"I think this time's different, Eren," Jean said on the other side of the tiny cell. He was holding Marco close to him as well in a mirror image of what Eren was doing. "This raid isn't anything like those other ones. That was the most amount of police officers I've ever seen at a raid, and from what I've been hearing, we're the largest amount of inverts they've ever found in one place. This has been going on for so long that I think they're going to come down hard on us."

Still, Eren didn't seem to be phased. He just shrugged. "So? It's not like the old days. They won't put us to death. We'll just go to jail for a couple years. We're young and tough, we can handle it."

"But before you told me going to the jail here was pretty much a death sentence," Levi piped up.

Jean and Marco stared at both of them in open shock, and they could feel the tension in the room go up. They were pretty sure that the others might have heard them too, as it was pretty quiet at the moment. Eren would have to think carefully on how he answered this.

"I'm only going off of what I've heard," he said slowly. "I've never actually been inside the prison before. We're different though. We're not criminals in that sense. We have good families, we're strong, we can handle a couple of years. Most of the people who die in there get sick, and I haven't gotten seriously sick since I was a little kid."

"…I suppose I haven't either," Levi added thoughtfully. "Nothing worse than a cold or a stomach flu."

"See? We'll be fine. The prison here keeps all of its prisoners separated from each other anyway, so if we're not in contact with each other, we won't get sick."

Levi supposed he liked the sound of that too. If all the prisoners couldn't interact with each other, then there would be less chance of him getting hurt. Still…

"I'd rather avoid going to prison if I can," Levi said, laying his head on Eren's shoulder. "I'm so close to getting my book published…I don't want to jeopardize that or its success in any way."

"Are you kidding?" Marco told him. "Books written by felons sell like crazy. People want to know what kind of messed up things people like us have to say. This is actually a good marketing strategy. It'll add a layer of intrigue to your writing."

Levi snorted, even more so when Eren added, "He's right. People will be more curious about Levi Ackerman the sodomite's book than Levi Ackerman the librarian."

"If you guys say so."

They spent three days like that, passing the time as best they could. Sleep was very hard to come by, especially since there were only two beds, and two small beds at that. More like severely uncomfortable cots that Levi couldn't get comfortable no matter how hard he tried. And while the food wasn't horrible, he had had better, and there certainly could be more of it. When he asked for some more the guard had promptly told him off.

"You're lucky you're getting this much with the sudden high volume we have of you lot in here," he had said. "If you ask me we shouldn't be wasting even this much food on people like you."

Levi flinched. Though he was grumpy and crass many times, he didn't like it when people didn't like him, and especially didn't like appearing as anything less than a good person. Yes, he knew he had been doing something wrong, but they hadn't hurt anybody in the process. He had flinched away, and retreated with his ration, Eren glaring at the guard in response.

Three days since they had been arrested had passed, and all of them were much more tired and cranky than usual. Eren snapped at anyone who even came close to him, while Levi was much quieter and subdued. Listening to his partner and Jean argue was getting old, that was for sure. But after three days, they were told that their trial was going to be held. Each person would be tried individually, which meant that this was going to take a very long time.

But in the meantime, they were going to be moved to a small jail over the course of their trial, which meant a bit more space, and Levi prayed that he would be able to stay with Eren. His boy had been keeping him sane throughout this whole ordeal, holding him close, sharing his cot with him so that he'd stay warm, joking with him about the total lack of privacy as they were forced to piss and shit in front of their friends every day, and how Levi had been so sick that first day because he just could not force himself to shit in front of everyone. It had all just been miserable.

The older man couldn't but think to himself though that thankfully Hanji and Petra had not been present that day. Hopefully they would stay far away from this whole mess and lay low for a while, or at least act as normally as possible. He couldn't bear it if something happened so that the two of them would end up in here too. Oh lord, if Hanji's secret was exposed, she'd be ruined forever, and everything she had worked so hard for would be gone just like that.

Not that Levi didn't still share those fears about his own situation, despite what his friends had said.

When they were moved to the jail, to his horror, Levi saw that he wasn't going to be placed with Eren, or anyone for that matter. They were keeping him and everyone else by themselves. After the door was shut behind him, he rushed back towards it, practically pressing his nose between the bars, craning his neck and searching frantically for his boy.

"Eren!" he called out. "Eren, answer me!"

"You shut up!" a strange voice admonished him, but he paid it no mind. Fear was dictating his actions, not reason.

Luckily, Eren also didn't seem to care about the guard's rules, because he heard his voice calling back, "I'm down here, Levi! Just stay calm, it'll be okay."

Oh God, he was so far away, at least six cells down, if he had to guess. Levi's heart shoved itself in his throat. He didn't know if he could stay sane until their trial started. He had been relatively okay when he had been stuck in a cell with three other people, despite his complaints. At least he had been able to huddle up in Eren's lap whenever someone frightened him or hide his face in his shoulder like a child hiding away from the world in his mother's skirt.

"They didn't hurt you, did they?" Levi asked, in spite of the guard that was now charging towards his door.

"No, I'm alright, are you?" Eren reassured him.

Before he could answer, the older man yipped as his knuckles were smacked by the butt of the gun the guard was carrying where they were holding the iron bars. He pulled his hands back and rubbed them, holding them against his chest and retreating further into his cell to get away from him.

"Levi!" his partner cried out when he heard his sound of pain. "What happened, are you- hey back off! Don't touch me. You hit me with that and I'll shove it up your ass!"

Levi didn't dare answer him, the punishment enough to subdue him again, despite listening to the scuffle going on down the hall as no doubt another guard was attempting to silence Eren as well. Well, Levi wished them luck, because they would need it. Once Eren was fired up, whether he was angry or happy, nothing in the world would shut him up, not even if they beat him within an inch of his life.

His boy was such an idiot.

Levi hated that he received very little new while stuck in that cell. His pretty clothes that Eren had so lovingly bought for him were replaced with standard prison uniforms. When they had taken away the watch Eren gave him, he had thrown the biggest fit, nearly breaking their fingers. Luckily, they hadn't taken away his ring because it was hidden under his clothes. If they tried to take that he really would have broken their fingers.

At the moment, the passage of time was only marked by one or two windows to the outside where he got to see the sunlight filtering down, the times at which their meals came, and when his body told him he had to use the bathroom. He filled his days by pacing in his tiny cell, and chancing trying to talk to Eren, or their other friends, just to keep himself sane. Just hearing Eren's voice for a minute or two at a time helped, it really did. It let him know he wasn't alone.

But one night, when everyone had gone to bed, he finally received better news from his boy.

"I got a letter from Mikasa," Eren whispered loudly, and down the quiet, empty hallway the sound carried pretty well. "She said she's going to visit us both soon. Our trial is going to be held at the end of the month, so just in a couple weeks. Anything we needed, she said she'd help us with."

Mikasa was visiting, huh? That was…actually a good thing. Levi had been trying to devise a plan on how he could get himself and Eren out of this situation with their reputations intact. Though, if he was being realistic, at this point it was a little too late for that. The most they could hope for was to be found not guilty. But he figured that would be impossible, considering.

Just the other day, they had some doctors come in and examine them, most likely looking for evidence on the sodomy charges. It had been one of the most embarrassing moments in Levi's life, having to strip down in front of the guards, who were standing there to make sure he didn't run away, and bend over to this doctor could examine his genitals and anus for signs if they had been "used" recently. With Levi, they hadn't really found any evidence though. He asked Eren if they had found anything with him, and he said that yes, they had. "Small cuts and bites and evidence of past use," as he had put it.

Levi slapped a hand against his forehead at that. Of course…the last time they had been together, which hadn't been that long ago, he had been the one to penetrate Eren, so he hadn't had a chance to heal. Not that he had been rough, but sometimes one could be as gentle as possible and still accidentally hurt their partner.

Ugh, this was a disaster. Now they had proof with Eren, and who knows how many of the others, that there had been sodomy. They had interviewed some of them as well, trying to figure out the relationships between them. He didn't know who, but some of them had cracked and given up who the couples were in the group. But it didn't matter who had cracked, because he couldn't blame them. When Levi had refused to speak, at one point the guard had threatened to slam his head against the wall, and only intervention from another guard had stopped it.

Everyone was against them and they were just trying to protect themselves, trying to make it so that something worse wouldn't happen to them.

But hearing the results of Eren's medical exam struck Levi with sudden inspiration over dinner one night. He literally dropped his spoon on his tray and stared at the opposite wall in shock. Oh, it was a horrendous idea, one that actually made him feel sick to think about, threatening to send his dinner right back up his throat. It made him feel hot and prickly inside, and his heart rate skyrocketed. No, he couldn't do that. He just couldn't. He was so concerned about being seen as a good person, trying so hard to make these people think that he was a law abiding citizen that wouldn't hurt anyone. And it was the truth. But the more he thought about it, the more he could see it being the only way. They were going to lose either way, he and Eren. They were going to be found guilty and sent to prison along with their friends.

But by doing this, there might be a way to at least ensure Eren's freedom, even if he couldn't ensure his own.

Levi sighed deeply. He had often thought about this sort of thing before when he questioned how deeply meshed he was in his relationship with Eren. How far would he go to help him? But now when he was actually faced with the reality of it, he was glad to see that he hadn't been lying to himself, that he really would sacrifice everything for his boy. It was so easy to do so, too easy.

He laughed darkly to himself. It was a good thing this hadn't happened earlier, honestly. This way, he and Eren had been able to spend more time together and make more happy memories.

Yet, he wasn't going to be able to do this on his own. He would need outside help, and Mikasa would be perfect.

When she arrived, he was actually a bit surprised that she bothered to visit him; he honestly thought she would just be there to visit her brother. He was thinking he was going to have to call her over and pass her a note or something. Levi listened to them talking for a while, though he couldn't make out what they were saying; just that they were talking in low tones.

So he was quite happy when he heard her shoes clicking down the stone hallway and stopping in front of his door.

"Mikasa!" he gasped with relief, leaping up from his cot and going over to the door to stand in front of her. "Oh thank goodness. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Before she could answer, she took in his appearance, and scrunched up her nose a bit, taken aback. "Oh heavens," she finally said. "Well, Eren told me to check on you for myself since he hasn't seen you in over a week. Says he hasn't been able to talk to you much either, so he's beside himself with worry for you. And you um…well, you've looked better."

Levi snorted, shaking his head. "I'm sure I have. This is what happens when you aren't allowed to shower and don't get any good sleep. Plus, everyone looks terrible in prison uniforms."

She breathed what might have been a laugh through her nose. Then, she added in a lower voice, "No, seriously, are you alright? After this I'm going back to Eren and telling him how you are. If I don't he'll tear my head off."

He sighed. "I'd be better if he were here with me."

"He said the same thing when I asked him that question."

They stood there in awkward silence for a second, not knowing what else to say. So, Levi decided to ask, "Do you have any updates? On how serious the case is?"

She looked him in the eye when she said, "I don't know much, but I've been told it's pretty serious. You'll all be tried individually but they'll have a couple of you in the room at a time to try and speed up the process. I guess they're going to try the people who they were told were couples together. So that means you and Eren are going to be tried at the same time. Father, Benjamin and I are trying to do what we can to get you guys out, or at least to reduce the charges, but it's a slow process. I know Christa's father is paying out the nose to get her out. Can't have the precious Reiss family name tainted by any scandals. As far as I know, she's going to get out alright. So is Erwin and Armin, since Erwin is obscenely rich. For the others…I guess we'll see what happens. But since Eren has been going to the club for so many years…it's not going to be easy."

She gave him a slightly dirty look, and Levi knew exactly what she was thinking. He smiled sadly, and said, "I know. Trust me, I've been sitting here thinking to myself how this is my fault. If I hadn't said yes when Eren asked me if I liked him, none of this would have happened. If only I could have been strong enough to say no."

He looked so torn up, so genuine, that Mikasa couldn't help but sigh heavily, and knew she had to comfort him. "Now…stop, this isn't your fault. Not at all. Though I don't understand it all the way, I know that no matter what, nothing gets in the way of love. It would have been cruel to lie to him like that, especially when I can see just how much you care about him. Besides, he just told me how long he's lived this lifestyle, and how he was the one who introduced you to it. He was the one who got you comfortable with being a mollie. So no, if anything, it's Eren's I suppose, if we were to place blame anywhere. But that's absurd."

Levi scrubbed at his face. He couldn't believe her, no matter how much he wanted to. He was just too upset with himself. So, he said, "Either way, Eren has done so much for me, so now it's time for me to do something for him. I have to fix this mess, and I think I know how to get him out of here, scot free."

Mikasa looked surprised, blinking at him in disbelief. "And how do you plan to do that? The cops are itching to persecute the both of you."

He leaned in closer to her, whispering conspiratorially, "Listen closely. It's going to take you, me, and maybe even Grisha, to work together. Because even though we're all very different people with different views, we all want the same thing: for Eren to be happy and to live a long, full life free of scandal. I want him to be safe, and to have no trouble selling his art someday. I want him to get rich off doing it and stop doing things that make him so miserable. No matter what happens to me, Eren will be saved."

Her eyes widened, though since he was so close he couldn't see it. Her skin crawled, not liking where this was going. She wanted to speak up, to say if anything happened to Levi then Eren would go on a rampage. But she kept her mouth shut, because he was right. They both wanted to save her brother, and since she had absolutely no ideas on how to do that, she was willing to listen to anything he had to say.

So, Levi took a deep breath, and began, "So I was thinking…"

000

When the day of Eren and Levi's trial came, Mikasa entered the courtroom, resigned. Her head was held high, and she paid no mind to the whispers that followed her in when she took her seat near the witness stand, as she knew she was going to have to go up there sometime before this was over. Still, she heard them clear as day.

"That's the sister of one of these gal-boys…"

"She had to know, didn't she?"

"I wonder if she's like him, an invert."

"No, I heard she's married."

"So were almost all of these mollies. Her brother was too. Obviously it doesn't mean anything to them."

"Bunch of adulterous sodomite sinners. They shouldn't have abolished the law that hangs them for this kind of behavior."

"I have a tree tall enough in my backyard. Give them to me and I'll do what the law is incapable of doing."

Mikasa closed her eyes tightly, trying to hide the pain at their ugly words. However, of course, her husband, who had spent more time with her than most lately, saw the change in her demeanor, and reached over, taking her hand in his. She squeezed it back, thanking him silently for his support.

"It's going to be okay," he reassured her. "Levi told you it would be. His plan will work."

"I know, I just…" she sighed, "I can't believe he'd be willing to go that far. He really does love my brother. I never realized that until now. I feel like by doing this I'm breaking them up myself, and it's not fair."

"I know. I can understand why you feel that way. But he wants this, and he wants to save Eren as much as you do."

Mikasa believed he was sincere, but it didn't erase her guilt. She would just be happier when this was over.

When the judge came in a couple minutes later, they all rose at his command, and sat down when he said so. Thankfully, Levi was up to be tried first, so she knew it would be easier to pull this off. It was still hard to see him standing up there, going from the beautiful young man that had captured Eren's attention so thoroughly to looking more like a homeless transient. He was dirty, skinnier, and his eyes looked exhausted and haunted. He shivered as he stood up there, looking like he'd very much rather be anywhere else, particularly somewhere warm. Even worse was the pitifully desperate look on Eren's face as he gazed upon him. Her brother didn't look any better off, but it didn't seem like that mattered to him at all. All he could see was Levi, and it was clear from the wide-eyed shock on his face followed up by the crumpling of his expression, that all he wanted to do was leap out of his chair and pull him into his arms. He looked like he wanted to shield him from all the stares and whispers that were being directed towards them. His fingers straightened and curled compulsively against his thighs as he fought the itch to reach up and touch him. He was so close, and yet so far away. It was horribly frustrating, and he looked miserable.

He looked like he wanted for this to all be a horrible nightmare as much as Mikasa did.

Even when the proceedings began, Eren's gaze never seemed to waver from Levi, and Levi spared glances for him. The look in his eyes was deeply sad every single time, and whether that was from his boy's bedraggled state or something else, she didn't know. Both of them seemed to be completely out of it, just wishing this could be over and done with.

When it came time to enter a plea on the charges of sodomy for Levi, to Eren's utter shock, he stated, "Guilty," in a completely emotionless voice.

"And on what grounds are you pleading guilty?" the judge asked Levi.

There was a moment of silence, and then the small, unassuming young man said, "Because, as I'm sure you can tell from the medical exam Mr. Jaeger underwent, he had been penetrated recently. That was from me. I forced myself on him, and I've doing so for a long time."

There were a couple of gasps that rose up from the jurors and onlookers, but no one gasped as loudly as Eren did. He stood up abruptly from his seat, and his defense attorney, who was sitting next to him, actually had to tell him to sit back down. The boy looked absolutely horrified, and since he wasn't allowed to speak out of turn, he did the talking with his eyes, pleading with Levi to tell him what he thought he was doing. But Levi wasn't facing him, so he couldn't see his expression. Even if he could, he wouldn't be able to give him an answer. Not now. So, he sat back down , but didn't take his eyes off his partner, his heart hammering in his chest.

That was when Eren's lawyer got up and began asking for clarification. "You forced yourself on him? For how long?"

"For over a year," Levi answered, his voice still devoid of emotion.

"And what compelled you to do so?"

"I'm an invert. Have been for many years. We met during a party a couple summers ago, and I found that I fancied him quite a bit. I thought he'd make an easy target that wouldn't speak out against me since he's mentally unwell."

"Mentally unwell? How?"

Levi swallowed. These lies tasted horrible, but it would mean Eren's freedom. Eren had sacrificed enough for him by getting married so that Levi could have a roof over his head, to keep living in the manner he had become accustomed to, and so that he could remain close to the man he cherished, to the man he depended on for love, for warmth, and for safety during the dark he was terrified of. He spent so much money on him taking him wherever Levi wanted to go, even said he'd spend more of his hard earned money on a home for the two of them, and once again said he'd fill the house with whatever he wanted.

"I'm going to fill that house with special things," Eren had told him, "so that even on rainy days, I can make you smile. You'll never have another unhappy day again, I'll make sure of it."

It was too much for him. He couldn't handle it then, and he still couldn't handle it. He felt that he was too impure for a soul like Eren. Man or woman, he deserved someone much better than him. He had given him more physically and emotionally than any person should ever have to give another person.

So it was time to return the favor.

"His mother passed away when he was young," Levi explained solemnly. "She had a history of hysterical episodes, including a time when she tried to climb up out of the chimney in the Jaeger mansion. Eren has inherited similar behaviors, falling into deep depressions and moments of psychosis. Since he isn't all mentally there, it was easy to take advantage of him. I have to say, I enjoyed it."

"You enjoyed it?" Eren's lawyer turned towards the judge, and said, "Your honor, do you really need to hear anything else? I rest my case."

The judge hummed, and said, "Call your next witness."

So, he did so, calling Mikasa up to the stand. She sat down primly, only glancing briefly at her brother. His eyes were worried, like he was terrified of what she was going to say. She had to look away, for she wouldn't be able to bear what he would say or do in response to how she was going to answer these questions.

After the standard asking of what her name was and how she knew Eren, his lawyer asked her, "So if I understand correctly, you and Mr. Ackerman conversed outside his cell about a week before this trial started, yes? What did you two speak about?"

"He told me just what he told you now," Mikasa answered stonily. "He confessed everything to me." Not a total lie. He relayed the story they were going to go with so that they could save Eren, and how she would answer these questions.

"I see. And is it true that he has a history of hysterics because his mother does as well?"

"Yes. He's been like this for years. His mother leaving broke him to the point where he could barely function. I'd say that Mr. Ackerman was correct about that fact. It would have made him easy prey for anyone that wanted to take advantage of him."

"Hmm…no further questions your honor."

Shaking, she walked back to her seat, feeling sick. She sat down next to Benjamin, and he squeezed her hand tightly. Mikasa could feel Eren's eyes burning into her, but she couldn't meet them, too afraid of what she'd see there. And that was probably for the best.

Because if she looked, she would see unadulterated fury.

There was only one more witness that was spoken to, and that was Eren's father. He was now fully caught up, presented with evidence that he couldn't deny once and for all that his son was an invert. He was so angered by this knowledge that he had no trouble agreeing with everything Mikasa and Levi were saying, not caring if it was true or not. It was what he wanted to believe.

So, he played along, just as Levi and Mikasa wanted him to.

When he was sent back to his seat, it was time for the jury to decide his fate. There were no witnesses to call on Levi's behalf; Hanji wasn't there at the proceedings. But he didn't feel sad over it, because he would rather her stay home and be safe. Plus, he didn't want her to see him like this.

The jury deliberated for only an hour, an hour full of horrible tension in which Eren tried his hardest to get Levi's attention. But the older man ignored him, even though it killed him to do so. He didn't want to break down and take his words back. For his boy's sake, he had to remain strong.

It had seemed so much easier in his cell when he proposed this plan.

When the jury came back, everyone's hearts were in their throats, whether it was pleading for him to be set free or for him to be locked up and the key thrown away. At the moment, Levi didn't care what happened to him.

He hated that he had been driven to this.

Levi didn't look at them as they filed in and delivered their verdict, for he already knew what they would say. He couldn't bear to look anywhere but his own lap, so he wouldn't have to see the heartbreak or relief on anyone's face when that single word rang out.

"Guilty."


	26. Ashes

Eren watched with horror as Levi was led out of the courtroom in cuffs, his head bowed, refusing to meet anyone else's eyes. The room was full of noise, but he couldn't decipher any of it, whether it was outrage or approval. He tried to get up out of his chair to go after him, but he was once again held down by his lawyer.

"If you beat him up here, it'll negate the charges they just passed and you'll be sent to prison along with him," his lawyer sad to him. "I can understand the desire to want to take revenge here, but I'd advise against it."

Eren gazed at him in open surprise. Is that what he thought? He thought he was trying to hurt Levi? What nonsense! Though at the moment, it was probably for the best, considering. Still, it disgusted him to think that anyone thought that he wanted to hurt Levi.

The boy heard something about how he was going to be declared not guilty on the grounds of Levi admitting that it had been his idea, and therefore Eren wasn't to blame. He was also going to be sent home, but he didn't care to listen. His entire world had narrowed down to Levi's retreating back as he was escorted from the court room to the holding room where he would be staying until the wagon would show up to carry him off to Lafayette Central Prison.

No, they couldn't take him! Eren could feel his entire world crumbling around him at the very thought. For a moment, the courtroom disappeared, and all he could see was the wagon showing up to haul his mother away while she screamed and reached for her children, saying over and over again how they needed her. Eren felt sick, so sick that for a moment he felt as if he would throw up. He couldn't let Levi suffer the same fate.

The moment court was adjourned and his cuffs were removed, he shot up out of his seat and sought out his sister, already practically hyperventilating. Some people looked at him with concern, before perhaps they remembered what had been said in court, that he was crazy, so they excused his behavior and looked away again. He grasped onto Mikasa's shawl and sleeves, pleading with her with his eyes, and then his voice.

"He can't," he said, choked up, "Levi just can't- it's not true, none of it's true, don't believe a word of it, Mikasa! I told you before, how could you believe any of it? He didn't hurt me, he"-

"Eren!" she cut him off with a hiss, looking around to see if anyone was paying attention to them. Thankfully, at the moment, everyone seemed to be minding their own business, focusing on clearing out of the room. She glanced at the door behind Eren, the door Levi had left through, and then at her father and Benjamin.

"Can you wait for us by the entrance?" she asked her husband. "We'll need a need a minute."

Benjamin nodded. "Of course."

She appreciated how he wasn't one to talk needlessly. He didn't ask whether things were okay or not, because he knew things weren't okay. He knew they needed time alone to calm down and he wasn't going to ask any further questions, because he knew they wouldn't be appreciated. So, he simply flashed Mikasa a look of love and support and nodded at Eren, before he walked past them, catching up with Grisha and relaying what Mikasa was going to do, before they disappeared out of the room.

"Alright," she said, "come with me."

"W-What?"

But he didn't have to wonder for long, because to his surprise, she was grabbing his wrist and pulling him hastily out of the room, looking left and right to see if anyone had noticed them. They kept going, down a hallway, Mikasa ignoring any questions he had and just told him to keep his mouth shut. So he did, choosing that it was just best to trust her.

They went around a couple of corners, both of them still keeping a watch out for any witnesses, but at the moment, there were none. So, they kept going, until they made it to an innocuous room that would have been easily overlooked. It almost blended into the wall, save for a tiny window. The other reason that the room was visible was because there were two guards standing in front of it. Eren halted, pulling his arm out of her grip.

"Mikasa," he whispered loudly. "What do you think you're doing? I don't think we should be here!"

"Relax," she assured him, glancing at him over her shoulder. "I found this room this morning before the trial started."

Eren watched in astonishment as she just kept walking, right up to the guards. They glared at her, and the boy prepared to race forward and defend her from them. But she just smiled sweetly up at them, so strange and uncharacteristic for her. However, Eren knew she could be charming when she wanted to be, but how would that do her any good against two burly armed guards?

"Give us ten minutes," she asked them both, and her tone left no room for argument.

Eren's jaw nearly fell on the floor when they actually listened to her, looking at each other before one of them unlocked the door for her. What was going on?

Mikasa glanced back at her brother and waved him over, explaining, "It's amazing what a little money and persuasion will do. I um, spoke to these gentlemen this morning about the possibility of allowing us access back here and keeping their mouths shut about it. So come on, move it."

She was crazy, that had to be it. Bribing people in the law field? She was practically asking to be arrested! There was nothing that would be worth putting her own reputation on the line for, there couldn't be. At least, that's what he thought, until he followed her over and squeezed his way through the gap in the door and entered the room behind her. Mikasa stepped aside, remaining by the door so that Eren could see just who was occupying this room, saying she would keep a look out. And it was a good thing she told this to him while his attention was still on her, because the moment he saw who was in here, he forgot about the rest of the world completely.

Levi was sitting on the only bench in the room, looking completely broken and hopeless. His hands were still shackled behind his back, and he seemed resigned to his fate. He was going to prison, and there was no longer any hope of getting out of it. He had done this to himself, and now it was time to face his punishment.

But when he heard the door click open and his name gasped in elation on the other side of the room, it prompted him to lift his head. However, he didn't even time to see who it was before they were rushing at him and pulling him into their arms, squeezing him so hard that he couldn't breathe. However, he didn't have to see them to know who it was; a familiar smell reached his nose, a smell he knew from many nights spent huddled together for warmth, nights of passion, embraces in the sunshine and mornings sleeping in. After so long of being separated from it, of being afraid, it was like an oasis in a desert. Tears filled his eyes, the opposite wall blurring as his face crumpled, and he began sobbing in earnest. Though whether it was from relief, or sadness, or fear, he had no idea. Maybe a combination of all three. After spending weeks of holding it in, all of his emotion was flooding forth.

Levi buried his face in Eren's shoulder, his back heaving as his boy cried as well. He dearly wanted to hug him as well, to cling to him for all he was worth, and it was so cruel that his arms were pinned behind his back so that he couldn't. So instead, he scooted forward until he was practically in his lap, getting as close to him as possible so that there were almost no gaps between their bodies.

And for that small pocket in time, he was safe. He was in Eren's arms, and nothing could hurt him. Everything was okay now.

"My Doll," Eren cried, "my Levi. My poor, poor Levi. You're so stupid! Why would you say such terrible things like that? Why would you destroy yourself like that?"

"So that you could be safe," Levi answered without hesitation, though it came out garbled and wet because of his tears.

"Oh horse shit," the boy chastised, "I'm not worth it!"

"Well then, why did you agree to get married and give up what you love? So that I could remain in your home with you. I would argue I'm not worth that either. So we're either both worth it or neither of us are."

"But that doesn't even compare to"-

"Eren. Shut up."

For some reason, perhaps it was because he was slightly hysterical at the moment anyway, that short, curt and very Levi-ish response just made him burst out laughing. It was disgusting, snot-filled congested laughter, but it was laughter, which was very much welcomed at this point. He buried his face in the older man's shoulder as he got his giggles out, and said, "You're still an idiot. My selfless idiot. Not that it matters, but I guess we're even now. I don't want to rack up any more debts between us of this kind though, got it?"

Levi wiped his eyes and nose on the boy's shoulder. It was alright, he was just wearing a prison uniform. He answered, "Yeah, got it."

For a moment, they just sat there, drinking each other in, neither of them wanting to separate from the other. Eren was rubbing his back, trying to calm him down, so happy that he was finally able to hold his love in his arms while Levi basked in his warmth.

"So you're only going to be there for two years, yeah?" Eren asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, don't worry. It'll go by like that. And when you get out, we'll be waiting for you. Me, Prince, and Hanji. All of our other friends too. We'll find somewhere else to have our meetups with them, and by that time, construction on our house will have started. Until it's done, we can move out and hide somewhere else. I'm done pretending to be what my father wants. We'll go and hide, and while we're there, I'll start painting again, and we're getting your book published. We'll find a way past this. If this experience has taught me anything, it's that life is too short. It's time we started living for ourselves and doing what _we_ want."

Levi started crying all over again, his tears wetting the other boy's shirt. "We will," he gasped. "As soon as I get out of here, I'm yours….but wait, what about Emma?"

He pulled out of the embrace, looking at him worriedly. Eren just smiled sadly and said, "This will be good for her too. She deserves someone who truly loves her and who can give her children. I know she cares for me, and on a certain, humanistic level, I care for her too. But I can't be there for her in the way that she needs because my heart belongs to you."

Levi sniffed, and Eren wiped away his tears with his sleeve. The older man leaned into it, even when he wiped at his nose. The touch was so maternal, so sweet, that he could barely take it. He couldn't stand how comforting it was. Levi ached terribly, knowing that where he was going, he wasn't going to have this sort of comfort, this warm, loving contact, for years.

"God Eren, don't leave me," he found himself saying before he could stop the words. "I mean, I know we don't have a choice, but…I'm scared."

With that, Eren pulled him close again, and Levi hid his fact against his chest. The older man, who normally covered up his fear to the best of his abilities when Eren was around, was doing nothing to hide it now. It was as if the reality of the situation had suddenly hit him, and he knew that no matter what, there was no avoiding the inevitable.

"Maybe there's a way we can escape," Eren tried. "If Mikasa bribed the guards once, maybe we can bribe them again to help us out."

"And then there will be lawmen hunting us down and catching us, and then my punishment will be even worse," Levi pointed out. "It's- I wish I didn't have to go, but I understand. I'll get it over with, and then do everything I can to make sure this never happens again. I just wish I knew what this prison was really going to be like. But from what I've heard, it's not going to be good."

"It won't kill you," Eren reassured him with a slight laugh. "You're made of strong stuff, my Doll. Now, I'll make sure to write you as often as I can, alright? I'll tell you everything that's going on here, and I want you to share your thoughts and feelings with me. If the only way I can comfort you is through my letters, then I'll do so happily. Maybe I can even send you little sketches now and then."

Levi smiled, and Eren could hear it in his voice as he said, "I'd like that very much."

Another pause, and then the boy asked a bit more cheerily, "Oh yes! Where would you like me to pick you up when you get out? I'll let you know when we get closer to the date what place I've picked out for us to go to."

"Hmm…" Levi hummed. "Ah, I've got it. My favorite place. I'll be waiting for you on the hill, how about that?"

"Of course. I should have known. Okay then, I'll meet you there, me and all of our little furry friends. Then our lives will begin, my prince."

The older man couldn't help it; he was overjoyed at the possibility, at the dream that Eren was filling his head with. He pulled out of the embrace again and without caring that Mikasa was in the room, as obviously their relationship was out in the open now, he pecked Eren's lips. But the boy wasn't about to let him leave so fast, and the minute he tried backing away, he pulled him back in for a longer, more affectionate kiss.

Mikasa, who had been watching them chat off and on from the beginning, suddenly felt the need to look away. It was certainly odd for her to see two men kissing, but even more than that, she was surprised by how much it didn't repulse her. Instead, all she saw was the deep love held between her brother and his best friend, though obviously he was much more than that to him. Most married couples weren't even this close that she had seen. She didn't even know if she felt this much affection for her own husband. And here they were, pledging to stay with each other for the rest of their lives, no official marriage contract holding them together. They were together because they wanted to be, not out of any sense of duty, or societal obligations. On the contrary, they were fighting against society, risking everything to be together. But why? Why continue to break the law when they knew it was wrong?

She sighed to herself, already knowing the answer. Because they were in love, of course. Hadn't history already taught her that? She had read _Romeo and Juliet. _People did crazy things when they were in love, including and not limited to, breaking the law. Sometimes the forbidden aspect of it just made it more appealing, but Mikasa knew that wasn't the case here. They just wanted to be with the one they loved without interference.

Not for the first time, she felt sorry for them, but when she saw the proof of their love in front of her eyes, it made it more real, and made her hurt even more for them.

But for the first time, she wished that they could actually be together in the way that they wanted to.

She watched as Levi once more pulled back from her brother's embrace, and said, "Could you do me a favor? Take my ring for me please. I don't want anything to happen to it in the prison. If someone stole it or I lost it, I don't know if I'd recover. But if you have it, I'll know it's safe. You can give it back to me in a couple of years."

Eren blinked at him in surprise, a little apprehensive. Take Levi's ring? But what if he needed that to look at while he was in prison to give him hope that his boy was waiting for him? Then he thought about it, and decided he was right. It would be safer if Eren had it. That way, he'd know exactly where it was and would have peace of mind. It might also give people less of a reason to come after Levi, if people ever got the chance. So, he did as he was asked, waiting until Levi bent his head slightly, before taking the delicate chain in his hands and pulling it up and off his neck. He then draped it over his own head, letting it rest to his ring with a clink. Both of them said the same thing, _Once Upon a Dream, _a reminder of how the first time they had met had been in each other's dreams. They were now each other's dreams come to life, someone whom they never thought they would meet. Encountering each other had been a miracle, one that they didn't take for granted.

Upon seeing the words, Eren couldn't help but start singing their song a bit, swaying in his seat with Levi, as if they were dancing. It had the desired effect, bringing a smile to Levi's face. And then of course, Levi had to join in.

_But if I know you, I know what you'll do,_

_You'll love me at once, the way you did once_

_Upon a dream._

Once they repeated the stanzas a few times, they finally broke down into giggles, the two of them wiping each other's tears away. Eren grinned brightly at him, saying, "There's my happy Doll. No matter what you do, keep smiling for me, yeah? No matter how tough things get, just think of our song and smile, and it might make things a little easier."

"You two," Levi insisted. "If you ever get lonely, please don't isolate yourself further. I don't want you to go to those dark places I've seen you in. it would break my heart. Go to our favorite places, take Prince on a walk, and go to our favorite places. Keep my watch with you too, won't you? Pick it up on the way out, alright? Mikasa should be able to. They had me fill out some forms before court today, and they wanted me to name my next of kin, just in case, so I named her. It's by sheer luck that we look a bit alike and have the same surname. So don't worry, you'll be kept up to date about my business."

Eren was a bit surprised that he had been allowed to do that, considering he himself was Levi's supposed "victim" and Mikasa was his sister. But perhaps he had been able to pull it off because it was a well-known fact that Mikasa had been adopted. For all they knew, maybe she and Levi were blood relatives and they just didn't know it. It didn't matter, he supposed, so long as they bought it.

However, just as the mood lightened, they heard a large thud, followed by some ominous footsteps. Mikasa straightened up, looking as alert as a deer that heard the click of a hunter's rifle. She craned her head, pressing her nose against the glass, before she frantically said, "Eren, we have to go. The transporters are on their way."

Eren and Levi grew rigid, looking at each other with desperate expressions, tears filling their eyes anew. No, this couldn't be happening, they needed more time! But there would never be enough time, would there? Not even if they escaped and ran away and each lived to be one hundred, spending all that time together, there wouldn't be enough time. Shuddering with fear, Eren lunged forward and gripped Levi tightly, and Levi hid his face in his shoulder again with a sob.

"Eren…" Levi cried, "Eren, _Eren!" _

"I'm here," Eren sobbed, "Shhh, please don't- don't cry. It's not forever. It's not forever, love. We'll be together again soon. We're strong, we can do this."

He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Levi or himself in saying that. Truthfully, he didn't know how he was going to make it through Levi's absence either. Already, he could feel his depressive thoughts creeping in, and they terrified him.

Levi dearly wished he could hug Eren back. He struggled against his bonds in a vain hope that he might break free, but of course they held firm. There was no getting free. "Eren please…my Aurora, I love you so much. That will never change, no matter how long we're apart. You told me to smile. Well I want you to smile too. Go out and feel the sun on your face, live freely for me while I'm not there. Sing our song when you miss me, and write me as often as you can. Take care of Prince for me, and…I love you, I can't say that enough. I'll meet you in our special place in two years, and I can't wait to see our new house and start our life together."

Something inside Eren broke afresh; for some reason, it sounded like their wedding vows again, and in this atmosphere, it just hurt all the more. He heard Mikasa hissing his name again, but he ignored her. Instead, he took Levi's face in his hands, and replied to his lover, "Of course. I'll be waiting for you. I'll keep your things safe too. And whenever you become discouraged, or lose hope, just think of me and Prince waiting for you on the hill on a summer day, the grass and sky all golden like it was the first time we made love, yeah? Never lose hope, and I won't either. Like we promised each other at the altar, I'll be loyal and love you first, until the day we move onto the next world."

Right before Mikasa grabbed him, he managed to kiss Levi again, tears streaming down their faces, Eren trying half-heartedly to keep his grip on Levi, but he was no match for his stronger sister. They were ripped away from each other, sobbing and with the other's person's name on their lips. Levi leaned as far forward on the bench as he could without getting up, hands still shackled behind his back, face pinched in pain and tears streaming down his cheeks, before Eren was dragged out of the room and the door was shut, cutting off his view of him.

Mikasa quickly pulled Eren out of sight, down the hall and around a corner. She had to keep a hand on him so that he wouldn't charge back down there and punch someone out. As more guards approached and entered the room they were just in, it looked like he dearly wanted to. When they pulled Levi out of the room, each of them holding one arm and keeping him between them, that urge increased tenfold. They were taking him away from him and he was just sitting here doing nothing. It was torturous.

The minute they were gone, Mikasa let him go, and Eren ran back down the hall and into the room, now empty. There was a window on the wall, right above the bench Levi had been sitting on, which cast sunlight onto the white floor. There were bars on the window as well, but Eren paid them no mind as he hopped up on the bench, kneeling on it, and pushing his face between them. Right outside the window, the carriage that would take Levi away was parked.

He watched, powerless, as Levi soon appeared and was helped up into the carriage. The doors were shut behind him with a clang that even Eren could hear from where he was. It looked pitch black inside the carriage, but at least there were a couple of barred windows for ventilation. Just before the carriage could leave, however, Levi's face appeared in those little windows, his eyes darting back and forth, as if he was looking for something.

Then, they saw the window Eren was looking through, and the boy knew immediately what he had been looking for.

His heart lodged itself in his throat when he saw his love mouthing something that Eren recognized as his name. He mouthed Levi's name back, reaching for him pathetically, his hand hitting the glass. Still, he grasped for him, as he could open the door of the carriage and pull him out. But of course, that was impossible, and all he could was watch Levi's tear filled eyes grow further and further away as the carriage finally began to pull away from the curb. Eventually he disappeared from Eren's sight, and that was when he broke down. He knelt down on the floor, right in the patch of sunlight, face in his hands.

That was when Mikasa, who had been standing outside the door before, stepped in, kneeling down beside him and placing a hand on his shoulder. She kept silent though, staying there as quiet support.

There was nothing she could say, after all.

000

Levi rode in silence in the carriage, sitting down on one of the benches inside once Eren had disappeared from his sight. Now that he couldn't see him anymore, he felt horribly nervous and vulnerable. The worst part, besides that, was just _not knowing. _Prison was going to be much different than just being in holding, much worse, he imagined. He just wanted to get this done and over with, he decided. The sooner he went in and started his sentence, the sooner he could get out.

He wrung his hands the whole way, seeing Eren's tearful face as he left the room and through the window when he had looked out the carriage. This was all his doing. He was the reason for Eren's tears, and though he said he didn't blame him, he still felt that he needed to earn his forgiveness. That would be the first thing he would do when he saw Eren again was to tell him how sorry he was. He knew he would tell him again over and over that it wasn't his fault, but still.

All too soon, it felt like the carriage was slowing down, and when he looked out the window again, he saw that they were still in town. However, he didn't really recognize where they were. On one side was the city, and on the other was a looming building that from what he could see, terrified the daylights of him. But maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad when he saw it up close.

Oh no. When the doors were opened and he was helped by transporters out of the carriage, he saw that the prison was far, far worse than he could have ever imagined.

This had to be a joke. He had heard whispers of this place being referred to as Dracula's castle, but he had thought those people were just exaggerating. But now he could see that it was very appropriate. The place was huge, taking up more than a few city blocks, surrounded by huge brick walls. It must have been inspired by medieval architecture, because it reminded him of an evil castle. The castle of the villain of a fairytale, perhaps. It was grey and somber, and the sunshine that was currently shining down on them did absolutely nothing to help improve the image of the place. He had also heard that this place was built to be intimidating on purpose, so that just the sight of the prison would be enough to deter crime, and he had to be honest, mission accomplished. He was about to wet his pants just at the thought of going inside.

The transporters, once again each of them holding one of his elbows, pulled him forward, leaving him no choice. He dug in his heels for just a moment, but of course it didn't matter. His heart beat so loud he was sure everyone could hear it, and kept beating hard even when they through the iron gates. Once the gates shut behind them with a foreboding clang and they were safely inside, they let go of him, allowing him to walk freely between them. With wide eyes, he looked around everywhere. There were still large, grey walls surrounding them, with deep ditches in front of each wall to prevent escape. Not that he had planned on it, but it was still disconcerting to see.

"Come on Mr. Ackerman," the transporters said gruffly. "You'll have plenty of time to marvel at the architecture when you get inside."

His last thought before being pushed through the sorting gate was wondering whether or not, in spite of his short sentence, he would ever see the light of day, or his beloved, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette Central prison is based off a real prison, Eastern State penitentiary, a famous haunted prison. And if anyone has seen any documentaries on it, you know how awful it is. This is going to be interesting.


	27. The Sound of Silence

Levi didn't know how much more of this place he could take.

He had already been in the prison for a month. One month, and he was already ready to call it quits. He had thought he was so much stronger than this, but of course, he was wrong. Eren had told him not to lose hope, to smile for him, but with each day it was getting harder and harder. Levi thought that when it came to Eren, he could do anything, but he didn't think he could do this.

But it was too late. He had already signed up for two years of this horrible place, and he couldn't take it back now.

During Levi's first week there, honestly, it hadn't been too bad. He could take it okay. He had tried to remain optimistic, but that was hard to do in a place that was designed to break its prisoners, no matter how insignificant their crime. He had heard that as well as those convicted of sodomy, there were also murderers here, and they were all treated the same. He had to admire the idea of the prison, he supposed. It was designed to make them penitent for their crimes, to reform them by giving them plenty of time to think about what they had done and feel remorse for it. However, there was no prison in the world that could make him regret being in love with Eren.

Or so he thought.

This place…this place was inhumane. Its ideas were admirable, but its practices made Levi wonder if he was going to survive. For one thing, the minute he had entered the prison on his first day here, he had barely gotten a look at the inside before men were surrounding him and placing a hood over his head, tying it around his neck. He had struggled for a minute, asking what they thought they were doing, before someone explained what was going on, though it did little to ease his fear.

"We don't let anyone see the inside of the prison except the staff," he heard someone say next to his ear. "That way it discourages escapes and riots, since no one knows the layout. You'll see soon, we value, above all else, silence in Lafayette."

And they were right. He dared even say they went above and beyond the call of duty when it came to achieving their goals. There was nothing that was too extreme for them to try when it came making sure it was quiet. Levi was told that he was going to spend his entire sentence in his cell. There would be no going outside, and if he needed to be moved, they would do so with the hood over his head. The guards themselves were even silent. They said nothing to them; just stood there as a menacing, quiet presence. When Levi did get a glimpse of them, he saw that their shoes had socks over them so that they made no noise when they walked. It was terribly eerie, and they reminded Levi of stalking cats when they walked. They would haunt the hallways like spirits, waiting to catch them doing something that they shouldn't. Usually, that something was making noise of any kind, whether that was just trying to talk to the person in the cell next to them, or singing to themselves, or talking to even themselves. If that happened, the cell door was banged, and they would be told to keep quiet. Some inmates made noise on purpose just so they could be yelled at, anything to break the silence.

Levi's cell door was not just barred; there was a large, oak door covering the bars, so he couldn't see anything at all outside. But he supposed it could be worse. His cell wasn't that bad, though it was horribly plain and white, and made him wish dearly for some colors to liven the place up. He never thought he would die just to have a potted plant in his room, but he was close to doing so. The only window he had to the outside was a skylight in the ceiling that provided ventilation, and a small feeding hole in the wall where meals would be passed to him.

If he was really lucky, they would let him outside for one precious hour every day, but even that area was connected to his cell. Other than that, he never got to see another human presence, and hadn't seen a human face for a month.

It was so ridiculous, even the food cart's wheels were padded in leather so it made no noise, and the pipes which normally would have been humming in his cell with the sounds of water passing through them were in the hallway. Though, he was told that this was also to prevent prisoners from tapping messages to each other, which he had never known they could so such a thing. In a way, he was happy that he was by himself, as it meant he was safe from any of these other crazy people. That had been one of his biggest fears in coming to prison. He knew in the older days, inmates of all kinds were simply thrown together in a holding pen like farm animals, but it was, in many cases, like putting a bunch of chickens in with a fox. The fox would either kill the chickens or teach them even worse predatory behavior and make them more dangerous chickens. So he supposed in that manner, his isolation was okay. As long as he behaved himself, this wouldn't be so bad.

Except after a month, the silence was quite literally driving him insane.

Levi had often spent many days wishing for quiet, or thinking he preferred it after a long day of work. Even during work, it was pretty quiet most of the day. But he supposed he had underestimated just much he depended on the sound of others chatting, or how much he really spoke during the day. He and his coworkers didn't speak much to each other, no, and his patrons didn't talk much among themselves, but it was only now that he realized how much he had taken that for granted. Even when he got home, there were so many times when he wished his neighbors would stop arguing so loudly or do something about their crying children. Even the sounds of people walking on the street below, or the sound of his stove going, or something boiling as he prepared for supper. Later on, he had learned to appreciate the sound of Prince gnawing on a bone or clicking around on his hardwood floors. Now all those sounds were gone, and Levi realized he would do anything to get them back.

Here, the lack of sound was so disorientating that often times he felt dizzy. Even worse, since he couldn't fill the ringing voice with any sounds, sometimes his mind would provide them, especially when it became dark. Oh, the nights were the worst, and it wasn't unusual for him to sleep with a gas lamp on, just so he could stay sane in the dark.

However, it could only help so much.

Some nights, he really did feel crazy. Maybe this place was driving him crazy. He was beginning to hear things and see things. At night, sometimes he would see glowing eyes or white teeth bared at the end of his bed. One time, he swore he woke up with a Mare on his chest, a hairless, snarling little demon with bulging eyes that prevented him from getting up. Many times, the creature's hands would be around his neck so he couldn't scream, could barely breathe. And there was no mirror for him to look into in the mornings so he could see if there was bruising around his neck or not to prove that it had been there. Too many inmates had cracked their mirrors and then used the glass shards as weapons. So it drove him even crazier not knowing.

The voices he heard were like those of what he assumed people in asylums must have heard, and he was beginning to understand why they acted the way they did. On the edge of his hearing, he could swear he heard his name being called, or hearing a man laugh. Sometimes he heard whispers, or growls. Those he could explain away though, as maybe one of the inmates near him acting up. This place was so quiet that he could often hear noises from almost all the way down the cell block. What he couldn't explain was the sound of children's laughter, or women crying. Maybe someone had brought their families to the jail, but he doubted it, not when this place valued silence above all else. And especially didn't explain it when he heard those sounds in the middle of the night when seemingly no one else was around.

Levi wasn't allowed to have anything except a Bible in his room, and wasn't allowed to speak to anyone except a priest that would come once a week. He supposed the Bible would keep him entertained to a degree. It had been a while since he had read it, and he decided he could amuse himself by reading about all the sins he had committed. Even so, the Bible did contain some good stories he remembered enjoying as a kid, and the author in him couldn't help but form those pictures in his head as he read. That was a small reprieve from his loud thoughts that often went in circles and in directions that he didn't like. Most of the time his thoughts would spin off into nonsense directions that frightened him, or reminded him of all his fears and insecurities.

Sometimes though he could get his thoughts to focus on more pleasant things. He was just thankful that even though he was in here for sodomy, they couldn't take away the nice memories he had of spending his nights in Eren's bed. They couldn't take away or control the memories he had of the two of them laughing together, or having picnics on their hill in Levi's favorite place. Whenever he was missing color, he would close his eyes and think of that place, of the patchwork of farmer's fields, looking like a quilt, with the bright blue sky spanning overhead. Whenever he craved sound, he thought of Eren's moans as they made love, or how he'd whisper Levi's name in his ear, or the sound of rain outside their window as they laid in bed together. He would even think of Prince's barking when he caught sight of a bird or another dog and couldn't get to it. Lord, for the number of times he had told his dog to shut up, at the moment he would give anything to hear his yapping.

When the priest came to see him, he found himself asking him about what he thought about the strange voices that he heard sometimes, how he could understand the male voices but not the female or children's voices.

"Well," the priest said slowly, "it could be something mental, something inside your head. Or, I've heard rumors that there are spirits that haunt these hallways of former inmates, as well as the families of staff. Many of those people of course died in violent or mysterious ways, so they're trying to avenge their deaths and look for answers. Some say it's true, some say it's supernatural nonsense. I guess whatever you believe is up to you, but I'd say this prison does tend to hold onto remnants of suffering in many forms."

Well, he had certainly gotten answers, but he had no idea what to do with them. He supposed he had always believed in the supernatural, and even more so now that he was forced to be alone. At that point, he was kind of almost hoping that there were ghosts in the prison so that he'd have someone to talk to. Maybe if one came into his room, he could help it, just to give him something to do besides read the Bible. So, he decided to invite them in.

Big mistake.

In the night, he found himself waking up screaming, unable to handle the sounds of voices whispering in his ears. Even during the day, they wouldn't leave him alone. Sometimes he would feel those lips against his ear as they whispered, their cold, icy breath as they told him things.

"_Follow me into the basement…"_

"_Listen to me- the body is"-_

"_Help me, help me!"_

"_I'm going to tear your heart out with my teeth."_

Sometimes he would even hear a scream, or a loud bang that would startle him just as he was beginning to fall asleep, and then that would prevent him from falling asleep for the rest of the night. It got so that this would happen night after night, until he was afraid to fall asleep anymore.

Of course, the lack of sleep just made things worse.

Levi had done a lot of research in his day as an author, and he had looked up what lack of sleep can do to a person. If someone went without sleep for long enough, it was like being drunk or on very strong drunks in terms of how much your higher mental functions were depleted. Hallucinations were a large part of losing your higher mental functions, and he began to wonder if those were because he was getting absolutely no sleep or because there really were spirits in his cell that were trying to talk to him.

Either way, he couldn't take it anymore.

One day, when a guard passed by, he found himself begging incoherently, for what, he had no idea. He couldn't articulate what he wanted, just that he _wanted. _He was scared beyond imagination, and he didn't care how the staff hurt him, as long as they would get him out of this cell. If they wanted to leave him outside in the elements, that would be alright. If they wanted to hang him up by his thumbs, he would take it gladly. If they wanted to splash water on him and throw him outside in the middle of winter, he would freeze to death gladly.

He just wanted to _get out. _

"Help me," he babbled to the guard through his feed hole, "hurt me if you- hurt me. Get me out. Spirits driving me mad, another cell, another."

"Oh shut up you," the guard started to say, but Levi kept going, sounding so genuine in his fear that it affected him more greatly than he thought it would.

"_Please!" _Levi almost screamed. His throat felt raw from all the crying he had been doing in the past few days, all the times he had cried for help and found none. "I'll do anything! Just help me!"

"If you don't cut it out you're going in the Hole, you hear me?"

Levi had heard of the Hole, heard that it was the worst possible place in the prison, but he had no idea why. At the moment, he didn't care either; anything was better than being stuck here with the ghosts. Maybe if he moved somewhere else, they wouldn't be able to find him. So, he kept pounding on the walls, trying to convey his agreement, that yes, they could take him anywhere they wanted as long as it wasn't here. He could hear some of the other inmates also acting up in response to his cries.

"I've heard the ghosts too!"

"Get me out of here, we're going to die!"

"Put me in the Hole, I don't even care!"

The guard unlocked and then burst into Levi's room, looking quite angry and desperate to stop the noise. He charged over to the smaller man, cuffing his hands and putting the black hood over his head, and Levi didn't fight him, behaving so that he could get what he wanted. He even let the guard manhandle him out of the cell, practically running out alongside him. He was still crying, still babbling, wishing he could stop because he could hear the how angry the guard was getting in how he snarled in his ear to be quiet, and feel his grip tighten on his arm so hard he sword he could feel the bone grinding under his grip. It made him shriek and the tears come out faster, and likewise the hold tighten and the voice angrier. It was impossible to stop though, and he kept crying all the way down to the Hole.

They walked for quite a while, and Levi could tell immediately that he was someplace he didn't want to be. The air was damper, more moldy smelling. It was colder, the central heating he was used to taken away. He could hear water dripping and the sound echoing as it did so, as if he was inside a cave. He began shivering, tossing his head so he could get the bag off and see where he was. The guard grabbed the bottom of the bag around his neck, squeezing it so that it made it harder to breathe. Levi stopped struggling without the guard even telling him anything; the physical threat was more than enough.

When they finally stopped, he heard a door creak open loudly, and it was clear that the door was not maintained or used very often. From inside came a fresh draft of wet, musty air, something he could smell even though the bag. He recoiled away from it, trying to take a step back, but the guard held him firm. The bag was ripped off his head, and he gasped, though the air outside the bag was not any fresher than inside the bag. And when his vision cleared, all he could see was a crushing, open, black maw rising before him, the shine of dampness on the stone walls on the outsides of the huge oak door.

That was all he was able to see, before the guard said, "Say hello to your new cell until you calm the hell down."

He was pushed into the cell then with a hand to his upper back. The guard was so large that he was easily able to overpower Levi, and send him not only into the cell, but sprawling on the hard floor. Once he was in, the door was slammed behind him with an echoing clang that vibrated through Levi's bones.

The first thing he noticed after the guard left was that it was utterly, _horrifically, _quiet. So quiet, violently so. He could hear every beat of his heart, every pulse of his blood as it moved through his veins. His blood roared in his ears, and the ringing started. But more than that, so much worse than that…

…oh God…

It was _dark _in here.

If there was a Hell, it definitely wasn't lit with fires for people to suffer in. When people went there, they wouldn't burn to death for all eternity. No, this is what Hell would be like: dark, cold, and quiet as quiet could be. He couldn't see his own hand in front of his face, no matter how close or far away it was, and there was no light anywhere near his cell, either under the crack of his door, or anywhere.

"Hey!" he found himself crying out, "is anyone here? I can't be alone down here, there has to be someone else."

He received no answer but the sound of his own echo. He tried again, but nothing. Oh God no, he really was alone, he realized. All by himself down here, surrounded by nothing but darkness. He got up, trying to feel his way around, seeing how big the cell was. It was quite sizable, about the size of his regular cell. There was a bed he bumped into, but it was a lot less comfortable, the mattress a lot thinner, with only one thin blanket full of holes. There was also a toilet in the form of a bucket, that from the smell he could tell hadn't even been emptied since the last inmate was in here. However, that was all that was in that room.

Levi eventually found the door again, and against all logic began shaking it, seeing if it was old and decrepit enough for it to simply open and fall away. No such luck, of course. The door held firm, blocking any hope Levi had. He backed away from the door, his breath coming terribly loud in the silence, until all he could hear his own wheezes in the darkness. Panic set in rapidly, and he felt so sick from it that he felt he was going to throw up. He had to calm down quickly, he knew, or everything would become much worse.

Backing up, he felt around again for the bed, and when he found it, he sat down, trying to do so before his trembling legs sent him falling back down on the ground. He then laid down and curled up, shutting his eyes tightly, trying to pretend that the darkness didn't exist beyond his closed eyelids. Instead he was somewhere safe.

Perhaps waiting for Eren to climb into bed with him.

Just the thought of his boy was enough to make him start sobbing all over again. True, happy thoughts of him had helped him through some of his worst times here thus far, but he wasn't sure they would help anymore. It was so dark, so horrifying, that just thinking wasn't going to be enough to soothe him. It was too dark to think, too dark to remember what light even looked like, even in his memories. He had to speak, to remind himself that he _existed_, that he hadn't spun away into some far corner of the universe. This was like some alien planet where he no longer had any idea who he was, and he felt like he was drifting away.

But would he be punished for speaking aloud in here? He hadn't been when he called out a moment before. Only one way to find out.

"Eren," he whispered, and then waited to be yelled at. But nothing happened; it remained dead quiet, save for the echo of his own voice. So, he repeated his boy's name louder. "Eren, Eren."

It seemed to help a bit, listening to his boy's name reverberating around him. At least it wasn't silent anymore. And as long as he could hear his own voice, then the voices that were produced from his own mind ceased.

At least, for a little while.

Levi wasn't sure how long he was in the Hole for before he ran out of things to say to himself, or when the sound of his own voice no longer blocked out the things he thought he was hearing. He swore he heard creaks, or footsteps walking down the hall. But when he called out, no one answered. He also swore he heard skittering and scratching, as well as disembodied screams, that subsequently made him scream and cry. Like a child, he couldn't decide whether to hide on top of the bed or below it. Either option offered about the same amount of protection.

Sleep in this place was about the same as waking, and anymore he couldn't tell if he was asleep or awake. It was just as dark when he closed his eyes as when he opened them. His dreams were about as horrific as his waking moments too. There were many times he saw scary images on the walls. He saw white faces, sometimes with black eyes and gaping mouths, or without them. Sometimes he saw pigs with red eyes, or specters standing at the foot of his bed. He felt them scratching him, biting him, or was he doing that to himself? He didn't know anymore.

"Eren!" he would cry out, though he wasn't necessarily calling out for his boy to save him. It was more as if he was saying his name was a prayer to banish evil. It was the name of a great good to get rid of a great evil. He had no other weapons at his disposal. Levi would try and fight back, try to punch and scratch, but it had no effect on these things, whether they were really there or not.

"Eren!" he kept shouting, "Eren? Eren! Aurora…Aurora, Eren…"

Levi could hear the monsters panting, just outside the radius of the circle of protection his words invoked. They wanted him, but how, he didn't know. Did they want his soul? His body? Both? He didn't want to find out. He curled up on the bed, rocking back and forth, holding his head, his frantic breathing echoing around the walls.

He screamed.

000

Eren often found himself passing by the jail, whether he meant to or not. He and his dogs, including Prince, would walk by, staring up at the towering, bleak grey walls. The sight alone was to make him shiver with unease, and the dogs never wanted to go anywhere near it.

But unfortunately it was the closest he would ever be able to get to Levi again until his sentence was over.

Unlike some prisons, where one was allowed to visit their friends and relatives, Lafayette would allow no such thing. When he had tried to write a letter to Levi, under a different name of course, his letter was sent back. That was when he had confronted someone at the prison and found out that no outside contact was allowed. The purpose of the prison was total isolation, the idea that if the prisoners were separated from outside influences, and only had access to religion, they might begin to change their ways because they would see the error of them. Of course, it had enraged Eren, and he had called them a few choice names before departing.

He leaned against the wall, the part of the prison that he as a member of the outside world was allowed to see or touch, and looked up towards the top. The sky was overcast today.

"At least you're not missing much in terms of the weather, Levi," he said quietly. "Even though we're into spring now. But hey, guess what? I've started construction on our house. They told me it'll definitely be several years before it's done, but we've waited this long. I've spared no expense on it. So it'll be worth it. And I suppose if you must, you might as well spend it in there. Ah, my poor Doll."

The dogs were starting to pull on their leashes, trying to remove him from the situation since it seemed to make him so sad. He sighed, and with one last, lingering look towards the prison, he allowed them to pull him away.

Since he wasn't allowed to talk to Levi through letters, he found himself talking aloud to him quite a bit. He knew it was odd, but he was so used to having the other man around to speak to, that suddenly not having him there was too odd, so he filled the void by saying what he might have said to him if he was present. He got several looks from people of course as he passed them, but he disguised it by pretending to speak to his dogs.

He just couldn't take the silence.

Eren promised that he would take Levi's dog for a walk every day, and take care of him otherwise, and of course he had done exactly as he had promised. Poor Prince. The first night Levi didn't come home, he sat in his bedroom and whined, sniffing all over. When Eren came into the room to feed him, he barked accusingly at the boy, like he would be able to produce his master if he made enough noise at him. Of course, every night, he had invited Prince to sleep in his bed with him, unable to stand the sound of him making his little whines as he hopped up in Levi's empty bed and wandered around, sniffing for him. He could tell that he appreciated Eren's company, but it was only a substitute until his actual master came back.

Levi was very lucky to have a dog like Prince. But of course he was as loyal as he was, despite being a terrier, who were more like cats than dogs most days in terms of how independent they were. He had cared about Levi enough to save his life during a fire, as well as kill any mice that wandered into his room, often leaving them on the rug next to Levi's slippers in the morning, much to the older man's horror.

"Don't worry pup, your dad will be home soon enough," he assured the dog, who trotted along the sidewalk happily.

He just hoped that was true.

When he got home, Emma was waiting for him, kissing him when he walked through the door. After handing his jacket and hat to one of the butlers, Emma knelt down to unleash the dogs. They ran into the rest of the house when they were free, tags jingling as they ran. After standing up again, she asked him, "Have a good walk?"

"Oh yeah," he answered nonchalantly, following her into the house. "It's cloudy, but warm. Not too bad."

"And you're okay?"

"Um…yes? Why?" Well that had certainly had caught him off guard.

"Well, just, I'm here if you need anything," she assured him. "And just know, no matter what your father says, we don't have to try for a child any night you don't feel like it. Seriously. After what happened to you, you shouldn't allow him to control that aspect of your life."

Oh. He resisted sighing heavily. Ever since the trial, she had treated him much differently. She was too understanding, acting like he was a fragile child that might break at any moment. He supposed he couldn't blame her, considering what she believed happened to him. She even believed that because he had been "raped," that was the cause of his erectile dysfunction around her. He hated perpetrating this cruel lie, hated that now she hated Levi, refused to even speak his name in fear of "triggering" him. This was just too awful, but what could he do?

He supposed that when it was time to leave, he would have to leave her a note, explaining that what Levi had said in court was a lie, and that he was perfectly happy and in love with him. It might hurt her, but she deserved to be with someone else that could be with her the way she needed. He would just have to keep that in mind while he waited for Levi to be released. For now, he would have to keep putting up the façade.

"I know," he replied. "Thank you. You're the kindest wife one could ask for."

And the silence kept ringing out.


	28. I'll Wait For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll keep  
Remembrances of you  
Until heaven takes me, with him...  
I'll need it to survive...  
Without your love!
> 
> Please remember me...  
Oh, please remember me  
Just remember me...  
'Cause I'll remember you... -Remember Me, Ivan Torrent

Levi later found out that he had been left in the Hole for a month. An entire month. Because every time someone went down there to check on him, he had still been screaming, so they had left him in there. They were waiting for him to be completely silent for more than one day, and it was only after that, did they finally deem him stable enough to take him out and place him back into his old cell.

He was never the same after that.

Of course, no one could blame him. He couldn't even blame himself. Deep down, he knew that the Hole would change him irreparably, even though he tried to prevent that. He tried to immerse himself in his happy memories, even in the darkness. But that was when he found out that he needed just the tiniest sliver of light in order to access those happy memories. So, he was out of luck, and the darkness invaded every pore of his body. Even when he left the Hole, it stayed with him, a heavy cloud constantly crushing him. He could practically see it escaping him as vapor, practically infecting everyone around him.

Sleep was a permanently unobtainable thing to him now, as well as happiness. He never slept anymore, always on guard to fight the spirits that constantly tormented him every moment. It was as if they waited for the moments he was about to fall asleep, before screaming in his ear and jolting him violently awake. His nerves were frayed and he was always on edge, shaking, like a drug addict that had been deprived of the drug that allowed him to function. Except for him, that drug was just simple things like sleep and happiness.

Good memories no longer came to him, replaced now by terror and blackness. He forgot anything that wasn't terror and blackness, forgot the meaning of sunshine and the significance of the blue sky. He didn't know how to smile anymore, or relax. He was constantly in a fetal ball, staring straight ahead, hearing voices argue and whisper constantly, since there was no noise in this lit cell either to fill the void. He no longer cared if they were real or if they were a product of his mind. To him, they were his reality.

He had no idea how long he remained like that. Was it months? Years? He seemed to recall, when he could find the energy to pay attention to the world around him, that it had been a year since he had arrived there, but he could have been completely wrong. He was now a model inmate, completely quiet and compliant, doing whatever anyone asked. Though, he never read the Bible left for him anymore, and if someone tried to give him something to do, such as attempting to teach him to make shoes, he would ignore him and just stare at the wall. If he tried to explain that he was watching for spirits, they left his cell in a rush, afraid.

It was a far cry from how he used to be, wanting everyone to like him and be scared that someone wouldn't like him. But now he didn't care what anyone thought of him anymore, because he knew what he saw. And he knew better than to ask to be moved to a new cell, because the spirits told him that they would follow him no matter where he went. They were determined to swallow everything about him: his light, his goodness, and his individuality. Now he was just another insane person in prison. His dreams, his love, and his beauty were lost to the wind.

This was Levi's day to day life, though for him, day or night had no meaning anymore. It was all one continuous stream of screaming, silence, and horror with no breaks. He found himself praying daily for a reprieve, even though he knew he wouldn't get one. He didn't even know how he would get a reprieve in a place like this, except to be set free.

There was no way he was going to be able to last another year here.

And worse, in a tiny corner in the back of his mind, where that last sliver of light that still held on in spite of the dark, he couldn't but think of how Eren would react to this new Levi when he was released. He remembered how they discussed a bit before he was arrested that Levi would still love Eren even if, later in life, his mental illness overtook him. He wondered if the reverse would be true. His kneejerk response was to say yes, of course Eren would love him no matter what. But how would he deal with Levi's sick self for the rest of their lives? If they really were going to move away where no one would be able to find them again, it was going to be a careful, delicate process that required a lot of stealth. If Levi was in a permanent state of panic and couldn't see what was right in front of him, it was going to be a lot more difficult to do so. He might not want to deal with Levi day to day, or even feel safe being in the same house with, especially if that house was cut off from the rest of society.

Oh God, what if he tried to hurt Eren because his mind perceived him as a threat?

No, more likely, Levi realized, Eren and his family would more than likely ship him off to an asylum because they wouldn't want to deal with his new mental process and outbursts. He knew he certainly wouldn't want to deal with them. And if he went to an asylum, he had no doubt he would die there like Eren's mother did.

Levi shivered. He had heard even more horror stories about what asylums were like than prisons, and he had researched quite a bit on them. If he went there, there was even less of a chance of him getting out than there was of him getting out of prison. If he went to an asylum, especially if it got out that he preferred men, they would no doubt try to "cure" him, and he had heard one of the ways they tried curing people like him was to castrate them. And well, that was a good way to ensure that no one would want him ever again, even if he did get out. He had also heard that asylums, much like prisons, were dark, dirty places full of screaming patients and disease, thanks to the fact that they were overpopulated. The patients would be left alone for days, left to wander naked, getting their excrement all over the floor. Sometimes the staff would murder the patients just to stop them from screaming, or give them lobotomies. Sometimes the staff were driven made themselves and became one of the patients.

Levi was almost surprised he hadn't been sent there instead of here, but he supposed he was lucky. At least here he was alone. But that was the problem, wasn't it? He had forgotten what human warmth felt like, or a gentle voice sounded like. Ever since he had gotten here, he hadn't been touched once, except to be transported. He hadn't been spoken to gently, except by the priest, who always looked at him with pity, especially when he began to grow crazier. He could tell he was getting tired of dealing with him, that he was just wasting his time because all he would do was babble nonsense about spirits and how he couldn't get them to leave him alone. Well, there was nothing anyone could do about that, and no one believed him even anyway. He was utterly alone in his suffering with no help of comfort. And at this point, it was between remaining here and being shipped off to an asylum.

There really was no hope, was there?

Perhaps when he realized that, when he figured that there was no hope of escape with Eren when he got out, that Levi began to give up. The start of his downfall had been to give into the spirits that his mind perceived, but then he began to neglect his body, not caring what happened to it anymore. He didn't pay any attention to the food that was left for him, or the water. And when the staff noticed this, they began to take more drastic measures, pulling him out of his cell and force feeding him by pushing a tube down his throat. He didn't even fight them. Often he would go back to his cell and throw his food back up, not always on purpose. Sometimes this happened on the way back to his cell, and he would nearly breathe it back in again because of the hood.

Speaking of the hood, whenever he put it on, he often smelled the person that had worn it before him, and since none of them were allowed to shower, it of course did not smell good. Sometimes the smell was enough to make him retch. And because he usually smelled the person that had worn it before him, that was enough of an indication to him that it wasn't regularly washed.

Perhaps that was how he had gotten sick.

Maybe, it was just the combination of stress, weakness, and lack of energy in his body. Maybe his mind was just too weak to register what was going on, but it took him a while to realize that he was in fact, ill. At first he had thought it had just been a cold. He had the aching head, the runny nose, and the sore throat. But it soon grew a lot worse than that. His headache became more severe, like his head was trying to split apart. He couldn't abide any light at all, often whimpering to himself because it was so painful to his sensitive eyes. Most of the day he would put his thin blankets over his head to try and get away from it, a far cry to how he used to be, always seeking the light. The cough he developed did not help his headache, and his fever made him feel so hot that he often found himself removing his clothes, uncaring of who saw him.

He tried to lay very still, sleep coming to him in fits and spurts. He didn't have a choice in the matter now; his body was becoming so exhausted from being sick that he often fell asleep without realizing it. But one thing that didn't change was the nightmares, now more vivid because of his fever. But he was weak enough that he had no strength to fight the monsters in his dreams, and often they killed him in his sleep. When he woke up, it took him a moment to realize that he was in fact still alive and breathing.

This turned into a vicious cycle for days, where the little bit of sleep he got meant nothing and did nothing for him. It was around over a week later, where he didn't feel any better but worse, that he got the rash, and knew that this wasn't just a cold. The rash was so severe that some of it was purple instead of red, starting on his torso and then eventually spreading to his extremities. It itched and was sore, but no matter how much he scratched it, it didn't help.

No one wanted to help him either. In fact, once the guards realized he was sick, they kept their distance, muttering something about, "jail fever, he's a goner," and, "spend our resources on those that need it, not him." It was awful. He wanted to ask for their help, something to relieve the fever, to cool him down. He was so hot he couldn't stand it.

And of course, things didn't get better, no matter how much sleep he got or how much water he managed to force down his throat. Eventually, even that became difficult to do as it became harder to swallow. All he could do was spend his days in bed, panting as he fought to get enough air into his lungs, fluid filling them up. He was so hot that it was as if he could feel his brain cooking, and at around two or so weeks of feeling this sick, the delirium started.

It wasn't as if Levi was a stranger to delirium at this point. In fact, he and hallucinations were old friends. But in this case, they were just as vivid in the daylight as they were in the dark, waking dreams that would carry him away for a bit only to drop him back in that cell. They were disorientating, frightening, and sickening. He was left to lay there in his own excrement and vomit, talking and muttering to himself, reaching for the air like he was grasping for something but couldn't quite reach it.

That was around the time that Eren began to appear to him.

Seeing his boy should have struck him as odd, and at first it did. His first response to seeing him standing in his cell was, "I thought you weren't allowed to visit?"

Eren just shrugged. "I snuck in."

"Well, just make sure no one sees you. They think you raped me. It'll look strange if you're here visiting with me."

Eren walked over to his bed and sat down with him, placing his hand on his head. It was nice and cool, and he leaned into it with a whine of relief. "Poor thing. You've certainly looked better, haven't you?"

Levi tried to reply, but it came out more slurred. His tongue felt swollen in his mouth, and he felt too confused. What had he wanted to say anyway? Eren kept pushing his bangs out of his face, saying, "That's alright. You don't have to say anything. I'll just keep talking."

How did he know that that was exactly what he needed? So Eren kept talking, speaking about happy things, memories Levi hadn't thought of in a long time. He thought of their happy place on the hill, going to Eren's jobs with his dogs him, going for walks in the park. The joy of finishing his book, Eren drawing illustrations for it on his bed behind him. The two of them sharing secret kisses behind the curtains, or tea in the parlor. Helping Eren cook, seeing the other man's face light up as tried something Levi made for him, or watching a new litter of puppies being born. He told him all of these wonderful stories in that lovely, hypnotic voice that Levi had come to love. It was the voice that soothed him through his darkest times, one that he had come to treasure. His hand ran through his hair, down his face and neck, pulling him into a sweet sleep.

For a few days, though he couldn't discern between one and the next, so it could have been just a few hours, Eren appeared to him, being there when he fell asleep and when he woke up. Maybe he was just another spirit, but at the same time, he supposed he didn't care. Whatever helped him sleep, or relax, or not feel the pain of his lungs filling up with fluid, or the horrible headache that crushed his temples.

One day, during the night, Levi woke up, wheezing softly, the only sound he could hear. His own breaths sounded sick and rattled horribly in the stillness. They were getting harder and harder to draw in, but his body commanded him to try. They were all he could hear in the blackness.

In. And out. In…and out. In and…out.

His eyes were cracked open, or were they? His body was now too heavy to move, and he didn't know if that was due to his sickness, or something deeper. Maybe his body had turned to stone and he just didn't realize it. He wasn't sure of anything anymore, other than he had never felt worse in his life, and at this point he was willing to do anything to make it stop.

And like a miracle, Eren appeared, standing just a foot away from his bed, hands behind his back, and a blinding grin on his face. How he had missed that smile. He looked like a happy child, rocking on his heels. He was holding out his hand for Levi.

"Hey Doll," he said cheerily. "Come with me. I have something I want you to see. It's a place where you won't be hurting anymore. I know you've been feeling awful lately, and I feel so bad that I haven't been able to make you feel better. But I found this place for us, and it should make you feel better. You'll recognize it too!"

A place where the pain would go away? That sounded wonderful. His precious Eren, always coming through in the end for him. However…

"Can't move," he rasped, his barely more than a breath with some inflection. He was sure that Eren couldn't understand what he said, but he was wrong.

"Sure you can," Eren assured him. "I'll help you, yeah? Just take my hand."

He pushed his hand a little further in front of the other man's face. Would it really be that easy? Well, Eren had made the impossible happen for them before. So, he decided to trust him. It didn't even occur to him that there was no escaping the prison, so how was Eren going to take him to this special place?

Only one way to find out.

Levi struggled a bit, steeling himself. His lungs shuddered a bit, and then exhaled one, deep sigh. His hand touched Eren's, though he had no idea how he had managed to lift it. But the minute it did, it was as if new strength had flooded his body. The heaviness vanished as if it had been blown away by a strong breeze, and a light appeared in his cell. It was like the sun had dropped from the sky and was pressed against the wall, but he was still able to look at it without it hurting his eyes. When the light appeared, Eren offered him another smile, gripping his hand even tighter, and began to lead him into it, saying, "This way."

The light was so warm, and he swore he could smell fresh air coming from it. And were those birds chirping? Indeed, it smelled very familiar, so, with an excited wiggle, Levi bounded after him, both of them walking into the light.

Warmth and tenderness embraced him the minute he stepped into it, and he it was so beautiful, so sweet, like being held. And after a year of going without touch, it made Levi's eyes fill with tears. But when he saw where they were when the light cleared away from his eyes, the tears rolled down his cheeks in earnest. Because all around him, there was gold. Golden sky, golden grass, and golden leaves. This place was on the cusp of fall, at the tail end of summer, that bridge between warm weather and beautiful scenery. The air was crisp and sweet, warm and clear. A breeze blew by, ruffling his bangs, and he lifted his head, closing his eyes as he took it in.

When he opened them, he looked all around, and knew instantly where he was. This was his favorite place, the hill with the tree on top of it. He had made it! The place where he and Eren said they would meet when he got out! He couldn't believe it. Eren had made the impossible happen again, and now that he was free, it was time for them to start their new life together.

But…where was Eren?

He looked beside him, and the boy was no longer holding his hand. In fact, when he looked down at his hands, he saw that the rash was gone, and that his skin was clear, beautiful alabaster once more. He heard his name being called by Eren, but it was as if the voice was right beside him. He looked up at the hill, and saw that he had somehow already gotten there. He was waving to Levi, and the older man didn't hesitate, racing forward, unable to keep the smile off his face. And unlike many other occasions of running up the hill, he wasn't tired this time, or out of breath. He felt like he could run like this forever.

When he reached the top of the hill, Eren held out his arms for him, and Levi dove into them, knocking him over with an "oof!" of surprise. But Eren held onto him fast, and pulled him down with him. Even that, for some reason, made Levi laugh like an idiot, and when they landed in the grass, some blades flying up around them, he propped himself up on his hands. Eren was dressed in one of Levi's favorite outfits on him, a loose white shirt and dark trousers, the neck unbuttoned so he could see his chest. His long hair was unbound and wild, laying around his shoulders. He looked so warm and windblown, a drink of water after almost two years of thirst. He leaned down and kissed him deeply and desperately, wanting him to know just how much he missed him, and he tasted just the way he remembered. Eren caressed his shoulders, kissing him back just as eagerly, having missed him just as much. His fingers tangled in Levi's hair, and he arched into him, wanting to be as close as possible.

That kiss seemed to last for an eternity, and yet not long enough. Levi didn't feel the need to pull apart for air, and the sun shone down on them, warming them both. When they finally did pull apart, a ray of sunlight peeked from between their bodies, bathing them both in a lovely glow.

"My Aurora," Levi said with reverence. "You have no idea how much I've longed for this moment. I've missed you so."

Eren laughed. "I have some idea, for I've missed you just as much. My life hasn't been whole since you left, and every day has felt like a small eternity. But now that you're back, I feel like I can breathe again."

"Yes." One of Levi's tears dripped off the end of his nose and glistened in the sunlight, before it landed in Eren's hair. "You saved me. Again. How did you know the very moment I needed you?"

"I always seem to know when you need me. I knew you needed me when we first met in our dreams, you know. I saw you then, and you seemed so sad that I couldn't help but take you into my arms and hold you. I didn't know your name, but I knew I wanted you to smile."

Oh, Levi remembered those dreams. He would be alone in the darkness, and then it would lift away as a beautiful man took him into his arms, asking him if he wanted to dance. The man never had a face he could see, always blurred, but he still felt familiar. So Levi had filled in the face he wanted. But he would have never dreamed that an actual man would come into his life that would fulfill his every fantasy; to dance with him, love him in spite of his insecurities, and would pledge to spend his life with him.

Eren really was his dream come true.

"And you're mine," the boy told him, as if he could read his mind. Maybe he could here. He brushed some of Levi's black hair out of his face. "Now we never have to be apart again."

Levi found himself crying even more just from sheer happiness. He would never have to spend one more day apart from the most important person in life, never have to face the dark alone again. His fairytale would have a happy ending. "You have our house waiting for us then?"

"Of course. It's beautiful Levi, you'll love it. There's a huge window with a window seat that looks out over the ocean. I had it built for you because I knew you'd love to sit there and read. I have my own seat right next to yours so I can look at the ocean while I paint it. I have some stained glass windows too of scenes from our favorite fairytales, and some hearts place in the windows."

"So that no matter where I go, I'll know you love me," Levi repeated, remembering what his boy had told him years ago when he had first mentioned the house.

"And there's a cute little kitchen," Eren continued. "All for you. You choose what you want in there, because I feel like if I try and help anyway you'll just shoo me out."

"Damn straight I will. You stay out of my kitchen. Only the dogs can come in there and help me clean up anything I drop."

"They're going to get fat, Levi."

The older man snickered at that. "And what about my library? Did you give yourself an art studio too?"

"Of course I did," Eren replied indignantly. "And a huge bed, so we can fit ourselves and all those dogs. And so we can mangle ourselves into any weird sex positions we want to try out."

Levi lightly tapped him on the top of the head. "You horny bastard."

Eren just laughed, and pulled him down so that Levi was laying flush against him, face buried in his shoulder. Levi held him back, nuzzling him against the side of his face. For the first time in a long time, everything was right in the world.

At least, it was until Eren began to fade away.

It started off as barely noticeable. His boy just felt a little colder than normal, and then when he started feeling really cold, Levi sat up, and noticed that Eren's body was becoming see-through. He gasped, and when he did, Eren sat up as well, seeing what he saw. He looked at Levi in a panic, eyes wide with terror.

"No," he said, shaking his head, "no, no no, I can't be leaving. Not yet! We have to- we have to go together! No I don't want to leave you here! I said we'd both leave here together and start our new lives!" He looked up at the sky. "Why does he have to stay? Let me take him with me, please, he doesn't deserve this! He's mine, and I'm his. We can't be separated, not like this…"

"Eren?" Levi asked with growing concern, his panic affecting him as well. "What are you talking about? What do you mean we're going to separated? You can't go! I just got you back!"

"I…" For once, Eren seemed to be at a loss for words. His body grew fainter and fainter, disappearing no matter how tightly Levi tried to hold onto him. Soon he was nothing more than a faintly warm outline under his palms. And when that happened, the boy bowed his head in resignation. When he raised it again, there was a sad smile on his face, and he looked like he was trying to hold back tears. "I'm sorry Levi, but it looks like we'll have to wait a little longer to start our new life. Just wait here for me until then, yeah?"

Levi sobbed, saying just before Eren disappeared into a fine mist of light, "I'll wait as long as I have to. I promised to be loyal, and loyal I'll stay. Our dream isn't over yet, my love."

000

Those words echoed in Eren's head as he sat up in bed with a gasp. He looked in every direction, wondering where Levi was. He had just been here. He could still feel the warmth of his body on his hands, the sweetness of his kiss tingling on his lips. But Levi was nowhere to be found. Of course he wasn't. It was just a dream; Levi was still in jail. Still, Eren thought as he rubbed at his eyes, it had been a strange, very vivid dream, almost as if it had really happened.

He shook his head, trying to get his bearings. Emma was still asleep beside him, at least for now. She would probably wake up soon, after he got out of bed and she noticed she wasn't there. Prince was curled up against him. He felt a strange sort of pride that for whatever reason, Prince never wanted to sleep next to Emma. Just him. Maybe it was because he had known him longer, or just associated him with Levi. Either way, he always chose to sleep next to Eren, and he often fell asleep petting him.

Wanting to shake the dream, he got out of bed, Prince immediately waking up with him and following him as he put on his slippers and headed out into the kitchen. He yawned and pushed his hair behind his ears so he could see, Prince clicking at his heels. Mikasa was already sitting at the table, waiting for breakfast to be served. She was visiting for the weekend, and he had no idea how much he missed her presence in the house until she didn't live there anymore.

"Morning lazy ass," she quipped as she flipped through the paper.

Eren scoffed. "Well, I'm sorry. I had a really weird dream and I literally just woke up from it, otherwise I'd have been up sooner."

"What kind of weird dream?" she asked idly, and he could tell she really didn't care. Still, he was going to tell her anyway.

But before he could, there was a knock on the door. The two of them looked at each other, wondering who would be here at such an hour. Someone for their father maybe? They watched as the butler answered the door, and then shortly after that, led their guest into the kitchen. He was dressed in a dark, smart suit, making Eren feel very self-conscious about the fact that he was still in his pajamas.

Mikasa got up first, and the man said to her, "Miss Ackerman?"

Ackerman had been her name before she got married, but still she answered, "Yes, that's me."

His demeanor changed a bit, and he said somberly, "I'm coming to you as a representative of Lafayette Central prison. I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"Bad news?" She looked between him and Eren, who was getting more nervous by the minute.

"Yes," the man told her. "I'm afraid I have to inform you that guards checked on Levi Ackerman this morning and found him dead in his cell. They believe he passed away during the night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, I promised a happy ending. That still hasn't changed. Thank you prince-rivailles for the awful/wonderful song inspiration for this chapter lol. But if anyone is curious, Levi had typhus, also called jail fever, and a major killer of inmates at this time.


	29. Sleeping Beauty

Once those words were uttered, Eren was never the same.

It was as if the boy shut down, and yet didn't. The words penetrated his ears, but he didn't process them. It was just so horrific, that his mind just chose to deny what was being said. So when the representative of Lafayette sad that Levi was dead, that when they had found him, his expression had been oddly peaceful and happy, his response was to laugh.

"Yeah sure," he said, as he turned around and started leaving the room. "Levi wouldn't leave me. We made a promise."

Mikasa's mouth fell open as she gazed at him. "Eren"-

"This guy is full of shit," his words echoed. "Levi wouldn't abandon me. He promised."

Nothing anyone said made any difference. He would let anyone invade his fantasy world where Levi would be coming home and waiting for him in just a few short months. What did they know anyway? They were crazy! The whole world had been against them from the beginning, and this was just another plot to drive them apart. Well, it wasn't going to work. The justice system had already taken Levi away from him once, and he refused to believe their lies. He promised to be loyal, and loyal he'd stay. Other people might give up on Levi coming home, but not Eren. Never Eren.

Besides, why would Levi pass away just a few short months before he was supposed to get out of prison?

Eren heard something about how it would take a while before his body would be released back home, and that they could use that time to prepare for a funeral. Again, Eren paid it no mind. Time continued to roll on, and Levi was due to come home soon. That was all that mattered.

When the day finally came, Eren ascended the hill with all of his dogs, his bags packed, as well as some bags full of Levi's things. His heart leapt with excitement, because this was it. This was the day when their lives would begin, and he had been dreaming out it ever since Levi had left. So, with the dogs happily frolicking around him, he stood at the very top of the hill, underneath the tree, looking out over the land. The sun of late spring was warm on his face, and he felt like he was literally on top of the world. He raised his head, feeling like a prince waiting for his bride to come running into his arms. He touched Levi's ring around his neck, and felt the weight of Levi's watch in his pocket. He couldn't wait to give them back to him, to see the overjoyed look on his face.

Today, the hero was going to win and the darkness in their lives was going to be defeated, as it should be.

So, Eren waited. And waited. And kept waiting, even as the sun began to set. He waited until it sunk over the horizon and the fireflies popped up and started blinking in the grass. He waited until the dogs fell asleep all around him and his bags grew heavy on his back. But still Levi never showed up. He never came running out of the woods. It wasn't like his dream, where all he had to do was wave and Levi came flying up the hill towards him, leaping into his arms. But why? What had happened to him? Nothing would have kept Levi away from him, nothing in the world.

Wait…unless….

Maybe they hadn't won against the villains in their lives yet after all. Maybe they had done something to Levi, something else to keep them apart. Of course…the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Since he didn't know where Levi was now, he was just going to have to be patient and wait for him to come home. It was okay. He had waited for this long. He could wait a little longer. After all, hadn't the Levi in his dream say he would wait for him as long as he had to?

With that thought in mind, he went home, acting as if nothing had happened. But of course, everyone had noticed when he left. When Emma asked where he had been, it was as if something in Eren's mind had fractured, and he no longer cared about putting up the façade of him being Levi's victim. All that mattered was that they were going to be reunited.

So, he answered, "I was waiting for Levi. He and I were going someplace special…but he didn't show up. So I'll just keep waiting for him, I guess."

Emma just had no idea what to even make of such an answer. She stared at him uncomprehending, and explained, "He hurt you though…besides, he's gone, remember?"

He snorted, "Levi never hurt me. He just said that in court so that I'd be able to go free and he'd take my punishment for me. Really I don't deserve him. And he's not dead. The villains just got him. He's my prince, and I'm his knight. I'll just have to wait for him, or I'll go and rescue him myself."

Well, after that conversation, she had gone straight to Mikasa, voicing her concerns. To her surprise though, she just received a long sigh in response.

"This was how our mother started off too, when stress started getting to her," she said to the other girl. "She started denying reality and living in her own fantasy world. I guess that the real world started becoming too much for both of them, so like her, he's making his own little world. No matter what we say, he believes what he believes absolutely."

Worriedly, Emma asked, "Well then, maybe we should have him committed? Perhaps they can help him there."

"No," Mikasa said immediately. "I…I'm not letting him suffer the same fate as our mother. He's been here for this long, and I've taken care of him just fine. I can keep taking care of him. Our father doesn't have to know about it either, okay? I'd appreciate your help, if you can give it."

Emma hesitated. "I'm- I'm not sure. I didn't really sign up for this. I can try, but I don't know how much help I'll be. It's disturbing, the things he says. Things like Levi lied in court, that he's waiting for him to come back and everything. He sounds like a wife waiting for his husband to come home from the war."

Mikasa bit her lip, avoiding her gaze. The anxiety was rising within her, even more so when Emma scrutinized her more closely, and asked, "Mikasa? Is there something you're not telling me?"

Eventually, she sighed, her shoulders rising and falling with the motion. Well, she figured Levi was dead and gone anyway. What was the point in hiding the information anymore? "Eren and Levi were in love. Still are, I guess. They met long before he met you. When he heard the news about Levi's death, I suppose he just shut down and doesn't believe he's really gone…"

On and on she went, spilling the whole story. It was almost a relief to finally tell someone else this. However, she found she didn't care if Emma believed her or not, or whether or not the news caused her to leave their family for good. She was tired of seeing Eren suffer, and she knew, especially since now his mind was beginning to go down that spiral that their mother's did, that there was no way they could change Eren. They couldn't control who he loved, and couldn't make him love someone else because society said he should. They tried, and now the stress was breaking him.

So, after she finished explaining, she said, "I don't expect you to believe me, but it's true. No matter what happens from here on out, I'm going to stand by Eren's side. I want to try and help Eren in ways that I was never able to help our mother, and I'm going to do it with or without you and our father."

She only got a glimpse of Emma's shocked face, before she left the room, determined to find Eren. She found him still in his room, petting Prince, who had hopped up on the bed. He seemed to sense something was wrong, because he wouldn't stop licking the boy's face, and remained firmly seated in his lap. Mikasa sat beside him on the bed, and before she could say anything, she saw that he was looking at a picture around the insistent Prince.

The picture was of Eren and Levi, Levi sitting on Eren's lap, arms around his neck. Well, if there was any doubt that they were at least close, then here was the photographic evidence. She remembered when Eren had gotten this picture back. It was after the trial was over. His friend Reiner, who had managed to pay his way out of the court system, had dropped it off to him. He had taken off his hat in sympathy as he had handed him the photograph.

"He'll be out soon, don't you worry," Reiner had reassured him. "Until then, you can look at that as much as you want. At least you have something so you don't forget what his face looks like."

That was true. The picture was already crinkled from Eren holding it and staring at it so much. Even just a year without him, his memory was beginning to fail him as to what exactly Levi looked like, and he was ashamed of himself. This picture helped him to remember exactly what he looked like, and though they weren't smiling in the picture, it was a reminder of how happy they had been during that moment. And it was wonderful to see their rings shining on their chests, a physical representation of their commitment to each other.

"I told Emma about you and Levi," Mikasa admitted. "I'm sorry…I just couldn't keep it in anymore. And I figured she deserved to know. Even if she tells anyone, I guess it doesn't matter. Levi is dead, so he can't be hurt by this anymore."

"He's not dead," Eren insisted. "I already told Emma that the villains got him. He's going to come back. If I have to rescue him, I will, since I'm his hero."

"Eren, he _is _dead"-

"No he's not!"

Mikasa just shook her head. She was getting tired of this. From the way he was glaring at her, it was clear there was no way she was going to convince him of reality. This might be one of those cases where he wouldn't believe them until he saw Levi's body for himself. So, they would just have to wait until the prison brought him home for the funeral.

Just a couple weeks later, Levi's body was delivered home, straight to the funeral home. During that time, Emma came to accept Eren's love for Levi, though she didn't understand it. She decided that whether it was real or a product of Eren's fractured mind, there was no getting it out of his head. So, she was going to have to live with it, even if she felt a bit jealous and devalued because of it. She knew that Eren was just as much of a victim of circumstance as she was, and that it wasn't his decision to marry her. So, as a result, she began to feel angrier at Grisha, for trying to change his child into someone he wasn't.

However, Eren was not allowed to attend Levi's funeral.

As far as anyone knew, he was a victim of Levi's, so it would have looked strange if he had shown up. And in fact, he heard that no one showed up to Levi's funeral, since as far as everyone knew, he was a despicable criminal. However, that wasn't the only reason no one showed up, and it went back to what happened to Thomas. No one wanted to be associated with a known mollie in case they were accused of being a mollie themselves. Even Hanji stayed away, as much as it killed her to do so. But she had only escaped being part of the trial that ended up sending Levi to jail by luck, and she didn't want to push it. Therefore, Mikasa was forced to handle most of the work because as far as anyone knew, she was his only family around. Normally, she would have passed this job off to someone else, asked Eren to handle it. But of course, there was no way he could. So, she took on the burden. Anything for her brother.

Mikasa had Levi embalmed by some of the best undertakers around, wanting to preserve him the best she could. She figured that this was what Eren would have wanted. She also had him placed in an above ground mausoleum so that he wouldn't rot in the ground, but stay preserved above ground, looking forever the same as he did the last time Eren saw him.

So, Levi's friends didn't visit him until after he was gone and buried, too afraid to do so beforehand. By doing so afterwards, they could visit him in secret and leave as many flowers and gifts at his graveside as they could to let him know that he wasn't forgotten. His name wasn't placed on the outside of his grave either, just in case someone tried to vandalize it. When Hanji came back from visiting for the first time, she assured Eren that the grave was lovely, and he would approve of it wholeheartedly.

Eren had simply insisted that Levi wasn't dead, and the villains had just relinquished him because his sister had beaten them. His only regret had been that he hadn't been braver, and he wished he could have been the one to save Levi instead of his sister.

But the boy waited until things quieted down to finally visit Levi, picking a seasonably warm day so that he could walk down to the cemetery. It was the same cemetery that his mother and Levi's parents were buried in, and while this was a nice place, he found it odd that the older man had decided to wait for him here instead of the hilltop they had agreed on. Why change the location without telling him? Well, no matter. He knew where he was now, and it was time to pick him up. He figured they had waited long enough.

Levi's mausoleum was tucked into a grove in the cemetery, away from the others. It looked like a golden and white gazebo, standing taller and more magnificent than any of the others. It was tucked in next to a willow tree, the long, wispy branches, gently touching the roof. It looked so peaceful, sitting here. Eren was a little jealous.

"Nice place, Levi," the boy said aloud. "Look at you, getting your own house like this. Couldn't wait for ours to be finished, huh?"

He took his key and turned it in the lock of the door, letting himself in, before shutting the door behind him. The inside wasn't that spacious, truthfully, but for a mausoleum, he supposed it was. A casket sat in the middle, while there were a few shelves on the walls, perhaps spaces to put things if the family wished. Eren looked around, concerned.

"Well first thing is first, you're going to need some candles in here," he said. "Since I know you hate the dark. We have to lighten it up in here for you. And oh, I next time I can bring a birdfeeder. That way we can watch the birds together. Maybe I can put some plants around the outside, and inside too. You need some greenery in here."

But he had a feeling Levi wasn't getting any of this. That's right, he hadn't seen him since he had been sent away to jail. What had the villains done to him? He looked at the coffin in the center of the room. Only one way to find out. So he went over to it and, with a grunt of effort, opened it.

And there was his Levi, just as he remembered, but so still. He was still very beautiful, but his cheeks and lips were pale. His eyes were closed, and his dark lashes sat atop his cheeks. He looked like he was a in a very deep sleep.

Oh no. Those villains at the jail must have put him under a spell, just like Snow White's, or Aurora's. Had they poisoned him? Had it been a cursed spindle, like in the story? Eren fell to his knees beside the coffin, holding onto the edge, devastated. But why put him to sleep like this? What had he done wrong? Had he angered a witch in there? And more importantly, how did he break the spell?

"My poor Levi," he breathed, reaching forward and caressing his cheek. It was so soft, so firm, but cold. Too cold. The spell must have sapped all the warmth from his body too. "What did they do to you? We can't leave you like this, can we? We've got to get you out of here. But what to do…"

And then it came to him. Of course, how silly of him. The cure in those stories had been true love's first kiss, so perhaps that would work here? He could think of no one else that might be Levi's true love, or his own. So if he kissed him, surely it would wake him up?

Eren bit his lip, uncertain. But what if it didn't work? Did that mean that he wasn't Levi's true love? No, that was silly, of course he was. It just meant that the spell he was under was stronger than what Eren thought, and he would have to think of something else. So, deciding not to wait any longer, he leaned forward, and very gently pressed his lips to Levi's icy ones.

But Levi did not grow warm under his touch, nor did he respond and begin to kiss him back. There was no warm breath that tickled his lips, and no sign that he even noticed the action. He lay just as perfectly still as before, hands folded on his chest, dressed in one of his favorite suits. Eren shook his head, stunned. No, this just had to work! True love and true love's kiss always pulled through, so why wasn't it working now? He and Levi loved each other as much as the ocean loved the shore, so why wasn't he waking up? He tried again, pressing his lips a little firmer to Levi's, but again, nothing. That was when he resorted to begging. Maybe if Levi heard him crying, he would snap out of whatever trance he was in.

"Please my love," he whispered, brushing back his hair. "I'm here. Your Aurora is here. We're together now. Isn't that what you wanted? Wake up now. We need to get going, I think we've waited long enough for this day. Levi? Come on." He shook him a little, trying to rouse him. "I had a dream where you were overjoyed to see me and said you'd wait for me as long as it too. But I'm here now. I'm sorry it took a little longer and I couldn't rescue you, but I'm here."

Eren stroked Levi's cheek with the back of one finger under his eye. He could feel tears stinging his eyes, tears of agony and betrayal. This wasn't supposed to happen! They were supposed to be happy now. They had suffered enough, hadn't they? Even when things got bad, things always worked out when they were together. So why this, why now?

The boy wiped at his face, unable to figure it out, his chest feeling like it was being squeezed because of the hurt he felt. What was he supposed to do if Levi didn't wake up?

And then it hit him. Perhaps Levi was choosing to remain asleep because he just didn't _feel safe. _Maybe because he had been so hurt so badly by the villains that when they put the spell on him, they had just traumatized him so much that he felt safer remaining asleep than waking up. Eren sniffed and sat up, the tears slowing down. Yes, that made sense. Alright, he could work with that. He just had to make Levi feel safe again. And who was better at making his Doll feel safe than him?

Standing up, he pulled himself together, saying with determination, "Don't you worry, Levi. I'll make you feel safe enough to wake up. Just give me a bit. I'll come back with some things for you, and we'll work on it. Until then, sleep tight for me. Your Eren will come back before you know it."

He bent over and sweetly kissed Levi's forehead as a promise, and then, after closing his casket, skipped happily out of the mausoleum, energized by his new sense of purpose.

The next day, Eren came jogging back with a wheelbarrow in front of him full of supplies. He was determined to make Levi feel safe, no matter what it took. He arrived early in the morning, just after the sun came up, and set about planting a little garden full of herbs and cute flowers with fragrant scents he knew Levi would like. They were all scents designed to soothe, like lavender and chamomile. He hoped that when he woke up, one of the first things he would see would be this cheery garden, something that was impossible to feel frightened in the face of.

After the garden, he set to work putting up a bird feeder and filling it with seeds right outside the window, where Levi could look out if he so chose. Come to think of it, he had chosen a similar setup in their new home, putting several bird feeder boxes right against their windows so they could watch them. He was excited to see what kind of birds they could attract at a beach.

"Perfect," he declared when he was all finished. "Now to fix up the inside."

So, little by little, he took some candles inside the mausoleum, determined to light them later before he went. Levi was so scared of the dark, and being in this place, as nice as it was, during the night, with no one else here had to be terrifying. It was no wonder he didn't want to wake up.

He put up as many candles as he could, one in every corner, so that there were no dark corners, no places for demons or anything else Levi might be afraid of to hide in. Eren also set up quite a few potted plants, far away from the candles and right next to the glass windows so they could get enough sunlight. He figured he would have to come over every few days at least and water them, but that was no problem, considering he planned on visiting Levi every day.

When he was all finished, he opened Levi's casket again and cheerily kissed his forehead, then his nose, then his lips, greeting, "Good morning, my prince. I'm here again. Do you feel like waking up today?"

No response. Levi remained in his spelled sleep. Well, perhaps it would take some time. So, Eren sighed, and sat down on the ledge on which his casket was perched. He then reached in took Levi's hand, cradling it between both of his own. His fingers were freezing, and set about warming them up.

"Oh Levi, our birdfeeder is already attracting some guests!" he said happily after a minute. "Let's see, there's a cardinal and a chickadee and a goldfinch! That was quick. They're greedy, look at them go. I'll have to refill that thing before I leave today. Good thing I brought the whole bag."

He kept stroking Levi's knuckles, swearing he felt his hand twitch in his grip. Did he? Or was that his imagination? Either way, it made his heart race with hope. Maybe this was a step in the right direction? Maybe all he had to do was sit here and keep talking to Levi. Perhaps if he heard his voice for long enough, he'd know it was okay to wake up.

"Well, let's see, what have you missed since you left?" Eren said to him. "Hanji and Petra are still okay. No one has suspected them or even connected them to the pub. We're going to try and keep it that way too. They're being brave, staying here, but I'm glad they are. Hanji has been visiting you too, leaving you flowers. I hope she likes what I left here for you. Hmm…our friends are going to get out of Lafayette soon too, the ones that went in with you anyway. When they do, we're going to have to find a new spot for our meetings. Though, I heard that a few of them want to move away, and I suppose I don't blame them. Erwin and Armin went back home, for example. The scandal didn't spread there, I don't think. I think Christa wants to run away with Ymir. Her father is putting a lot of pressure on her to get married and she can't take it much more."

He smiled sadly. "Oh yeah, speaking of marriage, I don't think Emma is going to stay much longer. Or I don't know. I can never tell what she's thinking, I suppose mostly because I don't care to know. But Mikasa says she told her about me and you, so I wouldn't want to stick around either. Who knows. If she leaves, it'll just make it easier for you and me to get out of here."

And on he went, rambling on and on all day, not leaving Levi's side for anything. Not even to eat. He remained with him until the sun began to go down, holding his hand and letting Levi listen to his voice. He liked to think that even in his sleep, the older man could hear him. As it became dark, he lit all the candles, lighting up as much of the inside as he could. When he decided that it wasn't light enough, he went and grabbed more candles from his wheelbarrow.

But soon, he figured out that he wasn't just doing this for Levi's sake. He just didn't want to leave. Not yet.

Or ever.

He had Levi back in his life after waiting for him for so long. Who said that night had to be when they departed? He couldn't wait an entire night to see him again. Besides, what if he woke during the night and was frightened? Eren could have that happen. So, without much thought, he followed his heart and stepped up into the coffin, crawling in beside him. It was a tight squeeze, but this coffin was design more or less for someone of Eren's height, and Levi was so small, so he managed to fit. And to be honest, with all the cushioning in there, it wasn't that uncomfortable. He adjusted himself, pressing his body close to Levi's.

Eren couldn't help but sigh with relief. It was so nice to feel Levi's body against his again, so nice to feel like he was helping him and protecting him once more. He put an arm around his waist and pulled him close, turning his face so that it was hidden against Eren's chest, right where he usually laid. His face was chilly, but Eren was determined to warm him up. Maybe if he warmed him up enough, he would be able to regain consciousness.

"Good night love," he told him, the words feeling easy and familiar on his tongue. He used to say that to Levi right before they fell asleep after they spent themselves making love. The phrase was as comfortable as an old shirt, and instantly put him in the mindset that it was indeed time to go to sleep. He closed his eyes, and drifted off faster than he had in ages.

Eren of course, in his deluded state, forgot that there would be people looking for him, worried about the fact that he had not been home all day or hadn't come home that night. Mikasa and Emma went out to search for him as soon as it began to get dark. However, Mikasa had a feeling she knew where Eren would be, and purposefully sent Emma to look for him somewhere else so that she could protect her from his increasingly disturbed mental state.

When she came upon him, she was glad she had sent her away.

Because there was Eren, asleep in Levi's coffin with him, and what was worse, he looked so _happy _laying there, like he hadn't been that happy in a long time. It was just so disturbing that it turned her stomach, and she wanted nothing more than to get him out of there, showered, and in his own bed as quickly as possible.

When she woke him, he was none too pleased to see her, and of course fought her when she pulled him out and every step of the way home. She tried to ignore his screeching and crying where he called out, "Levi needs me, let me go! He can't be alone in the dark, he won't feel safe!"

She hated having to lock him in his room that night, but it was the only way he would stay.

When she let him out the next day and found him in exactly the same place, inside Levi's casket with preparations to spend the night, she knew she was going to have to take drastic measures.

So Mikasa had Levi's body cremated.

What a waste it had been, in hindsight, to spend all that money having him embalmed. But she had no idea that her brother would react this way, and couldn't imagine that having Levi cremated would be approved by Eren, especially when he genuinely believed he would wake up. And true to her belief, when he found out that his beloved's body had been burned to ashes and locked in the mausoleum, of which he was no longer allowed access to the key for fear that he would lock himself in there and never come out again, he did not take it well.

He holed up in his room, crying and screaming himself sick for days upon days, unable to get out of bed, shouting about how now Levi would never wake up, that he was gone forever, that Mikasa was the most horrible person in the world. That she had killed him. And she took the brunt of his abuse, shutting her eyes against his cries.

Deep down, she knew he was at this point beyond her help, but at the same time, he needed her help now more than ever. And she wasn't about to abandon him, not when that was the thing he feared the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So if you haven't guess, we're just about done with this fic. Just two chapters left! I hope you enjoy them!


	30. Until My Dying Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come what may,  
I will love you  
until my dying day - Come What May, Moulin Rouge

As much as one wishes that time would freeze when their loved ones pass away, as much as they loathe each subsequent sunny day, furious with the world for continuing to be happy when their own comes crashing down, that is just not how reality works. Cruelly, time continued to roll on.

Eren accepted Levi's death after that, and yet didn't. He accepted that his body no longer lived, but he didn't accept that he wasn't with him in some form. He seemed determined that he would see him again someday. In fact, according to him, he saw Levi day to day beside him, heard him talk to him when he prompted him to do so.

Mikasa knew she should have been concerned when Eren no longer asked for the key to Levi's mausoleum. He gave up after asking for days and days, and finally figured out that she was not going to give in. And she would only allow him to go if she went with him. This annoyed him greatly, but he supposed it was better than being prevented from going at all. When he finally did go back to Levi's grave, he saw that Mikasa had removed everything from the inside.

"So that you can do what you'd normally do with them, just on the outside," she explained.

With that, she watched as Eren fussed about, partially talking to himself and to her, though gradually he talked to her less and less, as if he forgot that she was even there. He tended to the garden, pulling weeds and putting new plants in. He also refilled the bird feeder, and put all of Levi's candles on the outside. He supposed he didn't need them anymore, but he couldn't help that nagging feeling inside him that told him Levi would want them. That he was wandering around in the dark and needed some light. So before they left, he lit them, and every night he visited, he lit them, creating a somewhat eerie and yet beautiful display, the only mausoleum who had candles lit around it every night. It was like a beacon for people that visited the cemetery in the later hours of the summer nights, and it made people wonder who this grave belonged to. Whose grave was this that always received such care, that looked so beautiful and polished? It looked like it belonged to a fair princess. But of course, there was no name on the grave, so it became a delightful mystery for the locals.

Since Levi passed away, Eren's will to do anything but lay in bed or go to visit his grave dwindled. He stopped working, stopped his education and eventually flunked out. He also stopped painting, and nothing anyone ever said to try and motivate him worked. Mikasa could get through to him sometimes, but very rarely. Emma didn't even try anymore, too horrified by her husband's condition.

Eren did get up to take care of his dogs and to interact with the horses. The dogs were always happy to see him, jumping all over him and happiest when they could run around when he'd let them out. They always brought a smile to his face, though it was a hollow one. And of course, Prince was never far from his side, always trotting next to him, sensing that he needed him now more than ever.

Of course Eren often found Prince laying on Levi's bed, whether out of habit or hope, he didn't know. But Eren sometimes joined him, missing Levi's scent on the sheets. Of course, any traces of his scent had long since faded from the house, but he could still remember it in his head. But to think he would never smell it again broke his heart. He wondered if Prince could still detect any traces of it, and felt jealous, wishing his nose was that strong.

He left Levi's room undisturbed, as if it too was waiting for him to come home. It comforted him, knowing that in case Levi's spirit were to visit, he would see that it looked the same, that everything was right where he left it, from all of his suits to his hair brush. All pristine, all dusted by Eren to keep the room looking lovely.

Without meaning to, Eren often found himself sitting on Levi's bed, holding and looking at things that he had treasured. Most often was the other man's wedding ring that he still wore around his neck, now on the same chain as Eren's own. That way, he'd be able to keep the promise they had made each other close to his heart. He would also often gaze at their photo, or the sketches he had done of Levi. He smiled and laughed a bit to himself as he came across the naughtier sketches he had done of him. Levi had been so nervous that day, but such a tease. He was forever beautiful and sultry in these sketches, always looking at Eren in that special way that made him want to throw him this pencil aside and make love to him. Now he was especially happy he had done these sketches, because now Levi was always going to be alive on these pages.

He also found himself gazing at and caressing Levi's watch. It was still so shiny, so bright that when he opened it he could see his reflection in it. However, it was only now that he realized the irony of the phrase he had had engraved on the inside: _Only truth doth speak my heart, Until never do we part._ When he had asked for that phrase to be engraved, he meant it to stand as a declaration of his love, meaning that his love would last until they parted, and that he meant every word of it. However, he had no idea that they would part so soon. He had assumed that Levi would have this watch until it rusted, until he was old and grey, and that they would grow old together. He had thought they would be able to keep their secret for the rest of their lives, and that even if they couldn't, his money and reputation would be able to make whatever trouble they ran into go away.

How naïve he had been.

It was still a ways off before his house by the beach would be finished, and Eren had to decide what he wanted to do when that day came. Would he move into the house? Leave it vacant forever? Treat it was a memorial to his and Levi's doomed love? If he did move in, would it be too painful to live there?

Well, in the meantime, he supposed there were other things he could do.

One morning, as soon as they opened, Eren was walking across town, feeling better than he had in a while. He had his good days and bad days when it came to being able to come out of the fantasy world he had built for himself, and thankfully this was one of those good days. So off he went to the publishing house, Levi's manuscript in hand, determined to speak with Pixis.

Luckily, they remembered who he was, knowing that he was an acquaintance of Levi's. To Eren's surprise though, even knowing this, they let him in, and ushered him back to where Pixis sat. The old man seemed to be happy to see Eren, welcoming him and inviting him to sit down by his desk.

"A shame what happened to Levi," he said. "Who would have thought he would have that in him?"

"He didn't," Eren refuted immediately. "He never hurt me, or anyone else. It was a bunch of lies he told so that I wouldn't be thrown in jail too. He was…he loved me. And that was how he showed it. He protected me."

He didn't care who knew anymore. He didn't care if he too was thrown in jail and he also rotted behind bars. He felt like he deserved it after what had happened to Levi. But Pixis didn't immediately get a hold of the police. Rather, he just sat there, considering Eren for a minute. And then he said, "I figured. That sounds more like the Levi I know, someone who loved someone too much and then threw his life away for them."

Huh. Well that hadn't been what Eren was expecting. He shook himself out of his surprise though and plopped Levi's manuscript on the desk with a ruffle of papers. Pixis looked at the pile and then at Eren, already knowing what he had.

"He finished it a bit before he was arrested," Eren said. "I know it would mean a lot to him if it was still published. And now it'll be worth more since he's dead."

"Hmm," Pixis hummed, studying the pile carefully. "I'm not sure…I mean, I wouldn't mind, but the publishing house might not want to be associated with the work of a convicted criminal."

"Oscar Wilde was convicted of the same thing and his work was still published. Why should Levi be any different?"

The older man still looked thoughtful, stroking his chin, and then after a moment, decided, "Alright. I suppose not everyone in the country knows what he did. And if I went against a promise I made to a dead man I'd never be able to go to my own grave in peace. I'll work on putting this through."

Eren sighed with relief, and when he did, Pixis said genuinely, "I thank you for bringing this on his behalf. I know he would have appreciated it. You're a very good friend to him, and even if he can't see the joy his book will bring people, you'll get to see it for him."

And that he did. Just a few short months later, Levi's book was out on the shelves and in stores. However, Pixis had published it under a slightly different name, as L.A Ackerman, Levi's first two initials, so that the negative connotation wasn't made upon first glance. Eren supposed that was a fair trade. Eren's name was listened underneath his as a mention for who did the illustrations in the book, and it was nice to see their names next to each other like that. And of course, to Eren's absolute delight, the book flew off the shelves. Whenever he walked into the bookstore, they were fresh out of stock and had to wait for a new shipment.

If Eren had to guess as to why Levi's book was so popular, it was because it was a fantasy story amidst a sea of other authors who felt fantasy was out of style and were trying to write realistic fiction. Which, that was all well and good, but people needed an escape from their daily lives and once in a while needed to be able to immerse themselves in another world.

And what a world Levi had created.

Of course, Eren had received the first finished copy from Pixis himself, all bound in pretty leather. And when he got that copy and opened it, he was surprised by the dedication page, but at the same time, of course that was what it said.

_For Eren, whom without his encouragement this book would not have been written. _

It was so simple, and yet it made the boy tear up all over again. Of course his Levi dedicated the book to him, the fool. Eren didn't do anything except say he wanted him to live out his dream and see what kind of book he would create.

It was an amazing book. Eren read the whole thing cover to cover, sitting in front of the fireplace with his dogs at his feet. The story was about soldiers living in a world of man-eating giants, focusing on two soldiers in particular and their quest to save the world from these creatures. Two soldiers, who though they had different names, it was clear that they were based on he and Levi. And to the casual reader, it would appear that the two soldiers were just good friends, but if one looked deeper, if one were an invert and knew to look for these sorts of things, it was clear that they were lovers who held a deep affection for each other. They went through so many trials and tribulations, were torn apart by war and then reunited, their minds and bodies ruined by the fights and conspiracies they uncovered. But the story ended with the two of them taking a well-earned retirement, living in a cottage by the sea together.

And by the end, when Eren closed the book, he was openly bawling. Levi had always told him that he wanted to live with him, but here it was, in writing, part of his greatest fantasy. That was all he wanted, to have a happy, peaceful ending, and instead, he had died suffering, alone, in a prison cell that he should have never set foot in. All he had wanted was to be with the one he loved, and he had paid for it with his life. He hadn't been sentenced to hang, but he had died anyway.

What was worse, in a way, was that he was the only one who had suffered that fate out of all of their friends. Not that he wished death on any of them, but it just broke Eren's heart even more. Levi had been the only one who hadn't been strong enough to make it out. Of course not; he was so small, so vulnerable, and had such a nervous disposition. His whole day could be ruined over the slightest things, and he couldn't even stand the dark. He had heard from the guards how he had been thrown in the Hole and died of typhus, and it was everything Eren could do not to strangle them both. His poor, delicate Levi. Of course he had gone mad and then gotten sick. All out of Eren's reach.

Once again, he had needed his boy, and Eren had been powerless to help him.

At least their friends all seemed to be doing well enough. Erwin and Armin still wrote to him when they could, and were carrying on as normal, Armin still a librarian and Erwin still bringing in the big money in his business. They often invited Eren to visit them, but he had yet to take them up on that offer. Ymir and Christa, as far as he knew, had run away to Boston in order to escape the pressure of marriage from Christa's father. They were going to live in a Boston marriage up there with Ymir dressing as a man and acting as her husband. He just hoped they lived happily together for many years.

Eld, Gunter and Auruo were busy looking for another place to hold their meetings, so that all the mollies could remain in touch. They had congratulated Eren for going ahead and getting Levi's book published, and had all bought their copy, signed by Eren of course. Reiner and Bertolt were with those three in looking for another meeting place, Reiner still taking photos and selling them when he could. Jean and Marco wrote Eren often, telling him that when they found a new meeting place, the two of them were going to get married. They also visited his house once in a while, and he could tell they too were upset over the state Eren was now in, but they understood. Of course they did. They were just as much in love as Eren and Levi were. Annie seemed to be too scared to be a part of their meetings anymore, and had cut off all contact with them. Sasha and Connie mourned her absence, and always would. The two of them were set to get married very soon, figuring at least they could stay together.

He received word that his cottage was finished at the end of the year, close to Levi's birthday. It was almost like it was fate, and when he got that letter, he knew what he had to do.

So, without a word to anyone else, over time, he began to pack up his things, hiding them away so that neither Emma nor Mikasa, when she visited, could find them. Not even Grisha found them, but not that he cared either way. Eren had at that point disowned him, not caring what he knew, or didn't know, or whether he lived or died. If he came in and spoke to him, Eren didn't remember it. All he remembered was the threat Grisha had made against him about getting married to keep Levi's reputation intact. In the end, it had all been meaningless.

And he was more than done with being his puppet.

When everything was packed in a couple of suitcases, Eren took the last bit of money he had saved away and set off out of town early in the morning before everyone had woken up. He would no longer be Eren Jaeger, son of the rich town doctor who had every convenience and amenity that a spoiled boy could want. Instead he would be just Eren, the broken hearted, lost soul who just wanted to find peace. He had only left notes for Mikasa and Emma since they were the two people who had interacted with him the most recently, and he figured that they deserved an explanation.

In both notes, he explained why he was leaving, that he was tired and broken, like a soldier, and he was going to look for solace where he could find it. He advised both of them not to look for him, because they wouldn't find him, and he didn't want to be found. To Mikasa, he thanked her for being amazing sister, and hoped she and Benjamin had a happy, wonderful life and family together. To Emma, he told her that he was setting her free, and that he was sorry she had to be involved in all of this.

"_Don't fret though,"_ Eren reassured her in his note, _"you are free also to go and find a new husband, one who loves you wholly, and one that can give you children. Our marriage was annulled because before I met you, Levi and I were married. So please, go live the life you were destined to, and thank you for all of your kindness."_

In truth, he had no idea what to say to either of them, but couldn't think of anything else. He just hoped that they would be as happy without him in their lives and he was hoping he'd be.

So, he set off, against the rising sun, his dogs and Prince following at his heels, all of them excited to begin this new journey in their lives.

000

The years rolled on for Eren, one blending into the next. He retired to his cottage by the sea, cutting himself off from all contact with those he had known before, save for one person. He and Hanji still exchanged letters, for the simple reasons that he knew she wouldn't try to seek him out and would respect his desire to be alone, and because she seemed to be the only person who missed Levi as much as he did. In her letters, she told him that she and Petra were still getting on fine, that no one had found out their secrets, and they hoped it stayed that way. It truly was a blessing that Hanji and Petra had not been in the pub the day it was raided, and Eren had told her that. They exchanged their favorite memories of Levi in most of their letters, using each other as an outlet for their grief. And then one day, Hanji said something to him that stayed with him forever, something that touched him very deeply.

"_I just want to thank you for being Levi's friend, and then eventually his lover. He really needed someone who loved him the way you did; without judgement, and without restraint. You were everything to him, and it's easy to see he was everything to you. As his best friend, I can confidently say that you turned him into the best version of himself that he could be. Thank you for loving him, Eren. Thank you for keeping his memory alive. I know it'll never die as long as he has you."_

And she had been right. In some way, every day, Eren had worked to honor Levi in some small way. Some days it was planting some of his favorite flowers in his window boxes. Sometimes it was polishing up the stained glass windows full of their favorite fairytale scenes. Sometimes it was staring a little extra long at the hearts in the windows and door frames and telling Levi that he loved him. Sometimes it was giving Prince extra treats instead of his other dogs. Other times it was playing their song on his gramophone and polishing up his watch. Or, it was reading his now well-worn copy of Levi's book that sat in the small library of the cottage. Mostly fantasy books, of course.

Most of the time, it came out in the artwork that he now had dedicated himself full time to creating. Partly because it was now how he supported himself, but mostly because Levi had been brave enough to pursue his passion, so now that he was free, why couldn't he?

He made a point to sketch or paint a little every day, drawing something for himself, or for Levi. He had framed all the sketches he had done of Levi, all of them hanging on his walls in his studio. Sun always streamed in through here, and on nice days, he kept the window open so he could listen to the waves roll up onto the shore. His long, wild hair would blow in the breeze that would come off the ocean, and it would always smell like salt.

Every day, he tried to live like how Levi would have wanted. Carefree, pursuing what he loved. He imagined what he would have said about Eren only going into town to pick up food or supplies, or to sell his paintings. He would have thought he was being silly and impractical, for sure, but if it made him happy, he would have let it pass. Besides, Eren would have argued back, it was a cool selling point for his art. People were curious about this handsome man that lived on the edge of society and what kind of art he produced. They were so curious about it that they were often willing to pay quite a bit. Not that Eren really needed it. He got plenty of revenue from the sales of Levi's book, and he was listed as a co-creator.

Day by day, year by year, Eren honored him in these little ways. And for the first time since Levi had died, he was happy.

He had given up on breeding his dogs for the most part, deciding that doing so was now too painful, as it reminded him too much of Levi. However, he did breed Prince to one of his females, and ended up keeping every one of the puppies, naming all four of them after their father in some way. One was Son of Prince Charming, or Charm, another was Levi's Knight in Shining Armor, the third was Snow White, and the last of them of them all was Prince Ackerman's Legacy. Snow White, he of course, called Doll.

As time went on, his four original Westies all grew older and passed away, one after the other, and he lovingly buried all of their bodies around his cottage with little seashell markers, so he could keep them all close to him. How could he not? Before he had met Levi, they were what he had loved the most and doted on, and losing them had left a huge hole in his heart.

But not a hole so large as the one that eventually appeared on the day he lost Prince.

In the end, Levi's beloved dog had lived a long, happy life, passing away in 1905 at the age of fifteen. He had passed away in Eren's arms as they slept, Eren singing his and Levi's song, praying for Levi to take good care of his best friend. It had been a huge blow, as Prince had been the last piece of his beloved that he still had, and now it was like he was truly gone. So great was the loss in fact that he felt like not just any grave for this precious pup would do. He made the journey back home and buried Prince in the garden he had made around Levi's mausoleum, feeling that he deserved to be reunited with his master. He also had a gravestone etched with an epitaph that he felt would be fitting for such a special dog.

_Prince_

_1890-1905_

_Best friend and hero to his beloved master_

Eren cried as he laid him to rest just as hard as he had cried when he accepted that Levi was not going to wake up from his slumber. He just hoped that he and Levi were together again, waiting for him on that hill.

Prince's pups kept him company for many years after that, giving him a reason to wake up every morning, giving him something to do when he felt he couldn't paint that day. They were invaluable to helping to keep him sane when his bad days would hit and he could barely get out of bed, when all he could think of was how he'd be better off dead and with Levi again. If he passed away as well, who would take care of them? So, they convinced him to keep living another day.

When the Great War gripped the world, his cute, fantastical paintings of other worlds, of couples happy in love, of Westies frolicking through fields made of golden grass, or among fireflies, or on the beach in the surf, were a huge hit in town. People wanted to make their homes as happy and bright as they could, and they liked his idealized art. It wasn't fully realistic, and made them feel like they were in another world, and with the whole world in a miserable, desperate state, everyone wanted a bit of happy escapism.

Eren had thankfully missed the draft because by then, he was too old, and mentally unstable besides. So, he could continue his peaceful life as best as he was able, bringing joy to the people around him in his own small way. He hoped Levi would be proud of him.

When the Great War was over, and the last of Prince's pups had passed on, Eren could feel his desire to live dwindling each day. Each day, the pull to the other world, the one where Levi was residing grew stronger. Each day, he swore he could hear his beloved's voice a little more clearly, calling his name. And each day, it sounded more and more appealing to join him. After all, by this point, it was nearing 1920, he was nearly fifty, and it felt like the world was moving on at a faster speed without him. For once, life was passing him by, and that was when he knew his time was coming.

However, he still had one more thing he wanted to do.

He had this idea for a painting in his head for many years, and had tried to put it on canvas several times, but it never came out looking how he wanted it to. So, he figured he could give it another go, and this time, he wouldn't give up until it came out looking just how he wanted.

The morning he mixed his paints and began sketching out what he wanted, he felt like he was starting the last great journey of his life. He took this journey step by step, stroke by stroke, mixing his colors carefully, smearing many of them on himself accidentally as he wiped his brow. Many times he had to get up and walk around, or at least stop and look outside, to get his eyes to focus on something else.

This painting was quite difficult, for he was drawing something he had only ever seen in his dreams, especially on days when he could hear Levi's voice the most clearly. And if he didn't get every detail right, he didn't know what he would do. He supposed the most he could do was persevere.

Until finally, _finally, _one evening, he finished it. In the burning light of the setting sun, his painting was set aflame, this painting he meant to be a last tribute to his and Levi's love, as well as his hopes for their future.

Sitting back, covered in paint, he sighed in relief as he gazed upon it. The painting was the dark, purple silhouettes of two small boys walking hand in hand on a path made of light that wound and curved into some distant point up into the clouds. All around them were symbols of these two boys' lives: a silver watch in one boy's pocket, a ring hanging on each boy's neck, two circus tickets, a book of fairytales with its pages fluttering in the wind around them, a gramophone playing a song, and a distant beach that faded into a golden hill with a tree on it beneath the path. The background was a pink sunset, sparkling with stars that promised to overtake the sky. One boy was pointing in the distance towards a blinding light that sat at the end of the path, as if urging his partner on to see what lay beyond it.

When he deemed it dry enough, he painted with a thin brush down in the corner, not just his name and the year he finished it, but a small phrase that made him tear up.

_I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream._

And on the back of the canvas, he wrote the title of the painting in quotes.

"_Aurora Dolls."_

Eren smiled sadly as he took in his work. Finally, after years, it had been perfected. He stroked the heads of one of the boys, hoping. Hoping that what he had seen in his dreams would become reality. That the boys made of the light of the aurora borealis walking hand in hand on a path of light towards another light would reach their destination. After all, Eren was dying to see what lay beyond that light.

During his final morning, he wrote a letter to his sister and sent it off, knowing it would most likely be a while before she got it. And that was alright with him. Let her have a few more weeks of peace. Once that was finished, he sat on his front steps, admiring the sea as it rolled forward and pulled back.

"Well Doll," he said to the air, "I hope I made you proud. I've done everything we wanted to do I suppose and…I'm tired. It was sad living in this place without you, but I tried to keep it how you would have. Even the kitchen, though I'm sure it didn't stay up to your standards. Wow…if you were here, you'd be fifty-four, huh? You're old. Still beautiful though." He laughed a bit to himself, tears welling up in his eyes. "I promised you that I'd remained faithful to you until my dying day, and I think I held that up pretty well. So I suppose all I can offer is my last goodbye…or rather, a 'see you later.' I hope you're still waiting for me, my prince. Just a little longer, and I'll be there."

And then he began singing their song to the waves in a low, haunting tone, his last words to the world.

_But I know it's true, that visions are seldom what they seem._

_But if I know you, I know what you'll do,_

_You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream._

After that final note rang out, he let himself back into his house, leaving the door unlocked. He moved slowly, as if in a trance, to his bedroom, and opened the bedside table, where he found the loaded handgun he had been keeping all of these years, knowing he would most likely need it for the day he became too tired. He took it, shutting the drawer, and sat down on the floor, facing where he kept Levi's most prized possessions.

Eren had no regrets, he realized. He only wished he and Levi could have lived happily ever after together, but since that was not meant to be in this life, perhaps down the road someday, they could give it another try. After they crossed that path of light, of course. Maybe that was what lay on the other side.

Only one way to find out.

So, he gripped his and Levi's rings in his hand, smiling peacefully, placing the gun under his chin. His last view was of Levi's watch and his photograph, and his last thought was of how he couldn't wait to go home.

He pulled the trigger.

000

Mikasa received Eren's letter a week later, and was quite surprised to see it. She and her brother hadn't spoken in years, not since he had disappeared, and she wondered what he could have to say after all this time. As she took the letter into the parlor to read it, Benjamin asking who it was from and telling her oldest daughter to move aside, she was a bit hesitant to see what it might contain.

However, it was clear after the first few lines that nothing could have prepared her for this. With a sob, her free hand flew to her mouth, and tears ran down her cheeks.

"_My dearest Mikasa,_

_ By the time you receive this letter, I will be dead. I'm sorry, this is probably not the news you wanted to receive after not hearing from me for so long. I do hope you are well. I have only wanted a long happy life for you, your husband and your children. _

_ As you've probably guessed, I've grown weary over these past years of being without Levi. I often hear his voice calling me, and I dream of going home. I am his Aurora and he is my Doll. But make no mistake. I've lived happily these past few decades, more happily than I ever thought I could. I've become the artist I've wanted to be, and kept Levi's memory alive. I've been free for the first time in my life, and couldn't have asked for better. I too hope that you've been living happily all this time. I'm sure you're just as pretty as the day I last saw you. I however, am not, at least, I don't believe so. All I have is my aching soul, and I'm ready to give that back. _

_ I have a couple of selfish requests that, after decades of not seeing you, I don't deserve to make. However, I will try my best. First, I wish for you to hold onto my art. Pass it down through your family, especially my most recent piece, which is still standing in my studio. Hold onto Levi's things as well. Tell our story and make sure it's passed down. Lastly, if it's possible, please bury me with Levi so that even if our souls never find each other, our bodies will be together forever. _

_ I hope that by telling others our story, someday, this animosity towards inverts will eventually abate, whether that be in ten, fifteen, twenty years, or even longer. Someday, I wish for people like me and Levi to be able to love each other in the open without the fear of being persecuted or of being rejected by society. I hope someday the world can hear our story and see just how in love we were. _

_ Thank you Mikasa. For everything. I bid you a very fond farewell._

_ Your brother,_

_ Eren."_

Mikasa honored his every wish, however. She buried his body next to Levi's in a matching urn, and preserved not just his art, not just Levi's things, but their house. She wanted it to be a monument for people like her brother, a silent symbol of their forbidden love.

She passed on their story to her children, and asked them to keep the tradition going with their children. For she knew how important it was to make sure they, as well as others recognized how important it was to nurture love in all of its forms, no matter if one understood it or not. For she had witnessed a love she didn't understand, and it was far and away the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Mikasa could only hope as she gazed up at the sky that Eren and Levi had indeed found each other and were dancing to their song among the clouds, ready to venture onwards, hand in hand, towards their next journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So even though there's a Moulin Rouge song at the top, for some reason the song that I listened to as I wrote this chapter was The Last Goodbye from the last Hobbit movie, lol. It just had the right tone I suppose, very bittersweet that always gets me in the feels. So there you have it guys, one more chapter to go! I hope you all like it!


	31. Epilogue: Aurora Dolls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And though where the road then takes me  
I cannot tell  
We came all this way  
But now comes the day  
To bid you farewell
> 
> Many places I have been  
Many sorrows I have seen  
But I don't regret  
Nor will I forget  
All who took that road with me - The Last Goodbye, Battle of the Five Armies

**Present Day**

Eren was so excited he could barely stand it, wiggling around in his car seat to the point that his mother thought he was going to dislodge himself from it. Carla sighed, looking up into the rearview mirror.

"Eren, calm down," she said. "We'll be there in a minute. I promise Levi's house isn't going anywhere."

"But mom, I caaaaan't," he whined. "I want to see what kind of house he has! Do you think it'll be a big one?"

"I guess we'll see," Carla replied, turning back to look at the road. "But remember, you have to be on your best behavior, otherwise his mom won't let you come over for anymore play dates."

"I know, I know, I promise I'll be good!"

She laughed. She supposed she couldn't be too surprised that her son was acting like he had ants in his pants. This was his first playdate ever with his best friend from preschool, and he had been going on and on all week about all the fun things they were going to do together. It was different, he said, than the things they would do in school, because at home they could do different kinds of fun things.

But Carla had to admit, as much of a bundle of energy as Eren was, sometimes her son worried her. She loved him to death, she really did, but sometimes he said and did odd things, and had ever since he was old enough to speak. He had told her about dreams he had had, dreams about walking on a path of light before he woke up in her arms. Sometimes he would go around pointing at things, like a fork or a table, or even a very old gramophone they had in the basement and say, "I remember that, I know what that is."

She mostly just chalked it up to him being a child, and a very imaginative one at that. One of his favorite things to do was finger paint on big white or black pieces of paper and make different patterns, pictures they hung up in his room. He liked drawing his family too, and of course all of his art pieces were hung on the fridge. She had had a passion for art as well when she had been younger, so perhaps he had gotten this from her. Secretly she hoped he kept going with this passion, and she would encourage him if he did so.

However, what really surprised and even worried her a bit was the first time Eren had met his new friend, Levi.

It had been on the first day of preschool. Of course Eren, not being afraid of anything, or at least he insisted he wasn't, charged right in, practically knocking other students out of the way. Carla, who hung out to make sure he behaved himself and was settling in okay, was about ready to leave, but then stopped when Eren's eyes locked on to another one of the students.

It was another boy, smaller than he was, dark hair, but he was definitely a cute little thing. As if sensing that Eren was looking at him, he looked up from the toys he was playing with, and froze, his impassive stare turning into a shocked, open expression of surprise, and Carla could swear she heard him gasp. And then, to her astonishment, the two boys ran towards each other and hugged tightly, as if they were old friends that hadn't seen each other in years.

The other students ignored them, assuming that they were in fact friends that were seeing each other again in school, but Carla knew for a fact that Eren had never met this boy. What was even more surprising that he started _crying_ as the two of them hugged.

"Where have you been, Doll?" Eren was saying.

And, to Carla's astonishment, the other little boy replied quietly, "I was on the hill waiting for you, Aurora. But you know, the path for an invert is never easy, so it took me a while to find you."

Then, they snapped out of it, Eren reverting back to his normal self, speaking like a little boy again. He began calling the other boy by his name, that somehow he just _knew_, and in the other boy began calling Eren by his name too. It was all so bizarre, so surreal, that she thought she just imagined it.

When they finally pulled into Levi's driveway, they had barely come to stop before he was trying to unbuckle his car seat. Carla had to quickly put the car in park before she was moving around to the back seat, saying, "Hold on you, calm down, I'm coming."

She unbuckled him and helped him out of his seat, telling him to stay by her while she got his things out of the car. He had brought some toys with him that he thought Levi might enjoy in a backpack, of which she handed to him and he slung on his back.

Once the car doors were shut, they went up to the door and rang the doorbell, Eren still wiggling by her side. Thankfully they didn't have to wait very long for the door to be answered. Levi was the one who opened the door, probably already knowing who it was, and when he saw Eren a huge smile spread his cheeks. Eren let himself right in, running into the house with his mother calling after him to take off his shoes.

That was when Levi's mother appeared in the door, smiling and shaking Carla's hand. They had met each other a couple times already at school events knowing that their kids were friends, and had made a point to introduce themselves to the other. Kuchel was a very pretty lady, and it was easy to see where Levi got his looks from.

She was invited in, and she and Kuchel stood by the doorway, talking for a bit while the boys set about spreading their toys all over the living room rug, which was right by the entryway. Levi was running to his room and coming back with all sorts of stuffed animals.

Many of them, Carla noticed, were white dogs.

"You like dogs?" Eren gasped, "Me too!"

He pulled a couple of little white dogs with pointed ears out of his bag. He picked up one in particular, telling him, "This one's my favorite. His name is Malcolm."

"This one's mine," Levi said as he picked up one dog that was almost as big as him, and clearly had been very well loved by how well-worn it was. "His name is Prince Charming! I love fairytales."

Kuchel snorted to Carla, "I can't tell you how many times he's watched Sleeping Beauty over and over again. I think I know the dialogue as well as he does."

"Eren likes them too," she answered. "He likes Snow White, and good heavens if I have to hear 'Someday My Prince Will Come' one more time…"

"Well, we can be happy they enjoy them now, because someday they'll grow up and then deny they ever like fairytales."

Just then, something caught Eren's eye that made him stop playing for a moment. His mother followed his gaze up to the area over the fireplace, where some very old looking objects lay. Carla couldn't see them very well from where she was, but soon Kuchel explained, "Did you want to see those Eren? They're very old, from the late 1800s. They belonged to my great great grandma Mikasa, and they have a very interesting story behind them I'll have to tell you someday."

She walked over to the fireplace and picked them up, before kneeling down and holding them out so that Eren could hold them. Carla reminded him to be very careful with them, as they were fragile.

However, she did not expect the odd trance that seemed to overcome her boy.

He handled the watch and then the rings with care, both of which had to be made with pure silver and gold respectively. And looking at them, Levi added over his shoulder, "Those are mine."

Eren said, "I know. I gave them to you."

Kuchel corrected her boy, "Sweetie, remember those used to be great great grandma Mikasa's. Her brother had them made to give to his sweetheart."

Levi agreed, "Yeah, that was me."

Humoring him, she said, "That was you?"

"Yup," he replied without any hesitation. "Eren gave me the watch on my birthday."

"There's something written in it," Eren added.

Levi's mom looked at Carla, a bit surprised. Carla said, "Well, is there something written in there?"

"Yes," she said. "But he didn't open it. How does he…?"

Then Eren moved onto the rings, and Levi said, "You kept them safe."

That was when Eren put one of them over his head, and put the other around Levi's neck. When they stared at each other, it was like something was passing between them, something the two women couldn't see. Eren had to hold back a shiver of horror as he gazed at Levi's face.

_"Well then, why did you agree to get married and give up what you love? So that I could remain in your home with you. I would argue I'm not worth that either. So we're either both worth it or neither of us are."_

_"But that doesn't even compare to"-_

_"Eren. Shut up."_

His hand touched Levi's awkwardly, the images flashing across his mind's eye. Where were they even coming from?

_"Well, don't worry. It'll go by like that. And when you get out, we'll be waiting for you. Me, Prince, and Hanji. All of our other friends too. We'll find somewhere else to have our meetups with them, and by that time, construction on our house will have started. Until it's done, we can move out and hide somewhere else. I'm done pretending to be what my father wants. We'll go and hide, and while we're there, I'll start painting again, and we're getting your book published. We'll find a way past this. If this experience has taught me anything, it's that life is too short. It's time we started living for ourselves and doing what we want."_

Why did he suddenly have the urge to cry? Why was Levi crying in his head? Why was _he_ crying? And why was his mind telling him that this was his last memory he had of Levi? But…that Levi looked so different. Older, dressed differently, and talking about things that he didn't understand. It was more than a little frightening, but he couldn't stop it.

_"God Eren, don't leave me….I mean, I know we don't have a choice, but…I'm scared."_

And then, just as quickly, he snapped out of it again, blinking a couple times and taking his ring off. He took Levi's off too, and stood up, holding all the objects with a grave sense of duty to take care of him that someone his age should not possess. He began heading towards the fireplace, just now noticing the painting that hung above it. A painting of two boys walking on a path of light. He pointed at it with one hand.

"Aurora Dolls," he said. "I made that."

Kuchel looked taken aback once more, but again played along. "You did, did you?"

Eren nodded solemnly. He then began to point to different things in the painting, explaining the significance of each object, things Kuchel had never been able to figure out the meaning to. "I love the circus, and I lived on the beach in a house with hearts in it. That's Levi's book he wrote…it was about giants. I drew the pictures in it."

Their two moms were staring at them in astonishment, wondering where he was getting this from. Eventually Carla asked, "Sweetie, did you have a dream like this? You've never been to the beach or…"

He shrugged. "I just know."

Then, he heard Levi say behind him, "Thank you for the house."

And for some reason, that again seemed to snap him out of whatever trance he was in, because Eren was giggling, putting the objects in his hands down on the carpet and saying, "So where's your room?"

And Levi was laughing too, picking up some of his toys and leading his friend back into the house, both of their footsteps loud and pounding on the floor. That left Carla and Kuchel in the living room, not knowing what to think.

It was Kuchel who eventually broke the silence, going over to pick up the watch and rings, saying, "So I'm guessing Eren has odd dreams too?"

"Wait…does Levi get them too then?" Carla asked.

Kuchel nodded. "Oh yeah, ever since he was two, I think. Once of the first things he ever said to me was 'where's Aurora?' and I had no idea what he meant. Then I heard he called Eren 'Aurora' in class. I thought he was just referring to Aurora in Sleeping Beauty but…"

She shook her head. "Sometimes he speaks like a grown man about things he shouldn't know about. He's asked me where his dog was too, saying he was a little white one, and that he missed him. And of course these rings and this watch," she held them up a bit for Carla to see, "they were heirlooms of Mikasa's that her brother passed onto her after he died, and Levi said that they were his." She looked up at the painting. "But he's never said anything about that painting before."

That was when Carla noticed something smaller that sat on the fireplace, right underneath the painting. It was a sepia and white photograph of two men, one sitting in the other's lap. Kuchel must have noticed her looking at it, because she went to retrieve it, putting the rings and watch back on the fireplace and showing it to Carla.

"That's my great great uncle Eren," she explained, "the one sitting on the couch. He and Mikasa weren't related by blood. She was adopted into the family, I think. But the person on his lap is Levi Ackerman, his lover. You might have seen his book around somewhere. I have an original copy that I guess Eren owned. And all those things belonged to Levi and Eren…Eren painted that piece right before he died, or so the story in my family goes. He um, he killed himself in 1920 because Levi passed away before him in jail. He was jailed for being gay…and I suppose Eren just couldn't stand being apart from him. It's a tragic story, but one my family has passed down at Mikasa's request so we never forget what they went through. And actually…Levi does look a bit like him. I mean, I could see him looking like that someday."

"Yeah…Eren too," Carla agreed. It was almost eerie, the resemblance. That Eren in the picture could easily be her boy in twenty years, but only time would tell. She then noticed the rings on their chests, and said, "So are those the rings you have on your fireplace?"

"Yes," Kuchel said. "Eren had them made for Levi. But I've never told Levi any of this, and obviously you didn't know this. That's why I find it so strange that our kids know these things."

Carla thought about it for a minute, and then suggested, "Well, do you believe in reincarnation?"

"I…I suppose," Kuchel answered hesitantly. "I mean, there's so many belief systems in the world that it's difficult to know what's true. But now that you mention it…"

"Maybe our kids are saying they remember these things because they really do remember them," the other woman said. "That's why they knew each other's names when they saw each other for the first time without being told. I did show Levi this picture and told him who it was and he said 'no mom that's me.' And maybe…maybe that is him."

"It's a nice thought," Carla said. "Like they're getting a second chance at their love because when they tried the first time, the world just wasn't ready for it."

Then, the black haired woman laughed a bit, When Carla looked at her in confusion, explaining, "Sorry. It's just, I've never been able to share these thoughts with anyone, and I've had them in my head for a long time. I just didn't want to sound crazy. So it's nice to hear that someone believes me."

"I hear you there," Carla replied, also with a bit of a relieved laugh. "I've always thought Eren was strange, and wanted to think maybe this is just part of him playing a game. But I was getting worried when he told me he remembered crawling in a coffin and sleeping next to a dead body. Like, I brought him to a therapist, but she said there was nothing wrong with him and she also thought he was just playing a really elaborate game. But if these are memories of a past life…"

"I suppose it's not the most outlandish explanation," Kuchel agreed. "The world is made up of strange stuff, and there have been other supposed cases of reincarnation. So who knows. We'll just have to keep watching them as they grow up and see what happens."

With that, Carla declared, "Well, I suppose I should get out of your hair. If you need anything, call me, I'll be at home all day."

"I think we'll be okay," Kuchel said. "We're just going to have lunch and go to the park. Let them get their energy out running around so that when he comes home he'll sleep for you."

Carla laughed. "Well thank you, I appreciate it."

Kuchel showed her out, and they bid goodbye to one another. Once the door was closed behind her, she found herself looking at the photo in her hands again. As far as she knew, the Levi and Eren in the picture's parents had never met, Levi's parents having passed away long before he and Eren had met each other. So, perhaps her meeting Eren's mom had some meaning too. Had these two wished their parents could meet each other?

She sighed, placing the picture back on the fireplace, and then straightened up the rings and the watch. She had always just thought of these as old heirlooms that had spent their fair share of time in the attic and basement. Kuchel had only taken them out because her son insisted they stay out where he could always see them after he came across them in the basement with her one day. The painting though…she looked up at it. It was a very pretty painting, but one she had never understood the meaning to. And then Eren had just rattled it off like that, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Kuchel shook her head. Reincarnation or not, these two boys sure were strange.

With one last look at the painting, she turned on her heel, heading into the kitchen to make some lunch for everyone. And when she left the room, a beam of sunlight snuck through the window and highlighted the little phrase that sat in the corner of the painting, written in white paint.

_I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream._

_Eren Jaeger_

_1920_

000

After lunch, Kuchel was shepherding the kids out of the car and urging them to go get all of their energy out on the jungle gym that sat enticingly just ahead of them. They took off running as soon as their feet hit the pavement, running and screeching like wild animals, practically leaping at the equipment and hanging on.

"Be careful you two!" she called out. "I don't want to be sending Eren home with any broken bones."

But they hardly seemed to be listening to her, off in their own world already, playing their own games. She heard Levi say something like, "Pretend we're saving puppies from the bad guys! They're all little white puppies and they're trapped!"

Levi sure was obsessed with little white dogs, Westies in particular. She had no idea how he had even heard of Westies. He did watch quite a few animal shows, so maybe he had heard of them there, but ever since then he was adamant that he wanted one. From the way Eren was talking on the way over in the car, he wanted one too. Maybe that was something the previous Eren and Levi had been passionate about? She had gone to lay flowers on the grave of her great great uncle Eren, the grave he shared with Levi, and always noticed a smaller gravestone sitting next to it that she always assumed belonged to a dog based on the epitaph that have been carved into it. Was it possible that that dog had been a Westie? She had also been to that beach house Eren mentioned before, many times. It was their family's vacation home, and she had heard rumors that even more dogs were buried by the house. But who knew, really. Even things she thought were facts about her relatives could just all be embellished stories. But everyone liked a good embellished story about their ancestors, so she wasn't complaining.

She let the boys play for a while, listening to their games while she texted a bit on her phone. However, it wasn't long before they were encouraging her to get up and come join them. And of course, she couldn't refuse them, sliding down the slide and swinging on the swings. It was a nice time on a very nice day.

But just as she was about to tell them that it was time to pack up for the day, her son broke away from them, wandering away from the park towards the edge of it, something clearly having caught his eye. She called his name when she noticed he wasn't with them, but he wasn't listening. And soon enough, Eren ran after him, trying to tell him too that it was time to go home. However, when he caught up to Levi, he froze as well, and became transfixed by whatever they were staring at.

"What is going on over here?" Kuchel wanted to know, finally going over to them when it was clear that calling their names wasn't going to work. When she got close enough, she saw that Eren and Levi were staring down a tiny path in the woods, mostly overgrown by weeds and brush. But when they saw it, their eyes lit up, and they looked at each other before taking off down the path, leaving her to call after them, "Hold on you two! Come back here, I don't want anyone getting lost! You don't know what's down there, and I don't know if we're allowed in here!"

"Come on mom!" Levi called back. "It's okay, we know the way! There's a hill up ahead!"

A hill? How did he know for sure though, he had never…and then she wondered if this was another thing having to do with his supposed past life. She could explain away the other things as dreams and games, she supposed. But if they got to the end of this path and there was in fact a hill, she thought she might lose it, and at the same time have no choice but to believe that the two boys were in fact a product of reincarnation.

Besides, she supposed there was only one way to find out if they were right.

So, Kuchel followed them as closely as she could, nervously looking around to make sure they weren't going to get in trouble. No one seemed to be following them, and as she picked her way through all the thick foliage, she wondered how anything could lie at the end of this path, if it could even be called a path. It was clear no one had walked through here in a very long time, if anyone ever had. But the boys seemed to know exactly where they were going as they walked along surely, as if they had walked through her dozens of times.

Who was she kidding? They probably had.

"There's the creek!" Eren called out. "It's still there!"

"We'll have to go swimming there sometime," Levi said. "Can we mom?"

Kuchel replied, "We'll see." But honestly at the moment, she had no idea what to think.

At least the walk was peaceful. There were birds chirping, and squirrels skittering about. She heard nature like she had never heard it before in this little untouched piece of nature. There was light streaming through the trees as well, the branches of which connected, forming almost a canopy for them to walk down.

It was like passing into another, magical world, walking down here.

And when they reached the end of the path, of course Kuchel was no longer surprised to see a hill rising up in front of them, covered in golden grass, with a little tree sitting on top of it. The tree looked old and tired, few leaves covering its branches despite the fact that it was nearing summertime. She wondered how long it had been there. But when the boys saw the hill, all bets were off. They raced up it, Levi making it first while he waited for Eren to catch up.

When he finally came up to stand beside him, she saw Levi pull him into a tight hug, and swore she heard him say, "See? I waited for you, and you found me here, after all this time."

Eren laughed and replied, "I did! Thanks for waiting, Doll."

It took a bit, but Kuchel finally caught up to them, standing next to them. When she took in the breathtaking patchwork view of farmland spreading out below her, she wondered if the previous Eren and Levi had a view like this. She could see them probably coming up here to be alone, to be themselves away from the prying eyes of their judgmental world. Did they have picnics up here? Make love here, perhaps? Did they just sit and enjoy the view?

Maybe the boys would remember as they got older.

"See, isn't it pretty up here?" Levi asked excitedly, the color high on his round cheeks. "And I just knew it was here! Both of us did! We used to come here all the time!"

"I'm sure you did," she answered, smiling down at her boy. She pulled him closer, resting her hand on his head and ruffling his hair. Levi kept an arm around Eren's shoulders while Eren did the same for him. The three of them gazed at the scenery, taking it in, the little boys' eyes full of nostalgia. Then, Kuchel added, "And I hope you get to come here all the time again."

As she looked at them, she could see them growing up together, going through school and becoming closer and closer. She could see their feelings deepening for each other into something more than friendship, could see them entering high school and confessing shyly to one another, sharing an awkward kiss perhaps. Going to their first dance, to college, and then getting their first jobs. Then perhaps, one of them would pop the question, and they would be on their way to getting married (again), and then starting a long and happy life together. She could see her son and Eren waking up every morning with fondness in their eyes for each other, surrounded by all the little white dogs that they wanted. Most of all, she could see them living the lives that the previous owners of their souls never got to live, but most certainly deserved to. She just hoped that they would grasp this second chance with two hands and not let it go. She hoped that they would grasp onto _each other_ now that they had found each other again and not let go. She hoped they would live their new lives to the fullest and take every chance at happiness that came their way, because she was sure her great great grandmother would have wanted that for them.

Kuchel watched as they grasped each other's hands and began dancing in an odd little circle, singing a song that they had heard many times from Levi's favorite movie no doubt, but one that she was now sure their predecessors must have sung many times to each other as well.

"_I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is guys, the end at last! I hope that gave everyone the happy ending/closure that they wanted. I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the love and support for this fic, and I'm glad it brightened everyone's day. It was certainly loads of fun to write, and as I've said before, out of all my fics, this one is far away my favorite. I've had it in my head since I was writing Elan, so it's amazing to see it all out there finally. I have no idea what's next for me ficwise, but I have some ideas for other fandoms, I think. It remains to be seen whether I'll write anything for SNK again, but who knows. If enough people want something, perhaps I'll cave in.
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for all your support. If you want to chat with me, I'm over on tumblr under the same username, feel free to come bug me. See you guys all later!


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